Chapter Three
Julian was losing his mind. He was surrounded in shit. Literally. Within forty-eight hours of bringing Steve home, the dog got sick… from both ends. He had a vet appointment scheduled at the end of the week for a checkup, and now it was almost five p.m., and of course, Steve was worse. Curled up in a ball on the cool kitchen floor, looking pathetic. He wouldn’t eat or drink.
Julian had run the gamut of ideas. He’d sat on the floor and tried to hand-feed. He’d attempted different bowls. Stainless. Ceramic. A damned kitchen plate.
He called the vet he had an appointment with, but the message went straight to voice mail. They’d closed for the day.
Unsure of what else to do, he picked up the phone and dialed the shelter. “Hello, For Paws,” Kendall’s familiar voice said.
“Kendall, it’s Julian.”
Silence followed, then, “What can I do for you?”
“Steve’s sick.” He glanced at the poor dog, looking at him with sad eyes.
“What’s wrong?” she asked immediately, concern in her voice. She might not want to speak to him, but she cared about his dog.
Julian drew a deep breath and went on to explain the situation in as delicate a way as he could manage, considering. “The vet I called isn’t in and I… I’m at a loss.”
She was silent for a few precious seconds. “I’m finished here. I’ll come by to check on him. Not that I’m a vet, but we’ll figure out what to do. Are you still at the same place?”
“No.” He gave her the new address and expelled a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding.
Kendall was coming to help him. Kendall. He couldn’t even bring himself to process that thought because he had a living, breathing, sick dog on his hands. And he’d never been responsible for anything other than his sister before.
He’d had Steve for two days, and though he should have crated him at night, his cries had been pathetic. So Julian now had a bedmate with bad breath.
He paced the floor, waiting for Kendall to arrive, and finally the bell rang and he opened the door. “Hi. Come on in,” he said, relieved to see her.
She wore a similar outfit to the one he’d seen her in the other day, a pair of jeans that molded to her thighs and ass and a tee shirt that said Enjoy the Crazy. He appreciated her ability to laugh at life, something she’d been doing since they’d met.
“Where is he?” she asked.
“In the kitchen.” He gestured toward the room, and Kendall headed that way. She walked in and discovered Steve lying curled into himself.
“Hey,” she crooned to him, getting down on the floor. She put the back of her hand against his nose. “It’s warm and dry. There’s a twenty-four-hour emergency clinic uptown. Let’s take him there.”
“Okay, yeah. Good idea.” He was relieved someone knew what the hell to do.
She scooped the dog into her arms and rose to her feet “Cab?”
He shook his head. “I can drive.”
She met his gaze and nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”
* * *
Kendall held on to a lethargic Steve as Julian sped toward the Upper East Side. She did her best not to look at him, to study his handsome face or masculine features. She didn’t want to focus on his full lips or strong jaw. And she especially needed to ignore the woodsy scent in his car. All those things spelled trouble for her deprived senses.
This Julian wasn’t the same man as the one she’d known before. The changes were subtle but they were there. He was more serious, more circumspect. Granted, she’d changed as well, the medication putting her on a more even keel.
She couldn’t let herself notice his differences or care.
“Up there. On the right,” she said, pointing to the clinic she’d used for Waffles. “There’s a parking garage on the corner.”
He pulled into the garage and dealt with the attendant. He then walked around to Kendall’s side of the car, opening her door before she could maneuver with Steve.
“He’s heavy. Let me carry him up the street.”
She reluctantly handed the dog over. They made their way up the street and entered the clinic. Kendall took over holding Steve while Julian filled out paperwork. Luckily the clinic wasn’t busy, and they were quickly ushered into the examining room.
The vet, a doctor Kendall had met before, walked in to greet them. Dr. Drake did a quick, thorough exam, making Steve suffer through the indignity of having his temperature taken, his gums looked at, and his heart listened to, among other things.
The doctor ran through a list of questions with Julian. Steve hadn’t gotten into food or anything else he shouldn’t have, the only change being the food Julian had picked up for the dog at the store.
“Okay, it looks like he’s got an upset stomach. Whether it’s from the change in living arrangement because he’s sensitive or the new food, I don’t know. I’d like to give him fluids under his skin to prevent dehydration from the vomiting and diarrhea. There’ll be a lump in his back for one to two days while the fluids disperse through his body, but it’s nothing to be concerned about,” the doctor explained.
Julian watched the doctor intently, listening to every word. The vet went on to discuss the medicines he’d send him home with.
Although the vet and tech worked together, holding Steve, Julian stood in front of the dog, reassuring him, whispering to him, and smoothing a hand over his head while they inserted the needle and fluid.
Kendall’s heart squeezed hard inside her chest, emotion flowing through her. Unwanted emotion. Softening feelings for a man who’d all but destroyed her.
No, no, no!
“Kendall, did you say something?” Julian asked.
“No.” God, had she spoken out loud?
The vet pulled the plastic gloves off his hands. “Okay, you were a good boy,” he said to Steve. “Now, as for food. As he starts to feel better, you can either give him ground beef and rice or I can send you home with canned food that will be bland on his stomach.”
“Canned,” both Kendall and Julian said at the same time, because she couldn’t see Julian cooking for the dog. From what she remembered, he didn’t cook much for himself, either.
He glanced her way and grinned. “Mind meld,” he said, chuckling.
He used to say that when they’d be on the same wavelength, when they were seeing each other before. She hadn’t been surprised the tech geek was a Star Trek fan. She wasn’t comfortable their thoughts were syncing now.
The vet finished up with Steve, and once again, Kendall held him, this time while Julian paid the bill. Soon they were on their way back to his apartment, enclosed in his delicious-smelling car.
“Thank you for coming when I called,” he said, pulling out of the parking garage and into traffic on the city roads.
“You’re welcome. I was worried about Steve,” she said, petting his soft head. He lay quietly in her lap.
She glanced over in time to catch his smirk.
“I didn’t think you did it for me,” he said.
She blew out a short breath. “Julian, I don’t think now is the time—”
“You’re a captive audience here in my car, kitten. There’s no better time.”
A full-body shiver took hold at the nickname. Her temperature heated, her nipples puckered, and if she hadn’t already been aware of him from his scent and sweet behavior with Steve, she was now.
She remained silent. He had something to say, and she was going to have to listen.
“When I met you, I was a fucked up mess,” he said, taking her off guard. “We never talked about it, but I’m an addict,” he said, his grip on the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.
“My sister told me,” she said softly. Because suddenly this conversation was serious, and if he was going to be so honest, he didn’t need her snark.
“I was clean when we got together, not that I’d use it as an excuse if I wasn’t. That’s what I want to tell you. There is no excuse for what I did to you.”
She blinked, her eyes suddenly watery.
“I mean, I had reasons for my behavior that I used to justify what I did at the time, and they aren’t important now. Because they’d only come off sounding like what they are. Bullshit excuses for poor behavior. Whatever was between me and Kade should have stayed between us. I shouldn’t have dragged you into it. And while I’m at it, I shouldn’t have gone after him in that kind of underhanded way, either,” he said, jaw clenched, the words obviously difficult for him to say.
She knew her mouth was hanging open, and she managed to close it before he turned to glance at her. An apology was one thing. A flat-out I was an asshole was quite another. She hadn’t expected such brutal sincerity.
She swallowed over the lump in her throat. “Pull over.”
“What?”
“Pull over. I can’t have this conversation while you’re driving.” If not for the fact that her hands were on Steve’s body, she’d be shaking. The discussion was way deeper than she’d anticipated.
Julian did as she asked, gliding into the first available parking spot on the street. He put the car in park and turned to face her.
Her mouth grew dry. “I’m not sure what to say. I didn’t expect you to be that honest and apologetic.”
His face turned red, and he ran a hand through his hair. “Fact is, for a long time it was hard for me to look at myself in the mirror.”
She continued to pet Steve. “Why is now different? What changed?”
Silence descended and she squirmed in her seat, waiting.
“I found out about you.” He stretched an arm across the back of her seat. “I didn’t know you were bipolar, and finding out forced me to face myself.”
“You mean it was okay to do it to a woman who was mentally stable?” she asked, horrified.
He shook his head. “Of course not. It’s just that I’d convinced myself you could handle it, and I discovered I had you at an even bigger disadvantage than not knowing I had an agenda.” He shook his head. “This is coming out all wrong.”
She ran a shaking hand through her hair. “You didn’t devastate me because I had an illness, Julian. You hurt me because I was falling for you, and every word, every action, was a lie.”
“That’s what changed.” He let his fingertips trail over her shoulder.
She knew she should pull back, but just that small touch bridging the gap between them felt so good.
“The pretense of us being strangers, that was a lie. The growing feelings went both ways. And when I realized how badly I hurt you, how little I knew you, I realized I was devastated, too.”
Shock rippled through her body along with a healthy dose of disbelief. “You really expect me to believe you?” she asked, but a part of her did. And that frightened her.
“No.” He slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her close so her forehead touched his. “But I want the chance to convince you.”
* * *
Julian didn’t know where the words came from. He hadn’t planned to ask Kendall for anything, but he meant them with every fiber of his being. He wanted a second chance, something he had no right to request any more than he had the right to kiss her.
But he did, capturing her mouth with his. She jolted in surprise but immediately relaxed into him. Heart pounding, he took in every nuance, her soft, warm lips, lingering familiar scent, and unique taste that electrified his body. But he held back, being deliberately gentle, so unlike their frenetic couplings in the past, but that special connection hadn’t changed.
He licked her lower lip, and she leaned in closer, ignoring the squirming dog. He slid his tongue over hers, causing sparks to fly between them. He tasted her, devoured her, but it wasn’t enough. He wrapped his hand around her ponytail and tugged, tilting her head, giving him better access to the deep recesses of her mouth.
Kissing her was like coming home, like everything bad in his life hadn’t happened, and he lost himself in the moment. Until a bark disrupted them and brought her back to reality.
She jerked back, startled, petting Steve’s head. “I don’t even know what to say, but that shouldn’t have happened.” Her hands shook as she trailed them over the dog’s back. “I’ll get a cab from here.” She pulled at the handle of the door, seeking to get out, but it was locked.
“Let me drive you home.” He didn’t want her stranded here, even though they were in a perfectly good neighborhood.
“You need to let me go, Julian.”
He swallowed hard, and, respecting her wishes, he hit the unlock button. She yanked open the door, climbed out, and put Steve gently on the passenger seat. She touched him one last time before meeting Julian’s gaze. “Bye,” she whispered. She straightened and slammed the door shut.
He closed his eyes, smarting from her words. They hurt. But he didn’t blame her for being scared. He did, however, know what existed between them, what that kiss had reignited.
He watched as she hailed a cab, waiting until she was safely inside one before pulling back onto the street.
He glanced at Steve, who met his gaze and yawned. “Yeah, I know. I didn’t want her to leave, either.” But after that kiss, he had hope. She’d run, but she would think. And that’s all he could ask for.
* * *
As soon as Kendall got home, she took Waffles for a long walk. Not only did her dog need the exercise, she needed to think, and she had to do it alone.
Kendall couldn’t tell her sister about seeing Julian. Lexie wouldn’t understand. She was protective of Kendall, for good reason. Even if Kendall felt she could now make her own positive decisions, no matter what they might be, her twin needed time to learn the same thing.
This was when Kendall found life the hardest. Not having a close friend to go to and discuss girl things—because Lexie was her person. And Kendall, during her many mood phases, had driven everyone else away. She was just starting to rebuild her life with people like Josie. One step, one person at a time.
She swallowed hard. She would have to work through her feelings both on her own and with her therapist. And boy, did she have feelings. That kiss had ignited a firestorm of emotions inside her. Ones she’d thought she’d buried when she stopped letting herself think about Julian.
He’d been so gentle, so tender. So unlike the man he’d been when they were together before. Oh, the chemistry was just as potent now, but there was an emotional element that was fresh and new. Kendall hadn’t been capable of digging that deep into herself then. She was now, and she sensed all of the emotion Julian had poured into that one kiss. There was a caring she couldn’t deny. No matter how much her rational self wanted to. Watching him with Steve, the sweetness he’d shown the dog had affected her, too.
And his apology. I’m sorry was easy to say. Meaning it was something else entirely, and he’d obviously given his behavior real thought. He seemed to own his mistakes.
But hadn’t she believed him before?
He’d swept into her life like a storm, flirting with her at the gym, complimenting her, finding all they had in common, and yeah, sweeping her off her feet. Of course, she’d been on a high at the time, all too amenable to his charms.
She paused when Waffles stopped to do his business, cleaning up after him and tossing the bag into the nearest trash before heading back home.
Julian wanted a second chance, and damn him, he’d begun making inroads, chipping away at her hurt and anger. She knew what it was like to make mistakes, to need someone else to see beyond the past and accept her apology. How could she offer him anything less than what she’d received herself? From Lexie. From Kade.
But along with that acceptance came the belief that maybe he really had changed. And if so, if he was a different man, then she couldn’t help but wonder if things between them could be different this time. Because the hard truth was she hadn’t stopped wanting him. Their searing kiss had proven that. But beyond the physical yearning to be close to him was an emotional pull, too.
Waffles rushed ahead, and she tugged on the leash, slowing him down. She wasn’t quite ready to let Julian go for good, and that scared her because she didn’t know if she could trust her instincts… or him.
* * *
The next day, Kendall was dragging from lack of sleep. She knew she had thoughts of Julian to blame, but she pushed herself to perk up and show up at work on time. She let herself inside, a Starbucks coffee in either hand.
“You look exhausted,” Josie said as soon as Kendall walked in the door.
“I’m beat. But there’s caffeine to help make it easier. I brought you a cup.” She placed the grande on the desk where Josie sat.
“Thank you. I think I love you,” she said, taking a long sip.
Kendall laughed. “I wasn’t going to make it without some.” She lived on vanilla chais. She tossed her bag onto her desk and settled into her chair.
“Sorry I had to leave early yesterday. What did I miss?” Josie asked.
Only everything, Kendall thought wryly. “Julian had a problem with Steve last night.” She went on to explain how she’d gone to his place and accompanied him to the vet. “I know it’s not standard protocol for us to join them for a vet visit after adoption, but he sounded so distraught.”
“And it was Steve. And you’re invested. I know,” Josie said, meeting her gaze. “Is he okay?”
Kendall nodded. “He was dehydrated. They gave him sub-q fluids and a bland diet and medicine. I don’t know how he was overnight or this morning.” She was curious, but she hesitated to call and renew contact.
“I can check in… unless you want to do it?” Josie asked. “I mean, you did step up last night and help. And didn’t you say you two knew each other?”
Kendall wanted to confide in Josie, but how much did she tell her? They were friends, but they weren’t so close that she knew about Kendall’s past. She’d been hesitant to give her the full rundown, not wanting to lose her job because she’d provided reasons for her boss to distrust her. Or not want to be her friend. Kendall had reason to be cautious.
“We have history,” she admitted about Julian.
“Romantic history?” Josie asked, a grin on her face. “Because that was some thick tension between you two the other day.”
“Mmm hmm.”
Josie rolled her eyes, at the same time treating her to a knowing grin. “And that’s all I’m going to get, obviously.”
“It’s really complicated, and I have to decide what to do about it.” And that, Kendall thought, was an understatement.
“Would it help if I did the check-in?”
Kendall shook her head, knowing this was something she needed to do herself. “No. Thanks. I can handle it.” And him.
She hoped.
“Okay, I’m off to check out the kennels, then. Man the fort up here.”
“Will do.” Kendall waited until Josie walked out before picking up her cell and calling Julian.
He answered on the first ring. “Hey there,” he said, sounding happy to hear from her, his voice, deep and rumbly this morning, causing a shiver to ripple over her skin.
“Morning. How was Steve last night?” she asked before he could wonder about her reasons for calling.
“I couldn’t take the whining. He sounded so damned pathetic, so I scooped him up and put him in my bed. Again. Slept like a baby all night.”
Lucky dog. She bit her tongue to keep the words from spilling out.
“And this morning, he ate up the canned food, which smells like shit, by the way, and he seems more like himself. Except for the lump on his back from the water. Makes him look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Other than that, all’s well here.”
She exhaled a relieved breath. “I’m glad to hear it.” Now, she needed to hang up. Get off the phone before—
“So I was thinking,” he went on, oblivious to her thoughts. “I feel bad for Steve. He’s in a new place and has no friends.”
She shook her head and laughed, an unwilling smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “He has you. I’m sure he’ll survive.”
“Well, I don’t know about that. The poor guy’s coming from a shelter with lots of dogs, you know? So I was thinking, what if we introduced him to your dog?”
“Wait. What?”
“Waffles. Isn’t that her name?”
“Yes, but—”
“Every guy needs a good girl in his life.”
God, now he was being cute and sweet. “Julian—”
“Not to mention, I need to find a good dog park, and I’m sure you take Waffles to one, right?”
“Yes. Near my apartment.” She gripped the phone tighter in her hand.
“So what if we met up there this weekend?”
Her head was spinning at the speed of this conversation. She wondered if he was doing it on purpose, keeping her off-balance so she wouldn’t hang up the phone or dismiss him out of hand.
“You want to meet at the dog park. This weekend.”
“I figure Steve will be one hundred percent well by then.”
She swallowed hard. This wasn’t about the dogs, not entirely. She knew that, but in making the invitation more about their pets, he was taking the pressure off. One friend showing another friend, a new dog owner, the ropes. Yes, that was her story and she was sticking to it.
She could meet him at the dog park during a busy time, and they wouldn’t be alone. It would be low-key.
“Kendall, are you still there?” he asked.
She shook her head, forcing herself to focus on the conversation and not the thoughts circling around in her head. “Okay, if it’s good weather, I could do it on Saturday,” she heard herself saying before she’d actually decided it was safe for her to see him again. She’d also have a therapy appointment in between to shore up her defenses.
“Great! Text me the address and the time that works, and I’ll meet you there. Steve said to say thanks. He’s in the market for a girlfriend,” he said, laughing.
She couldn’t help but smile. This, too, was a new side to Julian. Easy, carefree, not intense. “Sounds good,” she murmured.
“It’s a date,” he said, and before she could correct him, he said good-bye and disconnected the call.