On the morning of our date, I answered the front door at Chloe and Ethan’s wearing the black dress. I thought maybe it would be Theo, surprising me with an early pick-up. So I fluffed up my hair and my boobs before opening the door. I think it’s safe to say that the florist’s delivery guy would have preferred to put his tip inside of me, rather than take the three dollars I gave him.

Theo had sent me two dozen lavender colored roses. Not yellow for friendship. Lavender purple. For me. I don’t know how he knew it was what I liked. Other than the fact that I was always buying that kind of roses at the flower market. The note card said: From the hardest-working guy you know. Still thinking about you. See you tonight.

I felt like a prima ballerina. Except that I could barely move my legs in that dress.

At almost six-thirty, I was standing in front of the mirror in Ethan and Chloe’s dining area, trying to confirm that there would be no nipple slips as I emerged from the car or bent down to pick something up. I heard the front door open, assuming it was Ethan or Chloe, and caught my breath when I saw Theo’s reflection behind mine. He was about ten feet away, watching me. We locked eyes in the mirror.

Every debilitating, dehumanizing second that it took to get me into this dress was completely worth it just to see that look on Theo’s face. At first he may not have realized it was me. But when he did, it was like the sight of me knocked the wind out of him. I had never felt so attractive in my life as I did in this moment. I turned to face him, fingers gripping the buffet table behind me.

“Shit,” he said under his breath, taking me in as he stood where he was.

My own eyes were so fixed on his, watching them scan me down and up again, that it took a minute for me to notice just how hot he looked in his jeans and blazer. So not like Jerry Seinfeld. I very rarely saw Theo in a blazer. I have a thing for blazers. I was so used to seeing him shirtless around the house, but somehow he looked even sexier to me like this. I definitely wanted Business Theo to give me the business.

“Hi,” he said, finally approaching me.

“Hi.”

“You look…” He bit his lip and shook his head. “You’re stunning.”

“Thank you.”

He leaned in to kiss me on my cheekbone, his hands gently touching my waist. Before pulling away, he pressed his lips against my neck, just below my earlobe. He smelled different. He was probably wearing the cologne that he reserved for dates. It was intoxicating. I inhaled deeply and swayed a little. I was already lightheaded due to minimal food intake, but there was a high probability that his amped-up attractiveness was going to make me fall over at some point. For one second I completely understood how jealous he felt about Ben, because I felt jealous of all the faceless women he’d worn that cologne for before me, all those necks he’d pressed his lips against. But he was all mine for now, and I knew it. 

“Not complaining, but you’re a tad over-dressed and over-exposed for this event,” he muttered, staring down at my cleavage.

I held my finger up in front of his face. “No I’m not.” I picked up the thin white blouse that was resting on the buffet table under the mirror. I put it on and did up a few buttons, tying the bottom of the blouse into a loose knot just above my waist. “See? Not too over-dressed, not too over-exposed.”

“Wow,” he said, perhaps a little disappointed that he could no longer see my boobs. “It’s like a fashion magic act. Now you see them, now you don’t.” He smiled. “You’re perfect. You ready to go?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” I picked up my purse and he gestured for me to walk towards the front door, ahead of him.

“Interesting. Attended some interesting talks, met some interesting people. Thought about what you looked like in a towel. I think I’ve decided to go with a Santa Monica-based venture capitalist for my next project. How about you? Did you work today?”

“No, we start breaking down the sets tomorrow. I spent most of the day getting into this dress, picking out which shoes to wear with it, scheduling my upcoming jobs, and trying to remember what you looked like naked the night we met.”

He grinned. “Any luck with that?”

“Not really. You’ll have to refresh my memory.”

“Not on the first date,” he whispered in my ear, as he opened the front door for me.

“Fair enough.”

He wasn’t very talkative on the drive to Burbank and that was fine with me, because I closed my eyes and replayed the banter we’d just had over and over in my head. I must have had a big dumb smile on my face because he said: “You’re thinking about our little exchange just now aren’t you?”

I huffed. “Get over yourself.“

“I just wish that blouse was as transparent as you are.” He kept his eyes on the road and he was frowning. 

I smirked.  “Would you like me to remove the blouse?”

“I’ll be doing the honors at the end of the night. Hope you took your sewing kit with you to Ethan and Chloe’s, because those buttons are gonna go flying.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“It’s a promising threat.”

I would have told him that I didn’t much enjoy sewing and would make him buy me a new blouse if he ripped this one, but we were already seconds away from the studio and I could see from the bulge in his jeans and the clenched jaw that he needed to get into the no-boner zone fast. So, like a good friend, I kept silent and pretended not to notice when he shifted things around down there and cursed under his breath.

This party was my first time on the Warner Brothers lot, though I’d driven past the yellowy-beige perimeter many times. I wanted to work there, to design glorious sets that would be built in the big stages on this lot. But for now, it was quite a treat to be there with Theo. I didn’t know that studios rented out space for private events, but it made sense. Apparently these investors and techpreneurs knew how to party. Or at least they knew how to throw a party. It looked no different from a big movie premiere event, with purple, amber and fuchsia spotlights, Warner Brothers-themed set pieces, gorgeous classy bar and seating arrangements and a big stage for the DJ and band to perform.

There were a couple of hundred people milling about the sectioned-off New York street exterior set area of the backlot, and I swear that all of their eyes turned to Theo when we showed up. I felt surrounded by new money, money that was worked for, disrupted money—let’s be honest—nerd money. Theo was in no way the richest or most successful person there, but he seemed to have everyone’s attention without asking for it. Was he the most attractive techpreneur present? Without a doubt. Did he carry himself with the most confidence? Looked that way to me. Was he the most athletic nerd ever? Probably. Regardless of the why, I definitely felt the axis of the party shift as soon as we had arrived.

I was glad I hadn’t really seen him in work situations before this. Because it was a massive turn-on. Theo Walker was The Guy. He was polite and charming, articulate and straightforward, and he introduced me to everyone as Gemma Kelly. Not “my friend Gemma Kelly,” nor “my housemate Gemma Kelly,” or “my secret wife Gemma Kelly.” I was Gemma Kelly—full of possibilities. He wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to introduce me to wealthy people with houses that needed decorating. Literally every venture capitalist and his or her spouse asked me for my card when Theo told them that I did staging and decorating on the side.

When the event photographer approached him for a picture, Theo pulled me in and put his arm around my waist, then asked the photographer to take a picture of us with his phone, with the Batmobile in the background.

Now there were a grand total of two pictures of us together where we weren’t making goofy faces.

He had barely looked straight at me since we got out of the car, but I didn’t read into it at first. There were so many people vying for his attention. When he led me over to the bar and ordered me a glass of red wine and a water for himself, I noticed a distinctly familiar-looking tall thin gentleman.

“Um. Is that Snoop Dogg?”

Theo didn’t look up to check as he reached for the drinks. “Probably. He’s been investing in tech for years, and also, you know, weed-related startups. You should talk to him about that. Maybe he’ll give you some samples.”

“Haha.”

“Joseph Gordon-Levitt was at the conference today,” he mentioned casually.

I squeezed Theo’s arm and started exaggeratedly craning my neck. “Cool. This was fun, thanks for bringing me,” and then I walked off, pretending to look for JGL and thoroughly enjoying my joke. When I walked back to Theo, he did not look at all amused.

“Really? You’re not even going to laugh a little bit?”

“His wife’s probably around here somewhere too. She’s a brilliant robotics scientist.”

“Well, now I’m jealous. I’m not even an average robotics scientist.” I said this while doing The Robot. The restrictive dress actually improved my dance moves.

His face barely twitched, his jaw was tight, and his body was rigid.

I stood upright again, hand on my hip, lowered my voice.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Why would I want you to leave?”

“Well you seem very uncomfortable with me here.”

“Do I?”  He looked around the immediate area, probably to see if anyone could hear me being an annoying date, then put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in close as he leaned down to speak directly into my ear:  “I’m uncomfortable around you because you’re a fucking knockout and all I can think about is taking you home, peeling that dress off of you, exploring your beautiful naked body with my hands and tongue and fucking you until we both forget that there was ever a time when we didn’t fuck each other. But I can’t do that because I have to stay here for at least another hour, and I have to talk to people who aren’t you, about things that have nothing to do with fucking you. So just do me a favor and act like the confidant woman you are, don’t leave, and also maybe try not to look so goddamn hot, even when you do The Robot like an idiot, okay?”

I cleared my throat and gulped down half my wine. “Okay.” I could definitely do that. With the help of a little more wine.

“There he is!”

“What’s up, ugly?”

I recognized the voices behind me and turned around, even though Theo didn’t look very happy to see his friends. Dale and Preston were his cute nerd buddies from USC, but I hadn’t seen them in ages. Their eyes widened when they recognized me.

“Whoa!” Dale stepped back. “Is this who I think it is?”

“Hey guys!”

Preston, who was always the flirty one, grabbed me and hugged me.

“Oh my God we thought he’d murdered you.”

“It’s been ages.”

“It hasn’t been that long,” Theo grumbled. “Alright alright, that’s enough.” He tapped Preston on the shoulder.

When he finally released me, I gave Dale a quick hug.

“Long time, girl. Wow. You look great.”

“Where have you guys been?”

“We’ve been around—where have you been? It’s been like a year since we all hung out.”

“We always ask about you, but this guy’s like ‘oh she’s busy with work,’ so we figured he had you chained to a wall or something.”

I glanced at Theo, who was giving Preston the wide-eyed Shut Your Face look.

“Well, I have been busy with work.” I took Theo’s hand. “It’s kind of nice to be out on a date with this guy for a change.”

Theo pulled me in closer, and Dale and Preston’s jaws dropped.

“No way! That’s awesome, you guys.”

“Awww you guys are so cute. Well, that explains a lot.”

I gathered that Theo had been trying to keep me away from other single boys for a little longer than I’d realized.

I excused myself to the bar and let Theo do some explaining to his friends. I ordered a beer, stared up at the life-size Wonder Woman Justice League statue, wondered if Gal Gadot ever ate while she was wearing that costume, and waited for Dale and Preston to wander off before delivering the beer to Theo.

“Drink this.”

“I’m driving.”

“Drink one beer. You need to chill.” I took the water from his hand and replaced it with the beer bottle. I clinked my wine glass against the bottle and said: “Let us calmly remember that this is a party for tech nerds and investors, that is meant to be enjoyable.”

“Well-played,” he grinned.

That grin made me wobbly.

“Hey. Did you eat dinner? Let’s get some food.”

“I’m fine.”

“Uh. No. You’re hungry. You didn’t eat all day because of the dress, did you?”

I frowned at him. “You don’t know me.”

He took my elbow and guided me towards the street vendor set-up to grab whatever it was the guy was cooking in the mobile oven.

He finished half the bottle in less than a minute and had a twinkle in his eye for the first time that night. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For encouraging me to have a beer. For coming with me. For letting me see you in that dress so that I know what you look like without that blouse on and other people don’t. For being you.”

“It’s my pleasure.” I felt totally calm and confident—so much so that I asked a passing server for another glass of wine.

“You sure you haven’t had enough?” My best friend/secret husband/hot as hell first real date raised an eyebrow at me. “Maybe pace yourself. The night is young.”

“So am I. Who’s the grandma tonight? Yeesh.”

While he chatted with a couple of men who’d approached him, I checked my phone and found a slew of texts from Chloe.

Chloe: Did he like the dress?

Chloe: How’s the party?

Chloe: Have you guys had sex yet?

Chloe: Seriously. How’s it going?

Me: It’s huge and very impressive.

Chloe: Please tell me you’re talking about his penis.

Me: No, dirty bird. Party is on WB lot, impressive and winetastic. My date is hot and is yet to show me his penis.

Chloe: Aww. You guys are so old-fashioned. I love you guys.

Me: Go back to watching Netflix.

Chloe: We’re both working on our laptops in bed actually. Naked. With vodka tonics.

Me: You’re my heroes.

When I looked up again, I followed Theo’s gaze. He was watching a young woman who was making the rounds, hand-in-hand with an attractive guy. She had lilac-colored hair, looked half-Japanese, super cool and 1000% gorgeous.

He quickly looked back over to me just when the couple saw him and started heading our way. He calmly said to me: “You’re about to meet someone that I once dated.”

Carly. He didn’t even have to tell me.

“All you need to know is that we dated up in the Bay Area for a few weeks and when I ended things I introduced her to this guy she’s with now, because I thought they’d get along and now they’re engaged. So don’t be weird.”

“So don’t do The Robot?” I assembled my face in the least weird expression I could manage and didn’t take a bite of food because I didn’t need to meet one of his former sex partners with food between my teeth or on my blouse.

“How did we not run into you at the conference, bro?” The guy shook hands with Theo while still holding hands with his fiancée, who was smiling at me, wide-eyed and fascinated.

“I didn’t even know you guys were in town.”

“I thought I texted you.”

“Did you?” He leaned in and gave Carly a quick peck on the cheek. “Hey you, good to see you.” Quickly stepping back to me, he rested his arm around my shoulder. “This is Grandma—uh—Gemma Kelly. We live together. This is Carly and Sean from the Bay Area.”

“Oh hi!” Carly held out her hand and seemed genuinely happy to meet me. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Hi,” I said. “You’re stunning.”

“Oh my God,” she laughed and covered her face. “Thank you, that’s so sweet.”

Sean shook my hand as Carly kept talking.

“When did you two move in together?”

I side-glanced Theo, waiting for him to answer.

He rubbed my back. “When we were still at USC.”

I watched as she processed this.

“We just started dating recently,” he quickly added.

“Very recently,” I said. “Like, an hour ago.”

Carly looked relieved. “Awww, cute. Well, I don’t know much about Theo Walker, but I do know that if he’s stuck with you for years then it’s saying a lot.” There was no hint of malice in her tone.

“It’s saying this girl is incredibly tolerant of me,” Theo said.

Sean asked Theo if he could chat with him about a potential collaboration, and Theo politely told him he’d love to talk about it with him tomorrow but he promised his date he’d get her some more food. We all looked down at my full plate of food.

“I have an eating disorder,” was what came out of my mouth.

They bought it. Theo just blinked and shook his head. Fortunately, the DJ and his band started making a lot of noise, so we didn’t have to dwell on this.

He didn’t want to leave me alone to talk with Carly. It was considerate, I thought, that he didn’t want to put me in an awkward situation, although it was also possible that he didn’t want Carly and me talking for his own reasons. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Wow. You’re so easy-breezy with the people you used to have sex with,” I said, after they’d walked away.

He took my hand and squeezed it. “Don’t waste your time and energy comparing yourself to anyone else that I’ve dated. It’s not the same thing. You mean the world to me. No other girl comes close. You get that, right?”

Did I? When he put it out there so simply like that, it was difficult not to. Don’t stop. Don’t stop being so handsome and looking at me like that and saying all the perfect things.

“If you want to leave, we can.”

“It’s okay. We can go after one more glass of wine.”

“You didn’t eat anything.”

“I’m fun. I mean fine. I’m fine and I’m fun and I’m having fun.” I curtsied. “Hope I’m being confident and not too goddamn hot to your liking.”

He frowned at me.

“What?”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him.

“Are we leaving?”

He kept looking around. He nodded at people as they called out to him. He pulled me away from where people were hanging out, to the perimeter of the New York street set, saw the railing for the subway steps and headed for it. He peeked down at the darkened stairwell and took a step.

“Watch your step,” he said. “Keep quiet.”

When we got to the bottom of the stairwell, he pressed me up against the cool cement wall, staring at my mouth and sending shivers all through me. “Everything about you is to my liking,” he whispered.

I was up on my tiptoes, lifting my chin, but he just kept staring at my mouth and it was killing me.

“Baby, you make me harder than the P versus NP problem.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It’s considered the hardest math problem in the world. It’s a theoretical computer science joke.”

I snort-laughed. But in a really sexy way. “You’re such a nerd.”

“You’re such a fox.”

“Shut up. I’m not.”

“I wish I could develop the technology for you to see yourself the way I see you.”

“I’d rather look at you.”

“Aren’t we lucky things are the way they are, then?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

And there we were, kissing each other for real, in fake New York City.

While my hands were feverishly exploring his back and butt, he was ever so slowly undoing the buttons on my blouse. He traced his fingertip along the top of the bustier, kissed my neck, my collar bone, my breastbone, and then the mounds of flesh that were protruding from the top of my dress. So slowly, with such control. There was so much tension between my legs, it felt like he was pinching me down there, but his hands were cupping my breasts.

You think you know a guy and then he looks at you with lusty eyes and bites his bottom lip and suddenly he’s a sexy mysterious stranger in a dark stairwell who’s introducing you to a side of yourself that you didn’t know you had.

Apparently, tonight I was meeting the side of myself that was a drunk shameless hussy who had completely forgotten that she told this guy he’d have to work for it.

“You know what I think?” I said. Or maybe I slurred it. My tongue felt loosey-goosey, but maybe it was not as bad as it felt. “I think…that…this dress…would look good…on…your…bedroom…floor.”

I felt the warm air on my skin as he laughed while kissing my neck. It took me a moment to realize that he was now slowly buttoning my blouse back up.

“I’ll let you tie your blouse the way you like it,” he said, as he pulled away from me and straightened himself out. “We should go.”

“Are you taking me home?”

“Which home would you be referring to?”

“Yours. Ours. Yours. Take me back to your place and screw me.”

He shook his head. “You are wasted.”

“I’m being wasted on you tonight, apparently.” I snort-laughed and high-fived myself, because that’s what sexy classy sober ladies do on dates. We snort-laugh and high-five ourselves.

Apparently, we also get very angry and quiet when we realize that our dates are not taking them back to their place for end-of-date sexy classy screwing. Once I realized that Theo had been driving on the 10 freeway and was slowing down to exit for Chloe and Ethan’s place, which was in the opposite direction of his place, my whole body stiffened and I was convinced that seeing Carly had changed his mind about me. It made perfect sense.

I didn’t say anything when he went through the McDonalds drive-through and asked what I wanted to order, because I was so hangry and I needed to eat something so I wouldn’t have another hangover. He got me two cheeseburgers and large fries, which is exactly what I wanted, but I didn’t thank him because fuck him if he wasn’t going to bang me.

After snatching the greasy paper bag of food from him, I did what I’d wanted to do ever since seeing him with Carly. I remembered that his ringtone for her was Let’s Get It On. He didn’t have ringtones for everyone, and didn’t have one for me as far as I knew. I pulled out my phone.

“Who are you calling?”

When I heard the upbeat jazzy intro, I recognized it immediately. He looked around, and realized that I had called his phone. He said nothing. He looked a little embarrassed. I ended the call, because I knew all I needed to know right then. It was Harry Connick Jr.’s version of I Could Write a Book from When Harry Met Sally. “And the world discovers as my book ends, how to make two lovers of friends.” What a cheesy dork. It wasn’t a sexy song, but I had no doubt that it was personalized exclusively for me.

When he parked at the curb in front of Chloe and Ethan’s building, he said: “Hang on, I’ll get the door for you.”

When he opened the door and helped me out of the passenger seat, he pulled me into him, kissing me on the cheek, then gestured towards the building. “Door to door service.”

“Well. Thank you for the lovely evening,” I said.

He grinned and grabbed me by the waist. He licked his lips and pulled me closer with one hand, with the other he tilted my chin up. “Good night, Gemma,” he said, as he lowered his mouth down to mine, so slowly that I swear I could feel each second ticking through my entire body, but when his lips touched mine, everything slowed down even more. With one hand on the small of my back and the other gently running fingers through my hair, he had me gripping his arms so I wouldn’t lose my balance with my eyes closed.

When I caught my breath, I whispered: “Are you sure you don’t want to go back to your place?”

“This is what you wanted,” he said in my ear. “You wanted to live apart from me so I could pick you up and drop you off, so I could work for it, remember?”

“I know, but—”

“You are not going to be intoxicated the first time we have sex, Gemma Kelly. You’re going to be high on me and you’re going to remember every single second I spend on your body making you gasp and moan and come like you’ve never come before.”

Well, when you put it that way…

I kissed him on the cheek, went inside, shut the door and tiptoed through the quiet apartment, holding my breath and covering my mouth with both hands, because I was one inhale away from belting out my favorite Harry Connick Jr. song.