Chapter Four
Abby looked around, utterly enchanted with everything she saw. Their rehearsal dinner was being held out on the massive back patio, on a deck canopied by trees that went right up to the edge of the beach. Six round tables were topped in cream-colored linens, bright flowers, and candles. Music played from some hidden sound system, soft acoustic guitar over ethereal keyboards. Paper lanterns hung from the surrounding trees and thousands of tiny white lights had been strung everywhere, making the twilight sparkle and shimmer, transforming the space into something magical. She couldn’t help but sigh in sheer delight.
Pierce slid his arm around her waist to pull her closer and murmured into her ear, “You like it?”
“I love it,” she gushed. “It’s beautiful. I can’t believe it.”
“I’m so glad it’s how you hoped it’d be.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.
She turned into him for a long, tight hug. Her head rested on his chest as their arms wrapped around each other. “I love this,” she said. “And I love you.”
“Oh, good. I mean, because we’re getting married tomorrow and all.”
“I can’t wait.” She pulled back to smile at him. “We were standing there during the rehearsal and I kept staring at you and thinking, ‘This time tomorrow, it’ll be real. We’ll be married.’ And Pierce . . . I can’t wait.”
He smiled down at her, his fingers caressing her cheek, before he lowered his head to press his lips to hers. “Me too, baby. Me too.” He kissed her again, long and sweet. Her arm curled around his neck to hold him as they kissed.
“All right, all right, enough of that.” Dane’s jovial voice broke into their moment. “Come on, you lovesick kids. Time to eat, drink, and be merry. You can get it on later.”
Pierce shook his head and snorted, giving his brother’s arm a light punch as he passed. Dane grunted and rubbed his arm, then kept walking to join his wife.
The sixty guests mingled, enjoying the evening as the sun fell farther into the horizon. Soft breezes blew off the ocean, bringing its salty scent. Drinks and hors d’oeuvres were passed around, people talked and laughed, and music played.
Pierce glanced around, taking note of where his nearest and dearest were situated. Charles and Lisette had the table closest to the wall. Dane and Tess were with them; Dane had tiny Charlotte in his arms, making silly faces and trying to charm their newest family member. Tess laughed at whatever he was saying to the baby, her smile radiant. Julia was by the railing with Abby and her sister, talking and looking gorgeous. Charles’s three kids and Abby’s nephew, Dylan, all sat in a huddle at the edge of the deck. Thomas held a tablet in his lap and they were watching a video or playing a game or something. While Pierce felt bad because the kids were likely bored at something like this, he was glad his niece and nephews had made Dylan feel so welcome, instantly a part of them. Abby’s parents sat at one of the tables with her aunts and uncles, talking and laughing. Various friends filled in the spaces. Seemed like everyone was enjoying themselves. Pierce allowed himself to exhale.
Troy came up to his side and said, “You still throw a good party.”
“Thanks,” Pierce replied, “but I can’t take credit. Abby planned all this, chose everything.” He smirked. “Besides, this is really nice but tame. Too elegant for you to think I planned it.”
“Good point.”
“I mean, it’s not like I can really let loose with my soon-to-be in-laws here.”
“Another good point.”
“The bonfire on the beach tomorrow night, after the wedding? That’ll be fun.”
“Want tequila shots there?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“I’ll make sure to bring them, then.”
“You’re the best best man ever.”
They clinked their beer bottles and sipped.
“Still can’t believe you’re getting married,” Troy said. “But I have to say . . . I’ve never seen you so . . . well, content. Like you’ve finally found peace.” He looked across the deck to where Abby and Fiona stood as Julia walked away from them. “I’m happy for you, man. Seriously.”
“Thanks.” Pierce gazed across the deck to his fiancée. Abby’s straight blond hair swayed as a breeze lifted the ends. The same breeze made the hem of her gauzy sky-blue dress seem to float around her ankles. She smiled broadly at something Fiona said. “It’s all her,” Pierce murmured. “Everything.”
“I know,” Troy said. “Well, we Edgewater folks are pretty damn awesome.”
“That’s the truth. Speaking of Edgewater folks . . .” Pierce lifted a wicked brow at his best friend. “Fiona’s pretty nice to look at, huh?”
Troy blinked, then huffed out a breath. “Shit. Am I that obvious?”
“Only a little.” Pierce chuckled. “Fiona’s gorgeous, no question. Smart, with a good heart. You have some things in common. Could be fun. Could be more than fun. But I’m warning you, she’s feisty as hell. Think you can handle her?”
“I’d love to find out.” Troy took a swig from his bottle.
“Well, then.” Pierce fixed him with a look. “You gonna do anything about it this weekend?”
“Hell yes.”
“Attaboy.”
* * *
After the salad plates had been cleared away, Dane turned, scanned the length of the wide patio, and realized his wife still wasn’t there. Maybe she’d slipped away to use the restroom? He nabbed a waiter and ordered another beer. After he got it, he chatted briefly with Abby’s parents. They were nice people, smart, down-to-earth. Dane could see where Abby got such a good base from, and a wave of sentimentality whopped him. He’d found himself expressing personal thanks to them for welcoming Pierce into their family as warmly and completely as they had. Carolyn and Jesse had seemed genuinely moved by that. It was a nice talk . . . but then he’d realized he’d almost finished his beer and Julia still hadn’t returned.
A glance at his watch showed she’d been gone for almost half an hour. Where the hell was she?
Determined, he left the deck and went into the hotel. His long legs carried him down the hallway toward the restrooms. Never shy, he pushed open the door to the ladies’ room just a few inches and called out, “Red, you in there?”
“Dane?” Tess emerged from one of the stalls and gave him a strange look. “What are you doing?”
“Looking for my wife, obviously.”
Tess went to the sinks to wash her hands as she said, “I thought I saw her go down to the beach. Figured she was meeting you there or something. But that was a while ago.”
“Well, at least I know she’s not in here,” he quipped. “Thanks, Tesstastic. Catch you later.”
He cut through the hotel, out to a side door, around to one of the staircases. From the grass, he could see the enormous raised back patio a few feet away; the sounds of the rehearsal dinner floated on the air. He walked until the lawn beneath his feet ended at the sand, then kicked off his shoes to step onto the beach. The crashing waves of the ocean sounded nearby, just beyond, hidden in the black of night. His eyes hadn’t fully adjusted to the dark yet, but he scanned the area as best he could.
“Julia?” he called out. “Are you out here?”
“Yes. Over here.”
He turned at the sound of his wife’s rich alto, peering harder into the darkness. “Can’t see you, babe. Where are you?”
“Walk straight about another eight or ten steps, then turn a tiny bit left.”
He did as she said, squinting in the night, and found her sitting on the sand, her dress floating around her, her knees drawn up and her arms around them. “There you are.”
“Yup,” she said plainly. “Here I am.”
He dropped to the sand to sit beside her, then studied her. Julia sat very still, her thick red hair drifting off her shoulders from the breeze, her gaze out on the ocean. She would likely seem relaxed to someone who didn’t know her well. But he knew her better than anyone. “What’s wrong, Red?”
A hint of a smile flitted across her face because she knew he knew her too well. “Just thinking. Needed some quiet.”
“And you’ve had it. I’ve been looking for you for a while now.” He reached for her hand in the dark and found it, intertwining his fingers through hers. Her skin was warm, soft . . . home. He affectionately caressed the top of her hand with his thumb. “It’s not like you to just leave a party like this. So I know something’s up. Talk to me.”
She kept staring out at the ocean for a minute. He let her, waiting patiently even as concern stirred his blood. Moonlight glimmered on the crests of the waves, the whooshing sound soothing, hypnotic. By the time his eyes had completely adjusted to the dark, he recognized sadness in her expression, tightening the lines of her face. He squeezed her hand. “Come on, Red,” he murmured. “Please talk to me.”
She finally looked back at him. “I need you to tell me something and I need you to be a hundred percent honest with me. Even if you think it’ll hurt me.”
His brow furrowed as his gut hummed with intuition. “I always am, Julia.”
“I know.” She drew a deep breath, then asked, “Do you ever wish you had kids of your own?”
Something in his chest tightened. But not for him; for her. “No,” he said succinctly. “No, I don’t. Not really.”
“What does that mean exactly?” She leaned in a bit, her eyes locked on his.
“It means once in a rare while,” he said, “I wonder what a baby you and I made together would have looked like. Which is natural, I think. That curiosity.”
She nodded and said, “Of course. I’ve wondered that too.” But he saw her wince the tiniest bit before she looked away, back out to the ocean.
“Hey.” He squeezed her hand, willing her to meet his eyes again. “I don’t long for kids, Julia. I told you that and I meant it. I can visit my nephews and nieces any time if I need a kiddo fix. Then I get to go home. To you.”
“Is that enough?” she whispered.
“More than enough,” he said firmly, edging in closer. “You’re my family. You’re all I need, all I want.” With his free hand, he stroked her hair back from her face, then cupped her chin. “Not everyone needs children to feel complete.”
“I know that.”
“So what’s going on?”
“I saw you holding Charlotte,” Julia said quietly. “You looked like you were in love. And I . . . I felt that pang. The one I get when I wonder if I . . .” Her voice trailed off.
“If you what?” He gentled his voice but was insistent. “Tell me.”
“If I should have let you marry me,” she whispered. “You won’t have children of your own because of me. Most of the time I’m okay with that. But sometimes . . .”
His stomach wobbled at her words, and the forlorn tone of her voice. “Julia Shay Harrison, you listen to me. Right now.” He gripped her chin again, firmer this time, a demand that she meet his gaze. “First of all, let me marry you? No one lets me do anything; I do what I want. And no one could have stopped me. I wanted you. I chose you. And I knew, when I did that, that we wouldn’t have kids together.” Something like desperate frustration bubbled inside him. “Because we talked about this, at length. Don’t you remember that night? Out on the boat, a month before I proposed?”
She nodded, but she also sniffled, and it tore at him.
“We made that decision together,” he reminded her calmly. “I asked you if you wanted another child. You said no.”
“I didn’t,” she whispered. “Besides, I was too old.”
“I said it then and I’m saying it again now: that’s bullshit.”
“No, it wasn’t. I was already forty-two when we got married.”
“You weren’t too old,” he insisted. “I said we could have our own or adopt if you wanted. But you really didn’t want any more kids. And I didn’t want any. We agreed on that.” He paused, then asked, “Or . . . did you lie to me?”
“No!” she said staunchly.
“Okay. Well, I didn’t lie to you either. I meant what I said.” He kept holding her face, caressing her skin with the pad of his thumb. “I like my freedom. Always have. I just wanted you. Us.” He dipped his head to look deeper into her troubled hazel eyes. “We covered this. We’ve been great. So where is this coming from? I don’t understand.”
Her shoulders lifted and fell in a listless shrug and she wouldn’t look at him. “I admit it. Once in a blue moon, I think if you married someone else . . . someone younger than you, instead of older than you . . . you could’ve had that, and I feel guilty. Like, maybe if you’d gotten another wife pregnant, you would’ve warmed to the idea of having kids and been fine with it. So when you married me . . . I wonder if I . . . if I was selfish to ask that of you. Or to let you agree to what we agreed to.”
His blood rushed through him as powerfully as the crashing of the waves. “If I married someone else, I’d be miserable,” he said firmly. “Because you are my soul mate. My other half. My everything. Are you hearing me?”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“Jesus. Oh, honey . . .” He pulled her closer, wrapped his arms around her shoulders. His heart pounded as he brushed her hair back so he could rest his cheek against hers. He murmured right into her ear, “You don’t need kids to be a family. You are my family and I’m yours.”
She nodded against him but said nothing.
He struggled to stay calm. He’d never known she’d thought these things, occasionally racking herself with guilt over them. Even if it was once in a blue moon, it was too much. And knowing she was hurting over this, beating herself up about it, tore him up inside. “I really, really love our life together, Julia. Everything’s the way I want it to be. Not having kids gives us a certain freedom others don’t have. We have freedoms Charles and Lisette will never know. Our life is ours. We travel, we go out whenever we want, we do things—”
“I know. And yes, it’s great. But . . .”
“But nothing. Besides, hello, you have a son. And Colin is a great guy.”
“Yes, I have a son.” Her eyes shone in the moonlight. “I missed fifteen years of his life, but yes, I have a son. You don’t. And tonight, I just . . .” She drew a shaky sigh. “I saw you with Charlotte and it just hit me. That one day you might regret that you don’t have children of your own.” A tear rolled down her face and she swiped it away as she added in a whisper, “And you’ll resent me for it.”
His heart lurched. “Julia. Jesus, honey. Hear me.” He tipped her chin back up so he could meet her glassy eyes. Holding her face, he vowed, “I have no regrets. And I never will. I could never resent you—you’re the single best thing that’s ever happened to me. Ever.” He wiped away the tears that rolled down her face. “I love our life. I knew when I married you what the deal with kids was and I was one hundred percent fine with it. I swear that to you.”
“Okay.” She sniffed back the tears and nodded. “I believe you. I do.”
“Promise?”
“Yes. Yes. Thank you for reassuring me.” She sighed and sank into him, letting her head drop onto his shoulder. “Truthfully, I usually don’t think about this anymore. I haven’t in a long time. It just walloped me tonight. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You need reassurance, I give it freely.” He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and tight. “But I hope you really believe what I’m telling you. Tonight, once and for all, beyond the shadow of a doubt, so you’ll never have this pang or worry again. Seriously. All right?”
She huffed out a long exhalation and nodded again. “Yeah. Just had a weak moment. Sorry.”
He watched as she worked to compose herself. “Julia,” he murmured. “Baby.” He cupped her cheek, making her look into his eyes. “You’re my family. My home, my heart.” He kissed her lips with exquisite tenderness. “You’re everything to me.”
She smiled faintly. “Same here. On all of that. Honestly.”
“Good.” His thumb stroked her velvety skin. “Know what? I’m going to be one of those creepy people who dies the day after his spouse because he couldn’t live without her. Just dies of a broken heart.”
“Well, I am a few years older than you,” she quipped, “so it’s likely I’ll kick off before you do. Sure you want to hold yourself to that?”
“Yup. Because I don’t want a life without you in it. I don’t want a day without you in it. I love you that much.” He stared into her eyes, saw that his words had taken hold, then grazed his lips across hers.
“I feel the same way about you.” She deepened the kiss, her warm mouth opening to welcome him. They kissed for a while, reconnecting and luxuriating, before she finally relaxed. He felt the tension leave her body, and again her head dropped onto his shoulder.
Running his hand down the thick curtain of her hair, up and down her back, they held each other tight. They sat that way for a long time, sharing closeness in the dark, the sounds of the waves crashing beyond, soothing them as they settled down.
“One last thing,” he said softly. “If this ever crops up again . . . I hope it doesn’t, but if it does, please tell me. And I’ll reassure you again. I will as many times as I have to, if you need me to. Just promise you’ll never slip away to cry in the dark by yourself over this, ever again. You come to me instead. Okay?”
She hugged him tightly and whispered, “Okay.”
“I love you, Red.”
“I love you too, Boss.”
He snorted and said, “That nickname’s gotta go. I’m not the boss here; you are.”
She laughed softly and snuggled in closer, dropping a kiss on his neck. “No. We’re equals. A total partnership, a team. That’s why we work.”
“That’s right.” He kissed her lips, nipped at the bottom one. “And don’t you forget it.”
She kissed him again and ran her hand down the front of his button-down shirt. “So . . . wanna have a hot quickie here on the beach?”
His return grin was wicked. “Like you have to ask.”
* * *
Pierce and Abby stepped out of the elevator. As they walked down the hallway, he reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers.
“It’s this one,” Abby said, stopping in front of a door at the end of the corridor.
He huffed out a sigh of exasperation. “I still don’t see why you have to do this.”
“I want to do this,” she said with a grin.
“I know, but still. We live together. Have for a while. Now you’re going all old-fashioned on me?” He snorted out a laugh. “It’s a little late for that.”
“I like the premise.” Abby leaned into him, her dark blue eyes sparkling as she reached up to lock her arms around his neck. “I like you not seeing me until I walk down the aisle tomorrow. A tiny last bit of anticipation.”
“You just want me to miss you.” His hands ran down her sides to rest at her waist as the side of his mouth curved up in a playful grin. “I will, you know.”
“I love that.” She kissed him. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Coach.” He winked.
Her grin blossomed into a radiant smile.
“Have fun with your sleepover with your sister.”
“Thanks, I will. Hey, at least it’s not with my parents.”
“Your dad would drive you bonkers.”
“That’s right. That’s why I’m staying with Fiona.”
Pierce huffed out another sigh and an exaggerated pout. “I can’t see you at all tomorrow?”
“That’s the idea. So don’t be late.” She quirked another grin. “You know. Down at the beach. Five o’clock sharp. You, me, wedding ceremony. Be there or be square.”
“You didn’t really just say that.”
“Actually, I did.”
“You’re too damn adorable.” He lowered his head to take her mouth in a sumptuous kiss. They stood there kissing for a minute before she pulled away.
“What will you do tomorrow?” she asked.
“Run on the beach in the morning,” he said. “Go for a swim. Eat things. I’m sure Troy and Dane will be around. Maybe even hang out again with Charles and the kids; it gives Lisette a break while she’s taking care of the baby. I’ll take a nap at some point.” He tweaked the tip of her nose. “I won’t be bored while I’m missing you, don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried. Not at all. About anything.” She caressed his cheek and smiled a dreamy smile. “This time tomorrow, we’ll be married, dancing at our fabulous reception with everyone we love. I don’t have a worry or a care in the world.”
“That makes me really happy,” he murmured, then kissed her good night.