Chapter 24
Honesty is the best policy.
If you would have taken a dagger to my heart it would have hurt less than seeing the sadness in Margo’s eyes. Meanwhile, her brother, my best friend, looked as though he wanted to strangle me. It was the first time since I’d known Adam that he looked at me with utter disgust.
“Margo, let’s get back to Haley’s party and talk about this later.”
Before she answered me, she turned to her brother, “Can you excuse us, please?”
Adam ran his tongue over his teeth. “If you need me, I’ll be with Cade and Louisa.” He kissed the top of Margo’s head, glared at me, and walked away.
I pulled out the chair she had just risen from. “Let’s sit down.”
Margo cut her eyes to the chair. “No, thank you, I think I’ll stand.”
My eyes never left hers. When I reached for her, she tilted her body away from me. Fucking fantastic. “Do you really want to do this here?” Please say no.
“That depends what are we doing exactly? I’m not sure what is going on, Noah. For the record, I never, ever said we were engaged. Nor would it be some ploy that I’d use. The thought that you’d even think I’d do something like that makes me ill.” Just like when she told off my mother, her resolve was strong. “I’m sure that was just Haley being Haley. She just wants everyone as happy as she is, that’s all.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry if that upset you, but seeing your reaction, maybe it was a good thing she did it.” Margo’s chest heaved as she took in a deep breath; on her exhale, she crossed her arms. “You never want to get married?”
Honesty is the best policy, right? “No, I don’t. That doesn’t mean we still can’t be together.”
Tears blurred the prettiest green eyes I had ever seen. “I’m sorry, but yes it does. You might not believe in marriage or feel it ruins things, but to me it does the opposite.”
Cheers were heard in the background; when we both looked to see what was going on, Haley was in a passionate kiss with Seth. When they broke apart, they both beamed. Happiness radiated off the couple we were here to celebrate with.
When my eyes cut back to Margo, she swiped away the tears I caused to spill down her face. “I think you should go. This night is a celebration for Haley and Seth. With you here, it feels like the opposite.”
My head dropped back and I exhaled. “Can I come over later?”
“Suit yourself; you usually do.” Margo’s lips formed a tight grin. “Bye, Noah.”
As I watched her walk away, my entire body felt as though it was shutting down. My heartbeat slowed, my chest ached, and my brain felt fuzzy. Every ounce of my being wanted to go after her, but first I needed to understand what just happened.
Brett said something to Margo before heading my way.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Just my tab. Please put Margo’s on mine as well.”
Brett led me to the bar. I sat down and waited for my check; when he set it in front of me, his bartender slash therapist instinct must have kicked into gear. “I overheard what happened, can I give you a piece of advice?”
I reached into my wallet and tossed two hundred dollar bills down, “Use the balance for the rest of her night, and your tip.” Brett nodded, but didn’t back away. “Just get it off your chest, but you don’t know me, so I have no idea what you think talking will do.”
He rested his hands on the edge of the mahogany. “That’s where you’re wrong. It wasn’t long ago, I was just like you. My girlfriend’s best friend was getting married. Having gone through it once myself, I knew I’d never want to do it again. One divorce was bad enough. Then I declared that I’d never do it again.”
Not sure why I even cared, but I asked, “What happened, or don’t I want to know?”
“I lost my girl. She wanted what Margo did, and when she heard I didn’t, we said and did things that could never be taken back.” The pain in his eyes was real and mirrored mine. I felt bad for the guy, but he should understand where I was coming from. “It made me realize that life with Julie—that’s her name—was better than life without her. Ask yourself how you’ll feel in a couple of years when Margo is wearing a wedding band and has a different last name that isn’t yours. Don’t wait until it is too late to come to that conclusion. Even though I don’t know her very well, I do know she’s not like most women. Any man would be lucky to have her; just remember that man might not be you. If you can live with that, then forget everything else I just said.”
Brett picked up the cash I’d set down. “I’ll let her know the rest of her drinks are taken care of.”
That was my cue. I stood and shook his hand. Before I left, I turned back to him, “Did you ever get her back?” When he paused, I put my palm up. “Never mind, forget I asked.”
When I walked outside, Cade and Adam were waiting for me.
“Took you long enough to get out here.” Cade gave me a nudge.
“I was paying my tab.”
Adam nodded. “Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not. For once in my goddamn life, I can say that with all certainty.”
The patterned carpet lining the hallway outside Margo’s apartment had nine hundred and sixty-four blue triangles and eight hundred and seventy-two burgundy ones. It took me eleven steps to get from the elevator to her door and seventy-five steps from one end of the hallway to the other. The ceiling had eight water stains, and the elevator doors opened and closed at an average rate of 6.29 seconds.
I leaned up against the wall, staring at those silver doors, wishing for Margo to step out of them. Not only to see her, but to have her run into my arms and say everything was okay between us. That what transpired tonight was just a setback, and just like any other merger, we’d talk out the logistics, come to an amicable decision, and move on.
“Noah?” Margo’s voice. Finally.
“You took the stairs.”
Her brows furrowed. “What are you doing here?”
All right, she didn’t run into my arms, nor did she seem happy to see me. “I asked if I could come over, remember?”
She slid her key in the keyhole. “Right.” The door swung open. “Come on in.”
As soon as my body crossed the threshold, I inhaled. Ginger. God, I loved that smell. Margo set her purse down on the sofa. Her shoulders sagged, she frowned, and her eyes lacked the sparkle to which I had become accustomed to.
Not being able to wait one more moment, I went to her and pulled her into my arms. Every part of her body felt perfect against mine. The muscles in her back tensed under my touch, but I just couldn’t let go. I mouthed, “I love you,” into her hair but I knew she didn’t hear me.
Her arms hung at her sides, but I couldn’t bring myself to lose contact. The need to feel her skin against mine wouldn’t allow me to release her. I framed her face with my hands. “Tell me we’re okay.”
When she didn’t say anything, I knew we were anything but. “Margo, please talk to me.”
She moved her head to the side and out of my reach. “I’m not exactly sure what you want me to say. In a way I feel this is all nonsense.” She must have caught my bewildered expression, because she elaborated. “I’m not saying we’re nonsense, but this argument or whatever you want to call it. All I know is that I’m glad I know how you see the future panning out before we get in too deep.”
“Before?” I had never been in a long-term relationship or had even wanted to until Margo. “Deep is an understatement. You mean more to me than anyone else in my life. Do you know how often I think of you? How many nights I dream of you? I even daydream about you. I wonder what you’re doing, if you’re having a good day, or if you’re hungry for gingerbread cookies. Fuck, I can’t walk by a bakery without thinking of you. And you don’t think I’m in this deep? Just because I don’t believe in the institution of marriage doesn’t mean I want us to end. There’s no reason why it has to.”
“Actually, there is a reason. You can think I’m a dreamer, a typical girl, or a hopeless romantic, and that’s fine. But what it comes down to is this, I do want to get married. I want to build a home, have a family, and do it with a man who will love me unconditionally forever. Ever since I was little, I’d dreamed of it, prayed for it, and promised myself I’d never settle.” Her words were confident. They never wavered, and that didn’t bode well for us.
I raked my hands through my hair. “It will only ruin things. I can give you almost everything you just listed and more; I want to. You’re the only woman for me, Margo. Please don’t let a label come between us.”
Her voice cracked and her eyes softened. “Do you not believe in marriage because of your parents?”
“Ruins everything. Did you know my parents dated for years? High school sweethearts, in fact. My grandfather told me they were the happiest couple and so in love. But, I didn’t see that. Maybe when I was a little kid, but it didn’t last long. It was all a façade to keep up appearances. Then it turned into, ‘this is yours, that is mine, and you can have our son every other weekend and alternating holidays.’ Who wants to live that way?” Margo’s expression remained stoic. “Love and marriage are two separate entities. You can have one and not the other and still live happily ever after.”
Margo stepped toward me, took my hands in hers, lifted them up to her lips, and kissed my knuckles. “I’m sorry, but just like you can’t compromise your convictions, I can’t either.” Margo let out a nervous laugh. “It’s so insane that we’re at this place right now. This crossroad we stumbled upon when we haven’t even been together very long. Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs. Not only did the man of my dreams ask me out and want to date me, but he became my lover and my friend, and I let him become a part of my soul.”
Her lips tilted up at the corners, and she shrugged. The volume of her voice remained steady. She didn’t yell or snap at me. No, she was a woman who knew what she wanted and was smart enough to know we weren’t on the same page. The only problem was that I wasn’t willing to give up on us. “I’ll never forget you, and because you’re Adam’s best friend, I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
Pain hit me square in the chest. “See me around? Are you breaking up with me?”
Relief washed over me when she shook her head, but that feeling was short-lived. “No, I’m not, because to break something, it needs to be whole, and we never really were. I was living a fantasy, a great one, but one that I allowed myself to get wrapped up in. You,” she choked back tears but still managed a kind grin, “gave me what you could, for which I’ll always be grateful. And right now, it’s enough, it truly is. But the reason people are in a relationship is for it to grow into a life spent loving each other, and that’s what I want.” Her eyes met mine. “You’ll always be my Harry.” She rolled up on the balls of her feet and kissed my cheek before walking to her door and opening it.
Margo dismissed me. With purposeful strides, I walked toward her. “I’m sorry you feel that way. You might think that I don’t care enough, but what I do know is I fell in love with you.” Her eyes widened. “That’s right, can you believe it? Love. And you know what, I never thought I’d tell someone that. I most certainly didn’t think I’d be saying it during a breakup or whatever you want to call what’s happening here.
“Unlike you, I believed we were whole. I’m sorry we don’t want the same things for our future.” An unfamiliar pressure formed behind my eyes; a sting grew beneath my skin. One last time, my lips met hers in a gentle kiss. And for the first time, in a very long time, tears rolled down my face. “I’ll never forget you.”