I always begin my day by working out. And today is a beautiful morning to be in the window-lined gym. The air is crisp and the fall weather is starting to turn.

I've been a member at the little, exclusive gym right next to Hard Pressed ever since we opened.

I had a vision of the kind of company I wanted to create and it's all come to life in such a short time. Our success was virtually overnight and it just confirms the fact that everything I touch turns to gold. I have the Midas touch.

My morning workout is part of a kind of ritual that I prescribe to every single day. It keeps me steady, and it keeps me grounded, and most of all it keeps me in shape.

I'm lifting weights and there's just the usual crowd of a few people other than me who are dedicated enough to show up here at five am. You have to be committed to your health to be here this early five days a week.

I like to have everything exclusive and everything private in my life, and the gym is no exception. It has every amenity I could need and there's a spa attached for those really hard days when I need to unwind. It's only the best for me and even my gym must be swank.

As I pump iron I think about Allie. I'm really having second thoughts now about the video. She's likely already seen it and that means her world must be crumbling around her.

I try to take my aggression out on the weights but it does me no good. She's permeating every facet of my thoughts. Ever since Allie walked back into my life, I haven't been able to think of anything else.

Even though I want to hurt her and to get her back from the past, there's something irresistible about her that I find truly fascinating. Despite the way she wounded me as a teen, I feel like she does have a good heart. She's not shown me anything but kindness, integrity, and humility since we’ve met again.

She's not some arrogant model who feels entitled and like the world should be hers without having to lift a finger. No, that's not Allie. She is a lot more depth than that.

So how did it all go so wrong?

I take to the treadmill and try to sprint my way out of it. I feel truly bad for what I did to her and yet part of me feels like it was necessary.

I run and I run and I run, trying to escape the pain of what I've done. The STD video has gone viral just like I anticipated. And it was me who did it.

Suddenly I feel like I'm not much better of a person then Allie was in high school. The hatred I bear towards her is starting to fade and I see myself as a vile creature.

Not even the toughest workout can erase this.

I shower and leave the gym to hit the coffee shop that's conveniently located right next door. Everything in my life is in order. I'm at the height of my career, in the height of my life. And yet by hurting Allie, I feel like I've gone so wrong.

I take my triple shot latte to the Hard Pressed headquarters next door.

I walk into the building and nearly everyone says hello to me. I'm the boss and the CEO and that affords me respect, whether earned or not.

If any of them knew what I did to Allie and how I pushed that STD video on her, well, I'm not sure I'd be getting such friendly greetings this morning.

I take the elevator up to the top floor where I occupy the entire penthouse as my office. My secretary checks in and gives me a list of things I need to get done today.

"Thank you, Tricia," I say to her. "Can you please bring me my protein shake?"

"Sure, Mr. Armstrong. Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you."

I don't know why I even have to ask. I have the same thing every day and she should know it. I think it's time to find a new secretary.

I'm in a brooding kind of mood. The gym did nothing to take my mind off Allie. And the idea that I've ruined someone's entire life doesn't feel so good. I definitely thought I'd gain more satisfaction from this but all I feel is guilt and blame.

I take my phone to text her and think about maybe trying to smooth this whole thing out. But I just can't do it.

I log onto my computer and find the video to see how many views it has by now.

My God, the numbers have nearly doubled. Over 1 million hits already.

I wonder how Allie's feeling? I imagine she hasn't left her apartment and I imagine she's shed a lot of tears over this. That thought should make me so happy. But instead, I feel like less of a man.

Fuck. This is how she got me to fall in love with her before. She has a sparkling personality. But if that was so true how could she have been so cruel before?

I reach again for my phone thinking maybe I can text her and we can meet. Maybe I can explain to her what happened and we can go about fixing it. Every time I see her name flash on my phone, though, I'm just reminded of the past and what she did and how she hurt me.

I keep feeling like she doesn't deserve success. She doesn't deserve me to help her. She needs to be permanently scarred like I was. I wonder how many other guys she marred with her awful secrets?

I sit at my desk and ponder the day. I have a lot to do but part of me feels like I have to see Allie. Being with her makes me just want to fuck her into oblivion. I long to possess her and for her to have eyes only for me.

I simultaneously hate her and desire her. These feelings are confusing and they torment me. Normally I don't care about women very much. But something about Allie is the same as the girl I thought I knew in high school. The girl who wouldn’t do what she did to me.

I used to be in love with her, I think, because not only was she beautiful but she was nice too. And I'm seeing that as she's changed into a woman, her heart is the same. And it's a heart I've officially hurt by releasing that video.

Things are not adding up in my mind and I don't understand how I've arrived at this point.

I decide at the very least I need to see her. Otherwise, she'll be on my mind all day and I'll have this inner battle of whether to text or not.

I write to her and ask if she'll meet me at the coffee shop below the building.

Her response is expected.

I want to but I'm just too devastated. Have you heard about what happened? I don't want to show my face around town. How could you have done this to me?

Okay, so she knows it was me. I'm going to have to weasel my way out of this. I'm not ready for her to know my true identity just yet.

Just jump in a cab and come down here. No one will even see you. I need to talk to you.

There's no response and I know she's probably sitting there thinking about what to do.

I picture it and decide to push her farther.

Please, Allie, it'll be worth it. Besides, I know you can't resist some espresso this early in the morning.

If I cared about her at all I should really be the one bringing her coffee. I should really be nurturing her wounds and helping her through this.

Instead, I'm the one who caused all this. I'm just not that guy she needs to comfort her.

But I still want to see her.

After a long silence, my phone finally beeps again.

Okay, Xavier. I'm gonna meet you but then I'm coming right back home.

Yes, at least I've got her coming out of the house a little bit. Seeing her will take the edge off my inner torment. Maybe I can sort through these opposing feelings.

Now I just have to figure out exactly what I'm gonna say to her.