I've been holed up at home for the last few days licking my wounds over what happened. I feel sick about the fact that Xavier aka Stanley betrayed me like that.

At the same time, my world is imploding. I'm afraid to leave the house for fear of more judgment from the public. This has been the worst event in my life and right now the thought of losing Xavier makes it all the worse.

I don't know what I'm gonna do moving forward, or how I'm going to help my career.

The image of his face, his chiseled, gorgeous face, is forever in my mind. How could I have known that Stanley, the nerdy guy I knew in high school, would turn into this total superstar? He looks nothing like his old self. At all. Yes, I knew he would do great things but I never expected him to go so far.

As the owner of Hard Pressed he must have at least a billion dollars. A part of me feels nostalgic for the past, for those days when it was just me and him and I saw his genius.

That's what attracted to me to him in the first place. I knew he had a beautiful mind and that he'd make a positive difference in this world.

Now it seems he's used his influence to harm me. Instead of using his power and authority to help the world, he's using it to hurt people, namely, me. That's something I can't understand.

When I knew him in high school he had a heart of gold. That's why it's so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that he tried to sabotage my life. He not only tried, but he won. I'm probably gonna have move home soon and I've already started packing.

It's funny because I never thought I'd see him again, much less that he'd be this statuesque billionaire. I was really wrapped up in him. I am really wrapped up in him.

I had high hopes for our future, even though he came off as kind of a jerk. Now I understand why he was a jerk. He was trying to get back at me this whole time. I wish I had seen it coming.

I'm packing up my apartment and it's really sad. I've bought so many boxes and I'm folding up my clothes and my favorite items into them. I cannot sustain this life in New York.

Lindsay's on her way over to help me pack. She's finally relented to the fact that I have to leave.

It's depressing to do this. I never thought I'd ever move back to my hometown, and I especially never thought it would be because I failed.

Usually when I set my mind to something, it happens. Not this time.

I guess I could blame Xavier for my entire life falling apart, but to be honest, it's not like it was that great before he came around. I was still a struggling model. The only difference is that now it's virtually impossible for me to book even the crummiest of jobs.

There's a knock at the door and I know it's Lindsay. I open it, and the sight of her makes me cry.

It's starting to hit me that I'm going to have to leave her in all of this. I'll miss her so much.

She opens her arms to hug me and it's a comfort I sorely need.

"It's okay, Allie, I understand." She always has the right thing to say.

"I just don't know how this happened. I can't even imagine what it's gonna be like to move home. It's like my worst nightmare," I sob into her shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay. Lots of people don't succeed in the modeling world. And you have your whole life in front of you. You just have to figure out exactly what you want to do now."

She's right. It's not like my life is over. I can at least figure out a new career path and hopefully move away from home again later. But for now, everything seems dark and I feel despair.

"You really think so, Lindsay?" I ask her.

"Of course. Not only are you beautiful, but you are so smart. You can literally have any career that you put your mind to. It just may require going back to college or something."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I never looked at it like that."

The idea that I'm going to be back in my parent's house in just a couple days is too depressing to think about. No one wants to go home in defeat, especially not someone as driven as I am. I gave it my all here in New York and I failed. What more can I say?

I wipe my tears away with the sleeve of my sweater and invite her in. My apartment's a mess. There's stuff all over the place both from packing and from being holed up in here for so many days, away from prying eyes.

"Wow, it's like a bomb went off in here," she says, looking around.

"I know, I know. I just haven't been in a state to keep things organized. All we have to do is pack everything up and the movers will do the rest."

I go to my little kitchen and pull out a bottle of champagne I've been saving for a special occasion.

"I've been saving this for something celebratory, and I know me leaving is not celebratory, but this may be the only chance we get to use it."

I pop the champagne and pour it into a couple of mugs I haven’t packed yet. At least it will make moving a little more fun.

She starts placing my things in boxes, folding clothes and wrapping up fragile items.

"So, has he called?" she asks.

"Yeah, he's called all right. He won't leave me alone. My phone buzzes practically all the time. He's been calling and texting me ever since that day in his penthouse."

"It's just so crazy," she says. "You've known him this entire time. He's like a ghost from your past come back to life."

"Tell me about it," I say. "I never thought I'd see him again, much less that he'd look like that."

"Yeah, he's so freaking hot," she says. "Plus, he's a billionaire. Who would've expected that?"

The money means less to me than anything. I just keep thinking how I can't believe Xavier is Stanley. I don't know how I missed it.

"You know," she says gently. "You can always try to forgive him. I mean he was malicious but when you think about it, he had a pretty good reason."

I glare at her. How can she even consider me forgiving him? What he's done is the most untrustworthy thing in the world. I don't care what his reason was, he should never have set out to harm a person like that.

"I will never forgive him."

"Okay, okay. It was just a suggestion."

She's really hit a nerve with me. I haven't even considered forgiving Xavier. The thought is so far out of my mind that it hadn't even occurred to me until Lindsay just suggested it.

I might forgive him in the future, just to free myself from this pain, but there's no way he can ever be in my life again.

"I've resigned myself to the fact that I might be alone for a while. It's so depressing," I say to her.

We spend the rest of the evening packing, and even though it's sad, Lindsay makes me laugh a lot and that lightens the mood.

We drink the entire bottle of champagne between ourselves and Xavier texts me throughout the evening.

At last, most of the boxes are done, the sun has set a long time ago, and it's time for Lindsay to go home.

She gives me a hug and tells me, "I'm really gonna miss you, girl."

I don't try to hide the tears that are forming in my eyes right now. I'm really gonna miss her too.

"What will I do without you, Lindsay?" I ask.

"Don't say that," she says. "It's too sad.

"Good plan. I guess I'll see you later then."

She smiles at me and turns to leave.

Now it's just me alone in this apartment for one of the last times. I'm surrounded by boxes and I push a couple by the window so that I can sit on them and look up at the moon.

It's a full moon tonight and it's shining big, bright, and orange. I feel like I want to release this terrible moment with the passage of the full moon. Tomorrow's a new day.

For this moment, though, it's so beautiful and I wish I had someone to share it with.

The idea that I've lost a certain special someone pains my heart once more. It's gonna take a long time to get over this one. He hurt me in my past and now he's done it again.

I don't know how I'll ever forget Xavier.