I take a deep breath, pacing the cobblestones in Central Park early the next morning. A quick glance at my watch confirms he’s late. Will he even show up? If he doesn’t, I have nobody but myself to blame. I had a chance to nurture a relationship with my son, and I blew it, just like my dad blew his chance.

The chill in the early morning air whispers through my t-shirt, but I don’t feel it. I adjust my sunglasses and sink onto a bench. Kegs is right. My head is so fucked up right now, I’m not thinking. I’m just doing.

Acting without thinking gets you fired and thrown in jail, even if your intentions are good.

Nothing comes easily, Jeff. Nothing comes without hard work. Words I’d heard more times from my father than I’d cared to count. He never acted without thinking. His only flaw was working too long and hard to provide for my mom and me. But then the axe fell, and his pension and investment accounts shriveled up like a dick in cold water, just like his dreams for retirement. All because of degenerate assholes like Conlon. Everything in my life fell apart after that. I clench my fists, allowing the toxic memories to finally surface after all this time. It still fucking hurts like hell to think about what happened, and what could have been. My mother had been sick, really sick, when it happened. My dad’s finances were drained, and he couldn’t afford the treatments she needed. When she passed away, he couldn’t handle the guilt and the loss, so he took off, leaving me on my own with nothing. I didn’t care about money, but I needed my father; he, on the other hand, just wanted to die. A year later, I got a call that the police had found his body. He’d died of a heart attack, alone, just like he’d wanted it. All because he’d worked hard for the wrong fucking people. I made it my goal to find the criminals who got rich off of people like my dad and put them behind bars. I wanted to steal their livelihoods, just like they’d stolen the livelihoods of all of their victims.

But somebody up the chain at the FBI didn’t like that I was getting too close to an assault on Conlon; somebody who was on the take. Before long, I was fired for some bullshit reason. I’d never found out who set me up for that fall.

But all the wrongs Conlon committed still needed to be made right, so I took matters into my own hands and ended up in prison. Where the fuck was the justice?

“Dad.”

My heart lurches when I hear Damon’s gruff voice. I jump to my feet, jolted from my unwelcome nightmare. The tightness in my throat barely allows for any air to escape. God, it’s been too long. I reach out and he stares at my hand, not making a single move toward a connection. His dark, brooding eyes, strong jawbone, and muscular frame match mine. He always was my carbon copy, from the time he was born.

Unfortunately, he also got my stubborn ass demeanor, which isn’t going to bode well now. “How are you?”

“Fine. I heard you got out. Glad you finally decided to return my call.” His voice drips with some combination of sarcasm and disdain. “I guess you know I’m getting married next weekend. Mom said she gave you the invitation for the shower, not that I really give a shit whether or not you come.”

I let out a deep sigh. “Damon, I’m so sorry—“

“Sorry for what, Dad?” He sneers. “Sorry for making it your own personal quest to take down the bad guys by becoming one of them yourself and landing in a concrete cell? Sorry for missing out on the last five years of my life because you couldn’t let go of the past? All in the name of making sure justice was served? I think you’ve made it pretty fucking clear I’m not important enough to rate. Maybe I should’ve been a white collar criminal. Then, I’d have warranted at least a shred of your attention.”

An icy hand clenches my heart. I’m a fucking horrible father, a horrible person, for everything I’ve done and everything I still plan to do. “Damon, I understand how you feel. I’ve done a shitty job of proving otherwise, but you have to believe I never wanted things to turn out this way. I love you more than anything.”

“Yeah, well, you have a fucked up way of showing it.” He sighs and looks away. “My life doesn’t have a revolving door. You’re either in or you’re out. I’m about to start my own family, and I’m going to do it right. I’m never going to let my wife or kids think for a second they’re not the most important things in my life.”

“You have every right to feel that way, but don’t write me off, Damon. I made so many mistakes. Let me make up for them.”

“Why should I believe you? You made Mom the same bullshit promises and look what happened there?”

“I know I haven’t given you many reasons to believe me, but I’m asking you to trust me this time. I’m trying to start over, and I want to be a part of your life. Please give me another chance.”

“I can’t do this anymore, Dad. If you want to walk away, go. Just please don’t come back. I’m tired of crawling on the floor, ready to lick up whatever crumbs you drop for me when you find the time between arrests. I need a father, a real father, not a fucking ghost who comes back to haunt me out of guilt after he’s kicked me to the curb one too many times.”

The tortured look on his face…Christ, it slices through my insides. I’ve hurt him over and over again in order to make myself whole. And after all this time, I haven’t been able to piece anything back together. I’ve continuously failed. So, no surprise, I lose. Again.

“I want to be part of your life. I don’t expect things to turn around overnight, but I’m trying. I’ve got a job as a private investigator now. I’m not running anymore. I promise.”

Damon shakes his head. I’m not even sure he’s heard anything I just said. “You missed so much, and for what? To try to right the wrongs of the world? Because you needed closure? You know what? I’ve never gone through something like that, so maybe I’m being a self-centered ass, but I’m here! You didn’t lose me! Don’t I fucking count? And why should I welcome you back in after all this time? Because now you realize what a fucking tool you’ve been? I’m not a yo-yo. I’m your son. I’m all you have left. And if I walk away, I guarantee the door slams shut for good. Are you finally ready to let all of this go, Dad? Because if you’re not, leave me the fuck alone.”

I nod as the lie tumbles from my lips. “I’m back. For good.”

He narrows his eyes. “Okay. You’d better be.”

“I promise.” Lies! They never stop. I’ve been perpetrating them for years and years, and there’s no end in sight.

They say the truth shall set you free.

In my case, it’ll skin me alive and castrate me before I have any bit of freedom. The noose is too tight, and it’s getting tighter with each passing day.

Before I leave this life, dammit, I’m going to give my son what he needs, and be the supportive father I should have been, not the shell of a man he once looked up to as his hero.

The only problem is, I’m no hero. I’m the fucking villain.