Chapter 11
The next morning, Hope was sitting at her desk, throwing herself into projections, when her mobile phone rang. She dug it out of her purse, grumbling under her breath about interruptions until she glanced at her screen and froze. It was Mrs. Caputo. Had the PI already found Derek or did she have additional questions? If Derek had been found, she suddenly wasn’t sure she was ready to pick up.
Some inner force made her hit the green accept button on the screen. “Good morning, Mrs. Caputo.”
“Good morning, Hope. I have some news. Would you like to meet in person or would you like me to relay it over the phone?”
Time stopped. “Did you find him?”
“Yes.”
Her heart raced. “I apologize, but I don’t have time to meet. Do you have a written report you can send me?”
There was a long pause. “Yes. I do. But do you have any questions for me before I send it?”
She felt too faint to think clearly, but two questions surfaced, demanding attention. “How did you find him?”
“Kentucky property records.”
Kentucky. She could think of no old connection between Derek and Kentucky, except that Kentucky was close by. “Will—will everything be in the report? His address, occupation, marital status…?”
“Yes. Everything is in the report. Would you like me to fax it or email it?”
“Email it, please.”
“I’ll do so immediately. Please don’t hesitate to call me if you have any questions about the report or the process.”
“Yes. Thank you. Goodbye.” Hope hung up, pushed away from her desk, and stared at the carpet for a long time. The pressure inside her was becoming unbearable, and she didn’t know how to manage it or release it.
She closed her eyes, took long, deep breaths, and tried to separate everything that was affecting her so she could evaluate each situation one by one. The way she evaluated the factors that affected the company’s performance. But hard as she tried, she found she couldn’t. Her feelings weren’t separable, quantifiable data. The more she tried to treat them as such, the more jumbled up they became, and the more the pressure built.
She thought of calling her sisters and her grandmother, but what could she say to them? That she felt like a hypocrite for working with Matt to keep her employees happy when she didn’t know if she could keep them happy for good? That she felt selfish because she knew the only thing she might be buying was time—time that her employees could use to plan ahead?
They’d tell her that they believed in her, and that she would find a way to keep the company. It was what she kept telling herself, too. But doubts were creeping in…
She pushed them down and moved on to Matt. What would her family say if they knew the way she felt about him? That he kept himself to himself a little more than others, but that he had proven himself to be a good person?
That brought her to Derek. Derek had also proven himself to be a good person with good feelings—from the time he was eight to the time he was eighteen—over and over again. He’d showed them he’d cared about them all, quietly, by being there, by standing up for them, by helping out without having to be asked. But he had shut down the moment they’d stepped outside the courthouse together as a married couple, and she’d never gotten him to open up again. He had slammed a door while pretending it was open, and told her that she was silly for thinking otherwise. It was the loneliest, most confusing, most stressful time of her life. Her mother had died. Paige had gotten married to a man who talked down to all of them. Gracie’s case had made national news. Never had she felt so lost and without recourse.
And now she had Derek’s address. The plan had been to confront him and ask him exactly what had happened, and if he could not answer, the way she hadn’t gotten answers the first time, to at least let loose everything he had put her through. To tell him to his face what a selfish coward he’d been, so she could get some of that much-hyped closure for herself. Only now, the fact that it might not help and that it was her last recourse, her last idea, was sinking in. After this, she had nothing. After this, she might just have to abandon the company and the region and be the hypocrite she kept telling herself she wasn’t.
She’d be like Derek, wouldn’t she? Feeding false hope to everyone… She abruptly got up and put her hand to her chest. It was getting worse. She needed to run. She slipped her heels off, went to the small closet next to the window, and went to change into the running clothes she kept at work. A nice long run in the cold. That’s what she needed. To run and run until she reached the runner’s high, no matter how much effort it took. In fact the more it took, the better.
When she finished her run, she threw herself back into work, feeling reenergized and refocused. It was midnight before she slowed down, and it was like she’d never stopped running. Now, finally, she was too tuckered out to think. She fell onto her bed, grateful for every sore muscle and every tired brain cell. It felt good to close her eyes and feel the heaviness take over. Instant REM sleep. Sleepwalking doesn’t occur during REM.
Images of a popular talk show host dressed in a clown suit flittered across the backs of her eyes and she smiled, thinking of the silly things that popped into her head before falling asleep. The sound of a distant siren triggered a thought, momentarily pulling her out of the heaviness, but it was gone a moment after it appeared and she closed her eyes again, so she could focus her mind on getting the thought back…
Thoughts of Derek began to flit in and out of her mind. There was something she needed to ask him. She had to find him. But her entire body hurt, especially her feet. She’d run today. Run long and hard. Her goal was to be the fastest runner on her high school’s cross-country team, so she could get a scholarship, but Melissa Struthers kept beating her. She wondered if she should get up and take some aspirin or something, but she was so tired…
She tried to wiggle her toes and found that she couldn’t. In fact, she couldn’t even feel them. She shoved her nightgown out of the way to look at them and make sure they were still there, but her feet had sunken into a white carpet and she couldn’t see her toes. She realized she must be in her old friend Kiana’s room. Kiana’s mother had let her redecorate her room for her birthday because she’d made honor roll. Hope looked around, expecting to see posters of her friend’s favorite boy band, but all she could see was white. She began shivering and wondering why Kiana’s mom wouldn’t crank up the heat. Where was Kiana?
“Kiana,” she called. No one answered. “Kiana!” she called again, louder, the cold suddenly more than she could bear.
A bark was her answer. She wrapped her hands around her middle and followed the barking sound, knowing Kiana slept with her dog. But she couldn’t see a thing. Her legs gave out from under her, and she fell onto a hard surface. The pain jolted her and she began to sense different things at once. She was outside, and it was snowing. The barking was getting louder and louder, and an acrid smell began to fill her nostrils. She looked up and blinked as fat, flurry snowflakes wet her face. She got up, slowly. Antique lampposts cast yellow light on a few houses. She shivered again, wondering why she’d thought she was at Kiana’s house when she was clearly on Nome Court in Spinning Hills.
It was all so confusing. Was she already a student at the University of Dayton? She and Derek were saving up for the deposit on a house near campus. Had they decided on Spinning Hills?
The barking became louder and she turned around. Her eyes widened when she saw flames leaping out of the basement of a house right in front of her. Adrenaline shot through her. She knew the house! She sprinted over and began pounding on the door. “Get up! Get out! There’s a fire!” She ran over to the window where the dog was barking and began pounding on it, with all her strength, while screaming at the top her lungs. “Derek!”
The window opened, and a groggy-looking man who wasn’t Derek stared at her a moment, before sniffing, blinking, and looking down. “Fire!” he yelled.
He grabbed the dog, jumped through the window, grabbed Hope’s hand, and dragged her next door, where he began pounding on that door and calling for Sheriff Walker while Hope fought him, “Derek! You need to get Derek.”
“Derek doesn’t live there anymore. Snap out of it, Hope! It’s me, Matt.”
“Derek!” she began to scream, hysterically. But the man would not let go of his grip on her arm. “You can’t go back there!” the man kept telling her. “Derek’s not there.”
Sheriff Walker opened the door, the man who wouldn’t let go of her yelled about the fire, just as other people began calling and yelling from all sides. Hope screamed and bit and kicked, but the man would not let go! Everyone was screaming at her and the sirens were deafening, and it was all more than she could take. She sank down and covered her ears and began to sob. “Derek’s okay, Hope,” the man said, more softly now. “I promise. He was not in the house. But you’re freezing, and we need to get you inside until an ambulance gets here.” He picked her up, and she sank against him, relieved at his words. She took a deep breath, and a warm, familiar scent surrounded her. It made her heart flutter. He said something else, and she didn’t quite catch it, but his voice reverberated inside her, comforting her, and making her feel safe. She didn’t understand the warm and sheltered feeling, but she didn’t want it to end, ever.
“Don’t put her by the fireplace.” Sheriff Walker’s voice reached her. “That’ll warm her skin unevenly and if she’s numb, she won’t be able to tell you if it burns.”
“What should I do?” the man asked.
“Lay her on the sofa and warm her body with yours.” The man laid her down and covered her body with his own. “How do you feel?” he asked her.
“I’m tingling and burning all over.”
“That’s a good sign, Hope,” Sheriff Walker said from somewhere above her, sounding relived. “It means it’s frostnip and not frostbite.”
“So I’ll be okay?” she asked. “These feelings will disappear?”
Sheriff Walker patted her head. “Let’s just say you’re going to be just fine, Hope. Just fine.” Hope nodded as her eyes fluttered close and the sirens and yelling outside slowly faded. Soon all that existed was the familiar, comforting scent and warmth of the man holding her, and the darkness.
* * *
Sunlight against her eyelids forced Hope to open her too-tired eyes. She blinked when she saw Grandma Sherry was lying next to her, smiling into her eyes. Hope smiled back. Her eyes fluttered close for a moment before opening wide again. She shot up and looked around. She was in her bedroom. “What are you doing in my bedroom?”
Grandma Sherry got up and sighed. “Hope, honey, we have a situation.”
“I hear voices, is she up?” Paige knocked on the door and opened it without waiting to be invited in. “You’re up!”
Gracie followed Paige into the room before they both sat down on her bed. “How are your hands feeling?”
“My hands?” Hope looked down to see she had gloves on her hands. “Why am I wearing gloves?”
“Frostnip. You’re lucky it wasn’t frostbite,” Paige said. “The EMTs might not have let you come home. But Grandma Sherry promised to keep you warm.”
Gracie peered into her face. “Can you really not remember any of it, Hope? No flashbacks or anything?”
“Wait,” Hope ordered, putting both hands out in front of her. “Did I sleepwalk? In my nightgown? Out in the snow?”
They all nodded. Hope put her head in her hands. “Please don’t tell me I ended up at Matt’s house again.”
Nobody said a word and Hope sighed, deeply. “What did I do to him this time?”
Again, everyone was silent, but Hope could just feel them exchanging meaningful glances over her head. “You all swore you wouldn’t keep anything from me again. Out with it,” she ordered, looking up.
Grandma Sherry licked her lips. “Well, you probably saved his life.”
Hope’s eyes widened. “Saved his life? What happened? And why are you all acting like that’s a bad thing?”
Paige flinched. “Because there’s also the very slight possibility that you accidentally almost ended it first.”
“What!”
“There was a fire,” Gracie began.
“Where?”
“At Matt’s,” Gracie continued.
Hope’s heart felt as if it had stopped. “Matt and Zeus?” She barely got the words to squeeze past her throat.
“They got out early thanks to you and they’re one hundred percent fine.” Grandma Sherry patted her hand.
When her heart started beating again, she asked, “What happened? Tell me the whole story.”
Again glances were exchanged. “Matt woke up to Zeus barking at you as you pounded on his window,” Grandma Sherry began before putting her arm around Hope’s shoulder. “He swears you saved him and Zeus. But then that old grouch Jenny Jenkins said you might have started the fire, because she’s seen you ‘casing’ the house a few times over the last year. Sheriff Walker had no choice but to explain to the police and firemen at the scene why you were out in your nightgown and socks and nothing else past midnight in the middle of a snowstorm, and why you couldn’t talk to them right away. But you’re still considered a witness, and Chief Jones needs a statement.”
A statement. About how she couldn’t remember a thing. “Does Chief Jones think I might have had something to do with the fire?” she asked. Her first reaction was to discard the idea as crazy and impossible. She would never hurt anyone! And she had no history of playing with fire, either asleep or awake. But as she tried to picture the scene, and as she remembered things she’d been told she’d done in the past, the sinking feeling that she really didn’t know settled in the pit of her stomach. If her sleepwalking had almost gotten someone killed…
“His job is to complete the initial investigation, not determine the cause of fire. They bring in special investigators for that, and it could take a while. Some fires are easy to investigate and some are difficult.”
“What condition is the house in?” she asked next.
“Right now, it, uh, looks like he’s going to need to completely rebuild,” Paige answered, looking more worried about Hope’s reaction to it all than Matt’s house.
“That bad?” Hope cried.
Paige nodded. “Firefighters got there early, but the snow squall and the wind complicated matters, and it was hard to put out once it got up inside the walls. The roof collapsed this morning, after it kept snowing.”
Hope couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And she’d been there! Which begged the question, “Why was I the one to alert him? Shouldn’t a smoke alarm have gone off?”
It was Gracie’s turn to nod. “It did, but you alerted them even before the alarm went off.”
Hope thought about that for a moment before closing her eyes. “Which means I must have been at the scene pretty close to when the fire started.”
Hugs came in from all sides. “Don’t. There’s no point in speculating until the official investigation is completed,” Grandma Sherry said.
And though Hope knew she was right, she didn’t know how she was going to look anybody in town in the face. Jenny Jenkins had probably already spread her suspicions. A sleepwalking arsonist. Sensational enough to be all over the region. Heck, maybe even the nation. Her heart fell. Staying was impossible.
Paige grabbed Hope by the shoulders. “Don’t you worry about Jenny Jenkins or what people will say, Hope!” she exclaimed, as if she could read Hope’s mind. “You’ve never cared about any of that crap, so don’t you start now.”
Hope had to smile a little. “How did you know what I was thinking?”
Paige sighed. “We know you want to stay here this time. You’re happy here now. But we know you don’t feel safe because of this sleepwalking issue, and having it out there will obviously make you feel less safe. You’re also still feeling guilty because Rachel used your sleepwalking issue to lure Gracie out to the parking garage. But you have to know that’s not something that’s likely to happen again.”
Gracie nudged Paige aside and took her place. “We also know you’ve been trying to look for solutions all on your own—not because we’ve been spying on you, but because we know you. We think it’s time you accept our help, though. It’s time you stop worrying about worrying us and let us in.”
“You need to understand you won’t be burdening us at all by letting us help in any way we can. You’d be doing us a favor, in fact. We’re dying for you to stay. We’d do anything for you to stay.” Grandma Sherry squeezed Hope’s hand and smiled.
“Well, anything short of breaking the law.” Paige smiled, too.
“Speak for yourself!” Grandma Sherry said, narrowing her eyes. “Now, are you going to let us help you figure out a way to keep you safe or not?” she asked.
The corner of Hope’s mouth lifted, despite it all, but she sobered pretty quickly. “You know that my staying also depends on the results of the fire investigation, right? I need to be one hundred percent sure I had nothing to do with that.”
They all nodded, happily, as if they were sure Hope had nothing to do with it. “Does this mean you’re going to let us help keep you here and keep you safe?” Gracie asked.
Hope took a deep breath, held it, and nodded.
“Good—” Grandma Sherry began, just as the doorbell rang. Glances were, once again, exchanged. “I’ll get that,” Paige offered. But Hope shot out of the bed, bolted through the door, shut it in her sisters’ and grandmother’s faces, and raced across the living room to open the door and see what the heck they all had lined up for her. Matt was standing in the lobby holding Zeus.
Hope was so thrilled to see them both looking so amazing, Matt with his easy smile and Zeus with his ears perked up and his cute bark, that it took all she had not to throw her arms around the both of them. She settled for throwing herself at just Zeus. “You’re okay, my adorable little mutt! You’re okay. I’m so sorry if I had anything to do with it! But you look truly perfect.” While she held him close, she snuck in a comforting whiff of Matt’s soapy, clean, masculine scent.
“Thanks. I like being your adorable little mutt. But Zeus looks good, too, doesn’t he?”
Behind her, she heard her sisters and Grandma Sherry laugh as Matt set Zeus down. But Hope couldn’t even look at him. Her guilt over not knowing what happened was too much. She might have almost cost him and Zeus their lives. The investigation into the cause of the fire couldn’t be completed fast enough. She needed to know. Maybe daily phone calls would speed the process up. Finally, because she might have been the cause of his almost-death, Hope met Matt’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay, Matt. If I had anything to do—”
He put one finger to her lips. “You didn’t. You saved us. I’m sure of it.”
“But—” Whatever she was going to say fled her mind when she caught sight of a long stick with a blanket tied on one end propped up against the front door of the building. “What is that?”
“That,” Matt said, pointing at the blanket sack, “is a bindle. And that,” he said, gesturing toward the stick, “is a stick. And it’s all I have left in the world. The broomstick was in the garage, and the blanket was in my car, along with some clothes and Themis.” He picked up the bindle and stick and slung it over his shoulder.
“Themis?” Gracie asked.
“Themis is Zeus’s pillow… and, ah, girlfriend. In mythology, she was Zeus’s first wife,” he explained.
“Oh.” Gracie giggled.
Hope couldn’t even crack a smile. She felt so bad for him! All his possessions fit in a blanket sack. “Will you be staying with your mom now?” she asked next. He frowned and looked at her as if her words confused him.
“He says he can’t tell his mom about the fire—she’ll worry herself sick if she finds out his house burned down, plus his commute would always be with traffic, and getting Zeus to doggie day care on time would make him late for work,” Grandma Sherry cut in.
Hope turned to look at her grandmother, trying to put two and two together. “He’s going to be staying upstairs in Paige’s old apartment, isn’t he?” she asked, knowing it was the best solution. The man had lost his home, it might have been her fault, and he was standing in front of her carrying all his worldly possessions in a blanket at the end of a stick. The fact that she had feelings for him and had planned to put distance between the two of them no longer factored into the equation.
Matt threw Grandma Sherry an accusing look. “You just texted me that she was on board with your idea.”
Hope offered him a magnanimous smile. “They hadn’t yet told me, but I’m fine with you staying there, Matt. In fact, you need a place to stay and I’m happy my grandmother, Ruby, and Rosa can provide one.”
Matt shook his head at Grandma Sherry, as if he was disappointed in her. Grandma Sherry shrugged it off and said, “Give us a moment,” before leading Hope a few steps away. “Matt’s not staying in Paige’s old apartment, Hope. You said we could help you, and so we decided to help both you and Matt at the same time. He’s going to stay with you. That way, he gets a place to live while he rebuilds, and you get a roommate who can help keep you safe.”
Hope clenched her fists as she felt herself go hot, then cold, then hot again. What were they thinking? How dare they? She wanted to rage, and it took every ounce of her self-control not to. Matt and Zeus had been through enough. And if she didn’t cool down fast, she’d spontaneously combust and take another building down with her. “No, Grandmother, he will not be staying with me. There’s no need. There’s an empty apartment upstairs. He can stay there.”
“It’s not empty. Monchito is living there,” Grandma Sherry explained.
“Who?” all three sisters asked at the same time.
“Monchito,” Grandma Sherry repeated the name, “is a dear old friend of Rosa’s from Puerto Rico, and he’s renting the apartment.”
The door to Paige’s old apartment opened and a man stuck his head out. “Uh—hola, Monchito!” Grandma Sherry called.
“Hi!” Monchito smiled and waved.
Hope walked to the edge of the stairs, still fighting for self-control, and looked up. The man had an angelic smile. But so did Grandma Sherry. It didn’t mean much. “Good morning, Mr. Monchito. I’m your new neighbor, Hope. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m wondering how Rosa managed to move you in so quickly. You weren’t here last night.”
“He can’t explain! He…doesn’t know English,” Grandma Sherry swiftly cut in again, but the surprised look on Monchito’s face told them all that he wasn’t aware of that fact. He shook his head at Grandma Sherry before ducking back into the apartment. This time, Grandma Sherry had the grace to blush. It was a first.
Hope didn’t want to make Matt any more uncomfortable than he already was, so she forced herself to sound cheerful and said, “No problem! He can stay at Gracie’s. She’s practically living with Josh anyway.”
Gracie cleared her throat. “Actually, the new kitchen is being put in. We’re going to be staying here all this week.”
Hope tossed her sisters and grandmother a quick, fury-filled glance that promised them there would be hell to pay later before clearing her expression and turning to look at Matt again. He was still holding the bindle and Zeus was now standing beside him, looking up at Hope with soulful eyes. A more pathetic picture she’d never scene. But she couldn’t waver. The idea was nuts. “Um, I don’t know what they said or offered you to agree to this,” she began, but he cut her off.
“It’s okay, Hope. I thought you were on board, but I fully understand that you’re not. Please don’t worry about it.” He put a comforting hand on her shoulder and made sure his smiling eyes peered into her own so she wouldn’t feel bad.
The comforting hand, the warm tone of his voice, and the understanding look in his eyes triggered a wave of warm sensations in her body as an image of Matt hugging her to him to keep her warm while whispering comforting words into her ear as they laid together on a brown sofa in a dimly lit room flashed behind her eyes. Hope blinked, took a step pack, and put her hand to her head.
“Are you okay?” everyone asked.
“I’m—I’m fine,” she answered. But she wasn’t. She might have just had her first flashback ever, and she needed to know if it was real. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out a few times, as the sensations grew warmer and the feeling of Matt caring for her and making her feel safe settled deep within her, telling her that the memory was real.
She wrestled with it all for a moment, a part of her resisting the idea that anyone but her could make her feel safe while a part of her longed to feel it all again. She opened her eyes, looked directly at Matt, and said, “You can stay,” before she could talk herself out of it. Her gut was rarely wrong, and her gut was telling her that Matt’s calming, comforting presence might help her unlock something else.
“Hope, no, it’s okay, I—” Matt began, but Hope put her hand up.
“Gracie said she and Josh only need to stay at her place for a week. Once they leave, you can stay there. I’m sure you and I can manage a week of being roommates, and I’ll enjoy having Zeus around.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, not looking at all convinced.
Hope nodded and looked into his eyes. “Look, my sisters and grandmother went about this completely the wrong way, again. And I’m not letting them off the hook so easily this time because they obviously didn’t listen to me last time when I told them not to make decisions that concern me without consulting me first,” she began as if they weren’t standing right there. “But it’s not a bad idea. I’ll admit that hearing everything that happened last night has stressed me out, and I know from experience that the stress might trigger another episode. Everyone will be safer if someone stays with me to make sure I don’t burn the entire town down, but I prefer not to interrupt people’s lives. With you needing a place to stay, it’s mutually beneficial, and I can live with that.”
He smiled. “Which means, you can live with me.”
“And Zeus. Temporarily. Although Zeus is welcome to stay permanently.”