CHAPTER ELEVEN

Angela lay in the darkness wide awake after her long nap before dinner, even despite another very satisfying session of sex with Sas. His breathing as he slept on the couch was reassuring as it gave her alone time that until now she hadn’t wanted.

Having sex with Sas had been incredible and giving him oral sex had her feeling proud of herself for finding another way she could repay him even without the use of her hands. But after he dropped the bombshell about being a virgin, her heart started to wrestle with her brain.

No one ever forgot their first lover, and she was no exception. She’d had an emotional bond with the boy she’d slept with back in high school. They dated most of her senior year, and she thought she was in love.

She didn’t doubt he thought so, too. When he dumped her, she’d cried so much she made herself sick. Her father didn’t get it, but he didn’t make her go to school the rest of the week. It was all teenage drama, but the feelings had been real.

Knowing Sas was a virgin their first time together meant she needed to figure out what she wanted from the relationship because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt the very man who had saved her life. She owed him so much.

Her problem was that she’d viewed sex with him from a purely selfish standpoint, much like when she traveled and had sex with a local if she hit it off with anyone. Luckily, as far as she knew, she didn’t have any diseases to pass on to Sas, and if she counted her days correctly since last taking her pill, she wouldn’t become pregnant at this time of the month.

She also viewed having sex with him as another way to thank him. But now, whether he admitted it or not, there were emotions involved. She just had to figure out how she felt.

If they continued strictly as sex partners, she’d need to make that clear. But if there was more to it…ugh, she couldn’t seem to separate her feelings of gratefulness from her feelings for him as a man. And even if she felt more for him than a simple fling, there were long-term issues to contend with. It wasn’t as if Sas lived anywhere near her. Shoot, he didn’t live near civilization of any kind.

When was she supposed to have a relationship with him? In between business trips? That meant she should keep it to just sex, but she’d be kidding herself and lying to him if she told him that. She was way beyond the “just sex” relationship. She really, really liked him.

With her other two serious relationships, she’d decided to just see where they went, take it one day at a time, but that wasn’t possible here, and Sas wasn’t like any other man she’d ever been with.

First, he was by far the kindest and most considerate. Second, he was also the biggest and most muscular. Her serious relationships had been with more “intelligent” types, yet Sas was very smart and well-traveled.

That he lived deep in the Alaskan wilderness was another unique trait. There was something about a man who could take care of himself and live a fulfilling life on his own that really attracted her. Maybe it was a little caveman-like, but it spoke to that small part of her that loved the idea she would be, and was, taken care of if she couldn’t do it herself.

Her heart sighed. It would be so easy to fall in love with him. She could see herself learning to cook the different game so it tasted wonderful, like the elk they had for dinner. Though she wasn’t particularly domestic since she wasn’t home a lot, when she was home she enjoyed cooking and lounging in her apartment. She may work hard and travel all over, but she’d perfected the art of relaxing.

The problem was Sas’ chosen abode. Here they were isolated. For any type of relationship with him, she’d have to give up seeing the world, unless he came with her. She immediately squashed that fantasy. Sas was out here for a reason. Maybe the answer to her dilemma was to find out what that reason was.

Who was she kidding? It didn’t matter if he was running from the law or just liked pitting himself against nature, she was falling for him. Shoot. How did that happen?

She licked her suddenly dry lips. What if he changed once she was able to help herself? Would he resent it or would he welcome it? And how would she feel when it was time to return home?

Her chest tightened so hard, she could barely breathe. The thought of not ever seeing him again told her more about her feelings than anything else.

But what a relationship with Sas would look like was a complete blank, even though leaving him almost brought her to tears.

She needed to know what he felt and getting that out of him would be a challenge. He may not look at his first time in the same way she did. He was born in Germany and lived a European lifestyle before making his home in the far reaches of the north, so she had no idea if he looked at his experience like she did as an American.

Feeling more confused than ever, she closed her eyes. For the first time since landing in her predicament, she wished she could talk with her brother. Though he was younger and turned over-protective sometimes, they were close. Losing their mom at an early age had done that for them.

How much longer before he began to wonder where she was? She’d been with Sas for over a week already. Was it now two weeks? Did she only have two more weeks with him? She wanted much more. She could take sick days. After all, she did have frostbite on her hands…if they even healed.

Her dinner lay heavy in her belly as her stomach tightened with worry. She had to have faith in Sas. If anyone could save her hands, it was him.

She listened to the sound of his breathing, blocking out all her thoughts. The knowledge that he was near made her feel safe. The only way she’d feel safer was if he were sleeping in the bed next to her.

Envisioning him next to her, cuddling, she finally drifted to sleep.

Sas kissed her awake, and she opened her eyes to stare into brown irises so dark they looked black. She grinned. “Good morning.”

He kissed her nose before throwing back the covers. “Good morning. We have much to do today.” He rose bare-ass naked and set water to boiling on the stove. In no time, he dressed and headed outside. “I’ll be in for breakfast.”

She swung her feet over the edge of the bed, shivering in the coolness of the cabin. “I’m going to need more wood if you want breakfast.” She winked. “And I’m not talking about your cock.”

He let his gaze rake over her naked body, heating her up quite well. “I can do both.”

She laughed as he closed the door. After quickly dressing in her favorite jeans and sweater, she strode to the stove and threw the last logs into it. Pulling the now boiling water off, she poured it through the coffee strainer, the scent filling her nostrils and making her mouth water.

Within seconds, she poured two cups of coffee and took a sip of hers. It was as if she hadn’t had any in months. Once her taste buds were satisfied, she quickly sliced the bread she made yesterday and buttered the pan, setting it to heat on the stove. She pulled out the salmon they’d caught a couple of days ago and the neighbor’s homemade cheese.

While she waited for the pan to heat, she started to whip up a hollandaise sauce.

The door opened and Sas came in with an armful of split wood. He didn’t say anything as he dropped it and strode back outside.

She shook her head. He was just too talkative. Filling the stove with more wood, she worked on breakfast.

A shout outside had her running to the door. Throwing it open she froze. Her brother, surrounded by a pack of snarling wolves, aimed a handgun at Sas. Sas held his arms to the side as if inviting the shot.

She ran onto the porch. “No!”

One of the wolves looked straight at her and howled.

The gun went off.

She jerked awake. It was pitch black and her heart pounded in her chest. She moved her hand to hold it, but as she made contact pain shot up her arm. She gave a small cry before the howl of a wolf sounded just outside the cabin.

Her breathing calmed as the sound connected to her dream, explaining where part of it came from. She listened for Sas’ breathing but it was missing. She closed her eyes again and tried to hear him, but she didn’t sense him in the cabin. “Sas?”

When there was no answer, her fear returned. What if he was hurt? Maybe the howl was because the pack had taken him down. She had to know.

Sitting up, she swung her feet over the side of the bed and carefully put her weight on them. They didn’t hurt, but her knees felt wobbly. She braced her forearm on the back of the chair next to the bed and took a step.

Yes, definitely wobbly, but her concern for Sas drove her on. Taking another step brought her close enough to the table to brace her other arm on that as she gave up the chair. Her eyes were slowly adjusting to the diffused light from the moon hitting the snow outside, and the expanse of space from the table to the door was intimidating.

She looked out the window from where she stood, but she couldn’t see either Sas or the wolf. Slowly, she made her way around the table until the void between it and the door loomed before her.

Another howl broke the quiet of the night. It sounded as if it was on the kitchen side of the cabin. She listened for footsteps, breathing, anything to indicate that Sas was nearby, but only silence greeted her.

What if he were bleeding to death? What if even now the wolfpack had him surrounded as he lay on the ground hurt and in pain?

And what the hell could she do about it? She froze as she’d been about to let go of the table. What would she do? She couldn’t even throw anything at them with her hands as they were.

Frustrated, she cast about for an answer.

She could scream and stomp and scare them away. She could do that. Refusing to think about what she might have to do next, she took a step toward the door, holding both arms out for balance.

After five more steps, she took an extra-large one and fell against the wall next to the door. She did it!

Another howl split the air and this one sounded as if it was right outside the front door. She shuffled over to the window to look.

There it was. A lone wolf. Didn’t they travel in packs? Was it hurt? Why was it just sitting there? She scanned the area for Sas, but there was no sign of him. Did that mean the wolf was calling the rest of its pack to attack Sas? Why hadn’t she read up on wolves when she prepared for her trip instead of researching polar bears, seals and penguins?

Looking back at the door, she slowly slid toward it until it was within reach, except she couldn’t open it with her hand. She tried pushing the latch up with her elbow, but it wouldn’t budge. Shoot.

Seeing no other way, she bent her knees to get her shoulder under it, but they gave out beneath her and she slid to the floor. This was not good. She would have to shuffle over to the window so she could use the sill to prop her arms on it to pull herself up.

But if Sas was in trouble then she had to do it. With determination filling her gut, she started to move her ass along the wall. She’d just cleared the door when footsteps sounded on the steps.

Sas!

The door opened and he strode in. As soon as he closed the door, he stilled. “Angel?”

“I’m okay, I was just looking for you.” She gave him a meek smile, but since it was dark, he probably couldn’t tell.

He crouched next to her. “What happened?”

She raised one shoulder to her ear. “I heard the wolf and thought you might be hurt.”

He brushed his finger across her cheek. “You feared for me?”

“Of course I did. I was worried. It’s the middle of the night and you weren’t here and there’s a wolf howling out—Hey, how’d you get past the wolf? Didn’t he attack you?”

“I’m too big for Granddad. He was more concerned with warning the other wolf from encroaching on his territory. Let me return you to bed.”

She nodded, but he was already moving one arm under her knees and another behind her back. She looped one arm around his neck as he lifted her up. Now that was a squat deadlift if she’d ever seen one. “Is that the name you gave the wolf?”

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he placed her in the bed and pulled the quilt over her. “Yes.”

She grinned. She’d asked for that one-word answer. “Why did you name him that?”

He sat in the chair next to the bed. “Because he’s a grey wolf and grey is the color of wisdom and wisdom comes with age. I don’t know how old he is, but he’s been in this area for a few years.”

“I like that. I like that everyone here has names with stories behind them. How come you call me Angel?” Not that she was complaining. It was so close to her real name he may have looked at her license, but if he didn’t, she wanted to know her own story.

“I decline to answer.”

She stared at him even though he didn’t meet her gaze. Why would he decline to answer about the very nickname he’d given her?

He stood. “You need to sleep now.”

“Wait. Where did you go? Why weren’t you sleeping?”

He didn’t sigh, per se, but there was a relaxing of his shoulders as if he’d given up. “I had to relieve myself.”

“Oh.” She should have thought of that. Didn’t she look like an idiot now? Though to be fair, she may have thought of that if it wasn’t for the wolf howling right outside.

And the disturbing dream she had. What did it mean?

~~*~~

He finished field-dressing the deer he shot and packed it into his tarp. He’d been lucky to find one so close to the cabin. Ever since he found Angel, his life had changed for the better, even his hunting.

Her insistence on moving about the cabin to exercise had at first alarmed him, but as her strength returned, he felt better about leaving her alone for a few hours at a time the last couple of days as he supplemented his winter store of food.

She wanted to come outside, but it was too dangerous as her hands still had some concerning pockets of tissue that he couldn’t be sure would drop off. Any cold exposure would worsen the condition. However, he understood her need to breathe fresh air. Tonight, he would work on a fur hand-wrap, so she could come outside for brief periods.

Tying up the deer meat, he slung it over his shoulder and headed back toward the cabin. The fresh snowfall had made it easy to track the buck and with only a few inches of powder on the ground, the path wasn’t hard to follow.

He found his pace picking up as he drew closer. It was almost time for the midday meal, and he looked forward to their time together afterward. They’d replaced reading in the afternoons with intercourse, now his favorite time of the day. Angel’s body was an addiction that he catered to whole-heartedly.

He shook his head as he strode up the incline to the ledge where his cabin sat. He never expected to have the experience of mating. Now that he had, he wanted it as much as possible. He didn’t understand why she would want to have such intimate relations with him except that she didn’t know all there was to know.

His step slowed as the cabin came into view.

He hadn’t told her about his crimes. If she knew of them, she would turn away, maybe even runaway despite her condition. That he was immortal was of little concern. She would leave him long before that issue raised its torturous head.

He came to a stop, staring at the cabin, trying to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. He couldn’t imagine his life without Angel. No one had given him so much, her kindness, her caring, her body. She’d never know how much she’d meant to him.

Every night she asked him to sleep with her, but he claimed that he feared hurting her hands inadvertently, which was true, but his bigger concern was becoming used to her sleeping at his side. He had no hope that she would stay past the winter, and if she asked to leave, he had no choice but to help her. It was all part of what he hoped would bring him peace. He had to keep that enticement before him. Peace.

He started for the cabin, anxious to see her. He’d been gone almost two hours and he wanted to enjoy every second with Angel that he could. Quickly, he hung up the meat. He’d take care of it later, after she rested. Already, his body was anxious to feel her against him again.

The sound of a twig snapping halted his step. He looked to the west where the sound came from. Within seconds, the sound of boots in the new snow floated through the quiet landscape like a shot among the bird sounds to his sense of hearing. Disappointment sent irritation burning through his gut. Whoever it was, wasn’t welcome.

He waited. If he could, he’d keep them from coming inside, despite the hospitality requirement of the bush.

As Timber’s silhouette came into view, he sighed. Timber was the one person he couldn’t push aside. The man brought medicine for Angel and a shirt for himself and who knew what else as the man loved to “bargain” as he stated it. Timber would stay the night to rest before trudging home.

“Hey, Sas. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

The man’s antiquated greeting had him shaking his head. “I can think of at least a thousand other sights of much more interest, including the pine trees you just walked by.”

Timber chuckled. “You’re too literal, my friend.” The man walked up and hit him on the arm, looking at the tarp hanging from the nearby tree branch. “New meat?”

“Yes.”

“I have perfect timing, don’t I?”

“Yes.” Perfect for interrupting an enjoyable afternoon with Angel.

“So, are you going to invite me in, or do I need to invite myself?”

Crushing his honest reaction, he opened his arm toward the steps.

“Thank you. How’s your patient doing?”

He didn’t answer. Timber would discover that soon enough.

Before the older man could lift the latch, he reached around him and knocked. Yesterday, when he’d entered, he’d found Angel naked and sitting on the table, her decision to have intercourse immediately a pleasant surprise.

Timber glanced up at him, but didn’t open the door. “Is she moving around now?”

“Come in.” Angel’s voice from inside saved him from answering.

They entered to find her sitting on the couch, a book open on her lap. When she looked up and spotted Timber, she closed the book quickly, dropped her stick for turning pages, and jumped up to greet him.

He took the opportunity of Angel giving Timber a hug to see what she read. It was the book on making love to a woman he’d been re-reading again last night. He’d left it on the couch, anxious to head out before dawn. Just the thought of her reading it and looking at the photos had his cock growing hard inside his jeans. He re-shelved the book before turning around.

“It’s so good to see you.” Angel’s excitement at having Timber visit cut his own disappointment in half. If she wanted to be entertained by Timber’s stories, then he was a bit more pleased the man would stay.

“Look at you. You’re up and walking around. How did that happen?”

Angel stepped back toward him and wrapped her arm around his back. “This guy right here.” She looked up at him, happiness sparkling in her eyes before he moved his gaze to Timber.

“Well, I’ll be a muskrat’s mama. Who’d have thought the big man had it in him. Good job, Sas.”

He nodded before disengaging himself from Angel’s sweet embrace and moving to the older man. “I’ll help you with that.”

“Great.” Timber turned his back at the offer and slipped his arms from the straps of the large backpack.

He caught the heavy bag and set it on the table.

Angel came over. “That’s bulging. What do you have in there?”

Timber pulled out the chair and sat. “Uh-uh. Not until I wet my whistle. What do you say, Sas? Got anything for a thirsty man who’s been trudging through new snow all day?”

He moved to the kitchen and filled the tin cup with cold water. When he turned back to bring it to Timber, he found Angel had stacked the three back cushions from the couch on the floor and sat by the table.

Shaking his head, he brought Timber the cup then strode into his cave storage for the empty barrel and brought it back. Just as he set it down, she moved to get off the cushions and lost her balance.

He scooped her up before she could fall to the floor. “Careful.”

She looked at Timber. “See now why I’m doing so much better?”

Timber laughed. “Yes, I do.”

He set Angel on the barrel and returned the cushions to the couch.

“I brought you a special gift.” Timber unzipped his backpack and buried his hand inside.

Angel looked over Timber’s head at him and pushed out her lips as if she would kiss him. He frowned. There’d be no kissing with Timber around. Didn’t she realize he would stay the night?

Timber caught her attention as he pulled something from his sack.

“Oh, you sweetheart! How’d you know I love wine?” The older man’s cheeks turned pink at her words. She looked at him. “Look, we can have wine with dinner.”

“I don’t drink.”

Timber turned his head. “I know that. It’s all for her.”

She scooted off the barrel and gave Timber a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”

The older man grumbled something in return before burying his hands in his backpack again. “I almost forgot. I also picked this up for you.” The man held out a plastic package with a toothbrush.

She smiled sheepishly. “My breath’s that bad, huh?”

Timber vigorously shook his head. “Not at all. Actually, from your minty breath, I figured Sas had given you mint leaves and a twig.”

She looked back at him. “Can you put this by the bed for me?”

He strode forward and picked up the toothbrush, thankful to Timber for his thoughtfulness.

“I brought this for you, Sas.” Timber held up a blue and black plaid flannel shirt. “It was the largest size Grubber had.”

He took the shirt and held it against himself.

“You’ll look handsome in that. I think blue’s your color.” Angel’s face shone with animation.

Forcing his gaze from her, he nodded at Timber. “Thank you.” He folded the shirt and put it in his chest. “Were you able to find any pain medicine?”

Angel shook her head. “I don’t need any pain medicine. I’m doing so much better.”

He raised one eyebrow. “We need to change your bandages again tomorrow.”

Her smile disappeared, and he kicked himself for having reminded her of the pain he would cause her.

“Don’t worry.” Timber patted her arm to get her attention. “I was able to purchase a few pills.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” She gave the man a half-hearted smile.

“I would have been here sooner, but Sturge and Ginny asked me stay an extra day. Sturge needed some help with his roof.”

“What was wrong with it?” Angel’s interest was quickly diverted.

Timber shrugged. “Had a slight dent in it. A tree branch fell on it and we needed to repair it, otherwise ice might build up there and cause a leak come spring time. Usually, Ginny would help him, but with the newborn, she’s pretty busy.”

“She has a baby? Out here?” Angel glanced at him before returning her gaze to Timber.

Timber crinkled his nose. “Yes, and that boy has lungs on him. He woke up last night and wouldn’t go back to sleep. Crying his head off. That’s when I decided it was time to skedaddle, otherwise I wouldn’t have been here until dinner. Speaking of food…” Timber turned toward him, “isn’t it about time for lunch?”

“Yes.” He strode into the kitchen area and began preparations, listening to Timber and Angel’s conversation.

“Did she have her baby here?” Angel’s voice was filled with concern.

“No. She flew to Fairbanks. That’s the closest hospital. There’s an Inuit midwife, Frankie, in Savik that advised her on all that pre-birth stuff. After the birth, Ginny flew back with the baby. Sturge has a dogsled and team so it takes him a lot less time to get back and forth to Savik. It’s only half a day for them in the sled. They just bundled the tike up really well and got him home fast. That was in August, and it was probably in the low forties then anyway.”

“I didn’t realize there was another woman out here. Are there more besides Ginny and the midwife?”

“Oh, yeah. There’s probably about nine women in or around Savik.”

“Hmmm.” From the sound of Angel’s voice, she was thinking hard. “Are there any women there that you’re interested in?”

“Hell, no!” Timber paused. “Sorry about swearing, but I had myself enough of women down in the lower forty-eight. I came up here for peace and quiet. I don’t need no woman jabbering at me.”

“Sas, do I jabber at you?”

He turned to face her and noticed the gleam in her eyes. He wouldn’t say she jabbered, but she did talk a lot. “I decline to answer.”

Timber’s laughter filled the room. “Now that’s a phrase I need to start using.”

Angel grumbled. “Please don’t. I only insisted he use it because when he doesn’t want to answer me, he just doesn’t, leaving me waiting forever for an answer that’s not coming. To be honest, I prefer knowing there will be no answer so I can continue with the conversation.”

He saw Timber roll his eyes before he turned back to completing the meal preparation.

“Angel, sweetie. You do jabber, but I’m thinking that both Sas and I enjoy it.”

She sighed. “If I didn’t jabber, as you put it, it would be as silent as a graveyard in here. I like to think I’ve improved the atmosphere a bit.”

As far as he was concerned, she’d completely changed the entire feel of his cabin. He picked up the plate and the baking sheet and brought the sandwiches to the table. Handing one to Timber, he lifted the heavy backpack off it and set the plate before Angel.

She smiled up at him like he’d given her a gold nugget. “Thank you.”

Something in her eyes caught his attention and he forgot to look away.

“Sas, is something wrong?” As her brow lowered in concern, he recalled himself and moved his gaze to the food.

“No, just thinking.” About the look in your eyes. There was a tenderness in her gaze that wasn’t there before. When did that happen? Yesterday? The day before? Had their intercourse affected her as much as it had him?

His heart expanded within his chest. She cared about him even more than just being worried for his safety. They were connected now. Even as the idea formed, he was hesitant to accept it.

He picked up her sandwich and made her take a bite before she continued to chat with Timber. Her face, body and even arms moved with her conversation, her animation a refreshing change in his solitary life.

And he didn’t want to go back to the way it was before. She now meant more than simple redemption and peace to him. He wanted more. He wanted companionship and…love.

A new fear skittered up his spine—fear of rejection. It was actually an old fear born after Victor rejected him and later when Felix and Agatha rejected him. The pain was so debilitating that he’d avoided the possibility after that.

The saloon whore’s reaction to him had not hurt because it was expected and based on pure physical revulsion, but to have Angel react in a similar way—the constriction in his chest took his breath away.

She didn’t mind his scars. He breathed easier, the thought calming. That was the biggest hurdle, and she’d not even recognized them as the horror they were. That meant if she felt as strongly for him as he did for her…

He tore his gaze away from her as his feelings overwhelmed him. He loved her. He leaned against the support pole, the revelation so strong he lost his balance. He loved Angel. Somewhere between thinking of her as redemption, caring for her and intercourse with her, he’d fallen in love with her.

He tried to squash the burgeoning joy bubbling up from the depths of his soul. He didn’t deserve her. He was a monster inside and out. But his joy refused to be dampened.

He loved her. It was as if he’d lived beneath an unnatural solar eclipse for three hundred years, and finally the moon moved, revealing the true brightness of day to shine upon him. Never had he felt such happiness. This new feeling was more than hope. It was the realization of that hope. He wanted to run to the top of his mountain and shout out his elation.