CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Angel’s whispered words froze him, but it was the look in her wide, frightened eyes that sliced through his heart. She knew. She’d seen what he’d successfully hidden for the past nine years.

Still, he grasped at the happiness he’d experienced. “I love you.”

She shook her head as she jumped to her feet. “No. You aren’t human.” She backed up farther as he rose to his feet. “You really are a Sasquatch.”

He wanted to laugh at the absurdity, but the sound of Sturge’s dogs intruded.

“Sas! Angel! Are you all right?” The huskies barreled through the trees followed by the basket with Sturge, who pulled it to a stop. He looked at Angel. “I heard a scream and immediately turned around.” He turned to look at him. “Holy shit, Squatch! Did you tangle with a bear?”

Angel’s hysterical laughter at Sturge’s comment sent pain spasming through his chest. “Yeah, he did. And he won. Can you believe it?”

Sturge frowned at her. “There were shots.”

She nodded, still with a strange smile on her face. “I fired at the bear, in the air, on the ground to get him away.” She laughed again. “Silly me. I thought Sas would be killed.”

Sturge looked at him in confusion.

He rose to his feet. “She’s shaken.”

“Shaken? Oh, I’m more than that. I’m furious. I thought you…we even…oh, my, God.”

He took a step toward her.

“No! You stay away from me.” She turned to Sturge. “Take me to Savik. I’ll pay you whatever you want. Get you whatever you want.”

Sturge’s eyes rounded as he turned toward him.

In that moment, with her anger and disgust over all they’d shared spewing over him, he recognized the familiar burn of loathing deep inside his soul. He couldn’t speak. Angel’s horror too painful to allow words. He nodded to Sturge.

Angel hadn’t waited for his approval. She ran into the cabin and came out with her own coat in her arms. She handed it to Sturge to help her don it.

He wanted to step forward and push Sturge out of the way. That was his responsibility. He used his willpower to stay where he was.

Sturge instructed Angel on where to stand then he came back to him. “Are you okay?”

The man looked him over as if he could see the wounds that plagued him. They were far too deep to be observed or healed, but he felt them like a knife slicing through flesh. He nodded again, his gaze on Angel.

She kept her gaze averted. She could have been his repentance, his peace, but he’d overreached what fate had offered. He’d been greedy. Now would come his true punishment.

Sturge stepped behind Angel and grasped the handles of the sled. He looked at him one more time.

He couldn’t bear to see her taken away. He turned his back and walked toward the cabin.

“Mush!” One dog barked in reply and then the sound of the skates gliding over the snow filled the quiet mountainside.

He forced himself up the steps, the swishing of the sled already fading as it whisked through the trees, taking his heart with it.

~~*~~

As Sturge pulled the sled to a stop, Angela stared at the small outpost in shock, surprised by its condition. There were no more than six buildings, two of which looked in danger of falling down. The others were a mix of metal, wood and logs. The day was cloudy, making the settlement appear even more gloomy, which fit her just fine.

Sturge and Ginny had tried to make her comfortable on their couch overnight, but she’d tossed and turned, to the detriment of her hands. Her mind was restless, replaying the moments from the time she’d stumbled upon the bear to the moment when she’d discovered there was something otherworldly about Sas.

She should have known the perfect man couldn’t be a man. She shivered. She’d never believed in aliens or mutants or Sasquatch. Whatever Sas was, it wasn’t human and that freaked her out. That she had sex with him made her want to vomit.

But as soon as that feeling passed, her heart hurt. She’d loved him. Whatever he was, she’d fallen for him harder than any man she’d ever been with. His betrayal hurt far more because of that.

“Let’s get you inside Grubber’s. You aren’t dressed for our weather.” Sturge held his arm out toward what looked like a domed metal garage of some sort.

She nodded and started up the narrow path made by previous footsteps. Shoveling was probably a hopeless endeavor up here. Sturge opened the side door for her and she walked in.

Her first impression was it was warm and it was neat. Shelves upon shelves of food and supplies were set up in rows, stretching from where she stood to the other side of the structure.

To the left, the building went on forever and she could see a table and an empty chair near the end.

“This way.” Sturge lead her down one of the aisles toward the table.

Everything was neat, but definitely not organized. There were canned vegetables piled next to hammers next to soap next to motor oil. It was a hodgepodge of merchandise, most of it dented or scraped in some way.

As they emerged from the aisle, the space opened up with tables, chairs, and a whole array of furniture, like a furniture store, including beds as well as snowplow blades and a couple of appliances.

“Angie!”

At the sound of her nickname she turned. “Mikey?” Her heart melted as her brother strode toward her.

Her eyes filled with tears, and she ran into his hug.

He held her tight as she sobbed against him, her scare and heartbreak too new to hold in.

“Shh, you’re okay now. I’m here.” Her brother’s voice reminded her of normalcy, and she cried harder.

Would she ever know what normal was again?

When she’d finally spent all her tears, she wiped her nose with the sleeve of her parka and sniffed. “What are you doing here?”

“When you didn’t return any of my calls on your trip, I started to worry. After the first three weeks, I finally decided to call the tour office. They looked you up and said you had disembarked in Alaska but didn’t return. They weren’t particularly worried until they had the staff look in your room and they discovered you hadn’t taken anything with you.”

“I hadn’t planned to stay here.”

“I didn’t think so. I figured you more for a long North Pole visit, or at the least, Greenland.”

She gave her brother a weak smile. “You know me well.” Or at least the Angie she used to be. Right now, she wasn’t sure about anything.

“Come, let me introduce you to a few people.” Her brother turned her toward the Savik inhabitants gathered around a table.

As he made the introductions, she nodded and tried to smile, but she wasn’t making a good impression, especially by keeping her arms crossed to avoid shaking hands. Besides, she was having a hard time concentrating.

Her brother turned her toward a man about her height with a receding hairline, lively hazel eyes and a substantial tummy. “And this is Grubber, the owner of this place, and my host for the last few days.”

At that name, she found her focus. “It’s nice to meet you. You’re the one with a radio.” And the one who had the blue flannel shirt Timber procured for Sas. The one in tatters though his skin wasn’t.

Grubber nodded. “I am.” He held out his hand, ignoring her closed arms.

She gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I can’t shake your hand. I suffered severe frostbite.”

As soon as she said the words, the entire atmosphere changed. Lenny, a tall, thin man who was responsible for the electricity in the outpost, immediately stood and gave her his seat. MJ, short for Mary Jo, a woman her own age with pitch black curly hair and a weathered looking face insisted she needed a coffee, while her husband, Four-Point, a stocky man with a long beard and hair to match, grabbed a blanket from one of the couches and put it on her lap.

Her brother took MJ’s vacated chair. “I’ve never met such nice people. They’ll do anything for you. When the pilot comes back in a couple of days, we’ll get you to the closest hospital to have you checked out. In the meantime, you’ll be in good hands.”

I was in good hands. The thought came unbidden, and she pushed it away. “It’s so good to see you.”

Her brother smiled. His light brown hair had grown a bit longer since she’d seen him a few months ago, and he had a bit of scruff on his chin, but other than that he was the same. “You’re going to have to tell me all about your adventure, but let’s wait until we’re alone.”

“I have a feeling they’re all wondering, too. I might as well entertain everyone. It’s what’s expected up here.”

“Here you go.” MJ put a cup of steaming coffee down in front of her.

At the aroma, she started to salivate. “Hmm, that smells really good.”

MJ smiled. “I had a feeling you’d appreciate that. Sas doesn’t drink coffee and Sturge said he was headed here to pick some up for Ginny, so I figured you haven’t had any in a while.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat at the mention of Sas then looked at her brother. “Could you hold it for me?”

His eyes widened as he realized the extent of her handicap. “Of course.” He picked up the cup and brought it to her mouth.

The first sip burned her tongue as he wasn’t sure how far to tip it, but she didn’t say anything about that. “Hmmm, that’s wonderful.”

MJ waved her hand. “It’s just generic coffee. We can’t be too picky up here.”

Lenny pulled over two more chairs from another table, and Grubber grabbed a third to rest his foot on.

An older Inuit woman, Frankie, sat directly across from her. She looked as strong as Grubber and she raised her eyebrow. “So, ya gonna tell us how ya got frostbite?”

“Of course.” She smiled. Timber’s and Sturge’s storytelling had set the bar pretty high, so she had to make this one sound dramatic. She winked at her brother. “How about another sip of coffee before I start.”

His face tensed slightly, a telltale sign he was concerned, but he lifted the cup and she took another sip. The coffee was hot but not burning.

She made eye contact with each person at the table like Timber would do and started her tale.

She covered everything, exaggerating a little from her surprise at being confused by the direction of the sound in the mountains, to waking up and not being able to see, to meeting Timber. She left out all the personal moments and her relationship with Sas.

MJ patted her arm. “Sounds like you were well taken care of. Why did you come into Savik?”

She glanced at Sturge, hoping he wouldn’t say anything. She didn’t know what Sas was, but it wasn’t her place to expose him after all he had done for her. “Sas told me that the last flight before winter would be soon and that I need to have a doctor look over my hands.”

She swallowed hard before turning to her brother. “He told me I wouldn’t lose my hands, but parts might need to be removed.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll get you the best doctor there is in Fairbanks.” Her brother’s support was reassuring, but his worry was written all over his forehead.

Sturge stood. “I best be leaving, eh? I’ve got to be getting home to Ginny and Jamison. You take care of yourself Angel.”

She rose and gave him a hug. “Thank you for bringing me in. Tell Ginny I said thank you for the hospitality last night.”

“I will. Any message for Squatch?”

Shoot, she didn’t know what to say. “Yes, tell him to take care of himself and thank him again for all he did for me.”

Her brother stood up next to her. “And tell him for me that we will find a way to repay him.”

Sturge waved him off. “That’s not how we do things here. We just look out for each other. No payment required.”

Frankie slapped the table. “Not in paper dollars, but anything useful is certainly welcome.”

Sturge said his goodbyes and left. That seemed to be the signal for everyone to tend to their daily labors and soon she and Michael were left alone. They strolled toward a corner of the building near the bed he’d been sleeping in.

He stopped and faced her. “You made your adventure sound fun and exciting, but you came in here and broke in to tears. What didn’t you tell everyone?”

She should have known this was coming. “I didn’t fully appreciate my experience until just now when I retold it. I was very lucky.”

Michael shook his head. “That’s not all it was.”

“No, you’re right, but I’m not ready to talk about it now.” I’m not sure I ever will be.

Her brother nodded. “Okay, but once we’re in Fairbanks, I’d like to know everything.”

She didn’t respond, unwilling to make a promise she couldn’t keep. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to rest for a while. Sturge’s couch wasn’t very comfortable.”

Michael knew her well enough to recognize that she was avoiding the subject, but he also understood. “Grubber said I can have any bed, you just have to make it up. He keeps the spare sheets and blankets in his only armoire over there. You have to wonder how that huge piece of furniture got up here.”

She grinned. “You know if you ask, there’s bound to be a story.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” He chuckled. “I guess I’ll leave you to pick a bed. I can go down to Lenny’s and see what he’s working on. That man is a genius.” He started to walk away.

“Uh, Mikey?”

He stopped. “Yeah.”

She raised her wrapped hands. “Can you make my bed for me?”

His brows lowered in concern before he nodded.

As he made his way to the armoire, she chose a bed not far from her brother, but not right next to it. If she had another bad night, she didn’t want to bother him. And something told her, it would be another bad night.

~~*~~

He watched from a stand of pine trees at the end of the outpost, his gaze on Grubber’s place. Sturge would have brought Angel there.

He’d tried to stay in his cabin, but the need to be sure she was safe and cared for had been too strong. After stopping outside Sturge’s last night and hearing the man tell his wife Angel was in Savik with her brother, he’d continued on.

Looking at the light shadows on the snow, he estimated the time to be close to nine in the morning, but the dark twilight wouldn’t give way to daylight until almost noon.

Would she come out? Go to MJ’s or Frankie’s? He didn’t want her to. The cold was too much. The temperatures hadn’t risen to zero yet and with the day only a little over four hours long, if it reached five degrees, it would be a surprise.

Despite his wish that she not exit the building, he still scanned the area. If she did go outside, he didn’t want to miss her. To see her one more time even if she didn’t see him, to hear her speak again, was a craving inside he couldn’t deny.

Through the long night, he had paced with his anguish, his chest in so much pain he hoped it would end his existence, but he was doomed to suffer forever. He replayed the bear attack in his mind, trying to figure out what he could have done differently, but there was nothing.

At Angel’s scream, he’d run, not caring what had caused it, only determined to protect her. He didn’t even think as he rounded the corner and the grizzly stood before her. His burst of rage that the bear dared to threaten her filled him just like it had when Victor destroyed his female.

There had been no thought, only emotion and instinct—instinct to protect his new mate. That feeling remained.

He wanted to explain what happened, but every word combination fell flat in the view of her horrified expression when she realized his immortality. Once again, he wanted to shake his fist at fate, but it was a worthless gesture. His existence was one of punishment and pain.

He’d thought that before, but now he knew true torture.

The door to Grubber’s opened and Grubber himself strode across the main road to Lenny’s home on the other side. No one else had entered Grubber’s since night gave way to dark twilight, which meant Angel was inside…with her brother.

Even though he shouldn’t, he ran behind Four-Point’s home, keeping to the darkest shadows. If he could hide closer to where she was, he’d be able to hear her, if not see her. He waited, every sense sharpened by the adrenaline rushing through him and the pounding need in his heart to hear Angel.

All was silent. He ran behind Frankie’s home and crouched low. The woman’s hearing wasn’t perfect, but her eyes were sharp enough to hit a ten-point buck from two-hundred yards.

He could hear Grubber and Lenny talking in Lenny’s house, but he couldn’t make out their words. His heart raced as he sprinted behind Grubber’s building and inched his way along the back toward the corner where Grubber kept his beds.

Pressing his ear to the spot where the metal walls met, he listened.

At first all he heard were footsteps. Then a man’s voice broke the silence. “Do you want to buy anything from Grubber to take with you?”

He held his breath, his entire focus on who would answer.

“No. MJ said the plane is small. You flew in it. Is there much room?”

He closed his eyes as Angel’s voice came through clearly. It was like a soft snowfall on a crystal-clear ice ledge.

“Charlie has some storage space in the wings, but it’s not much.”

“I’ll wait until I’m in Fairbanks. I won’t even know what I’ll need until after we consult with a doctor.” Footsteps drew closer, far lighter than any man’s.

He took a deep breath, wanting more than ever to smell the mint scent that mixed with her skin perfectly, but the metal wall kept that from happening.

“Angie, I think you should prepare for the worst. This is backwoods country. It’s doubtful the care you received will save your hands.”

“You’re wrong.” Her quick, adamant answer pleased him. “Sas gave me the best care. The fact that I’m walking proves it because I had frostbitten feet, too. And don’t forget I’m alive despite hypothermia with no hospital in sight.”

His heart warmed, hearing her defense of him. Did that mean she still cared?

“I know you have total confidence in this man, this Sasquatch, but you need to face the facts. You may have Stockholm syndrome and are seeing your experience through brainwashing on his part.”

“Michael Jeremy Ellis. I do not have Stockholm Syndrome. I wasn’t kidnapped and held prisoner.”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean the one where the patient falls for the doctor.”

“I’m not having this conversation with you. Find another subject or I’m taking a walk.”

He opened his eyes. Angel’s tone of voice told him her brother had come too close to the truth. Was that what she felt for him, a false hero-worship? The term was erotomania. Their encounters had definitely been erotic.

Maybe she hadn’t loved him. His chest pain started again. It was one thing to lose the woman he loved, but to discover she never truly loved him was another pain all together.

“Angie, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” Her brother’s voice had softened. “You love him.”

“I did. Past tense. It’s a moot point anyway. After Fairbanks, I’m going home.”

Her admission sent a shot of joy through him only to be crushed by her next words. She didn’t want to see him again. She would leave and all he would have is the memory of her.

It wasn’t enough! He wanted her. He wanted her love. He’d felt the happiness that could be. Why had fate been so cruel? How much more was he supposed to accept? He’d spent three hundred years atoning for his crimes. When was it enough?

Now. The whisper from his heart filled him. He was done being controlled by his past actions. He would walk inside and make her listen to him. Make her see they were meant to be together.

Make her see that he wasn’t a monster.

Images of his past rose up before him. He was a monster and no matter how many lives he saved, he’d still be a monster. A monster who never died.

He fell to his knees as his eyes filled and he hung his head, defeated.

Michael’s voice broke into his misery. “Have you thought about what you want to do to thank him and these people? If I know you, it will be something special.”

“I have.” Angel’s voice sounded relieved to talk about something else. “I’m not sure how to make it happen though before spring, and I really don’t want to wait that long. I’ll figure it out.”

Her brother chuckled. “You always do.”

“You know, Mikey. You’re much more fun when not connected to the outside world. Maybe you need to take more vacations in secluded places.”

He could see her smile in his mind, a knowing gleam in her bright green eyes.

“Oh, no. Don’t start on me. I’m not the adventurer you are. You had me worried sick. No, thank you. Flying up here to the middle of nowhere is enough for me.”

Angel’s laugh flew through the walls and filled his heart.

He leaned against the cold metal wall. If all he could have was her voice now, he would capture every nuance for his memories. He remained there listening the rest of the day and into the night, even after she’d gone to bed.

Hearing her talk with her brother and the other Savik inhabitants reminded him of his first year of life, listening to Felix and Agatha and their family and friends, learning how to speak his first language and read his first words. Had his existence come full circle? Was there anything left to do?

He stood and placed his hand against the building, the frigid cold barely making an impression. Leaning his forehead against the metal, he whispered. “Goodbye, my Angel.” Taking a deep breath, blinking at the tears that threatened, he turned away.

As he ran through the trees for his cabin, the sky lit with the green of Angel’s eyes. In the darkness, he howled his anguish to the Northern Lights, but his soul knew no one cared.

~~*~~

The sound of a plane flying overhead woke him.

Angel!

Jumping to his feet from the couch, where he’d collapsed in the early morning hours, he ran to the door and threw it open. The plane flew westward toward Savik, toward Angel.

She would leave him forever today. She would step into that plane and leave his life. His entire body tensed at the knowledge.

He’d left Savik so he wouldn’t be tempted to say goodbye to her. If he saw her, he’d never let her go, holding on to her despite her hate and horror. What he had to hold on to was the memory of her smiles, her body and her beautiful heart.

He would never make it to Savik in time to watch her leave, but he had to see her. Closing the door behind him, he didn’t go west but turned northward as the reality of her leaving sank deep into his heart, stealing his breath.

Trying to escape the pain in his chest, he ran up his mountain. His anguish grew heavier even as the air became lighter. The snow was deep, but he pushed on, the need to see her one last time too strong to resist.

Crawling up a steep incline, he grasped at evergreen branches, pulling himself higher even when his feet slipped out from beneath him. Breaking through the tree line, the peak came into view.

His heart beat hard within his chest as if it wanted to escape his patchworked body and fly away with his Angel. The irony of her escape by plane wasn’t lost, and he barked out a disgusted laugh even as he crawled on all fours toward the summit.

Finally, he reached the ledge just below it and stood upright, his breath releasing small clouds that looked like smoke signals though he was sure there were no words or symbols in any language that could describe the torment inside him.

His eyes stung as the wind buffeted him, but he didn’t care. Just one last glimpse. He needed one more look at her face without the horror in her eyes. He took deep breaths, as much to slow his racing heart as to swallow the bile in his throat.

The sound of the airplane had him snapping his head westward. She would be flying by soon. He turned toward the final incline and scrambled up as fast as he could. When he reached the peak, he searched the horizon.

In the distance, he spotted the four-seater Cessna still ascending to flying altitude. Soon it would fly past him. She had to be on the northside of the aircraft. Seeing her face in the window would make it better. He had to believe that because to live the rest of eternity with such sharp pain would be pure agony. Far worse than anything he’d experienced in his entire existence.

He kept his gaze on the plane as it crept closer toward his mountain. It felt as if it flew slower than a salmon swimming upstream. He studied the windows, anxious for the sight of blonde hair and the face that had shown him what love was.

As it came closer and closer, he stared, on an emotional ledge that loomed before him, threatening to push him into an abyss he could never climb out of. The window came into clear focus. He watched, barely blinking.

She was there! His heart stumbled inside his chest at the view of her profile. Angel. Salvation. Love.

Suddenly, she snapped her face toward the window and one bandaged hand came up on the glass. She stared right at him.

Reaching up his arms, his soul screamed with pain at her forever-departure, destroying what was left of his heart.

Falling to his knees, he cried out one last time.

A-N-G-E-L!

As they took off from Savik, Angela ignored her brother’s attempts to engage her in conversation. She didn’t want to think. She didn’t doubt what she’d seen during the bear attack, but her heart still hurt at leaving Sas. Everything was confused from her thoughts to her emotions. She didn’t understand what had happened and pinned her hope for clarity on reaching home and returning to a normal life.

She had no idea what normal was anymore. Was there such a thing?

“What the hell?” The pilot’s voice penetrated her thoughts. “There’s a man on top of that mountain. He doesn’t even have a coat on. I better call this in. He’s got to have hypothermia.”

She snapped her head around to look outside. Even before she found the lone figure, she knew who it was. Her gut tied itself into a tight ball as she stared at Sas. Pressing her bandaged hand against the glass, she watched as he sank to his knees.

Tears tracked down her cheeks as her heart went out to him. She followed him, looking back, unwilling to lose sight of him, even as the plane banked south and wiped him from her view.

“This is Charlie. We need a rescue. I’ve got a man on top of Najak mountain. He’s suffering from extreme hypothermia. I don’t know how long he has. Copy?”

She spoke into her head set. “Call off the rescue. He’s just hot from climbing the mountain.”

“You know him?” Her brother looked at her.

She nodded. “Yes. That’s Sas. He does that a lot.”

“How can you be sure that’s Sas?” Charlie’s doubt was obvious.

“Because he makes his home on that mountain.” And he saved my life. Images of Sas feeding her, bathing her, making love to her, flitted across her mind.

“Rescue here. Where did you say the victim is?”

The pilot turned his head, moving the mouth piece away from his face. “Are you absolutely sure? Because if you’re not, you just sentenced Sas to die.”

But Sas couldn’t die because he wasn’t hu—“I’m absolutely sure.”

As the pilot called off the rescue, she closed her eyes and rested her head back against the seat. She didn’t want to think anymore. She just wanted to forget.

Thankfully, her brother didn’t try to talk to her all the way to Tavva. After they boarded another plane, they flew to Coldfoot. Each landing and take-off took her farther from Sas and closer to her life, but her heart was still up north. By the time they landed in Fairbanks, she was exhausted.

Michael got them to a hotel and immediately pulled out his phone. He was still on it as he let her into her room. After dropping her room key on the nightstand, he walked out.

She needed to call work herself, but she just didn’t care. Maybe after a nap, she’d feel better, back to her old self. She managed to take off the ski hat she’d bought at Grubber’s, but the zipper on her coat was another matter.

She looked around the room for something she could use. What she wouldn’t give for Sas’ page-turner stick. Sas would have made sure she was comfortable before leaving her. It was just the way he was wired.

But what was he made of? His guts pierced, his shoulder bitten but no blood anywhere and his skin sealed up. What was that? She shivered. Had she been sleeping with an alien? Or had she completely lost her mind?

Frustrated, she took the edge of her sleeve in her mouth and pulled, maneuvering her arm out. Once she had both arms free, she lay on the bed and scooted out of the coat. Pushing the coat off the bed, she lay on the bedspread and tried to go to sleep.

A half-hour later there was a knock at her door. “Come in.”

A key slid in the lock and the door opened. Michael strode in. “You’re being admitted to the hospital tomorrow morning. I’ve made all the arrangements.”

He was so proud of himself, so she didn’t argue. “That was fast.”

He sat on the corner of the bed. “Your condition is serious. They want to see you right away.” Michael looked away, a sure sign he was hiding something.

She licked her lips. “What aren’t you telling me?”

He stood again, walking to the window and opening the drapes. “You may have to stay there for a while.”

“I knew that.”

He turned and smiled. “Good, I wasn’t sure you realized that. Now, what would you like for dinner? I bet you’re just dying for something other than game meat.”

The way Sas had cooked, she’d loved all the wild meat she had. Why did he eat if he didn’t have to? Or did he?

“Angie?”

“What? Oh, dinner. I’d love some salmon.”

Michael looked at her oddly than shrugged. “Okay. I thought you’d be craving a pizza or something, but we can do salmon. I’ll call room service.”

As her brother made the call, her thoughts swirled with questions. Would the doctors be able to save her hands like Sas had promised or would she lose them? Would she ever travel again after her fiasco or would she play it safe? Would she ever see Sas again?