“And I don’t know if Rob will be working or not,” I said, gathering up my purse and prepping the lie I’d already thought up ahead of time. “He’s pretty busy with a big case.”

Kelly studied my face for a long moment before nodding and reaching across the console to give me a hug. “Well, Justin and I will be there with Abby so either way. It’ll be a big sleepover.”

I winked. “I don’t think you’ll be getting a lot of sleep.”

Justin was with the kids, and they’d been running around the backyard like maniacs when Kel and I had driven away two hours before.

“I’m considering this training for what’s to come,” she said.

I cupped her cheeks in my palms. “I love you.”

“That’s because I’m awesome.” She nudged me in the direction of the terminal. “Now, go. I’ll try not to burn dinner tomorrow.”

“How about you try not to burn anything?” I laughed, shook my head at her extended middle finger, and got out of the car. My suitcase was in the trunk so I retrieved it and with a wave to my sister, threw my purse over my shoulder, and headed inside.

I was flying out of the Salt Lake City airport, and it felt strange to be by myself. Strange in that it was easy.

I walked to the counter, waited in line, and checked my suitcase without once having to referee a fight or tell someone to keep their voice down. It was so quiet.

And honestly, I was torn between really liking it and feeling a little lonely.

My kids were awesome. I loved them to Jupiter and back.

Yes, they could drive me up a wall. Yes, it was nice to have quiet. But I also missed hanging out with them.

Not having them next to me made me realize just how isolating my life had become over the last few years.

I needed to make an effort to get out more, to reconnect with old friends. I’d been trailing in the wake of my life for so long, just trying to get through, just barely surviving the homework and after-school activities, Rob’s constantly changing hours, and the blog.

And what was the result?

I was lonely.

I had my kids. I had my sister and her family. But my life felt a little empty.

Well, that was going to change.

I was going to change.

I woke, eyes crusty and mind groggy at a voice blaring through speakers.

“. . . the plane is preparing for descent, please place your tray tables and seat backs in the upright position.”

Blinking, I shifted, stretching my sore neck and thinking it had been a lot easier to sleep on a plane when I’d been younger.

Though I’d only flown two times before—to my honeymoon with Rob and back.

Those times I’d had a warm chest to cuddle into, strong arms to keep me upright.

A flash of memory sparked to life in my mind. Crystal blue water and white sand. Hot, sticky air. Jerk chicken. Plantains. More spice than I’d ever experienced in my life.

And Rob.

Rob smiling down at me. Rob holding me close on the ocean’s edge, the bright orange sun fading into the horizon. Rob with eyes that softened as he looked at me.

The jar of the plane bumping against the tarmac pulled me out of my reverie.

Then came the taxiing to the gate, the long wait as the doors were opened and people filed off. I shuffled my way up the aisle like the rest of the cattle.

The airport air was stale. I wrinkled my nose as I made my way through the terminal and toward baggage claim.

Please let my knives have arrived in one piece.

I was wrinkled, my clothes rumpled and my hair no doubt sticking up in multiple directions. I needed a shower, a good bed, and about two days straight of sleep.

But since that wasn’t on the docket, I slipped into a bathroom, pulled out my makeup bag, and made the best of it. I brushed teeth and hair, fixed smudged eyeliner, and added lip gloss.

Taking a big breath, I focused on my reflection in the mirror, encouraging the fierceness in my pale brown eyes. I nodded once in approval, shoved my makeup bag into my purse, and marched toward baggage claim.

I had this.

I so did not have this.

I was ridiculously incompetent: fumbling with my knives, calling ingredients by the wrong names, and forgetting to wash my hands after handling raw chicken.

So freaking stupid.

I could do these recipes with my eyes closed, but I couldn’t apparently do them with the black, unfeeling eye of the camera fixed on me.

“I’m sorry,” I said as Tammy came over. “I’m nervous. I know I need to get it together.”

She smiled, but her gaze held concern. “Don’t worry. Nerves are totally normal.”

What was not normal, I was sure, was the amount of bungling I was accomplishing.

Stupid. So stupid. I was going to ruin my marriage and this opportunity in one shot.

“Why don’t you step outside and take a quick break? Call home, zone out for ten minutes. I’m going to have the studio cleaned up, and we’ll start again for a few more takes.”

I nodded and wiped my—now clean—hands on a towel. “Okay. Thanks.”

The studio I was in was on the third floor of a building somewhere in New York City. I said somewhere because I literally had no clue where I was, other than surrounded by skyscrapers, traffic, and chilled air tinged with the stink of too many cars and people.

New York was some people’s mojo, but it definitely wasn’t mine.

A car had picked me up from the airport and driven me straight to the studios, where I’d met several executives. That part had gone well. They were friendly and we’d had a good rapport.

Then had come the camera.

Staring at me.

I shuddered and pulled out my phone to call Kel.

At the last moment, I changed and called Rob.

I don’t know if it was because I was alone and he’d always been my rock. I don’t know if I was glutton for punishment. I don’t know if I just missed my husband and wanted any piece of him that he was willing to give.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

My heart clenched hard. I needed him and he wasn’t there. Again—

“Hello?”

My words caught in my throat, stifling my response.

“Miss? You there?”

For some idiotic reason, I nodded, though he couldn’t see me, and the lack of my answer made frustration radiate through the airwaves.

He sighed, and I heard a rustle, knew he was about to hang up.

“Rob,” I whispered, thinking it was too late, that it was too quiet, that he was already gone.

“Melissa.”

It was just my name in his voice, but it meant so much more. “Hey,” I said. “I just—”

“Needed me.”

My nerves slipped, the sadness slid away. Irritation flooded in instead.

“I don’t—”

“Melissa. I talked with Justin when I came home last night and Kelly was driving you to the airport.” His voice went a little harder. “Thanks for letting me know about the trip, by the way.”

“I told you I was going. Plus when were we supposed to chat?” I interjected. “You haven’t exactly—”

He ignored me. “I’m assuming you’ve arrived in New York and you’re second-guessing yourself. Every time that you do something out of your comfort zone you do this.”

“I—”

“You’re good enough, Miss. Trust that.”

I paused, letting the words wash over me, holding them close.

“If that’s it, then I need to go.”

I pursed my lips together. Throwing me a tiny bone, then right back to normal.

At least I knew where I stood.

“Thanks for the pep talk. It was—” I shook my head. ”You did your duty. I won’t bug you again.”

“Melis—”

Pressing that red circle felt good.

I turned my phone to silent when it rang again and stared at the lock screen as I rejected the call. Allie and Max had their arms around each other and were giggling like fools.

This is why I was here. So they could see me as enough. Not just their mom, not just a robot to clean up after them, a short order cook to make their meals.

I had value and—I closed my eyes, took a long inhale, and let it out slowly—I wanted them to see it.

I wanted Rob to see it.

I—

“Ready?”

Tammy smiled at me from the open doorway.

Slipping my phone into my pocket, I smiled back. “I’m ready.”