Chapter Ten
Once the last customer of the evening had departed, Kyle locked the oak door inlaid with beveled glass. Then he clicked off the lit-up sign in the front window that said, “The Black Sheep Bar and Restaurant” in a classy, scrolled design. The custom-ordered sign had been a surprise from Jade a few days ago. When he’d protested against such an expensive gift, she’d linked her arms around his neck and teasingly told him she could think of plenty of ways for him to repay her. Then she’d pulled his mouth down to hers for a shockingly brazen kiss that had instantly aroused him.
Not that it took much for him to want her. A look. A touch. The smell of peaches…
They’d ended up on the leather couch in his newly decorated office, so hungry and impatient for one another it was all he could do to shove her skirt up her thighs and strip off her panties. Freeing his straining erection had been a frustrating task; his fingers kept colliding with Jade’s eager attempts to help. But that first powerful thrust home had felt so incredibly good and right. Then the wildfire of sensation had spread through him to her, spinning them both out of control.
They’d had many incidents just like that over the past month, making love with an impatient, crazy urgency beyond anything he’d ever experienced. Yet there had been many tender moments, too, when they’d spent hours losing themselves in endless pleasure and new, erotic discoveries that made the fantasies in Jade’s journal pale in comparison.
Day by day, hour by hour, he fell deeper in love with her, and knew he wanted things with this woman he’d never dared dream of. Bonds and commitments that had eluded him his entire life.
And the secret he’d kept from her began to prey on his conscience.
The light touch of a hand on his arm pulled him back to the present. Turning, he caught Jade in his embrace. She went willingly, smiling up at him, her eyes bright with the same sense of satisfaction flowing through his veins.
“Didn’t I tell you the grand opening would be a success?” she asked, a bit of sass in her tone.
“No less than a hundred times,” he admitted, giving credit where it was due. She’d been reassuring him for the past week. He’d been convinced that he’d overburdened himself financially and that the establishment would flounder then sink, like so many businesses did these days, leaving him with a huge debt he’d never recover from. And then his family would have proof that he was just as reckless and irresponsible as they believed.
“Then maybe you ought to listen to me.” She twined her arms around his neck, causing his body to acknowledge the fact that she was braless beneath the sexy off-the-shoulder dress she wore. “I know my business, Kyle, and you know yours. Together we make a great team.”
In more than just business, he thought, giving in to the urge to smooth his hand over the silky skin of her back and press her closer.
“Besides, how can the new Black Sheep not be a success?” Her fingers tangled into the strands of hair falling over the collar of his shirt, and she subtly arched against him. “Just take a look at the place.”
Despite the fog of desire quickly stealing coherent thought, he glanced around them. The atmosphere was exactly what he’d envisioned—understated sophistication. Classy, yet warm and welcoming. The hardwood floors and walls gleamed, as did the refinished bar. All the booths and stools had been reupholstered, and the windows were now framed in valances that matched the ones in the restaurant. A deejay booth dominated a section of the lounge; earlier in the evening, the parquet dance floor had been packed as his new deejay played country-western tunes and encouraged the customers to party and have a good time.
And they had, to the point that when the bartender called for last rounds the revelers had been clearly, and vocally, disappointed. Jade had told him it was a sure sign that they would return, and probably bring their friends with them.
As he watched his employees clean up for the evening, he admitted he was even pleased with the uniforms, which he and his manager, Bruce, wore as well. The outfits were polished and crisp, yet casual enough to be comfortable.
“And judging by the two-hour wait to get into the restaurant and the positive comments I heard from everyone, I think The Black Sheep is going to blow Roxy’s right out of the water.” She skimmed her flattened palms over his shoulders and down the front of his shirt, then gave his tie a gentle, teasing tug. “Even my father was impressed with the place.”
His gaze fell to her mouth, so ripe and lush, just inches from his. His pulse quickened. His blood heated. With effort, he remembered the employees still present.
“It was nice of him and your mother to come,” he said, meaning it. Considering his own family didn’t even acknowledge his profession as respectable, he appreciated the unequivocal support of Jade’s family. “And Grey and Mariah, too.”
“I think they all like you.”
He wiggled his brows and effortlessly eased her into a dark, intimate corner near the door. Slipping a hand down to her bottom and giving it a provocative squeeze, he lowered his mouth close to hers. “What’s not to like?” he murmured.
Her light, husky laughter wrapped around him, as did the warm scent of peaches drifting from her skin. “I haven’t discovered that flaw yet. It seems that you, Kyle Stephens, are too good to be true.”
He’d meant to kiss her, good and long and deep, but the euphoria he’d been feeling moments ago waned with her adulation. Oh, he had flaws, the one weighing heaviest on his mind being deception about the journal. And it grew heavier every day. He was hardly the sterling white knight she was making him out to be.
Her fingers followed the line of his suspenders to the waistband of his slacks. “You know, there’s something incredibly sexy about you in a uniform,” she whispered in his ear. “You see, I’ve had this fantasy—”
He groaned and placed his fingers over her lips, knowing exactly what that fantasy was, and precisely how it ended—with the taste of Jade on her lover’s lips, and her body glistening and quivering with pleasure. That was a fantasy he’d gladly fulfill. Later.
He drew in a steadying breath that did little to ease the desire spiraling deep in his belly. The only thing that had the ability to satisfy that particular craving was sliding deep inside of Jade and hearing her sweet, breathless cries of abandon as her body contracted around his. Her passion, and his hunger for her, were limitless.
“Hold that thought, tiger,” he said, dragging his thumb across her bottom lip. “I’ve got at least another hour to close down the place. And if you don’t leave, I’m never going to get out of here, and my employees are going to be shocked by their boss’s sexual exploits.”
Minutes later they stood next to the driver’s side of Jade’s Miata. He opened the door for her, but she didn’t get inside the car.
She looked up at him, a tremulous, almost nervous smile on her lips. “I know it’s late, but how do you feel about coming by my place when you’re through here and we can have our own private celebration? I’ve got a surprise for you.”
Instinctively he knew she wasn’t talking about a tangible kind of gift. Beneath the street lamp, her hazel eyes shimmered with an emotion he’d only seen glimpses of since he’d told her he was in love with her. And even though he hadn’t pushed her to return the sentiment, he knew her feelings for him were just as strong. The soft way he caught her looking at him, the unabashed pleasure that lit her expression when they saw each other after a long day spent apart, and most telling, the way she gave herself so freely to him when they made love, told him more than the words he was waiting for.
And knowing she was falling in love with him made him feel like the richest man on earth, and as guilty as hell for using the journal of fantasies to seduce her.
“Well?” she prompted, a wealth of uncertainties in her voice.
He tucked a wispy cinnamon strand of hair behind her ear, and suddenly knew what he needed to do. “Sweetheart, I’d be out of my mind to refuse such an offer.”
This time, her smile was beatific. “I’ll be waiting,” she promised, then slipped into her sports car.
Kyle pushed his hands into the front pockets of his trousers, watching as she pulled out of the parking lot and drove away. Once her taillights were no longer in sight, he stared at the entrance to The Black Sheep, floating on the natural high that came with achieving recognition for all his hard work and efforts. He’d finally made it on his own. The pride that filled him was awesome, like nothing he’d ever experienced.
As a young boy he’d yearned for approval from a father whom he could never please, sought acceptance from a brother who saw him as competition for their father’s affection.
Those early years had shaped him into a rebellious teen, driven by a bitterness and anger that ran deep. Irresponsible, his father had branded him, yet it had been his father’s lack of support that had pushed him to such extremes.
It had been the marines that had disciplined him and given his life a new direction, saving him from drifting to the wrong side of the law. The service had given him the responsibility he’d been lacking, made him more respectful and accepting of the way things were.
Yet he still felt the emotional weight of past regrets, especially when he thought about his relationship with Christy, which he wished could be so much more than it was. It was those regrets that made him realize he didn’t want to risk losing what he shared with Jade…and the bright promise of a future with her.
He’d always found it easier to be a loner than let anyone close. He’d always believed he didn’t deserve the kind of love he’d longed for as a boy. As a grown man, he’d reconciled himself to being a bachelor.
That had been before Jade brought light where there had been only darkness. That was before he knew the depth of his need. Now he knew the richness of love. And he was selfish enough to want to wallow in it for the rest of his life.
The muscles in his belly clenched with apprehension for what lay ahead. He’d asked for Jade’s trust, and despite being badly burned in the past, she’d given it to him. If he expected her to ultimately trust him with her heart, with her love, then there was no room for secrets or lies between them.
It was time to give back the journal.
* * *
Slipping a silky robe over the short, sexy black negligee she’d donned for Kyle to discover later, Jade padded across her bedroom and opened the drapes and sliding door to let cool night air flow through the room. Across the courtyard, Kyle’s condo was dark. She intended for it to remain so for the rest of the night. After tonight’s seduction, she planned to wake up in the morning in his arms.
The wait for him was excruciating, made longer by her nervousness. It had taken her three years to open up and trust a man again, but then Kyle was no ordinary man. He was sexy and outrageously straightforward, and while his bold approach and determination had once unsettled her, it now excited her. He was kind, honest and extremely patient, considering most men would have given up on her long ago. It was as though they were connected somehow, on a level so intimate he could sense her fears and vulnerabilities, and some of her deepest secrets and desires, too.
It was inevitable that she fall in love with him. He’d become her fantasy man, in every way. Except Kyle was flesh and blood…and he loved her, an emotion her fantasy lover was incapable of. An emotion she longed to give, as well as receive.
Growing restless, she turned from the open door and roamed around her room, waiting to hear Kyle’s knock. Attempting to relax, she sat on the edge of her bed, closed her eyes, and imagined the night ahead as one of her fantasies. She wanted to be everything Kyle could ever want in a woman and in a lover. She wanted to show him, as well as tell him, what was in her heart.
A rustling sound from outside her balcony startled her. Her eyes flew open and she watched, transfixed, as a dark figure pulled himself up along the wrought-iron railing, then effortlessly leapt over it onto the terrace.
He appeared from the shadows of the balcony, the silvery cast of moonlight silhouetting his tall, lean build… The old fantasy played through her mind, and she blinked twice to make sure she wasn’t imagining things. Then the figure started forward, reaching for the screen door and sliding it open.
Good God, this was no illusion or fantasy but an intruder! With a scream lodged in her throat, she turned and scrambled across the bed, grabbing for the cordless phone to call for help as she tumbled off the other end of the mattress. She gained her footing and headed for the bedroom door.
“Jade, it’s me, Kyle,” a familiar voice said urgently.
She whirled around, adrenaline pumping through her veins. With the dim light from the nightstand she could see that it was Kyle, though there were enough similarities, in coloring and build, it could have been her fantasy lover, too. Standing there, he seemed so imposing. So sexy. And incredibly real. He still wore his shirt, slacks and suspenders, and he was carrying a beige canvas knapsack.
“Dammit, Kyle, you scared me to death sneaking in that way!” She replaced the phone in the unit, still feeling a little shaken.
“You didn’t seem frightened,” he said, his voice deep and mesmerizing. “Not at first. You looked as though you were expecting someone to come that way. Were you?”
The accuracy of his observation unnerved her. How could he have known? “That’s ridiculous.”
“Were you waiting for me?” He stepped more fully into the light, allowing her to see the purposeful gleam in his eyes. “Thinking of me?”
She shook off her unease, dismissing the coincidences between fantasy and reality. Determined to remain in control of tonight’s celebration, she rounded the bed and slowly approached him. “Yes, I was waiting for you, thinking of you.”
“And what were you thinking?” he asked huskily.
“How much I want you.” She untied the sash on her robe, gave her shoulders a slight shrug, and let the slippery material slide down her arms and flutter to the floor. “How much I need you.”
Kyle’s mouth went dry as he stared at the sheer black negligee she wore, unable to overlook the fact that she wore no panties. The sight was erotic enough to distract him from his original purpose.
Reaching him, she drew a finger up his arm and around his neck, slowly circling him. From behind, she murmured into his ear, “Do you want me?”
A giant shudder of need wracked his body. He’d always been the aggressor, but tonight she radiated a sexy confidence he was hard-pressed to discourage. Her shameless approach turned him on, made him anticipate what was to come. “There isn’t a minute that goes by that I don’t.”
She stood in front of him, a soft, provocative smile on her lips as she began unknotting his tie, then slid it from his collar and dropped it carelessly on the floor. Then she pushed his suspenders down his arms and began working on the buttons on his shirt. He was so mesmerized by her feminine prowess, it was all he could do to keep breathing steadily.
She pulled the tail ends from his slacks, then smoothed her cool, flattened palms down his chest, his taut belly, to the black leather belt cinching his waist. Though her gaze held his, she worked the buckle quickly and efficiently. “Remember that surprise I have for you?”
“Yeah.” His voice was rough with arousal, rich with need.
Her hazel eyes filled with an emotion so intense and brilliant his heart gave a distinct thump in his chest. “I love you, Kyle Stephens,” she said. “More than I believed possible.”
He groaned at her sweet, guileless declaration, and the ease in which she pushed his slacks and boxers over his hips and down his legs. Before he had time to assimilate her intent, her hand wrapped around his erection, warm and snug and coaxing.
A hiss of breath escaped him, and he squeezed his eyes shut. His fingers tightened around the leather straps of the knapsack he still held in his hand, forcing him to remember his honorable intentions for this evening. No easy feat considering his body had a different agenda than his head. “Jade…we need to talk.”
“Later,” she said, just as her hot, wet mouth glanced off his hip, his thigh… Then her tongue curled around him, silky soft and shockingly adept.
Instinctively his body surged forward. A harsh sound of defeat rumbled in his chest as the incredible pleasure of her mouth wiped out all rational thought and reason. Dropping the sack which held her journal, he buried his fingers in her hair. Later, he decided, so turned on by Jade’s boldness there was nothing he could do but surrender.
Somehow he managed to toe off his shoes. Jade discarded the rest of his clothing, her lips leaving no bared part of him uncharted. When he was finally naked, she stood, giving him one of the sexiest openmouthed kisses he’d ever had the pleasure of receiving. Without breaking the kiss, she pushed him back toward the bed until his legs hit the edge. The pressure of her hands on his chest was unrelenting, and he fell onto the mattress. She was right there with him, crawling on top of him, her moist heat dampening his skin as she sat astride his belly.
His breathing became labored. Wanting her as naked as he, he grasped the hem of her negligee and skimmed it up her thighs with trembling hands.
She shook her head and uttered, “No,” then caught his wrists and pinned them at the sides of his head. Their position brought her breasts just inches from his face, and he took advantage of the offering. He nuzzled the softness, cursed the sheer material, but didn’t let it hinder his exploration. His tongue flicked over a nipple, suckled her deep into his mouth.
She gasped and sat up, releasing his hands. Her expression softened with unabashed need and desire as she grabbed handfuls of the translucent material of her gown and slowly drew it up her thighs.
“Watch,” she whispered, teasing him with the same command he’d used the first time they’d made love and he’d made her watch him strip off her panties.
It would have taken a major catastrophe for him to pry his eyes from her. She peeled the negligee over her head and tossed it aside. His gaze took in her supple, lean curves, her butterfly tattoo that seemed to flutter with each quivering breath, and the length of her firm legs straddling him. She was exquisite, her wildness and confidence lending her a sexiness that made his body tingle in excitement and anticipation.
Leaning over him and grazing his chest with the tips of her breasts, she kissed his jaw, his neck, sliding her bottom lower, until his thickened erection encountered wet silk and slick heat. Lower still and he slid into the tight sheath of her body, a flawless fit. Flexing her thighs against his hips, she sat up and arched into him, burying the length of him to the hilt.
Their mutual groans of gratification filled the dim room. Masculine instinct urged him to touch her, but he refrained from that particular temptation. This was her seduction. And being at Jade’s mercy, he realized, was awesomely fulfilling. Through heavy-lidded eyes, he watched as she rode him, rocking against him. Slowly. Rhythmically. Sinuously.
Then she looked down and met his gaze. A sultry smile curved her mouth. Her golden-green eyes glowed with heat, passion…and love. It was a wondrous, overwhelming feeling being on the receiving end of such emotion, and it was that reverence, that total trust, that sent him over the edge. With a mighty groan he gave himself over to the breathless pleasure, let her take him places he’d never been before. Places he’d merely dreamed existed.
At length, the tempest ended and she lay wrapped in his embrace all sleepy warm and replete. When she whispered in his ear that she loved him, he prayed she’d still feel the same once he came clean with her.
* * *
Jade stepped from the bathroom after taking a hot morning shower, expecting to find Kyle in bed sleeping, where she’d left him half an hour ago. He was gone, but the sounds from the kitchen and the smell of fresh coffee assured her he hadn’t snuck out.
Not that she expected him to, she thought as she chose a casual summer dress from her closet and slipped it over her head. Several times last night he’d told her they needed to talk, but she hadn’t been in a chatting kind of mood. Much to her delight, Kyle had been easily distracted and extremely accommodating of the erotic requests and wicked fantasies she’d whispered in his ear. Making love with Kyle would never be boring, not when they complemented one another so perfectly. Not when he seemed to know exactly what she wanted, what she needed, even before she did.
This morning, however, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated and hopelessly in love, she was actually anticipating their discussion. Their relationship had evolved beyond a casual affair into something more intimate and wondrous. And for the first time in years she’d begun to think of the possibility of marriage and a family of her own, and wondered how Kyle felt about those things.
Smiling at the possibilities, she picked up his scattered clothes from the floor, folded them, and put them on her dresser. She bent to retrieve his belt, caught sight of the knapsack he’d brought with him last night, and picked that up, too. Expecting something light, like a change of clothes, the bulkiness she encountered caught her by surprise. Curiosity roused, she unsnapped the front closure, opened the flap, and reached inside the canvas tote.
She frowned as her fingers slid over a smooth surface, then closed around the binding of a book. Unable to understand why Kyle would bring over a book, hidden in a knapsack no less, she pulled it out.
And froze. The knapsack slipped from her hand and dropped to the floor as she stared at the burgundy bound journal that looked exactly like the one she’d been missing. The back of her neck tingled in apprehension, disbelief clashing with the awful, growing suspicion.
Denial was not powerful enough to stop her from opening the front cover. Her name, written inside, confirmed the horrible, devastating truth.
The journal was hers. And Kyle had had it in his possession.
A low, painful moan escaped her. She began to tremble, the unbearable quaking starting deep inside her soul and working its way outward, making her hand shake uncontrollably. Reeling from the knowledge, she thought about the various times Kyle had seduced her, about the similarities between those times together and her fantasies, about how he’d seemed to know her so well. Her intimate thoughts. Her most personal, private secrets.
She felt exposed. Naked. And betrayed.
She drew in a ragged breath that caught sharply in her throat. Their relationship, his love, was all a lie. She’d been nothing more than a challenge to Kyle, one he’d conquered with such incredible ease. Through her fantasies he’d controlled her responses and influenced her emotions. And she’d fallen for his ploy. For him. For the second time in her life she’d played the fool to a man. She’d trusted his word and her judgment, only to discover that when it came to men, her perception of who they were missed the mark by a mile. Would she never learn?
Humiliation burned through her veins, hot and molten. She hated herself for not seeing the obvious, for not figuring out the truth by listening to that niggling voice inside her head. But she hated Kyle more for taking advantage of her and her journal of fantasies. She held fast to that glimmer of anger until the demoralizing feeling within her faded, crystalizing into a blazing fury.
Her body snapped taut, ready to do battle. This time, she was going to be in control of how this farce of a relationship ended.
“Coffee’s ready, tiger,” Kyle said from behind her as he came into her bedroom. “You interested in a cup?”
Jade didn’t think, just reacted in a purely emotional manner. Whirling around, she closed the short distance separating them and slapped him across the face, hard enough to make his head snap to the side and her palm sting. “You son of a bitch,” she said vehemently. “How could you do something so vile and despicable?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer; then again he looked too stunned by her greeting to speak. She took advantage of his silence to vent her rage. “But then maybe that’s the problem. You don’t have any morals, do you? You were just out for a good time and I became an easy target.”
Absently he touched his flaming cheek with light fingertips. “What are you talking about?” he asked, though his low voice was fringed with enough caution that Jade suspected he already knew what she was referring to.
“This.” She lifted the incriminating evidence, resisting the urge to bash the book over his goddamned gorgeous head. “Look familiar? It’s a personal, private journal of fantasies, Kyle. My fantasies. And look,” she said in mock surprise as she opened the cover and shoved it so close to his face he went cross-eyed. “It even has my name in it, so someone honest could return it before it got into the wrong hands.”
He pushed the book away and met her gaze, a muscle in his jaw tightening. There was something in his eyes—regret? Surely not, she thought bitterly. Someone who calculated such a depraved scheme couldn’t be capable of such an emotion.
“Jade—”
“Where did you get it?” she asked abruptly, not wanting to hear lies and flimsy excuses. “I want the truth, if you’re able to give me at least that.”
Her insult wasn’t lost on him. “It was in the box of books I bought at the yard sale.”
Somehow she’d known, even though her mind had tossed out that likelihood because she hadn’t wanted to accept the possibility. In a tight, aching voice she asked, “Did you know the journal was in the box before you bought the books?”
He hesitated, his whole body taut and defensive, though the denial she expected never formulated. “Yes.”
She turned away, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to block the pain ripping her insides to shreds. So, his pursuit had been deliberate, spurred by her most intimate fantasies. And like someone desperate for attention, starved for affection, she’d succumbed to his scheme.
She shuddered to realize how incredibly naive she’d been. Again.
“Jade, I’d like a chance to explain.”
She spun back around, shooting him an incredulous look. “What’s there to explain?” she asked, tossing the journal onto the rumpled bed. “Besides the fact that you used my fantasies to exploit me, physically and emotionally?”
If she hadn’t been staring so intently at his face while issuing her challenge, she would have missed the way he’d winced at her cutting words. “When I first discovered your journal, I saw it as an opportunity to get to know you better.”
“It was an invasion of privacy!” she said, her voice shrill to her own ears. “You took those fantasies and twisted them into your own sick, perverted versions.”
He jammed his hands on his hips, his fingers biting into the waistband of his boxer shorts. And then he had the gall to glare at her. “It was never like that!”
“Wasn’t it?” she cried in outrage. The injustice was hers, dammit, and she wasn’t about to relinquish it to him. “What about the night at the pool? Or the incident in your office with the peaches? And then there was the time you whispered in my ear, ‘put your hands on the table and keep them there,’ and then proceeded to imitate a fantasy I’d written. Oh, and let’s not forget your romantic adventure, and you bathing me in a very familiar way.” Her face burned with the humiliating memories, the way she’d openly responded to him. Accepted him. Trusted him. And gradually fallen in love with him.
It was all a ruse.
She jerked her chin up mutinously. “Did you or did you not buy my journal with the intention of using the fantasies to seduce me?”
His chest rose and fell on a harsh breath. His gaze was bright with self-condemnation, but the silent acknowledgment wasn’t enough for her. She was hurting, the sting of betrayal making her ruthless.
“Dammit, answer me!” she said furiously. “Did you?”
“Yes,” he hissed, the admission forced from him reluctantly. He clawed his fingers through his hair, the gesture filled with frustration. “I did, at first. It all seemed innocent enough—”
She gaped at him. “You call manipulating someone’s emotions innocent? Tell me, did you read my fantasies and feel sorry for me? Am I some kind of charity case you decided to take pity on? Poor Jade, she’s so uptight she’s got to write fantasies instead of finding herself a real man,” she mocked.
Blue eyes blazing with indignation, he caught her by the shoulders and gave her a firm shake. “For Christ’s sake, Jade, I never felt sorry for you! I was attracted to you, and although I knew you were attracted to me, too, you never let your guard down long enough to give me a chance. Then I found your journal, and I began to understand why you were so cautious. Your fantasies were safe, a way for you to escape without the threat of being hurt. Those fantasies allowed me to get close enough to discover who the real Jade was.”
Embarrassed that he’d seen so much in her journal entries, she shrugged off his touch. “And in the meantime, you had great fun playing fantasy lover, didn’t you?” At her emotional expense. “Tell me, did you enjoy messing with my head, confusing reality and fantasy? Just last night you came into my bedroom through my balcony, just like a fantasy I’d written! And you brought my journal with you. Were you hoping we could snuggle under the covers and read it together?” she asked sarcastically.
He took her barbed words with grace and admirable calm. “I came over last night with every intention of giving back the journal.”
Her face warmed as she recalled how she’d distracted him, and what a fool she’d made of herself by telling him she loved him. “And your great noble gesture was supposed to make everything you’ve done okay?” Certainly he didn’t think she was that guileless. Or forgiving.
“No, it wasn’t,” he said succinctly. Finding his folded clothes on her dresser, he grabbed his slacks and yanked them on, his gaze never leaving her face. “But did it ever occur to you that if I hadn’t brought over that journal, you never would have known I had it?” He let that realization sink in while zipping up his pants and fastening the button. “I didn’t have to give it back, Jade. I could have held on to it, or thrown it away, and you never would have known. It was my choice to give it back.”
She didn’t want to give him the chance to redeem himself, but she found she couldn’t keep from asking the all-important question: “So why did you?”
He approached her, his expression tenacious, and though every instinct urged her to step away, she found she couldn’t. He framed her face in his hands, his grasp gentle as he tilted her chin up, leaving her no choice but to look deeply into his eyes. She saw a wealth of regret, too much warmth and caring, and a need for her understanding she resolutely ignored.
“Why did I decide to give back the journal?” he said, repeating her question. “Because when I fell in love with you, I realized what I did was wrong, and I didn’t want the deception between us.”
She didn’t want to believe him, didn’t want to fall for more lies. No, she wanted to hurt him the same way she was hurting. “Guilt is a pretty powerful emotion, isn’t it?” From what she knew, it had been driving him for seventeen years.
He looked taken aback by her low blow, but recovered in the next instant. “Yeah, it is,” he said gruffly. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life I’m not proud of, and more things I regret. That’s why I see the importance of being totally honest with you.”
She smirked. “By doing the responsible thing?”
“Yes.” His mouth tightened into a grim line. “Goddammit, Jade, I don’t want to lose you!”
“And I’d be stupid to believe you!” Needing space, she shoved away from him, but before she could put any distance between them he grabbed her arm and whirled her back around.
“Believe this,” he said fiercely. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you, Jade.”
To her horror, she felt tears burn the back of her throat. She wrenched her arm from his grasp and embraced her furious emotions. “You have a hell of a way of showing it. Or was that just a game to you, too? Fulfill my fantasies, tell me you love me and then see if I’ll be grateful enough, stupid enough, to declare undying devotion in return?”
Anger flashed in his eyes, turning them to a steely shade of blue. “I’ll admit I never expected to fall in love with you, but I’ve never lied about my feelings for you. Not once.”
“I did,” she said hurtfully, bitterly. “I don’t love you. I hate you.” Feeling raw and torn inside, she wrapped her arms around her middle, wanting to let the awful tension within her unravel, but not in front of Kyle. There’d be plenty of time for that later, when she was alone. “I trusted you, and you betrayed me in the worst way possible.”
She watched him struggle with the truth of that statement, but there was no way he could refute the fact that he had taken advantage of her. “Jade,” he implored, stepping toward her once again.
She backed away, holding up her hand as if the gesture alone would keep him at bay. “I don’t want to hear any more,” she choked out, damning the tears that now filled her eyes. “Just leave me alone. You had your fun, and I’ll admit the sex was fantastic, but I guess I’m not cut out for a no-strings-attached affair.”
He didn’t argue, though it appeared it took effort to restrain himself. “I’ll go, for now,” he relented, swiping up the rest of his clothes.
Without another word, he left, closing the front door after him. She leaned against the wall for support, but her shaking legs gave out anyway. Sliding to the floor, she buried her face in her hands and gave in to the sobs she’d been holding back. The raw pain erupted within her, clawing at her heart until she feared nothing was left.
Oh, God. She’d succeeded. She’d maintained control of the situation. She’d ended her relationship with Kyle with dignity. So why did she feel as though she’d lost everything that mattered to her?