Chapter Sixteen
Daisy had expected she’d feel more buoyant as the day went on. Exhilarated even. But it had been frustrating to see, once again, her plan for proving her self-sufficiency go awry when Jack jumped in, as if it were necessary to come to the rescue. It had put a damper on the whole day.
Which was why, despite Jack’s attempts to draw her into conversation tonight, she was struggling to engage. She was mad—no, furious—and was trying to cool that temper before she attempted to discuss it with him, barely picking at the dinner Aggie had prepared for them.
She wished Lily were here instead of at her friend’s for a sleepover, or even her kids, despite how excited they were that their aunt Benny and soon-to-be uncle Henry were having a sleepover. Anyone to help ease the strain in the conversation.
“Are you enjoying your dinner?” Jack asked, glancing down at her half-consumed plate of food.
“It’s delicious—and rich. I’m afraid I couldn’t take another bite.”
“Good. Because I have a surprise for you tonight, and I don’t think I can wait another moment.”
“A surprise?” she asked uncertainly.
Jack’s easy manner was gone and he seemed almost nervous as he took her hand, led her though the house, and out to the patio that was washed in the soft glow from the fading sun. Lovely, made even more so by the fairy lights strung around the posts of the pergola out by the pool and tea lights floating on little lily pads on the surface of the water.
Her breath caught as she admired all the work he’d done. “It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you. Although I can’t take all the credit. Lily and Aggie both spent the greater part of an hour helping me put all this together.” He pulled her to the pergola where a small café table was set with wine and a covered dish that he lifted with flair. “Mini chocolate-filled cakes, something of a specialty of Aggie’s.”
“They look so pretty,” she said, admiring the perfectly shaped cakes that, knowing Aggie, would taste as good as they looked.
Jack pulled her chair out and she slid onto the seat before he took the seat next to her and poured them a glass of wine. “Now. Are you going to finally tell me what’s bothering you?”
It would be so much easier if she could swallow her anger and frustration, choosing to bask in the warmth of the delicious food, the exquisite view, and the attention in Jack’s light blue eyes, and just tell him she was fine.
But the shadow and disappointment of earlier today was a permanent cloud over her and something she needed to clear up.
“About today…” She took another drink of wine before setting it down and taking a breath. “You knew how I’ve spent nearly every night this week working on those forms. How this is something I’ve wanted for so long, that I want to be a part of every step in the process. So, knowing all this, why would you ask your accountant to go behind my back and try to do everything for me?”
He at least had the decency to drop his gaze, appearing somewhat contrite. “I’m sorry, Daisy. It’s just…well, I know how much this loan means to you and I wanted to make sure that everything ran as smoothly as possible to move things along. Like I said before, Mark is an expert at preparing the documents needed and it wasn’t putting him out to—”
“So even though I distinctly asked you just a week ago to stop interfering in decisions that affect me without my permission, you took it upon yourself to do exactly that? On something I’ve stressed that I want to do on my own?” She felt tears of anger and frustration rise in her eyes, and she blinked them back.
“I realize you want to do this on your own, that you want to do everything on your own. And I’ve been trying to wrap my head around that because for me, when you care about someone, it seems natural to do what you can to help them when they’re struggling. What’s wrong with asking for or accepting a little help every once in a while?”
Because that’s not what she did. Not anymore. Maybe not ever. But that was beside the point. She’d already made things clear that he couldn’t just jump in whenever the mood struck him when she was perfectly capable of doing things herself.
Instead of yelling all of this at him, she worked on keeping her tone even and calm. “But I didn’t ask for your help. You just did it, once again, without caring whether I wanted it.”
He didn’t look any more convinced, only more confused, if anything. But he took a moment, as if reminding himself of something before he tried again. “We’re going around in circles on this, Daisy. And maybe I know why.” He paused. “You’ve been doing everything by yourself these past two years, and you’re still not sure whether I’m going to be like Leo and up and walk out on you, leaving you to put your life together again.
“I know we talked about this briefly before we left Tahoe,” he continued. “But I want to be clear because the next few months are bound to be crazy and chaotic and it’s going to be more difficult to spend time together than I’d like. I don’t want you ever to think in those times we’re away from each other that my feelings for you are any less.” He reached forward and took her hand in both of his, studying it as he worked through what he wanted to say. “There are going to be obstacles along the way, rough times that test us, but through it all, I need you to know that I love you.”
He…loved her.
Daisy didn’t know what she’d expected him to say, but a profession of love was nowhere on the list of possibilities. And even though she hadn’t said the words out loud before and she was still furious at him for what he’d done today, she couldn’t deny the truth of what she felt.
“I love you, too, Jack.”
He smiled, his hands squeezing hers again, before he took a deep breath. “Then I don’t see why in the coming days we shouldn’t see our way through those good times and tough times as—as husband and wife. Let me comfort you now, take care of you, love you, help you through good times and bad. Daisy, I want to be married to you.” He held her hand up to the light so the engagement ring caught the light. “I want this to actually mean what it’s meant to mean. What I’m trying to ask is…will you marry me?”
Was he actually proposing to her? Like a formal proposal of marriage?
She shook her head in disbelief. “Jack, I—”
She what? She tried to find words. Words that expressed how much she wanted to be able to say yes, to put all her doubts and concerns aside and just take that leap.
But there were still so many things they needed to work out before she’d ever be able to take that step. After all…she’d been here before. Taken the leap, despite the red flags, with disastrous results.
And unlike then, it wasn’t just her that she had to think about.
That realization seemed to bolster her decision. “I can’t, Jack.”
His face, so bright and hopeful before, sank, and it was like a stab to her heart. She rushed to explain.
“It’s not that I don’t love you. I would never have said it unless I meant it, and I do. But you realize that tonight is the first time either of us have actually said the words aloud. There’s still so much we don’t know about each other. I mean, I haven’t even met your dad yet. Let’s put things in perspective for a minute, Jack. We only met three weeks ago. You do not get engaged to someone after knowing them for only three weeks.”
“Is that it then? Because I understand that, I do. But just because the timetable isn’t what people expect doesn’t make it any less right. I know that this is insane, that we barely know each other, but in so many ways, I feel like I’ve always known you. And I know that whether it’s now or in three months, three years, or even three decades, I’m still going to want to marry you, Daisy.”
She looked down at where his hands held hers, his fingers caressing her skin. His words were perfect. Everything she could want him to say.
“It’s not that simple. Ever since I met you, Jack, I’ve been terrified. Terrified by the feelings for you that overwhelmed me at times, terrified that those feelings would lead me to lose control of my life again. All the things you’ve done, like giving me a brand-new car, offering to swing me a loan until the bakery takes off, or even what happened today at the bank… I know you did it because you’re trying to make my life easier. But it feels like I lose something of myself when you do. I’ve been down this road. I’ve let myself be wrapped up in another person, let them take the reins of my life, and when he left, my whole world fell apart.”
“This isn’t the same, Daisy. I’m not like Leo. I love that you are independent and strong. That you want to do things on your own. I’m not trying to take that away from you.”
“But that’s what you’ve done,” she said and pulled her hand from his, her frustration rising again. “Swooping in at every turn to try and save the day has left me feeling almost helpless. Or at least that’s how it has felt the past few days.”
“You’re saying you can’t marry me because I want to help you, take care of you, make your life and the kids’ lives better?” He sounded almost incredulous.
“I’m saying that right now…I can’t promise forever. Not yet. It’s just far too soon for me to make that kind of commitment. Not when we have so much to still work on.”
Where was all this even coming from? She was angry again, at herself and at him, for putting her in this position right now. This proposal, tonight of all nights, just seemed so premature in light of where there relationship was.
“Why now, Jack? What’s the sudden urgency? I mean, why can’t we just continue as we are, figuring things out, learning about each other as we go, like people do in a regular relationship—how I thought we’d agreed to take things when we left Tahoe just one week ago.”
He hesitated. “I’m not going to lie to you. It’s been mentioned recently that pushing our engagement in the spotlight could help propel my popularity in the polls…”
It felt like someone kicked her in the stomach, but she didn’t flinch, didn’t even move as he continued.
“…Not that I would ever let the campaign dictate something as big as this, but it did get me thinking. About how certain I am that I want you and the kids in my life. Because things aren’t going to get any easier in the next few months, but I don’t want you to have any doubts as to my commitment to you and this relationship.”
Pretty words following an ugly admission. She needed to be sure she understood. “So if your campaign wasn’t an issue would you be asking me to make this huge decision tonight?”
He hesitated again, seeming to struggle for the correct response. But she’d heard enough.
She stood, pushing away from the table. She didn’t know where she was going, but she knew she needed to move, to get some feeling back in her legs, her arms, her fingers since everything was feeling so numb.
“Daisy,” he called behind her, his pace steady with hers. “Hold up. Please.”
She whirled around. Unable to look him in the eyes, she focused on the pulse beating in his neck. Her self-doubt, anger, and pain threatened to overcome her. “Right now, I just need to get away, get some air, some time to breathe. Figure out if any of this has been real or if it was all part of some big publicity stunt.”
He looked like she’d slapped him. “You really think I would put you, your kids, my daughter through any of this just for a campaign stunt?”
“Well, that’s what this all started out as, didn’t it? A stunt in exchange for your cosigning my loan?” She pressed her hand to her head, trying to sort through everything she was thinking, was feeling. “I don’t know about anything, Jack. Not anymore. But I know that I can’t move forward with you on the loan. It wouldn’t be right.”
He nodded tersely, his usually light and brilliant eyes now cloudy and dark. “I’m sorry you think I could ever do something like playing on your emotions just to win an election. Maybe you’re right. About this being too soon for us. If you think so little of me, I’m not surprised you would say no.”
She’d hurt him, and she hated that. But she didn’t regret voicing her doubts.
This whole fake engagement thing was supposed to be the solution to their problems. Only now, it seemed to have made everything more complicated.
It was as if, from the moment he’d placed that ring on her finger, she’d suckered herself into believing that this fairy tale was actually real, despite knowing they came from two completely different worlds.
But just because you wanted something to happen doesn’t mean it could.
Her fingers rolled over the edge of her ring for a moment, as if memorizing the feeling of it, before she slowly pulled it off. She held it out to him. “This doesn’t belong to me.”
Jack didn’t respond immediately, his gaze on the ring held in her hand, almost stunned by the implication. Then slowly, he reached out and took it, and when he lifted his gaze to hers, the darkness and pain in their depths was almost too much to take.
“All right,” he said finally. “But let’s be clear about something. Everything that I’ve tried to give you, I don’t do it because I’m trying to take away your independence or your self worth. I give them to you because I love you and want to help take care of you. That’s what people do when they love someone. They take care of each other. They’re partners in every way. But I can see that you’re never going to let me be truly be your partner, and nothing I can do or say will change that.”
It sounded all so final and she took a step back, suddenly needing space. Needing air in her lungs that were gasping for breath. “I’m going to go. I need to go.”
He didn’t look as if he had any fight in him as he stared at her listlessly, nodding again, and she turned around, willing her legs to move one step at a time toward the door and her car beyond.
They’d created this bubble these past few days and weeks that had just started to show cracks—big, giant, canyon-size cracks. Cracks that, knowing what she knew about both of them, about their temperament, weren’t likely to ever heal.
And even though she knew she’d made the right call, it didn’t mean that, for a moment, she wished she had taken that leap and accepted his proposal. Just said yes, trusting that things would work out. That maybe her life really could be a fairy tale.
For a little while anyway.
…
Jack stood there long after Daisy left, her ring a heavy weight in his hand.
What the hell just happened?
This was not how he envisioned tonight going when he first set out to plan it two short days ago.
For a moment, his hand clenched over the ring, a ring that once had signified so much hope and that now felt like a lie. Trickery. Made him see things that maybe were never there.
The pain was sharp and in an irrational and pointless move, he threw it across the room, the sound of it bouncing off the wall and falling to the floor echoing. Taunting him.
He sank to the couch, remembering her accusation. That he could be someone so calculating as to manipulate people’s feelings all to suit his campaign.
It had been a hard blow then and it still hurt now.
Better just rip the Band-Aid off now. Accept there wasn’t a fairy tale to tell.