Chapter Nineteen
Jack took the fishing gear and cooler full of snacks out of the back of the Suburban early Saturday morning. He nodded to his security entourage before following Lily down the rocky path to the fishing spot they used before she developed an aversion to the sport.
Lily usually balked at the prospect of fishing with her old man, but this past week, she’d seemed to sense that he needed a little more coddling, more understanding, and had suggested they spend the morning together fishing.
Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he’d made the arrangements last night. Besides connecting with his daughter, he hoped that it would help him take his mind off where they originally had planned to be this fine morning—with Daisy and the kids at Benny’s wedding.
Finding the large rock, they set their poles down and baited their hooks—live bait for him, but a simple fly for Lily since she refused to touch the slimy critters. After a few minutes of casting their lines, they settled into a comfortable silence.
Like so many times during the week, his thoughts turned to Daisy.
When they ended things last week, it had felt like the only solution at the time. They wanted and expected different things from each other, and he didn’t see how that was ever going to change. Yes, it was going to hurt like hell losing her, but probably better to go through that pain now than months down the road when things only became more complicated for everyone.
Only, as the days passed, he found it impossible to focus on anything that didn’t bring her to the foremost of his mind. And even though remembering even the little things about her only made her absence all the more acute, Jack couldn’t seem to stop himself.
There were the easy things to miss, of course, like the way her hair felt, heavy and silky in his hands, or the way her dark eyes shined impishly when she teased him, her lips curling up into a sly grin.
The way she smelled of almost everything she baked, like vanilla or cinnamon, lemon and berries, intermixed with just a hint of her own distinct, sweet, familiar scent.
He missed the challenges she set out for herself on a daily basis, whether trying a new blend of spices, hiking in skunk-infested mountains, or jumping off into the unknown either on a zip line or in a new business venture.
And he missed the way she felt when he pulled her close so her head tucked just under his chin, or how her lips felt when he caressed them with his own.
“Dad?” Lily asked next to him. “Do you think we’re going to see Daisy and everyone again? I kind of miss them.”
It was as if he could read her thoughts—uh, well, most of them. “I miss them, too. Immensely.”
“Then how come we don’t just go see them? You don’t think she’s still mad at you, do you?”
He was stuck for a minute, because she made it sound so simple. Just go and say hi.
“I don’t know, Lil. I think that, right now, we all need some time.”
“Have you told her you were sorry? That you didn’t mean to mess things up with whatever idiotic thing you did?”
Idiotic thing? That’s right. It had been easier to say that rather than try to come up with any other kind of a solution. Not that it wasn’t far from the truth, now that he had the luxury of a few days to consider everything he could have done differently.
Like not pushing. Not being afraid that if he didn’t do everything he could for her that he might lose her.
He glanced back at his daughter, realizing she was still waiting. “Not yet.”
“Why not? Aren’t you sorry?”
It all came back around to that—whether he was sorry to get involved in Daisy’s life. Was he sorry that he tried to help her? No. Not at all. Was he sorry that he might have been a touch heavy-handed in giving her the help he thought she needed?
Maybe a little. Okay, maybe a lot more than that.
But it was hard to sit back and watch the person you loved struggling, knowing that you could do something to help if they’d only let you.
God, he wished Lara was here so he could talk to her about this.
When she got sick, he’d told himself that he wanted to help, that he would take some time if he needed to be there to support her, even though he had just gotten on the city council and the demands were heavily weighing on his time. No one thought that things were that serious. The prognosis was optimistic. So when she refused to let him take any time away from his council duties, he’d maybe, quite possibly, been relieved.
She’d be okay, he told himself. She’d come around and there was no sense pulling back from something they both wanted, the policy and community outreach they both believed in.
But then she didn’t improve and things escalated so quickly that before he knew it, she was gone. And what he should have done, could have done for her, no matter how little, was too late.
His gut wrenched as it usually did when the guilt hit him. He should have done everything within his power to be there for her. Even if it was just sitting next to her during her treatments.
That was why it was so hard for him now to see Daisy struggle, knowing he could easily help her. Of course he realized the situations were different. Daisy wasn’t dying. She didn’t have some hidden disease that was going to sneak in and steal her away from him. But it didn’t make him feel that sense of helplessness any less.
So yes, he did lay it on a little thick. Maybe the car was too much. And so was having his accountant take on everything that Daisy wanted to do herself.
Could he learn to temper his eagerness more? If Daisy said no, refused his help, would he be okay with that?
To have her in his life? Of course.
And just because she wanted to do things on her own didn’t mean he risked losing her. He would still be present in other ways.
That’s what she needed. To be assured that he would be there, even if silently, to give her support.
He set his rod down. She’d pushed him away and he’d let her.
But not anymore. Not again. He would just have to show her that he wanted to be there—not only for her but her kids, too.
Those kids didn’t have a dad who made them feel like he wanted to be present in their lives. If the guy couldn’t meet his obligations, then Jack sure intended to—even though he didn’t consider it an obligation so much as a pleasure.
If she said no, he’d be okay. He at least had to try. And try again if he had to until he convinced her.
He glanced at his watch. They’d be on their way to the church right now. He should be with them. He’d made a promise to Paul, to the girls, that he’d be there to give them his silent confidence as they took part in the wedding.
He’d be there for Daisy, too, if she let him.
“Lily. I think there’s somewhere else that we should be right now. Someone I have a bit of an apology to make to. Actually, maybe two people I owe an apology to.”
Instead of looking disappointed, Lily’s face broke into a blinding smile. “Dad? Would you mind if maybe I didn’t go fishing with you next time? It’s kind of a little too quiet and boring for me.”
He laughed, seeming to remember once saying the same thing to his old man a long time ago. “Sure thing.”
Because sometimes the whole point wasn’t being there when you wanted to be, but being there when they were ready to have you.
…
“You look stunning,” Daisy said in a near whisper as she stared at her baby sister.
Although Benny had always been the tomboy of the two, preferring jeans and oversize pants, and later scrubs, to anything remotely feminine—at least until she met Henry—today she stood resplendent in her vintage twenties-style wedding dress.
Simple in its lines, the cream-colored sleeveless V-neck dress had a lovely overlay of lace and beads, cinched with a slim belt at the waist, that fell gracefully down to swish around Benny’s ankles. To match the quiet but simple elegance of the dress, Benny’s hair was a mass of dark curls pinned up in the back, with only a simple white flower—a ranunculus—to adorn it.
“I don’t think I can quite believe it’s me,” Benny said, staring into the mirror.
Daisy laughed. “I certainly hope so. Henry would be sorely disappointed it weren’t.”
Her sister turned and smiled. “You look lovely, too. I’m just sorry…” she trailed off, but both of them knew what she had been leading to.
“Don’t be. I’m happy for you and for Henry and there’s nowhere I’d rather be than watching you two say I do.”
“Champagne?” Payton asked from their left, handing both a glass of the bubbly.
Kate and Henry’s sister, Morgan, appeared next to her, having been preoccupied trying to get the cork out of the bottle for the past couple of minutes. They all were uniquely beautiful, dressed in the various bright-colored bridesmaid dresses of the same style—fuchsia for Daisy, poppy-red for Payton, and a vibrant deep-hued orange for Kate—all colors that Benny said reminded her of a bright, happy summer bouquet.
“I want to toast, too,” Henry’s five-year-old niece Ella said from a chair across the room. With her light blond hair and blue eyes highlighted by the bright citrus yellow flower girl dress, she was going to be a hit when she went down the aisle.
“Me, too!” Natalie said, who, along with Jenna and Paul, were watching the preparations unfold. Her girls, the junior bridesmaids as Benny called them, were just as sweet looking in matching dresses, their hair swept up in simple updos that had them preening as they looked at themselves.
Paul seemed less excited to be with all the women, impatient now for his mom to finish so she could take him to find his uncles, where they’d hopefully help him with that tie.
“I expected you would. How about some sparkling cider instead,” Morgan, said, grabbing the bottle that seven-month-pregnant Payton had opened to celebrate the occasion.
By the time Daisy’s parents came into the room, glasses were nearly empty from the round of toasts they’d given, but their spirits were high. They beamed with pride as they stared at their youngest daughter, and Daisy swallowed another lump in her throat, remembering how she’d robbed them of this moment more than ten years ago. No, robbed herself, too.
“Can we go now?” Paul asked, tugging at her hand. “I’m bored.”
“Yeah. Let’s go find your uncles,” she said. With Kate and Payton offering to keep an eye on the girls, Daisy led Paul down the hall to where the groom and his groomsmen were getting ready.
There was a faint scent of incense in the air, something old and familiar and almost comforting. Ahead of them, the boisterous sounds of men laughing assured her she was nearly there.
“Paul!”
The voice came from behind them, and Daisy froze as she recognized it. She turned, not really believing it, but there she was. Lily. Alongside her dad, who was smiling warmly at her.
Dios mio.
She felt lightheaded, her breaths shallow as they drew nearer, and she clutched Paul’s hand as if it were an anchor.
He looked so good. Not just because he filled out the lines of that gray suit so well, or because his dark sandy brown hair waved back perfectly from his brow. But because the sight of him instilled in her a sense of strength, security, and…warmth. And she knew that if she let him, his arms would wrap around her, taking away all her worry and sadness. And she’d feel…complete.
But she didn’t go to him. Didn’t hold her arms out. She couldn’t.
She could barely hold his gaze, as the butterflies in her belly swished and fluttered. “What—what are you two doing here?” she asked after what felt like forever as she’d tried to find her voice.
“I believe I promised this guy”—Jack bent down to look Paul in the eye—“a tutorial on the fine art of tying a bow tie.”
Paul released her hand and in a flash, had his arm thrown around Jack’s neck. “I thought you’d forgotten.”
The uncomfortable heat of tears rose behind her eyes but she worked to keep them back as she watched her son with the man who had only come into their lives a few short weeks before.
“Of course I didn’t forget. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be here sooner,” Jack said, looking up to meet Daisy’s gaze.
Was he implying something more?
“Mom, can Jack come back to the room with me instead?” Paul asked almost wistfully. “It’s supposed to be boys only.”
Daisy bit her lip, not sure what Jack’s intentions were, not daring to hope. “I don’t know, honey. I’m not sure whether Jack can—”
“I’d be honored, Paul. That is, if it’s okay with you,” he said, watching Daisy.
She nodded, still feeling thunderstruck. “Lily, would you like to come and hang out with me and the girls until the ceremony starts?”
Lily looked to her dad first, who nodded. “I’ll get us a spot in the church in a few minutes. You can find me, okay?”
“I’m sure one of us can get her safely to you,” Daisy said. She felt so torn right now. Still angry and hurt by what had happened between them, but also not wanting to see him leave again. Drawing comfort in his presence. Which was totally and completely not very independent-minded.
She watched for a moment as Paul easily slipped his hand into Jack’s, and they walked down the hall together. The lump in her throat was making it impossible to swallow.
Then, guiding Lily, she retraced her steps back to the bridal party. The diverging emotions that battled inside were confusing and terrifying, and she only wanted to find some dark corner to try and process them all.
But Daisy couldn’t afford to lose it now. If she started crying—whether from frustration, sadness, happiness, or maybe, just maybe, even hope—she might not ever stop.
And today was only a day for happy tears.
…
The strain of Pachelbel’s Canon filled the quiet stillness of the church as Daisy watched Morgan, then Kate, and finally Payton make their way down the aisle and up to the altar. She nodded to Jenna and Natalie who followed next, Jenna’s shoulders tight with nerves, Natalie grinning and happy to have the attention for the moment.
Then it was her turn, and with a last glance to her sister standing alongside their dad and Paul and Ella, Daisy headed down. She smiled through tears—happy tears, even if a little bittersweet—as she met the faces of her family and friends who’d piled into the beautiful church to see her sister’s big day.
Near the front, she sensed him before she saw Jack, only daring to meet his gaze for a flash before pulling away. She caught her mom’s gaze and smiled, then her aunt’s, whose own attention was split between the events going on around her and baby Marianne sleeping soundly in her arms. And finally, she was at the front, and smiling now to Henry and her brothers next to him. She found her place and waited for Benny to make her much awaited entrance.
The wedding march played and little Ella, clutching her basket of flowers, took the first step down the aisle, her focus on dropping each petal down as they’d practiced at rehearsal last night. She saw Paul sigh impatiently and fidget, until finally it was his turn and he strutted down.
Then it was time for the bride. Her sister was beaming so brightly it was almost blinding, as her radiant blue eyes focused only on her groom, Henry, who wiped away something that looked suspiciously like a tear. She caught Dominic and Cruz exchange grins, probably because they’d bet the groom just last night he’d do that very thing.
While the ceremony unfolded over the next twenty minutes, Daisy couldn’t keep her eyes from her baby sister. A dedicated doctor who had always known what she wanted since she was a kid and never strayed from her path. A funny and loving woman who deserved every happiness.
Daisy eyed her future brother-in-law, happy to see the love shining in his eyes as he stared at Benny, and she knew no one could ever love her more.
They were going to be forever.
For whatever reason, her eyes swept the faces in the pews until she found the one she’d been purposely avoiding until now. He was studying her, his face so solemn, and her heart pounded harder in her chest, her face flushed and hot.
Even after their harsh words, she couldn’t deny that she still loved him. Loved him and wanted more than anything for this to work. But doubts always shoved their way in.
Familiar doubts. Of losing herself in him. Of losing control of her life. Of the crushing disappointment that would follow if it didn’t work out. To her and her kids.
But then again…he was here. Now.
He didn’t have to be. But he’d made a promise to her son. And like he’d proven to her many times, he was a man of his word.
A man who wanted to be there for her and her kids even though she kept pushing him away.
Her throat constricted again as she remembered how nervous Paul had been about today. How when Jack could have disappeared just like Leo, he’d been there. And she wondered at Paul’s eager acceptance of this man into his life even though his own dad had disappointed him over and over.
He had taken a risk on Jack.
She looked over to her brothers who were smiling secretly at their wives, remembering how Kate and Payton had tried to tell her that sometimes it was okay to rely on another person to help you. A person you loved. But she’d stubbornly resisted.
Sure, she’d taken steps this week by letting each of her siblings help her with getting her new catering business off the ground, something she’d have felt too guilty to do before. And she’d discovered that, in allowing them to help her, she hadn’t felt robbed of the chance to do it herself, but rather sharing the experience had only made her prouder. Of herself and them.
Maybe by letting Jack in, giving him the chance to help, wouldn’t rob her of her identity. Her independence. After all, she’d proven more times than she could count these past two years that she was strong, independent, and that she could do everything by herself.
The difference now was that even though she knew she could, with Jack by her side…she didn’t have to.
It had only been a few weeks, which seemed crazy to think that anyone could find someone they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with in such a short amount of time.
But she was becoming more and more convinced that he was the only man she wanted to spend her life with. She wanted to offer him comfort and love and support, just as…just as he wanted to do for her.
The sudden need to go to Jack and tell him that she was ready to let him in was overwhelming. He’d asked her to take that leap with him, and she was finally ready.
And although she was happy to listen to her sister promise the words of forever to her groom, Daisy was almost impatient for it to be over so she could get to Jack and tell him everything she was feeling.
The crush as she and the other bridesmaids reached the vestibule was disorienting, and she scanned the small area, trying to find Jack’s tall form somewhere in the group. She spotted her kids, laughing at some trick their uncle Dominic was showing them, she saw Benny and Henry slipping away to the back with the priest where they would formally sign the wedding license—something she needed to be following to witness.
But no Jack. No Lily.
Knowing she was pushing her luck, she went outside to the front of the church, hoping to see that they’d gone out for fresh air. But there was only the trickle of the guests chatting among themselves.
From the corner of her eyes she spotted a dark Suburban, the tinted windows making it impossible to see inside, and she waved her hands in the hope that someone might see her and stop. Only, it didn’t stop, instead turning at the corner past the church, continuing on.
He was gone.
Hope that was high and buoyant just moments ago, was now dashed in a swell of disappointment.
She’d lost the moment. And she might have lost Jack.
Her gaze dropped down to the small bouquet still in her hands. Earlier she’d marveled at its beauty, beauty that was now blurred by the sheen of tears in her eyes.
She blinked, trying to focus.
Because beyond the blossoms of the flowers, she was almost certain she was staring at a pair of dark dress shoes. Men’s dress shoes.
Despite the heat of the sun, she shivered, knowing what she was going to see when she looked up.
Jack was there. Smiling. He hadn’t left after all.