CHAPTER 11
Her arms aching, Allie hurried through her house to the laundry room off the kitchen, then set down the heavy plastic basket full of soaking-wet bedding.
It was just her luck that Gage’s dryer decided to blitz out on her when she still had three loads of his laundry left to do that day. Until Mrs. Jensen had a chance to send her son over to take a look at the blasted thing, Allie would just have to cart everything over to her own place to use her dryer—either that or she could hang it all up to snap and blow in the June sunshine.
As if she needed one more thing to worry about. Her blood glucose levels were being wacky, she hadn’t slept well the night before and she’d nearly had a heart attack earlier that morning on the way back from the grocery store when a police officer had followed her for six blocks.
The squad car had eventually pulled off onto a side street, but her pulse still hadn’t settled down. If she couldn’t manage to somehow develop a tougher skin and stop panicking at every little thing, she would never survive life on the run.
And if she didn’t hurry here, she would never get through the laundry, she chided herself. Sighing at her own paranoia, she removed the load of towels she had thrown in the dryer the night before then quickly transferred Gage’s linens inside.
She had left Anna and Gaby playing in his backyard and she didn’t want to be away from them for too long. Still, she decided she had time to fold that batch of towels rather than leave them on top of the dryer. That would be one less thing she had to do later that night when she and the girls returned back to their own house.
Except for that day’s near encounter with the Park City police officer, things were going quite well, she reminded herself. She had nothing to complain about.
Working for Gage really was a perfect situation in nearly every way, almost like working from home, since she was close enough to run over here if she needed anything—if the girls ran out of toys or she needed to run a test strip or, like now, she just needed to run over and toss a load of clothes into the dryer.
Gaby and Anna had settled into a routine where they played together outside or watched a video in the morning, then went to the park with Jessica Farmer and her younger siblings for a few hours in the afternoon.
They loved those times with friends but also seemed to be basking in the extra time and attention Allie was able to give them in the mornings. It would be hard on them all when this little idyll ended.
Not exactly an idyll, she corrected herself. Maybe it would be if not for Gage and her tangle of feelings for him. But she was coming to care for him far too much, and it scared her worse than any Park City police officer tailing her in a squad car.
Their conversation the day before hadn’t helped matters. She thought of his reluctantly shared revelations about his sister’s kidnapping and the guilt he still carried inside him, more than twenty years later. Sadness flooded through her again just remembering it. No child should have to cope with that burden of shame and culpability.
Why hadn’t his parents sensed what he was feeling? They should have insisted on counseling of some sort for both Gage and his brother to help them cope with the tragedy and their own loss.
Did his mother truly look at him with blame in her eyes when they were together, as he said? She couldn’t imagine it. What loving mother could encumber her son with such a millstone?
She didn’t even know his parents, probably never would, but for a moment she wanted to find them and give them both a good, hard shake. They should have done more to reach out to their son so he wouldn’t still be carrying this heavy load into adulthood.
Of course, it was easy from the outside to pass judgment on what had happened more than two decades ago. How could she presume to know the hell his parents had gone through?
Gage said they had divorced and gone their separate ways shortly after his sister disappeared. Obviously, the stress and grief of losing their youngest child had been more than their fractured family unit could survive. Somehow his complicated feelings about his sister’s disappearance had slipped through the cracks of their broken home.
What he had told her did much to explain his prickly exterior. Of course he would be impatient and frustrated by his injuries and the inaction that had been forced upon him.
For a man so passionate, so dedicated to his career—and to atoning for the mistakes he believed he had made—finding himself at loose ends must chafe terribly.
She wasn’t sure if she liked being able to see past his thorniness to the man inside. Knowing and understanding what drove him only showed her what a good, decent, caring man he was.
Oh, she was in trouble. She cared about him far too deeply already. Allie folded the last towel and blew out a breath. She was afraid to use a word like love—how could she love a man she had only known for a few weeks? It seemed impossible, wholly inconceivable.
But she couldn’t deny the burgeoning strength of her own emotions. How could she, when they seemed so wonderfully familiar?
She and Jaime had shared a deep, satisfying love for five years. When he died, she thought she would never know those feelings again. It terrified her to find them fluttering to fledgling life inside her again—and for a hard, callous man like Gage McKinnon, someone so very different from her gentle, lighthearted Jaime.
When the time came to move on with the girls, how would she be able to avoid having to nurse a broken heart along the way? She didn’t see any way around it. A broken heart was all she would receive from Gage McKinnon. All she could receive.
She could see no good outcome. How could there be anything but heartache and pain? Any way their time together ended, it would end badly. Either she would be forced to run again, leaving him without a word, or Gage would discover she was a fugitive.
He would hate her for deceiving him these past few weeks!
She sensed he was a man who didn’t give his trust easily. It had taken a huge measure of trust for him to confide in her the day before about his sister, something she sensed he didn’t tell many people. If he found out how unworthy she was of that trust, he would be livid.
She had lied about her identity, about her past, about everything. She had no doubt that Gage was not the sort who would be quick to forgive such a betrayal.
On the other hand, if—when?—she was forced to flee with the girls, her abrupt disappearance would likely make him confused and angry.
What a tangled mess. She supposed one of the first rules of life on the run was not to allow herself to form any attachments to anyone. Far better to stay aloof and isolated than to have to deal with these kinds of painful complications.
Too bad there wasn’t some sort of fugitive handbook that spelled such things out, but she supposed she would have to make her own stumbling way. In the future she would just have to forsake any close ties, no matter how foreign that might be to her personality.
The trick now was how to unravel herself from the mess, to safeguard what was left of her heart so she wouldn’t be left completely devastated. Surely she was strong enough, smart enough, to protect herself. She just had to be as tough and remote as Gage.
With firm resolve to avoid further emotional encounters with him, Allie picked up the empty laundry basket and headed back toward his house. On the way, she decided to make a quick detour to his backyard so she could check on Gaby and Anna.
Her mind was still on her jumbled emotions when she opened the latched gate and slipped through, into the fragrant, beautiful garden Ruth Jensen had created. Her gaze scanned the garden, the towering spires of the irises and the smaller, delicate alyssum and the bright, cheerful clumps of daisies.
Nothing moved but the old wooden swing the girls loved to play in swaying a little in the breeze and a magpie on a tree branch screeching at the neighbor’s cat, which had decided one of Gage’s windowsills made the perfect spot to stretch out in the sun.
Where were the girls? For one terrible moment, all she could think of was Gage’s sister, disappearing from his life in one foolish instant of inattention. Her breathing quickened, and raw fear clutched her stomach as she scanned the garden again with wild eyes.
Settle down, she chided herself. No need to panic. Gaby and Anna probably just went inside for a drink of water or a bathroom break. Still, her heart pounded as she rushed up his back steps.
She heard them before she saw them—high-pitched giggles and then a lower rumble, like an oboe base line set against a duo of flutes.
Relief flooded her, sweet and pure, and she pushed open the door separating the utility room from Gage’s kitchen. The greeting she started to give them jammed in her throat at the sight that met her gaze and her jaw sagged.
“Oh, my,” she whispered, unable to say anything else.
Anna and Gaby giggled again. “Look, Mommy,” Gaby exclaimed with glee. “We’re playing beauty shop.”
“Don’t say a word,” Gage warned on a growl. “Not one single word.”
She blinked several times, but the same image reappeared each time—the three of them at the kitchen table, the girls grinning at Gage in his wheelchair, masculine and commanding and brusque.
And currently decorated with what looked like a hundred pastel barrettes stuck in his short dark hair, tufting it out in every direction.
“Oh, my,” she said again. How on earth had this happened? She couldn’t have been gone longer than ten minutes. Leave it to Hurricane Gaby and her little sidekick to wreak havoc in their mother’s absence.
“Me and Anna wanted to try out the new barrettes you bought us at the store today and Mr. McDonalds said it was okay.”
“McKinnon. Remember, I told you his name was Mr. McKinnon. Not McDonalds.”
“Gage is probably easier to say,” he said, his voice gruff.
“Gage,” Anna said suddenly. “Gage, Gage, Gage.”
Allie didn’t know what to do about the warmth flooding through her. So much for her determination to protect the intact remnants of her heart. Oh, heavens, it would be far too easy to tumble hard and fast, completely, for this man!
“Doesn’t Gage look nice?” Gaby asked.
“Yes. Very.” Despite her sudden fear that any barriers she tried to build between them now would go up far too late, she couldn’t hide her grin. “I especially like the row of ducklings there in the front.”
“I did those,” Gaby said proudly.
A ruddy color accented his cheekbones like the russet feathers of a mallard drake and he looked as if he would rather be anywhere else on earth than here in this warm kitchen with her two little budding hairstylists. Allie couldn’t help but take pity on him.
“As nice as Mr. McKinnon looks, I think we need to take out the barrettes so they’ll be ready for the two of you to wear another day.”
Both girls opened their mouths to protest but she forestalled them. “Why don’t you each get one of those Popsicles we bought at the store? You can take them out in the backyard and eat them.”
As usual, the promise of sugar provided an alluring enough distraction. Gaby hurried to the freezer and pulled out two frozen treats. After handing one to her younger sister, she led the way outside, leaving Allie and Gage alone in the kitchen.
“You do look very nice,” she teased after the back door slammed shut behind her two little beauticians in training. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to leave them in for the rest of the day?”
“That’s not funny.” He glared at her, in the midst of pulling out one of the barrettes along with several strands of hair.
She couldn’t help laughing again. “You might think differently if you could see what you look like. Wait,” she said suddenly. “Don’t take any more out for a second.”
It only took her a moment to rush to the front room where she left her purse and find a mirrored compact inside. She returned to the kitchen and held it out for Gage.
She might have been offering him an anaconda for all the enthusiasm he showed as he took the compact from her, but as he studied his reflection, a wry smile lifted the corners of that sensual mouth.
“Smashing. Who knows? I might start a new fashion trend at the Bureau.”
She laughed and took the compact from him, slipping it in the back pocket of her shorts. “Don’t hold your breath, Agent McKinnon.”
He tugged another barrette out and she winced at the strands of hair he yanked out along with it.
“Keep that up and you’re going to lose half your hair by the time you’re done. I promise, they come out easier if you just unclip them.”
“Sorry. I haven’t exactly had a whole lot of experience with hair thingies.”
“Hold still.” Though she knew it probably wasn’t a good idea, she moved behind him and started unfastening the barrettes, trying not to pay attention to the way the thick silk of his hair caressed her fingers or the heat that emanated from him or her own unruly desire to smooth down the strands and press her mouth just there, on that strong neck.
All she could focus on was the kiss they shared two nights earlier in this very spot. How his mouth had been firm and strong and tasted of cherry pie, how their breaths had mingled, how her body had ached and yearned for more than just a kiss….
She jerked her mind from that dangerous road. “It was very sweet of you to put yourself through all this,” she said after a moment, then prayed he didn’t notice the breathiness of her voice.
He snorted. “Yeah, well, that oldest girl of yours doesn’t give a man much choice once she sets her mind to something.”
“Oh, dear. I’m sorry. Gaby can be…a little overwhelming sometimes.”
“Right. That’s like saying Park City sees a little bit of snow every winter. Face it, Lisa. Your kid’s a steamroller.”
“She’s just opinionated and not shy about sharing those opinions with anybody who will listen.”
“Hmm. I wonder where she gets that?”
Allie laughed at his dry-as-dust tone. “Not from me, certainly. Must have been her father’s side.”
“Right. Well, I have to admit, the whole hair thing wasn’t really a conscious decision on my part. All I did was make the mistake of coming into the kitchen for some bottled water. I was just pulling it out of the fridge when the two of them burst in from the backyard chattering and giggling about the idea of fixing somebody’s hair. I was unlucky enough to be the one they found first. Next thing I knew, they were sticking all those little do-dads in my hair before I could get a word in.”
She had to smile at the idea of Gage pretending helplessness against a five-year-old and a three-year-old. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to keep an eye on them. Or at least to watch the show. I was only next door taking care of some laundry and thought they would be fine in the backyard for a few moments. Next time I’ll take them with me.”
“You don’t have to do that. They’re fine over here.” He said the words with his characteristic gruffness, but to her surprise he sounded as if he meant them.
“I know you don’t want to be bothered with them,” she said after a moment. “I completely understand, Gage. I’ve done my best to keep them out of your way, but I’ll try harder from now on.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he repeated. “They don’t bother me. Not really.”
Though she wasn’t completely convinced, she decided to take him at his word. “Well, I promise I won’t let them jump all over you. And no more beauty shop.”
His oath of gratitude was heartfelt and unfeigned, and she laughed again as she plucked the last barrette from his hair. “There. All done.”
The hair accessories had left his hair sticking out in several directions so she ran her fingers through the thick strands in a vain effort to smooth it down. “I think you’re going to need a comb to fix this all completely,” she said, then flushed at the hoarse note in her voice. Could he guess how he affected her? Oh, she hoped not.
Still, she was aware of a sudden tension humming between them, a charged anticipation in the air.
Her gaze met his and she was stunned by the banked desire she saw there. The breath caught in her throat and she swallowed.
Time seemed to freeze and all her senses seemed more sharp, more intense suddenly.
She was almost painfully aware of the softness of his hair under her fingers, of the slow rhythm of his breathing, of the clean, male scent of him drifting toward her.
Her body swayed toward him again, but she caught herself just in time before she would have melted against him like one of the girls’ favorite candy bars left in the back window of the car.
She swallowed and pulled her hand from his hair. “There you go. No harm done.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” His low voice vibrated in the kitchen. Before she could summon any kind of coherent thought about backing away toward safety and sanity, his hand fastened on her wrist and he tugged her toward him.
Because of his height—and her lack of it—they were nearly the same level even when he was sitting in the wheelchair.
She didn’t have to angle her head too much for his mouth to find hers with unerring heat, then she forgot anything as silly and inconsequential as trying to escape. Why would she want to, when this was exactly where she wanted to be?
Her arms twined around his neck and she nestled against him, aware of his heart pounding through the cotton of his shirt, of the swell and ache of her breasts where they brushed against his hard chest.
Even as she reveled in their embrace, some corner of her mind still whispered a warning note. This was dangerously foolish. How could she expect to keep the tattered remnants of her heart intact if she engaged in this kind of crazy, risky behavior?
She disregarded the warning and settled against him with a sigh.
“I can’t think about anything else but this,” he murmured against her mouth. “All day long, all I can think about is kissing you again. Touching you. I would give anything to be out of this damn chair so I could show you how much I want you.”
His words were as arousing as the hand that had somehow pulled her T-shirt free of her shorts and was caressing the skin at her waist.
“I’ve thought of it, too,” she confessed, then flushed at her boldness.
She was embarrassed suddenly about the insulin pump and the catheter that fed into her skin, but Gage barely paid attention to it. He kissed her again, his tongue slipping inside as his hand explored higher under her shirt.
She wasn’t aware she held her breath until his fingers found the underslope of her breast and she exhaled in a long, aroused sigh. Oh, this was what she wanted. His hands on her skin, on her body, his mouth warm and alive against hers, this tenderness gushing up inside her like water from a broken sprinkler head.
No, she wanted more. She wanted to be stretched out beside him with no barriers between them, to feel the urgent press of his body cover her, the hard strength of him inside of her.
Her cheeks flamed at the thought even as her breath caught in her throat and she closed her eyes against the mental picture conjured up by her entirely too-vivid imagination.
She opened them when a sound reached in and yanked her back to reality, ringing through her consciousness like a fire alarm—the sound of two little girls laughing outside the kitchen window.
She stiffened. Oh, heavens. She’d forgotten all about her daughters, playing alone out back. How could she have been so irresponsible to tangle tongues—and dream about more—with Gage while her children played just a few feet away?
She scrambled up, yanking down her T-shirt. “I…I need to check on the girls.”
His hair was still mussed, his breathing ragged, but he had never looked so gorgeous to her. “Yeah,” he said after a moment. “That’s probably a good idea.”
She should say something more, take some kind of firm stand that they simply had to stop this lunacy, no matter what kind of chemistry bubbled and frothed between them, but she couldn’t manage to string two thoughts together. Not with him watching her out of those hooded gray eyes. So she just sent him a distressed look and hurried out the back door toward her daughters.
* * *
Gage watched her go, too paralyzed by what had just happened to move from the kitchen.
He couldn’t believe he had kissed her again, after all his noble intentions to leave her alone. All his adult life, he had prided himself on his self-control, his restraint. He never drank to excess, he worked out religiously, he tried to eat healthy foods, for the most part.
But he didn’t know himself around Lisa. He had suddenly become a stranger who gave in to his cravings, who grabbed an innocent woman in his kitchen and kissed her like she was a cool flask of water and he’d been crawling through the desert for decades.
This had to stop. He didn’t know how, but he somehow had to find the strength and self-discipline to ignore his body’s hunger for her.
If only he could figure out how to ease the yearning in his heart.