On my way to meet Sky for coffee, I can’t stop thinking about everything that happened yesterday. Between dinner with Reed’s parents and Grayson’s reaction to my engagement ring, my head won’t stop spinning.
A flash of red on the side of road ahead attracts my attention. It’s a dilapidated barn, its paint peeling in places with roof tiles missing. But I love how the red still manages to stand out against the white snow on the ground.
I pull Ingrid over and shut off the engine. I grab my Nikon from my bag and step out of the car. I take a few steps closer to the barn and zoom in, clicking away. I put the camera down and just take it all in visually, inhaling a deep breath of fresh winter air.
Sad but still so beautiful. What history does that barn hold? Did someone ever keep cows or horses in there? Why was it abandoned?
A cold breeze permeates my skin. I smile to myself and head back to Ingrid.
* * *
“Have you lost your damn mind?”
Ugh.
I stare back at Sky’s fiery blue eyes, practically burning my face with her fury.
Sitting in Cottage Grove’s local coffee hangout, Java Joint, I take a sip of my chamomile tea. “No, I haven’t. But thank you for your support.”
“The last time I saw you, you were a mess about Reed, losing your job, getting that cleaning job, and his complete lack of compassion. He was such a jerk. You can’t spend the rest of your life with someone like him. He doesn’t deserve you, Lil.”
I watch as Sky drinks her double-shot espresso. “We’re working things out, Sky. He’s been much better since then. Much more understanding and patient. But…”
Her eyes suddenly light up as she leans in closer to me. “But what?”
I take a deep breath. “When he first asked me, I hesitated. My mom was there and witnessed the whole thing. She asked me why I hesitated. I told her it was because my reaction was to ask him why.”
“Why he was proposing?”
I nod my head silently.
Without warning, she slams her hands on the wooden table, then just as quickly raises her palms upward, gesturing to me. “You see? That’s why I don’t understand why you said yes.”
“Because I love him.”
Sky shakes her head at me. “Sweets, I love you, you know that, right? So I hope you understand what I’m going to say next comes from a place of love.”
I prepare myself, inhaling deeply. “Okay.”
“Dump his sorry ass or I’ll do it for you.”
I shake my head vehemently. “No. I won’t.”
She leans in again, this time yelling at me through gritted teeth. “You can’t do this, hon. He is going to make you miserable. Giving you a fucking engagement ring isn’t going to change him or make things better between the two of you. When he hits fifty and his mid-life crisis kicks in, he’s going to buy a Porsche and cheat on you with some bimbo.”
I look away from her, anxious to avoid her glare. I can feel her hand move toward mine, grabbing my fingers. I shift my eyes back to her.
“Lily, please. I know you think you can change him, but you can’t. I know it’ll be hard to let go because you’ve been together for so long. But it’s time to cut the cord. You’ve grown apart and you need to find the person you truly deserve to be with.”
I shut my eyes, trying to stop the stream of tears that start to form in the corners of them.
“Look at me,” Sky whispers.
I open my eyes to see her face, warmer, softened.
“Just think about what I said. Okay?”
I nod. “Okay.”
“How’s the cleaning job going?” she asks, taking a sip of her coffee.
“Okay. But you won’t believe this. It turns out the guy who owns the house is Grayson Shaw.”
Her eyes widen in shock. “Wait a sec! The sculptor you like? The one whose sculpture you’re always taking pictures of on campus?”
I nod. “Yup. That’s him.”
Sky leans into the table. “What’s he like?”
“Brooding. Intense. Typical artist. But he can also be sweet. Unfortunately, we didn’t exactly have a meet-cute the first time we were introduced.”
“What happened?”
“I walked into his studio without asking when he was working, and he scared me off. I wasn’t expecting…”
“What?”
I shut my eyes at the memory. “He’s got scars on most of his face.”
Sky gasps. “From what?”
“His parents died in a car crash when he was a little boy. And he was in the car when it happened.”
“That’s awful.”
“I know. But after I apologized and explained everything to him, he’s been much nicer. He’s even encouraged me to try my hand at photography. I showed him the pictures I took of his sculpture, and he thinks I have talent; go figure. Weird, huh?”
She grins at me. “Right. Weird.”
I take a sip of my tea. “No, no, no. It’s not like that.”
Sky shakes her head at me, laughing to herself. “Lily, you can’t bullshit me. You’ve got this soft, dreamy look in your eyes. I have never once seen you look like that when you talk about Reed. There’s obviously something about this guy that stirs something up inside you.”
Thankfully her phone pings with a text before I can respond. When she checks it, she starts typing a reply. “Kane’s done with work. I told him I’d meet him at his place.”
We both shove back from the table, grabbing our bags. Sky comes around to my side for a tight hug.
“Just think about what I said, okay?”
“Promise.”
“I love you, darlin’. Don’t forget it.”
I smile to myself. “Never do. Never will.”
Stepping outside, I give her a wave as she heads to her car. Once she drives away, I walk down a few doors to Cottage Grove Camera Shop in the heart of town. The shop should’ve closed long ago with the advent of digital, but because so many artists and photographers live in the area it still has a thriving business.
I grab my Nikon from my tote bag and bring it inside.
“Hey, Lily. How’s it going?” Matt, the shop owner’s nephew, greets me.
“Hi, Matt. I’m good. I need some help.”
“Anything you need.”
“I want to print out my pictures and I don’t have the right kind of printer at home. I need them to look professional because I’m thinking of putting together a portfolio.”
“Really? I think that’s awesome. All the years you’ve been coming here, you’ve never shown an interest in turning professional.”
“I know. Let’s just say I’m on a path of self-discovery.”
“Well, whoever got you into this, I think it’s cool as fuck.”
I can’t help but smile. “Thanks.”
And thank you, Grayson.
“Since you’re one of our best customers, I’ll give you a 20 percent discount on your first set of prints and the portfolio.”
I shake my head. “No, really; you don’t have to.”
“It’s done. And when you become rich and famous like Annie Leibovitz, I can tell people I knew you when.”
“Ha! If only.”
“Trust me. It’ll happen. The portfolios are in the back. Pick one out, then you can show me which pictures you want printed.”
“Thanks, Matt.”
After spending half an hour in the shop, portfolio bought and pictures selected, I walk outside. I’m throwing the hood of my winter jacket over my head when I hear a woman’s husky laugh accompanied by a male one.
I turn to my left, spotting Reed walking out of Cottage, the local bistro, with a tall, lithe woman who I immediately recognize as Tabitha Cross, the head of the computer science department.
I quickly duck back into the doorway of the shop before they can spot me.
I watch as she throws a fur wrap over her shoulders, flipping her long, silky dark brown hair. She gives another throaty laugh, gently touching Reed’s arm with her hand. They stand within inches of each other when Tabitha suddenly leans into him to whisper something into his ear.
He smiles in return, and it’s not a smile best friends give to each other. This smile has meaning, intent, and promise. I should know because I had that smile aimed at me when Reed and I were first dating.
My heart drops when she gives him a soft brush of her lips across his cheek, and his right arm comes around her to bring her in closer.
I don’t know whether to cry or confront them, to tear that wrap from around her skinny shoulders.
With his hand on the small of her back, Reed leads her to a British racing green Jaguar, opening the door for her, giving her a peck on the cheek before she settles into the driver’s seat. He watches as she reverses out of the space, then walks down the street to his BMW.
Taking deep breaths, I fight the silent tears that fall from my eyes. I wipe my face clean with my glove, slowly making my way back to Ingrid. I give her a hipcheck and open the door. With shaking hands, I insert the key into the ignition, but I can’t move beyond that. I grip the steering wheel, knowing it won’t break under my hold because I need something on which to take out my anger and my heartbreak, and let the tears flow freely.
Driving home, thoughts of Grayson fill my mind. I wonder what he’s doing now. Is he working in his studio dressed only in those jeans he was wearing the first time I saw him? Is he resting after a long day creating something beautiful? Is he discussing future showings with Emilia?
I shake my head, gripping the steering wheel harder.
Why the hell am I thinking about him at this exact moment?
By the time I get home, Reed’s car is already in the driveway, covered by its ever-present tarp. When I walk in, he’s standing in the foyer, sorting through the mail.
I wipe my feet on the mat, reaching over to greet him with a quick kiss. “Hi.”
“Hey,” he replies, clearly distracted by the bounty of men’s clothing catalogs he’s received.
“Where were you just now? I could’ve sworn I saw you in town.”
I observe his face carefully to see if he’ll reveal anything.
Nothing. No twitch or flinch.
“Nope. I had a faculty meeting on campus.”
“You’re a liar, Reed. I just saw you in town with Tabitha Cross, your boss. Care to explain that?”
He sighs audibly. “Fine. If you must know, Tabitha took me out to lunch because she felt badly.”
“Badly about what?”
“My observation. It was a clusterfuck. Everything that could’ve gone wrong did. So she was trying to console me.”
My shoulders drop. “Reed, I’m sorry about your observation. I really am. But you have to understand where I’m coming from. You’re my fiancé, so when I see you with another woman, of course I’m going to get suspicious.”
“Lily, we’re fucking engaged. That says a lot right there.”
Not enough.
I take a deep breath. “Why are you with me?”
He looks up from the mail, pivoting his head to me. “What kind of question is that?”
I let my purse and tote fall to the floor. “I’m serious, Reed. I want to know why you’re with me.”
“Because we’re perfect for each other. Everyone knows it.”
My eyebrows narrow, and I’m desperate to know the answer to my next question. “Who’s everyone?”
“The people I work with, my parents, my friends.”
“Do you even like me?”
He puts down the mail on the sideboard, taking my face in his hands and kissing me lightly on the lips. “I love you. You keep me grounded. You make me want to be a better man. And you’re beautiful, exactly what I want my wife to be.”
I return his kiss, now thoroughly confused by those last words.
He didn’t say, “You’re beautiful inside and out.” It’s only the external beauty he was talking about.
I pull back a good foot away from him. “So, you think I’m physically attractive, and that’s your number one criteria for a wife?”
His eyes widen at my question. “What the hell? Of course not.”
“Well, that’s what you’re implying.”
“You’re just reading between the lines. So typical.”
I shake my head.
Unbelievable.
“Fuck, Reed! I am so tired of your bullshit. One minute you’re so sweet, giving me gifts, and the next minute you turn cold and cruel. I defend you constantly to my mom, telling her that you’re really a good person deep down, but then you say shit like that, that having a beautiful wife is what matters to you.”
“I didn’t—”
He needs to stop talking.
I hold up my right hand to him, palm facing out. “You know what? I think we need a break.”
His eyes light up in fury. “What?”
“We need this, Reed. I’m going to stay with my mom for a while until we can figure things out.”
He lets out a deep breath, waving his hand dismissively at me. “Fine. I’m sick of arguing all the time, too.”
I rush upstairs and pack a duffel bag with extra clothes. On my way out, I find him sitting on the sofa, skimming through a catalog.
“I’ll come by once a day to get the mail.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s your house, too, Lily.”
I pick up my bag from the floor. “Call if you need anything.”
He nods without looking up at me.
Thanks, honey. I can just feel the love.
When I pull into my mom’s driveway, she’s already standing in the doorway.
She watches in silence as I walk up to the house, duffel in hand. Once she shuts the door behind me, my mom gives me one of the tightest hugs ever.
“Go sit down. I’ll get you some tea,” she whispers in my ear.
I take off my boots and collapse into the soft cushions of the couch in the living room. An old black and white movie is playing on the TV screen.
Mom comes back into the room, carefully placing a steaming mug of tea on a coaster in front of me on the coffee table.
She settles in next to me. “Tell me.”
I sigh, leaning back. “I just had enough, Mom. Arguing all the time. I told him we needed a break, so I’m here.”
Oh yeah, and I also saw him with another woman, but that’s not something I care to share with you at this particular moment.
“Well, I’m not going to say it…”
“Restrain yourself, Mother.”
She laughs at loud. “I will. I’m here for you no matter what.”
I lean over and kiss her on the cheek, grabbing her tightly. “Thanks, Mom.”
When I pull back from her, I reach for my tea, blowing off the steam.
“So, how’s the job going?”
I put down the mug. “It’s actually going pretty well. You won’t believe who owns the house.”
“Who?”
“Grayson Shaw.”
Mom’s eyes widen in surprise. “You’re kidding. Wow. He’s that sculptor you like, right? I can’t believe it. It’s as if you were meant to get that job.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “I know.”
She curls her legs under her. “Tell me. What’s he like?”
I purse my lips in contemplation. “He’s very overwhelming at first, kind of like a hulking beast. He gets angry easily, but it doesn’t bother me because he’s a recluse. He never leaves his house, so he never interacts with anyone, only Emilia, the woman who runs his affairs for him. But he can be so kind sometimes. He just doesn’t show it that often.”
When I finish describing him, my mother’s eyebrows are narrowed in confusion, which is freaking me out.
“What?”
“I’m not exactly thrilled at the idea of my only child working for a man who can’t control his temper.”
“He’s really not that bad, Mom. He’s nothing like Reed.”
Now a slight smile crosses her face.
I sigh in exasperation. “Okay, now you’re confusing the hell out of me. Why are you smiling?”
“Call me crazy, but you’ve never talked about Reed with a dreamy look in your eyes or this sweet smile plastered on your face. If this is what he’s like and makes my kid light up like a damn Christmas tree, then I’m all for it.”
“That’s what Sky said,” I mutter to myself under my breath.
“What?”
I peck her on the cheek to distract her. “You are crazy, Mom.”
She gives me a knowing grin and stands up, kissing me lightly on the forehead. “I’ll go make up your bed, honey. Just think about what I said.”
Five hours later, lying in bed wide awake, my mother’s words are still echoing in my head.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
* * *
Grayson
What is Lily doing now?
I watch the first snowflakes fall to the ground from my bedroom window. Another flurry approaches. I hope the roads will be passable so she can make it in safely tomorrow.
I miss her face.
I miss her voice, especially when she’s dressing me down.
She always seems to have a positive outlook on life. What I wouldn’t give for an iota of that.
I check the antique grandfather clock in my bedroom.
Nearly midnight.
Almost tomorrow.
I will see her soon.