I think we should eat all of our meals this way from now on,” Grayson declares.
Sitting naked in his bed as my eyes roam over his exquisite body, I can’t argue with that.
“I totally concur with you on that point, Mr. Shaw.”
He smiles back at me as he takes a forkful of chocolate cake from his plate. I’m mesmerized, watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down as the food slides down his throat. Once I thought him so menacing physically, to the point where he frightened me, but now I find his appearance reassuring, as if nothing bad could happen to me when I’m with him.
“What are your plans for tomorrow?” he asks, taking a sip of the champagne that he brought up with the cake.
“I’m going to sort through my things and get organized. The belongings I brought from Reed’s house are still in boxes. I don’t know where anything is.”
A deep frown extends across his face. “You’re sure I can’t convince you to stay?”
I laugh at his modest question, brimming with innuendo. “Of course you can try, but I’ll still have to leave.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Thought I’d give it a shot.”
I lean in to give him a reassuring kiss, enjoying the sweet taste of cocoa and Grayson combined on my tongue. “You can always give it a shot with me, baby.”
He pulls me into his lap, running the pads of his fingers gently over my cheeks. “I never thought…” he begins.
I run my hand in return over his scars. “I know. I thought the same. What could you possibly see in me?”
“I see beauty, I see innocence, and I see a spitfire of a woman who doesn’t mince words,” he says. I smile, nodding at how lovely but true his words are.
“But how could you be attracted to me, being the freak show I am?” he continues.
My heart softens. I wrap one hand around the back of his neck to run my fingers through his silky dark hair while still caressing his face. “I see a beautiful man. I see a good man. I see a man who is talented beyond words. I see someone who wants to be loved but is too afraid of being rejected.”
I wait for Grayson to say something but he doesn’t, which only spurs me on to make sure he knows something else.
“Don’t be afraid, Grayson. I would never reject you. You mean everything to me. You always have, even before I met you. You gave me peace and comfort when I needed it most.”
“I will never treat you the way he did.”
I lean my forehead to his. “I know you won’t.”
I glance over at the clock on his mantel. “I hate to do this, but I have to go.”
“All right,” he whispers with a rasp.
I jump off the bed and begin putting my clothes back on, with Grayson making one last play for my breasts before they disappear behind my bra. I shoo him off, pushing him away while laughing at his attempt.
Taking my hand, he walks me to the door leading to the passageway, turning me to him to give me one last, long, deep kiss. “Call me when you get home.”
“I will.”
I pause in the doorway, looking over my shoulder.
“What is it, darling?” he asks.
I turn around, biting my bottom lip, wondering if I should address the subject again with him. “Grayson, what would happen if you took one step outside?”
His shaking arm drops my hand. “That’s a ridiculous question because it would never happen.”
“But haven’t you ever wanted to travel and see the rest of the world?”
His face turns red. “No. I’m perfectly fine seeing the world on television or on the Internet.”
“But what if there was an emergency and you had to—”
“Lily!”
The fury in his voice stops me, paralyzing me where I stand.
I must be giving off a look of fear in my eyes, because the next thing I know Grayson rushes to me, even though he’s less than a foot away, tugging me into his warm embrace. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”
I nod. “I know,” I reply, muffled in the nook of his chest. “I won’t bring it up again. I just wish—” I catch myself. “Never mind. I’ll drop it.”
I reach up to him on my tiptoes, kissing him briefly but deeply. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He gently pulls my head back to look into my eyes. “Sweet dreams, my beauty.”
I walk outside as he gives me one final wave from the doorway before slamming the door shut
As I steer Ingrid carefully along the curving road down the hill to the main road, my mind wanders.
Wouldn’t he prefer seeing the Mona Lisa in Paris or the statue of David in Italy up close instead of on a TV screen?
Why doesn’t he want to try?
As much as I care for him, can I really see myself with him if he’s so restricted by his own fears? We wouldn’t be able to go out for a simple meal if we were together. We’d always have to stay inside, hidden away from the world.
A set of headlights suddenly appears behind me, closer than I would like. When I pump the brakes, the car behind mine doesn’t back off. Reaching the bottom of the hill, I quickly check the road before peeling out—the car’s no longer behind me. I breathe a sigh of relief and turn on the CD player, singing along with Adele at the top of my lungs to calm my nerves.
* * *
Grayson
She’s right.
What kind of life can I have with Lily if she hides away with me in this cold, aging house?
I can’t subject her to that. She is light. She is beauty. She needs to be in the world, not hiding from it. The world needs someone like my Lily in it as an active participant and not me, a creature who would make those who encounter him cringe and run away in horror and disgust.
With my mind spinning, I sit down at the desk in my bedroom and open up my laptop. I type “Agoraphobia—causes and cures” into a search engine, clicking on every link that pops up.