Simone Jenkins sat across from the man who’d helped her regain her life. Dr. Aaron Richards was a godsend. Since the first time that she’d met him while working undercover, he’d been the only one, besides her beloved Sun God, who had been able to make a profound effect on her life.
He smiled at her and she returned his smile while crossing her shapely legs. His eyes remained on her face, which made her smile even more.
“I can’t thank you enough, Dr. Richards,”
“You’ve done all the work Simone,”
She shook her head. “I never could’ve gotten this far without you, especially leaving LA and my entire life behind.”
He looked her over. “The change has been good for you. You look like a totally different woman, from the one that first came to see me.”
Simone chuckled. “Two years later,”
“Time is only what you make of it Simone,” Dr. Richards told her softly. “And you’ve used yours very wisely. Pain has no timetable for going away…if ever.”
“Your techniques and sessions have alleviated the majority of that pain,” Simone confessed.
He studied her for a long moment. “But you still have one obstacle to tackle,”
Simone looked away. “I know,” she said quietly. “It would have to be a very special man. I’ve only trusted two men, since the incident…one is happily married with two children.”
She smiled at him. “And the other just returned from a honeymoon. Congratulations, again.”
He nodded. “Thank you for the gift. You really didn’t have to do that.”
“It’s the least I could do,” Simone told him. “I’ve never begrudged someone else’s happiness.”
“That’s why it’s important for you to find your own happiness,” Dr. Richards counseled.
She shrugged. “Maybe he’s not out there, maybe I’ve missed the opportunity.”
“If that’s what you believe, then it will probably be your reality.”
Simone sighed. “I’ve lived years on the dangerous side of life. I can’t settle for some accountant or therapist.”
He frowned and she smiled.
“No disrespect,” Simone put up a hand. “But I need a man who’s going to let me lick his neck and throw him on the bed.”
Dr. Richards lifted a brow. “What did we discuss about using your power?”
“I still don’t know if I can let someone be soft and tender with me,” she confessed.
“Let’s talk about that…” he said quietly.
Simone sighed. “Okay…”
“Are you safe?” he asked, beginning their session.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Yes, I’m safe.”
“A man used his power to hurt you,” Dr. Richards began. “And the thing he used to hurt you, you’ve used as a weapon to hurt other men, and yourself.”
Simone nodded and continued to breath.
“You return to that place of trauma, which Freud termed, the compulsion to repeat…” he said, standing to his feet and walking over to where she sat.
Simone opened her eyes and looked at him.
“It is an unconscious attempt to get control over a painful situation, to try to master it or find resolution,” he finished.
Simone shook her head. “I’m still angry with myself, because I should’ve been the one who killed him.”
“What stopped you?”
She sighed and shook her head. “Even though I’d gotten the skills to handle him, somehow I was still afraid of him…in my mind, he was still stronger than me.”
“And because you couldn’t fight him, you chose to re-enact your trauma with other men, where you could be strong…where you felt you had the power.”
She put a hand to her face and listened.
“Sometimes the very event that caused the trauma and pain becomes a person’s sole source of meaning, and they can only feel alive when they are revisiting that trauma.”
Simone looked at him and blinked. “I won’t be taken advantage of ever again.”
He nodded. “I agree and that’s not what I’m saying at all.”
Dr. Richards handed her a tissue and Simone took it and wiped at her eyes.
“Trauma is not just an event that took place in the past, it’s also the imprint left on your brain, mind and body. It changes how you think, what you think about and even your capacity to think.” He paused. “Therapy isn’t just about telling your story, Simone, it’s about allowing the body to learn that the danger has passed, and to be able to live in the reality of the present…”
“For you, reality is that you’re not the same woman who was assaulted. You’re stronger, both physically and mentally. Your attacker is gone and he can’t hurt you ever again. Don’t keep him alive, by allowing what he did, to hinder your life.”
She shrugged. “What if I like how I deal with men?”
“When’s the last time you’ve been with a man?” he questioned.
Simone looked at the tissue, still in her hand. “I haven’t since I returned to Atlanta. The therapy sessions had me too raw and emotional,” she said honestly. “And I didn’t want to be with anybody.”
He nodded. “That’s what I thought. You don’t like how you were dealing with men. It was a protective mechanism that gave you the feeling of comfort and control.” Dr. Richards leaned forward. “See, when you’re compulsively and constantly pulled back into the past, to the last time you felt intense involvement or deep emotion, you suffer from a loss of mental flexibility. It takes away your ability to see hope, to see a chance for a better future, you have no place to go and no goal to reach.”
“Traumatized people see the world in a different way. When most people walk down the street, they simply see men going about their business. You see someone with the potential to hurt you, and you feel the need to protect yourself, then you lash out, using sex as your weapon.”
She stared at him for a long while and he remained silent.
“So what are you suggesting at this stage?” Simone asked.
He smiled. “Look for the hope, see the chance for a better future, you have so many places to go and goals to reach.”
She smiled. “I do want that. All of my ex-team members are married with babies. That’s not something I’d ever thought of, but these past two years have changed me…a lot.”
Dr. Richards agreed. “I’ve seen your growth and I know that you can have whatever you want in life, Simone.”
Simone laughed. “I still don’t want an accountant.”
Dr. Richards joined her in laughter. “That’s fine…”
She wiped her eyes again as he spoke, “You can never undo what happened, but you can create new, positive emotional scenarios, that can be just as intense and real, to defuse the negative ones.”
“Kind of like, create my own positive world?” she asked.
He nodded. “Don’t continue to feed the darkness, because it will never be satisfied, and you’ll sink deeper and deeper into anger, bitterness, guilt and hatred. Negativity thrives on taking you lower and lower. Focus on the positive, those things that bring good into your life, to counteract those traumas of the past, and lift you to a higher plane.”
Simone sat thinking about his words. “I’m going to work on that.”
“You’ve been doing great so far,” Dr. Richards complimented. “I think you’re ready to move to the next level.”
“I don’t pay you enough,” Simone told him, with a soft smile.
“You pay me plenty, and I’m glad to have the privilege of working with you,” he told her.
“I was a mess when I came here,”
Dr. Richards sat back. “You were a woman in pain and now you’re a woman who has overcome her trauma, and is ready to live without restraints…”
Simone nodded. “Yeah, I just might be…”
******
After her session with Dr. Richards, Simone felt a new sense of freedom. She always felt this way after leaving his office. The man was an angel, one sent to rescue her from her private hell. She’d met Dr. Richards on an undercover assignment in Atlanta, where she’d posed as a sex addict, needing help.
He’d looked into her face and somehow had known that the woman in his office, was not just acting. Dr. Richards had offered to help her and at first she had tried to stay away, telling herself that she was just fine, and she could handle things on her own. But when her job as an Uncut Diamond ended, with the dismantling of the group, she’d found herself temporarily lost.
Simone had left LA and returned to Atlanta, at least willing to seek Dr. Richard’s help. She smiled at the memory as she walked to her car. Dr. Aaron Richards was the consummate professional and was one of the top in his field. He’d made Simone comfortable enough to share her innermost feelings.
The fact that he’d never looked at her like a woman he desired, had thrown her off-balance at first as Simone was accustomed to turning every man’s head with her sexy dark eyes, and curvaceous figure. If Dr. Richards had harbored any desires, he had hidden them extremely well and for that reason, she’d been able to open herself up to him.
Two years later, she was still seeing him once a month. Their sessions had begun with twice a week, then down to once a week, and now one day a month, she went to update him on her life and progress.
When Simone had decided to relocate permanently to Atlanta, she landed a job as Manager of a women’s crisis and trauma center. Suffering trauma herself, she could relate to the sisters who came to the program seeking help. Giving back to them, also helped in her own healing.
Climbing inside her car, she pressed a button on the dash to initiate a call.
Simone smiled when the caller answered. “You’d better not tell me you’re not coming.”
Still smiling, Simone replied. “No, I’m calling to tell you that I’m on my way. Can I bring you anything?”
There was a chuckle. “You know very well that the Green-Eyed Monster takes care of my every need.”
Simone laughed. “Trust, he’s a monster.”
Her friend, Lotus laughed with her. “Girl, get over here. I can’t wait to see you, and Laurel is already waiting for you.”
Simone pictured the beautiful little green-eyed, Laurel. “She’s my little homie. I’m going to teach her to be a real Uncut Diamond.”
Lotus frowned. “Ha, ha, ha…real funny.”
“I’m on my way,” Simone told her.
“See you soon,”
Disconnecting the call, Simone took off and drove to the Baker’s home. Kent and Lotus had been her team members for the covert Uncut Diamonds. Of the group, they were the only two who lived outside of LA, and when they’d learned of Simone’s relocation, they had taken her in like family.
The couple had a large home in the suburbs of Atlanta and a lovely little toddler, who Simone simply adored. Kent and Lotus were also the most hilarious couple. Their banter alone, kept her entertained for hours on end.
Kent worked as an Investment Broker at a large firm, and Lotus as an Anesthesiologist at Emory Hospital, while Kent’s mother and sister cared for little Laurel. Once Simone’s family, who lived back in LA, met the Bakers, they’d felt relieved that their daughter had people looking out for her.
Simone, however, could handle herself. Her training had made her a dangerous human weapon and she had Ray Parker, to thank for that. Ray had trained her, taught her and provided her a hefty bank account to provide for herself.
She pulled up in front of the home and exited the car. As soon as she shut the door, Lotus and Laurel were at the front door waiting.
“Simone!” the little girl shouted.
“Hey Laurel!”
Simone opened the back door of her car and pulled out a wrapped package. When she came around the car, Lotus frowned while Laurel beamed.
“No, you didn’t bring this child another gift,” Lotus admonished.
Simone grinned. “I told you, this is my homie.”
“You’ve seen her room,”
Reaching the front porch, Simone nodded. “Yep, and there’s always room for more.”
Lotus shook her head, then hugged the woman holding the package. Simone returned her embrace then looked down into anxious green eyes.
“This is for you,”
Lotus watched as her daughter reached for the package. “Thank you, Simone!”
“You are so welcome,” Simone responded. “Have you been good?”
Green eyes looked at her mother, and Lotus replied. “Her father is Kent Baker.”
Simone touched one of Laurel’s pony puffs. “Don’t answer that baby, it’s not your fault.”
Laughing the women headed inside and Laurel ran to open her package as Kent walked into the room. He saw Laurel with the box and looked at Simone.
“For real?”
Simone shrugged. “I keep telling y’all, she’s my homie.”
“Okay, when I ship all this shit to your house, we’ll see…” Kent said, coming over to greet her.
He embraced her gently. “Hey, girl…”
“Hey,” Simone returned his hug. “Thanks for having me.”
Kent looked at her. “Don’t start talking crazy. You know that you’re welcome here anytime.”
Simone smiled softly. “I do, and I appreciate you both.”
“Come on in here, so we can see what damage you’ve done,” Lotus said, taking Simone’s hand.
“Ooh…look!” Laurel exclaimed after opening the box. “Ooohhh!” She put little hands to her face.
Kent and Lotus shared a glance then turned to their daughter, who ran over to Simone and hugged her. “Thank you, Simone!”
Laurel then ran back to the large, black baby doll along with full accessories and clothing. “She’s so pretty!” Laurel said, happily.
“Just like you,” Simone told her, with a big smile.
Kent looked at Simone. “I’m not going to let you spoil my son like that.”
Simone laughed. “You don’t have one yet.”
Lotus smiled and placed a hand on her stomach. “He will soon,”
“Oh my god!” Simone said, slowly. “You two are having another baby?”
Kent nodded. “Yeah, Little Momma let me do my thing.”
Lotus looked at him as Simone hugged her again. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you both.”
“Thank you Simone,” Lotus said, with a smile. “Now what about you?”
Simone blinked. “What about me?”
Lotus gave her a look. “I know you want somebody. Are you ready yet?”
“I don’t know,” Simone sighed. “I met with Dr. Richards today.”
Taking her hand, Lotus led her away from where Kent was assisting Laurel with her new doll.
“Let’s go into the kitchen,” Lotus told her.
With one last glance and the little girl happily playing with her father, Simone followed.
“He’s a really good father,” Simone complimented when she was seated at an island, surrounded by sweet smelling food.
Lotus agreed. “Who would’ve thought that Kent Baker was so attentive and loving? His daughter adores him.” She placed a glass of lemonade in front of Simone.
“I think his wife adores him, too.” Simone took a sip. “This is good.”
“I do, and Kent made the lemonade,”
Simone smiled. “I remember when he was so wild…”
“Girl, tell me about it,” Lotus shook her head. “But when he answered my call, he became the man I knew he would be…and more.”
“I’m happy for you,” Simone said quietly and Lotus took a sip of her drink.
“Tell me about you,” Lotus prompted.
Simone sighed. “Like I said, I saw Dr. Richards today. He thinks I’m ready to move forward and even try a relationship.”
Lotus lifted a brow. “Why do you sound not so sure?”
“You know my story,” Simone told her. “I don’t know if I can let a man woo me. I don’t even know if I want that. I used to get what I wanted and I was out.”
“Having a man woo you can be very heartwarming. Kent used to have Lotus flowers placed on the tables, wherever he took me. I thought that was so romantic…”
Simone laughed. “See, I don’t.”
Lotus frowned. “Stop, you’ve just never tried it.”
“At one time, I thought Darryl was romantic…” Simone said, staring down into her glass.
Reaching across the table, Lotus took her hand. “There is someone waiting for you, Simone and he’s nothing like the man who hurt you.”
Simone looked at her. “You believe that?”
Lotus smiled. “I know it.”
“Is this some of your hoodoo?” Simone asked.
“Don’t act like Kent,” Lotus warned. “It’s a gift.”
Simone nodded. “Okay, I’m not sleeping on your gift. You knew Kent was the one and now you two are married with a beautiful house and daughter, a whole mantle full of big ass wedding pictures and a son on the way. Who am I to be skeptical?”
Lotus removed her hand and smiled. “I told Kent those pictures are too big.”
Both women laughed and sipped from their glasses.
“So this someone who is waiting for me, is he fine?” Simone asked.
“Of course,” Lotus smirked.
Simone smiled. “What else?”
“Nope, you’ll know when he finds you,” Lotus informed her.
“So that’s all you’re going to tell me?”
Lotus nodded. “Now how’s your job?”
Simone shook her head. “You know you’re wrong, but my job is fine. Sometimes I can’t believe the number of women coming through the program.”
“Sisters are having it hard, out here,” Lotus agreed. “Our men are losing sight of who they are…”
Sliding her a look, Simone said, “But you’re trying to hook me up with one…”
“Not just any one…the one for you,” Lotus corrected. “There is a difference.”
“How the hell do you know, though?” Simone asked.
Lotus smiled. “Because it’s not about him being fine, or the size of his penis,” she paused and gave Simone a look. “It’s about where his mind and his heart rest…”
“And where is that?” Simone questioned.
“When he’s the one…it rests in your hands,” Lotus explained. “See, when Kent realized that I was his twin flame, he knew that he either had to step up his game and be the man I needed, or we wouldn’t be together. He had to make a choice to put his head and his heart in my hands…and I had to make sure that he could trust me enough to do it.”
Simone watched Lotus. “You scare me when you start talking like that.”
“Shut up girl, and listen,” Lotus told her.
“Okay, what else?”
“When he comes, let it build Simone,” Lotus advised. “Give yourself time to trust him and show him that he can do the same.”
Simone frowned. “He’s not going to be boring is he?”
Lotus shook her head. “No, boring would definitely not describe him.”
“Oh, yes…” Simone said, wiggling in her seat.
“You said that a lot of women are coming through the Women’s Center?” Lotus asked, changing the subject and going back to her lemonade. “Are these abuse situations?”
Simone sobered. “Yes, that’s why I really want to enhance our Self-Defense program.”
“In what way?” Lotus inquired.
“You know, I think our women need to learn how to protect themselves better. These complaints and restraining orders are not enough. When they call the police, these guys are back out on the streets in no time and even more violent,” she explained.
“What do you have in place now?”
Simone sat up. “We have the standard self-defense classes, but those don’t protect you from an angry man with a gun, intent on hurting you. Do you know that black women are most likely to die by homicide of any kind?”
Lotus shook head. “That’s terrible,”
“Over half the killings of American women period, are related to intimate partner violence against them,” Simone told her, shaking her head. “I feel thankful that I was only attacked.”
“That doesn’t diminish what happened to you,” Lotus told her softly.
Simone agreed. “I know, I just want to help other women not become victims at all, of any type of attack.”
“What are you thinking?” Lotus questioned.
“I think more black women should get trained in weapons and get armed,” Simone told her. “It wasn’t until Ray trained me, that I felt any semblance of safety in my life. Although, I still didn’t feel I could confront Darryl, I knew that I could handle myself with any other man.”
“Gun training?”
Simone nodded. “I think it will save a lot of our sister’s lives.”
Lotus smiled. “I think I can help you with that.”
“You want to train them?” Simone asked. “I don’t think Kent will like his pregnant Little Momma around guns, right now.”
Kent walked into the room, carrying his daughter. “What’s this about my Little Momma and guns?”
“Simone wants to train the clients who come to her Women’s Center,” Lotus informed him.
Simone looked at Kent. “Actually, I was going to ask you, since that was your specialty.”
Kent smiled. “I am that dude with the weapons.”
“Kent can’t do it,” Lotus said, firmly.
He looked at his wife. “I can’t?”
She shook her head. “No, you can’t.”
Simone frowned and stared at Lotus. “I’m sorry for asking…”
“No, Simone, we have someone else who would be perfect,” Lotus consoled her.
“We do?” Kent asked.
Lotus gave him a look. “Yes, we do, baby,” she said, pointedly.
Kent looked at Simone. “Yeah, I guess we do.”
“Who?” Simone asked.
Lotus smiled. “Nick…” She then looked at Kent, and he nodded in understanding.
“Yeah, Nick…”