The meal was what I needed; I had completely relaxed with Jessie and actually found myself smiling real smiles that I knew hadn’t been on my face for most of the past week. I’ve heard people say that it is easy to go home when you are broken and I thought that’s what I was feeling with Jessie. Maybe not exactly home, but safety.
Even after he crushed my heart a handful of years ago he was still safe. Friends of mine always hated their exes but Jessie never captured any hateful feelings from me. Even after we initially broke up. There is just something about that very first love that stays with you and doesn’t leave you left broken and shattered once time moved past that immediate pain. Sitting here laughing with him made time almost stand still.
His face moved so stoically yet I wouldn’t describe him as such. He was easy going, charming, handsome, and of course sexy. But I would never have said stoic. Until today. Maybe it is the three margarita’s I had consumed in the less than hour of us sitting at the table eating that makes me look at him different, but now I am. Jessie’s jaw bone was so hard, so sharp, yet I know if I reached up and touched my palm to his hard bone, his skin would be soft to the touch and pull me in for more kisses.
I never thought I would be that kind of girl who went from man to man, relationship to relationship. But sitting here with Jessie now, listening to this man talk about his love of animals, his crazy cat, and how much he and his dad still do together made me want to dive in again. Maybe just for the night.
“Are you ready to go home?” I asked Jessie abruptly cutting him off from telling me a story about when he was on his last fishing trip.
“Sure, I’ll get the check.” He waived his hand in the air at our waitress and made the check motion then moved his eyes around until they locked with mine. “You meant my home, right? Not yours.”
A simple nod is all I gave and then when I saw his lips curve into a smile I mimicked his excitement. Maybe catching my cousin and what’s his name in the act was the best thing to ever happen to me. After all, now I am sitting across from Jessie, in my favorite restaurant, watching him pay for the meal we just shared and my heart was racing thinking about going to his apartment.
“The last time we were together, we dreamed of having our own apartment to go back to instead of sneaking around our folks.” He said to me.
My lips parted and a large grin appeared. “Yep. Guess it is a good thing you finally took my advice and moved out of your parents’ basement.”
“Pot meet kettle. Hope you like the company.” He teased to me.
“I was at mom and dads for financial reasons. You were there because you liked having someone wash your clothes, fold them and provide you meals. Admit it; you just were there because you are a momma’s boy.”
“I said it then, and I will say it now, loud and proud.” He sucked in a deep breath and pushed his chest out, like he was on stage about to sing, “There is nothing wrong with being a momma’s boy!”
“Unless you’re the girl that said momma’s boy wants to marry and you have all of that pressure to live up to. No thank you.”
“Again with the wanna be marriage proposals. If I didn’t know better Merewyn, I would say you want to marry me and that is the real reason you and Albert called it quits.”
I laughed a real heavy and deep laugh. There was nothing more exciting for the teenager version of me than the idea of marring Jessie.
“Merewyn?”
Jessie and I both turned our heads at the sound of my name to see Aunt Cathy standing at the edge of the isle.
“Fucking great,” I mumbled under my breath, hoping it was in audible to everyone around me. “Hi Aunt Cathy.”
“I was worried about you after our little chat today sweetie I am so glad to see you’re not sulking in your room.”
“Never do I sulk Aunt Cathy.” I pushed the chair out from under the table and stood up, looking to Jessie for support. But he had already moved, almost as fast as the Flash, to stand next to me, holding my hand. “Ready to go home?” I asked him just a bit too loud.
“Beth will be glad to hear you are doing okay, now that I see you found another male suitor to replace Albert.”
That was all it took for my anger inside to ripple to the top. I couldn’t take it anymore. I squeezed Jessie’s hand and then stormed over to my aunt. My dear beloved aunt who had her head so far up her ass she could probably smell her own feces.
“Aunt Cathy, please inform your slutty tramp of a daughter that no matter how I am doing it is frowned upon in all cultures to sleep with ones cousin’s fiancé. Especially days after the engagement was finalized. Furthermore, you should tell her that if I were her I would sleep with one eye open for the next year because I have half the nerve to come after that traitorous witch of a cousin and if she is lucky, lucky! I will forgive her sometime this decade. But also thank her for me. Because at least now I know before I married him what a cock sucker he is and she is free to keep on sucking him.”
I stormed off, Jessie on my heals following me. I knew my face was full of bright red coloring, my heart was racing. But I felt good. I at least told someone kind of related to all of the issues exactly how I felt. It took a solid forty five seconds for me to even realize that some of the other patrons of the restaurant were clapping, for me. Great I really made a spectacle of myself this time. Oh well it felt good to let out the anger.
“Merewyn get back here!” I heard Aunt Cathy yelling.
“Just keep walking M. I’ll get you home safe and sound.”
“I know you will Jessie. That’s why I have always trusted you.
“I loved it.” Jessie was laughing so hard as we walked into his apartment. The room looked spotless, almost too clean.
“That movie hands down, best of the decade.”
“I don’t know if I would go that far, I mean Chris Pratt is the man and all but a super hero movie, that’s the best of the decade? What about those Emmy winning award type flicks.”
“Look the best part about opinions is anyone can be right, it doesn’t matter. You can’t say I’m wrong and I can’t say you’re wrong.”
“You know,” Jessie grinned a devilish grin, “I can do the dance.”
“What dance?”
The look he was giving me now was stunningly scary. I couldn’t tell if he was giving off this devilish bad boy vibe or this big kid I just want to have fun vibe.
“Chris Pratt’s.”
“I didn’t know he had a dance, is this like doing the ‘Kevin Bacon’?”
“From Guardians of the Galaxy that entry he does the dance. I can do it.” Jessie looked so happy and proud. He was always light on his feet and felt the rhythm inside him that just couldn’t be matched by anyone else in our town.
“Uh huh, I am sure you can. It didn’t look that hard if I remember it right.”
“Hard isn’t the right word, it’s all about the technique and keeping with the beat.”
“I’m sure you have practiced it over and over, haven’t you Jessie. Just to say you can do it and impress the ladies.”
“Does it impress you Merweyn Jane Smith?’
“I don’t know Jessie Joseph James.”
“You know I hate that nick name you call me. Can’t you use my real name?”
“Jessie Maron Anderson is so boring. I like my J to the third nickname.”
“Whatever you say M, so long as you’re impressed.”
“Hot shot, why don’t you show me your moves then I will tell you if I am impressed.” I gave him the toothiest grin I could. I loved flirting with him and being playful. He was always just so easy to be myself around. The more time I was spending with him, the more I realized that Albert was his exact opposite. I wondered if that was some self-conscious thing that I had done, picked someone exactly opposite of my first love.
Before I realized it, Jessie was pulling out a jacket from his closet, popping in a CD into his radio and the room filled with music from the eighties. The best generation of lyrics and rhythm. The beat started the down beats of the drum, the strumming of the guitar and then the words. I could almost picture him walking through the cave and kicking the rat like creatures.
Jessie was grabbing the remote off of the couch and singing ‘Hey now, Hey now, what’s the matter...” into it. While he was an excellent dancer his singing left a lot to be desired. I kept smiling though, because this ninety seconds of music, watching Jessie dance, just made me happy.
“Well?” He asked me grinning.
“Well, you look like the Cheshire cat.” I said chuckling.
“I feel like him.” Jessie crossed the distance of the room and came to stand in front of me. I looked up into his crystal blue eyes, which could remind you of an ocean if you drifted off into them. “Were you impressed?”
I nodded my head up and down twice and then did something that shocked me; I put my arms around his neck and pulled him into me, kissing his lips with passion and excitement.
Jessie didn’t expect her to be the aggressor but he wasn’t going to waste any moments of good luck. He placed one hand on the small of her back and the other in her hair. He held her to his body so tight you wouldn’t have been able to tell where he stopped and she started. He was fully aware that what he was doing was playing with fire and that it was very possible that one or both of them would end up hurt. But he couldn’t make his mind give the command to back down.
The biggest mistake of his life was letting her go. It didn’t matter the reasons they broke up before, no other woman ever compared to how she was. They were great together and he let someone else slip in and steal away that love. He knew that he had to take this carefully with his Merewyn. She was hurting and would be for a while. He wasn’t okay with the idea of being a rebound. He wanted to be her future. And today would be the start of him making the case that he was in fact the man for that job.
She smelled of lavender. The best smell in the world to him. He could recall with perfect clarity the night they both lost their virginity together. Her bed was so small. He must have hit his head on the wall a dozen times that night but that didn’t bother him. Merewyn was beautiful that evening. And today, standing in his arms kissing him, she smelled exactly the same, and was still just was beautiful.
“Jessie,” she said his name in that breathless sexy sort of way.
“Shh, just let it happen.”
He wasn’t about to let her change her mind now. Somehow he had pushed them up against his hallway wall and he now had his hands pressed against the wall framing her face. “I’m so sorry.” He heard himself say.
“For what?” Her kisses were just as powerful and full of compassion as his; he could feel it in his heart.
“Ever letting you go.”
That was all he needed to say. He felt her move from against him and as his eyes followed her he knew he was grinning like a fool. When she opened the door to his bedroom his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. He rushed towards her and pushed her backwards to the bed. The back of her legs were pressing against the side of the mattress. All he had to do was lower her to the surface.
“Oh baby,” words were coming out of him that he didn’t exactly know what they were but it seemed to be working. He felt her start to dip backwards. He wrapped his arms around her, securing her against him as he took them both down to the surface of the bed.
“Protection?”
Jessie shook his head back and forth and when he felt her body tense up he said, “Not right now, right now is all about you. I’m going to make you forget any bits of pain you may still have.”
Her blouse was easy to remove. He simply unbuttoned the dainty pink buttons on her pink shirt and watched it drop from chest. It was the white lacy bra that he now looked at that had him cursing.
“Damn M.”
Her eye glazed over and looked up at him and she asked, “What?”
“You’re just, magnificent. And that bra, god, it’s killing me.” He leaned down and nibbled her pebbling bud through the material. The sound of her letting out a moan was all the approval he needed for his body to continue.
His left hand came up to her free breast and started playing with the other nipple. He felt her body arc against him and that gave his right hand room to travel under her back and then down to her bottom. He squeezed her curvy cheek and let his hips grind into her. Jessie knew his hardened length would tell her just how much he wanted her, no needed her.
“Wait here.” He whispered into her breast as he stopped playing and then pushed himself up off of the bed. “I mean it do not move.”
Jessie rushed from the bedroom and into the kitchen. He always wanted to do this to her when they were young but never had the chance to because they were never able to be alone in their homes without interruption. He pulled open the refrigerator and pulled out the whipped cream and some cherries. Then he found the chocolate syrup. He was going to let his fantasy come to life tonight and there would be no interruptions.
“Where did you go?” He heard Merewyn call out asking.
“I told you I would be right back, do not move M!” He thought his voice sounded a bit too eager but that was fine. He usually worried about women judging him but not her. He finished pulling the items out and placing them on a tray and then began walking back to the bedroom.
I had no idea what he was off in the other room doing but lying on his bed, my shirt displaying my chest and my body tingling made me so nervous. Of course this is what I wanted but it was Jessie. It was a line we were crossing that hadn’t been crossed in so long. Was it smart? Did I even care if it was?
Not really. I decided it didn’t matter what happened tomorrow tonight would be about us, and about me being happy. It had been the worst week of my life and my hero was back. I just hope this time my heart wasn’t left in a million pieces. That’s what I had to remember. That no matter what I cannot expect anything from this.
My heart was racing so fast I thought it would explode right there in my ribcage.
And then he walked back in, carrying a tray of what looked like food.
“Jessie?”
“Yes?”
“Please tell me you did not stop to go get a snack.”
“Okay I won’t tell you that.”
A laugh escaped my lips nervously because the look he was giving me made me think that I was the snack he was about to eat.
“You see Merewyn Jane Smith, I had a dream.”
“Oh? You had a dream…” I said teasingly. “All great speeches start like that.”
I watched him shake his head grinning, “Oh I think this dream is much better. You see, I had a dream of eating a Sunday.”
“Yum.”
“But not just any Sunday, a Merewyn Sunday.”
“Sounds messy.”
“God I hope so.” Jessie’s voice was so light yet serious it warmed my heart and that’s when I decided to shut my mind off for the rest of the night and just enjoy whatever was to come.
“Is there enough for a Jessie Sunday?”
He shook his head back and forth and I felt my lips turn into a frown. “That doesn’t seem fair,” I said in minor protest.
“I told you tonight was about you and by you I mean me fulfilling my fantasy.”
The laugh that I gave felt so good, so heart felt, so happy. I sat up from the bed and let the shirt fall completely off my arms and when I reached around for my bra I heard him say, “No. I will undress you that is part of the fun. Like peeling away the layers of this banana here.”
He reached onto the tray and pulled up a bright yellow banana. The ideas I suddenly had made my face flush red and that caused Jessie to grin.
“I like the way your mind goes.”
“You have no way to know what I was thinking.”
“Trust me M. I know. And I approve of that thought.”
He walked to the bed and let the items on the tray move to eye level. “You’re going to need a shower by the time I am done with you.”
“I didn’t bring any soap, will you help me?” I teased.
“Oh baby I’ll do more than help, I’ll do all the work.”