~E~

<Want to meet up for coffee?>

My stomach sinks when I hit send. I'd talked myself out of it all week. I couldn't wait any longer. Another week has gone by and nothing.

Somehow he managed to dodge me all week.

I'm at a loss. My heart hurts. It's stupid, so stupid of me.

I let my heart get involved. I should've known it was the sex he wanted.

But, damn it. I want an explanation.

I've racked my brain, used all of my psychology tricks, and all I can come up with is he wanted me for sex.

For some reason, I can't accept it. Our connection makes me think there's more there. More to be explored. The sex wasn't just sex. There was something else there, I could feel it. And, I know he must've, too.

My phone buzzes with a new text. It's him.

<Sure, when are you thinking?>

At least he said yes.

<How about this afternoon? Three o'clock at The Coffee Exchange?>

<Ok, Emma. See you there.>

<See you.>

Shit. Why do I suddenly feel like this isn't a good idea?

* * *

The coffee house is busy on this warm Saturday afternoon. I shiver from the blast of cold as I walk through the door, the scent of coffee heavy in the air.

I scan the area but don't see Knox. An empty booth in the back corner calls my name and I hurry to grab it. I slide in and check my phone.

<Hey, I'm here. In the back corner booth by the fireplace.>

<I know.>

The text comes in mere seconds later and when I turn my head, there's his gorgeous face. My breath catches as heat flushes my cheeks. All of the memories of our weekend flood into my mind.

He's grown a beard of sorts, not long but more than scruff. It's neat and trimmed and I can't tear my eyes away as he takes the seat next to me.

"What's good, Em?"

What the fuck? He hasn't spoken to me until the morning I left his bed. When he barely let me slip from the covers, his fingers caressing my ass and slipping inside my sweet spot. Three orgasms later between the two of us and he finally lets me go. That's the first thing he's going to say to me?

"What's good? Hmmm... I'm not quite sure lately. What's good with you?"

He grins and gives me that playful look of his. I look away so I won't fall prey to his charms. The connection between us sizzles in the air.

"Been crazy busy with work and family shit, you know." He rubs his jaw and looks away. His eyes won't hold mine long.

Please don't be a shady guy. I really thought you were different. Don't make me look like a fool.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

The waitress interrupts us as the tension grows between us.

"What can I get you two? Gosh, I hope you guys don't mind me saying this but you're so cute together." The waitress gushes as she looks between us. "Trust me, I see a lot of people in here. All kinds of people. I've never seen a couple as cute as you two."

I bite my lip to hold back my laugh. "We're not together."

She gasps and clutches her chest with one hand. "Oh shit. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I assumed. Wow, how awful of me. I should've never. Sometimes you know, I can't help what I say. I'll shut up now, I'm obviously rambling... what can I get you two cuties to drink?"

I smile. "No harm done. I'll have a skim mocha latte please."

She turns to Knox and he orders a hot coffee, black two sugars. We certainly don't have the same taste in coffee. I like mine light and sweet with a good amount of coffee flavor blended in.

As soon as she's gone, the tension's back, along with the sparks and we both grow quiet. I wish I could hear his thoughts. I'm pretty good at figuring people out but he stumps me. What's he thinking? He could've easily turned me down for coffee but he came here for a reason. He must've wanted to see me.

"Listen, I wanted to talk to you." I start but Knox interrupts me.

"It was a mistake, Emma. I'm sorry. I... I should've never let things go as far as they did."

I'm speechless. It was a mistake? Really? Is that what you do? Fuck girls, ignore them, and then tell them it was a mistake?

He runs his hands through his hair, then down over his face. He's fidgety and I doubt he's telling the truth. I feel it in my bones.

My hands grind into fists. A bead of sweat trickles along the back of my neck. I bite my tongue and push down the heated words that will tumble from my mouth if I don't hold myself back.

The waitress brings our drinks a moment later. She must sense the tension because she's away from the table in less than five seconds.

"I..." Knox stops and blows out a breath. His shoulders deflate. "I'm sorry, Emma. I never meant to hurt you. I realized I'm not ready to do this."

"Oh, and you happened to realize that after you fucked me?"

He spreads his hands on the table and finally brings his eyes to mine. They look sad but I don't care. That's not what's coming out of his mouth, his words tell a different story.

"It's not like that, Em."

"Thanks for the time we did have together. You just confirmed what I'd been doubting." I stand and grab my coffee. I pick up my purse and fish a few dollars from my wallet, tossing them on the table.

Knox doesn't say a thing; only stares into his drink.

Without so much as muttering a goodbye, I turn and leave before he can see the tears filling my eyes.

I'm in my car seconds later, and I slump over the wheel.

My mother's right. Sleeping with someone before you truly know them is a bad idea. I thought I knew him. I thought we had a connection. Shit, I was wrong. So wrong. Love is one big mindfuck. I should listen to my mother and find someone to marry.

I'm done with these games. I need a real man. A man to take care of me.

I sit up and wipe my face. I turn the car on and crank up the air conditioning. It's mid-August and the summer is in full blast.

I send Sarah a text to ask if she's home.

She replies a few seconds later that she is and I pull into the street as I make my way to the liquor store.

There's a bottle of wine with my name on it.

* * *

An hour later and I'm spilling my guts to Sarah, half the bottle of wine gone already.

"I don't fucking get it, Sarah. I just don't. I follow the rules, I get fucked. I don't follow them, I get fucked. What gives?"

"I don't know, girl. But, it's definitely not following those rules. Those rules fucking suck, my friend." She taps my glass with hers and I shake my head.

"I know they do. But, Knox confirmed the fact that they have some value to them. I mean, look. I spread my legs like a slut and he's ignoring me faster than I can say give it to me again."

Sarah giggles as she refills our glasses. "Men suck. They only think with their cocks. They're all the same."

"Even your hot janitor?"

"Hell yeah. Zeke is always thinking with that cock. No doubt about it."

Sarah's had her fair share of men over the years. I'm happy she's found someone to settle down with.

"How do you know then? When you finally find that special someone?"

"I wish I could tell you. I've pushed Zeke away since we began fucking. He dug his way into my heart though, and now I can't picture life without him. Hey, that may change, but for now, it's good. He's an ass at times. Hell, I know I'm a bitch. Everyone has their days."

"Did you feel anything with Zeke at the beginning?"

"Not love, if that's what you mean. Our chemistry's intense, all we did is fuck. Ha, we still do."

I sip my wine while my mind rehashes over every minute spent with Knox. It's driving me batty.

"Em, I see that brain of yours ticking. Soon, there'll be smoke pouring out. Listen, hon," Sarah grasps my hand, giving it a squeeze. "Every relationship is different. Some guys I've dated, the chemistry wasn't as strong, and it didn't make a damned bit of difference. What matters is how you feel when you're with him. Love can take a while in some cases and with others, it happens instantly. It beats the fuck out of me what works and what doesn't. The best thing is to just let it happen. Stop worrying so much."

Sarah makes a good point. If only I could follow her advice. Instead, my over active brain doesn't know when to shut the hell up.

"Who’s the therapist now?" Sarah asks and winks at me.

"Yeah, yeah." I say as I sip more wine. "Helping myself is impossible for me, go figure."

"I think it's hard for everyone. It's not easy to analyze ourselves."

"What would I do without you?"

"Up shit's creek without a paddle?" Sarah asks, her eyes aglow.

"That about sums it up."

Sarah smiles. "Just let things be. See how it goes. Give him some space. Men get freaked out, too, you know. Maybe he felt something he wasn't ready for. Or, maybe he really is an asshole. Try to keep your heart out of it before you know for sure."

I snort. "Yeah, easier said than done."

"I know, believe me, I know. But, you can do it. I have faith in you. Now, tell me about your crazy mother and sister. Spying on you and making you a dating profile? What in the fuck?"

I nod, drinking the last sip of wine. I refill my glass and top off Sarah's, the bottle now polished off. "Yep. A whole other level of crazy. I kicked them out of my house twice now."

Sarah's mouth drops open. "What? I remember you telling me about the first time. What happened the second time?"

"My mom calls me up out of the blue, demanding to have dinner with me. I told her no, she can't act like nothing happened and not apologize, either. She claims neither of them have anything to say sorry for."

"Those bitches." Sarah mutters while shaking her head.

"I tried to ignore her all week but then she begins threatening me about the student loan payments. She loves to throw that one in my face."

Sarah rolls her eyes before I continue.

"I agree to have lunch with them after she hounds me all week. They came over yesterday and it didn't even last twenty minutes before shit hit the fan. Melissa has to run her mouth about Knox. They knew I'd been with him that one weekend. They spied on me the entire time."

Sarah's entire face drops, her mouth wide open. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck, those bitches get worse as time goes on."

"Isn’t that the truth, chick. I couldn't stand to sit there and have them lecture me about everything I'm doing wrong, according to them, while Melissa acts high and mighty. I warned her, I warned both of them to lay off about Knox and my love life but they didn't. I snapped and told them to leave, in which, surprise, my mother said I'd no longer get student loan payments from them. I told her, I don't care. It's not worth the fucking aggravation of the two of them."

Sarah holds her hand up for a high five. "You go girl. I've wanted you to tell them off for years. I'm glad you finally did it."

"Me, too. I'm tired of her hanging shit over my head. It's ridiculous. Melissa insists she shut down the dating profile but a part of me wonders. Until they grow the fuck up and butt out of my business, I'm done talking to them."

"Good. Date whoever the fuck you want, Em. I'm telling you, once you stop worrying about it all the time, especially about those damned rules, love will come to you."

"I hope so, I really do."

"Let's get back to the good stuff. Tell me again, how many times did you orgasm?"

I laugh. "Good girls don't reveal their secrets." I grin and bury my face in my drink. She'll never guess... I'm pretty damned sure I lost count...

* * *

Two weeks pass and not one word is exchanged between Knox and me. I've officially given up. He seems to work his schedule to where he doesn't see me on purpose. I find it odd he plans it this well.

I stand in the break room, waiting for my cup of coffee to brew, while I scan my emails. A new one jumps out at me, the name’s not recognizable, asking if I'd like to grab a bite to eat.

I recently joined a local group online for people looking to meet others. So far, the group seems all right. But, I'm nervous to go on an actual date.

Knox circles in my brain, over and over. The days pass and the urge to see him gets stronger, if that's possible.

Is it fair for me to go out with someone else when my mind is elsewhere? I need a push though; something or someone to divert my attention.

"Emma? How's it going?" My coworker Melinda comes up behind me, her coffee cup empty.

"It's going. Another day, another dollar, right?" I grab my coffee and add some cream and sugar as I move over for Melinda to make her coffee.

"I hear ya there, my case load is extremely busy. I'm pulling long hours."

I nod as I sip my coffee. The hot, sweet liquid tastes divine. "I know what that's like. Maybe we should move in here; set up a cot."

Melinda chuckles while she fixes her coffee. "How do you like the new guy?"

I freeze. How do I answer that?

"He seems nice. Professional. I've chatted with him a couple of times."

"Really? That's all? You two looked cozy over lunch one day."

I rack my brain. When did we have lunch here at work? We've gone out a couple of times but I can't recall a time we sat in here together.

"We're just friends, if that's what you're hinting at."

Melinda's eyes light up. I knew she wanted him. It's written all over her face.

"Interesting. I'll catch you later, okay?"

I nod as Melinda takes her coffee and leaves the break room.

That's strange. Is she going to ask him out?

My heart sinks as I think of them out together.

I'm green with envy. I can't show it. No one in here can know.

Does Melinda know something?

My breathing picks up as I head back to my office.

What if she knows? If others know?

No, how could they?

Well, we're nothing now and never were.

I have no hold on him. He's free to date whomever he wants. And, so am I.