This isn’t the life I signed up for.

It’s not the life either Ginny or I planned.

When we decided not to worry about contraception, and to let nature take its course, we thought getting pregnant would be the hard part.

That turned out to be easy.

But after two miscarriages in six months, Ginny’s shattered.

The second one happened last night.

There was no work for Ginny or me today, no day care for Ava.

Instead, Ginny, Ava and I are in bed, and I’m facing Ginny, who has Ava snuggled in tight against her. Ava who won’t move because even though she doesn’t know what’s wrong, she knows something bad has happened.

Ginny’s eyes flicker open.

“Hey,” I say softly.

She gives me a wistful smile. “Hey.”

“Are you hungry? I could kill a bacon and egg panini.”

“That sounds so good right now.”

I reach for her hand. “Let’s go and get some alone time before the munchkin wakes up.”

Ginny’s smile grows, and my heart lights up. I never knew what love was until I had her and Ava in my life. Now, I’m overwhelmed by the feelings I have for both of them.

I tug on my jeans while Ginny puts on a dress. She heads to the kitchen to get out the bacon and eggs while I go through to the bakery to grab some fresh paninis.

“Oh, so his lordship decided to get out of bed, did he?” Mel winks at me.

“Yep. When the stomach grumbles, you can’t ignore it.”

I reach for the bread. The rolls are still warm, and I take a deep breath. All these years as a baker and I’ll never get enough of that smell.

“How’s Ginny?”

I shrug. “Alright. We’re just going to have breakfast while Ava’s still asleep.”

“Does she even know what’s going on?” I sent Mel a text last night to tell her that I wouldn’t be in the kitchen first thing and why. She’s one of the few people who knows.

I shake my head. “She just knows Ginny’s sad. That’s enough for her.”

“There’s a gingerbread woman over there for her.” Mel points to a bench.

I laugh. “You think of everything.”

Mel places her hand on her heart. “I live vicariously through you guys. You’ve shown me what true love is.”

Shaking my head, I throw a panini at her, hitting her on the arm.

“What a waste of food. I’m telling my boss on you.”

“You do that.” I pick up the cookie and another panini, and go back through to the house, chuckling.

Ginny turns as I enter the kitchen. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. Mel made Ava a present.”

Ginny laughs. She doesn’t even look at what I’ve got in my hand. “I’m just surprised that girl isn’t made of gingerbread. She eats enough of it.”

I peck the woman I love on the cheek, and she leans against me. “Go and sit down. I’ll cook this up and bring it to you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Today is Take Care of Ginny Day.”

Her green eyes are so full of love, it takes my breath away. “That seems to be every day with you.”

“Always.”

After breakfast, we take Ava to the park. We’re the only people there, though that’s hardly surprising since it’s the middle of the day.

“What do you want to do first?” I ask.

“The slide.” Ava jumps up and down, excited.

“Go on, then.”

Ava runs to the slide, and I plant myself on a wooden bench nearby, pulling Ginny down onto my lap.

“What are you doing?” She laughs.

“Loving you. It’s the easiest thing to do in the world.”

She hooks her arms around my shoulders. “I like it when you say things like that.”

I bury my face in her neck. “Then I’ll say them every day.”

Ginny sighs. “I just wish things had worked out this time.”

“So what do we do now?”

She shrugs. “Take a break for a few months? I don’t know.”

“It might be a good idea. Not permanently. Just while we all recover.”

She pushes off my lap and sits next to me. “I don’t know if I will recover.”

I slip my arm around her. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“If you want someone else, I’ll understand.”

Squeezing her shoulders, I bury my face in her hair. “There’ll never be anyone else for me, Ginny. You know that. It’s only ever going to be you, whether we have more children or not.”

“Mummyyyyy!” a child screams.

Ginny’s head shoots up. “That’s Ava’s voice.”

She takes off, running toward the playground. Ava limps around the slide, and I see the problem straight away. Her knee’s all bloody and raw.

Ginny runs, and Ava walks toward her, wailing and holding her arms out. “Mummyyyy,” she calls again.

My heart stops. Ginny drops to her knees in front of Ava and pulls her into her embrace.

I run up behind them, squatting to see my daughter.

“Did you fall, sweet pea?” I ask.

Ava nods, letting out a cry that breaks my heart. “Mummy,” she whimpers.

Ginny digs into her pocket, and pulls out a tissue, then wipes Ava’s eyes.

“Let’s get you home,” she says. Ava wraps her arms around Ginny’s neck.

“Here, I’ll carry you.” I open my arms to Ava, but she shakes her head.

“It’s okay, Owen. We don’t have to walk far.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I just want to get Ava home and cleaned up.”

I walk behind them back to the car. Ava’s resting her head on Ginny’s shoulder, her face covered in tears and snot.

When we draw close, I come to a stop. Maybe we didn’t start out as a family, but all the breath is sucked from my lungs as I realise I’m watching my daughter and her mother. Biology be damned. In the absence of Ava’s real mother, Ginny is it.

Ava knows it too.

It sends a shiver through me.

“Owen?” Ginny reaches the car, and turns, her eyebrows dipping in confusion.

I shake myself out of my stupor. “Sorry.”

I reach for the door, stepping out of the way to let Ginny place Ava in the car seat.

“Let’s just go home.”

I spend the rest of the afternoon watching.

Watching as Ginny washes Ava’s knee and gently places a Band-Aid on it. Watching as they snuggle together on the couch.

I excuse myself to make dinner, and then I wash the dishes while Ginny takes Ava for her bath.

It’s after Ava’s asleep, when Ginny’s in my arms, that I finally bring up what I witnessed. “You didn’t even notice, did you?”

Ginny raises her eyes to meet mine. “Notice what?”

“What Ava called you.”

For a moment, her face goes blank, and I know the moment it hits her because her lower lip wobbles. “I was so worried about her that I didn’t even hear it,” she whispers.

Wrapping my arms around her, I close my eyes as she buries her face in my chest. “You’re her mother, Gin.”

“But, I—”

“Don’t fight it. She’ll never forget Cara; we’ll make sure of it. But you are her mother now.”

I don’t realise she’s crying until hot tears soak through my shirt. “Hey, no more tears.”

“I never thought that’d she’d … I mean, I guess we have that kind of relationship.” She looks up, and I raise my hand, pushing her hair back behind her ear.

“You’re the one who makes her breakfast in the morning, takes her to day care, tucks her in at night. You sing to her; you buy her clothing and toys. You’re everything to her, Ginny. Just as you’re everything to me.”

I take a deep breath. “Let’s talk to Drew.”

She nods. “I thought he might have said something last time we saw them.”

“I didn’t tell him about the miscarriage. Either of them.”

Her eyebrows twitch. “I thought you would have. You two are so close.”

I shrug. “I don’t tell him everything. And this has been for us to deal with together.”

Tears well in her eyes again. I can’t bear to see her so up and down. It’s hard on those days when she struggles with pain and spends the day in bed being miserable. When she does, I bake for her, bring Ava into bed with her. Anything to bring a smile to her face.

“How’d I ever get lucky enough to find you?”

I smile. “Well, I blame Max.”

She chuckles. “He did bring us together.”

“That kid has the best timing. It was a pretty difficult period after seeing that accident. You made everything better.”

Ginny palms my cheek, and I turn my face to kiss her hand.

“I never thought I’d be settled with one woman and have a family. But here we are: you, me, and Ava.” I move my face closer to hers. She gives me a shy smile that sends a shock through me. It’s funny how things have changed. A couple of years ago if anyone had asked me if I had plans to settle down, I would have told them they were mad. I liked my lifestyle. It was rare that anyone got hurt.

Cara’s death woke me up.

Ginny’s arrival gave me life.

“Now, how about we get some sleep? Tomorrow is another day, and it’ll be a little better than today.”

Ginny nods. “Sounds good. I’m so tired.”

“I’ll give Drew a call in the morning if you want me to.”

“Please,” she whispers.

“Anything for you.”

I wait until Ginny’s at work and Ava’s at day care the next day.

Drew answers on the first ring.

“What’s up?” He sounds so cheerful, and I’m about to bring him down.

I let out a breath. I’m not sure if Ginny’s told Hayley about her medical issues, and maybe Drew already knows, but I still feel awkward telling him, even with my woman’s permission.

“Well, I need to ask for some medical help.”

“Owen?” He switches to a serious tone.

“For Ginny.”

“Anything. Tell me what you need.”

“She has endometriosis.” I’m glad she’s not here because the emotion of the past few weeks catches up, and I’ve got tears in my eyes. It’s not that I’m concerned about her seeing me cry, but I’d rather she not deal with the guilt I know she’ll feel. “Dude, she’s had two miscarriages, and I don’t know if she can take anymore.”

“When?”

“The first one was a little while after she moved in. We decided to let whatever happened happen, and she got pregnant pretty quickly. She miscarried at six weeks. Then she lost a second one the night before last at seven weeks.”

“Shit. How’s she holding up?”

How do you think? I want to scream at him, but it’s not his fault. Ginny’s family, and of course he cares about how she’s coping.

“Well, we all spent yesterday morning in bed. I convinced her to take Ava to the park in the afternoon, and we had a family day together.”

“Good. She needs all the support she can get. So do you.”

“Can you help her?”

He catches his breath. “I would if I could. But you guys are family. I can refer you to a friend of mine, though. He’ll do what he can.”

“Is he good?”

“Almost as good as me.” That smartarse tone is in Drew’s voice, and I roll my eyes.

“I think we both know there are no guarantees, and she’s been to doctors before we got together, but the difference is that she’s got me now, and I’ll be there for her no matter what.”

“Mate, that’s such an important part of this. If you two want to try for a baby, there’ll be ups and downs. You have to be a team.”

“Ava started calling her Mummy,” I blurt out.

“That’s wonderful. At least, I’m assuming it is. It goes to show how stable she feels with you two.”

“I’m not sure if her timing is good or bad with what’s going on.”

Drew laughs. “Probably both. When are you guys coming to visit? Taking a break might help.”

“I’ll talk to Ginny. It’d be good to get away before Ava starts school.”

“You know, I’m so proud of you. It’s like you grew up. But I guess you had to with the insta-family.”

I chuckle. “I could say the same for you. You always were an over-achiever, but twins?”

“They’re amazing. I look at them, and I see both Hayley and me. They’re just perfect.” He sighs. “Anyway, I need to get some work done. Thanks for letting me know what’s been going on. I’ll talk to Dion and get you an appointment with him.”

“He’s the best, right?” When there’s silence on the other end, I laugh. “After you, of course.”

“I was really wondering where that brotherly love had gone for a moment. He’s good. You can trust him to be honest with you.”

“Thanks, Drew.”

“Anytime, bro. Talk to you again soon.”

As I hang up the phone, I think about Ginny again. The pain in her eyes lately has been too much to bear, but I’ll be by her side whatever happens.

I can only pray we get the result she needs.

That night, we’re about to climb into bed when my phone buzzes on the bedside cabinet. It’s a text from Drew.

He’s given me the name of a doctor, and a date and time. I guess he’s gone ahead and made us an appointment.

“What’s that?” Ginny asks.

I show her the phone.

“Is that …?”

“I’m hoping that’s our future.”