Chapter Ten
When Maris went down for a nap, Lindsey took her easel onto the deck and faced the water. She added cobalt-blue paint to her pallet and set the tube beside her. Ever since Damien mentioned her paintings, she had an itch to pull out her oils and transform a blank canvas into its own little world. Lindsey recalled the peace she felt as a teenager when she sat at her easel. All her problems seemed to melt away when she was face-to-face with a creamy white canvas and the smell of turpentine in the air. At the time, those problems had been a sliver of those she dealt with in adulthood—grades and test scores, boys and prom dates. Her lips curved. If only things could be so easy now.
She swept her brush through the thick oil paint and watched as a sea gull dove into the water after its prey. Lindsey could paint the rolling sea of Chatham from memory, along with the rocky jetties that projected from the land into the water, and the stately white-washed lighthouses that called ships home.
Damien’s suggestion of selling her work had nagged at her since he’d mentioned it at the hospital. She finally unearthed some old paintings she’d done of the shoreline and stacked them in her bedroom. After walking by them for weeks, she was finally compelled to try her hand at it again. Damien inspired her, and lit a fire deep within her to explore all that life had to offer. Painting had once been her greatest dream. She arched the brush over the canvas, and let the call of the gulls and the sound of the waves relax her.
Lindsey was embarrassed at how quickly she’d put art aside when Matthew scoffed at her longing to be a painter. She had bended to him too easily, desperately trying to make the marriage work. Thankfully, it hadn’t worked because now she understood his need to control, to possess. They had never been equals. They were never a team. Like she and Damien were, she thought. They shared everything. The household chores, time with Maris, their hopes and dreams—but they still hadn’t had sex. They curled up in the same bed together every night and his kisses and touches drove her mad—but he didn’t push for more. Was he still giving her space to recover, or was something else holding him back? If there wasn’t such fire in his eyes, such passion when their lips met, she would wonder if he found her desirable at all.
She mixed some yellow paint onto her brush, and started scrubbing light into a wave breaking over the beach. She wanted so much to believe their relationship could work for the long haul, but insecurities whispered in her ear. Would he truly stay when his father’s house sold, or would the lure to travel off the Cape be too strong to resist? Lindsey picked up her palette knife, pulled it through burnt sienna, and scraped a jetty into the water. She was so in tune with her work and with the sounds of nature around her, she didn’t hear the screen door open.
She jumped and nearly dropped her tools when Damien spoke behind her.
“That’s something else, Lindsey.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
She turned and smiled when she saw Maris in his arms and the dog prancing at his feet. She’d never tire of the twirl of happiness that circled through her at the sight of them together.
“Would you mind if Maris and I took your car? We have an errand to run.”
She raised her brow. “It’s a little early for driving lessons.” Lindsey knew Damien was perfectly capable of strapping Maris in her car seat and keeping her safe. He’d had as much of a hand in raising her as she did. “If you give me half an hour, I could go, too.”
“No, keep at it.” He motioned toward her painting. “We won’t be long and when I get back you and I are going on a date.” Damien cooed softly to the baby when she started to fuss. Had a man ever been more beautiful?
Lindsey laughed. “Yeah, right. Who’ll watch Maris?”
“Your parents. They seemed over the moon when I asked them yesterday.” He shifted Maris to his other side, looking completely confident and competent with the little baby in his arms. Damien had become very domestic in a short period of time. He grabbed her chin with his free hand and planted a kiss on her lips. “We have something to celebrate.” His eyes danced with mischief.
“We do? What do you have up your sleeve?” Lindsey narrowed her eyes at him, got up from her seat, and kissed Maris on her forehead.
“You’ll see.” He grinned. “We should be back by five and your parents will be here around six.” Damien pecked her cheek and breezed back through the sliding glass door.
What was he up to? She finished her painting and went straight for the shower. A thought shook her as she soaped up. The house must have sold. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. What would happen now? A sick churning looped in her stomach. If the house was gone, he was no longer tied to Chatham. She tried to push it aside and just get ready for their date. Lindsey rolled her shoulders and tried to loosen the tension that rested between them. She ran her fingers over her wet hair, and wrung out the excess water. They’d seen each other every day for weeks. Why was she so nervous?
Lindsey pulled out all the stops, enhancing her eyes with mascara and turning her lips into a sultry slick pout with lipstick and gloss. She used a round brush and blow dryer to add some extra oomph to her straight hair. Her room looked as though a hurricane blew through it as she rummaged through her closet, tossing articles of clothing all over the bed until she found something that satisfied her. Lindsey let out a grateful breath when the zipper on the black dress pulled up easily.
She was just clasping a silver pendant around her neck w the side door opened. Lindsey hoped she hadn’t gone overboard but it was her first date in a very, very long time, with a man who put stars in her eyes and a song in her heart. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her in the hallway, Maris in one hand, and a lush bouquet of pink peonies in the other.
“I don’t tell you enough, Lindsey, but you’re beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you’re in sweatpants or dressed up, you’re striking.”
It wasn’t his kind words that had her heart jumping to her throat, but the intense look in his eyes that told her he meant every word of it.
“For my date,” he said holding out the bouquet. “Every head will turn tonight when you walk by.”
She moved closer, accepted the flowers, and inhaled their sweet scent. She lifted her gaze to him and for one heartbeat, their eyes locked. The air around them sparked with electricity. Eager anticipation danced in the space between them. They both looked up at the sound of a knock on the door—a distinct rat-a-tat-tat. Why did her parents always have to be early? She was disappointed the moment ended and went to open the door for them.
“Where’s that little munchkin?” her mother said and gave her a quick hug before breezing past. Her father followed her inside, and glanced with approval at the flowers she held. After a few family dinners together, he’d thawed to the idea of Damien. She secretly thought he even liked him. Her dad kissed her cheek and walked over to Maris, who was being smothered with nuzzles and coos.
“We were starting to think you’d never ask us to babysit,” Tanya said, and easily stole Maris from Damien’s arms.
Lindsey started rattling off instructions and feeding habits and she pointed out the list of important numbers that hung on the fridge.
“Don’t you worry.” Allen raised his brows at the instructions. “We managed to keep you alive, didn’t we?”
Lindsey laughed. “That doesn’t inspire much confidence, Dad.” She took a deep breath. It would be their first time leaving the house without Maris.
Tanya rolled her eyes. “It shouldn’t.” She turned toward Damien and added, “I left one afternoon to go shopping and came home to Lindsey munching on crayons. Allen was fast asleep and the house looked as though a tornado swept through.”
Allen’s eyes twinkled. “Fathering is tiring business.” He chuckled.
“You two get going and don’t worry about a thing. We’ve got this.” Tanya grinned and planted a kiss on the baby’s cheek.
“Okay, but just call if—” Lindsey started to say.
“We will. We’ll call with any questions. Just go and have a nice time.” Allen put a hand on his wife’s shoulder and began to lead her into the living room.
Damien took Lindsey’s keys off the counter, and placed a hand at the small of her back as they walked toward the driveway. He opened the door for her, and closed it once she was settled inside.
“What’s all this about, Damien? You’re being very secretive.” She grinned even though nerves swam through her stomach like minnows pushing against a net.
“Just relax and enjoy. When’s the last time you went out for a nice night?” He started the car, glanced over, and smirked back. He was definitely up to something.
“Hmm.” She tried to think back. “I guess if I have to think about it this long, it’s been a while. What about you?”
“My feet barely touched U.S. soil before I found out my father died. After that, I was on the road to come here. The last time I went out and really enjoyed it was that morning we went to the diner. It’s when you decided to let me bunk at your house.” His lips curved.
“It was a very smart decision.” She looked out to the water as they drove past a stretch of beach. Straggling beachgoers were pulling down their colorful umbrellas and folding up sandy towels. “You’ve more than upheld your end of our bargain. I still have a stack of papers to go through.” She really needed to get on it. It wasn’t fair to slack on her end of the deal when he’d completed his in spades.
“There’s no rush.” He turned the wheel, and they pulled up to a waterside restaurant.
Lights glowed from every window and patrons meandered along the elegant wraparound porch, enjoying the ocean view. Damien came around to her side of the car, opened the door, and together they walked under the white columned portico and into the restaurant. He had put a lot of thought into this. More flutters filled her chest. The hostess found their name in her book, took two menus, and led them to a corner table. The wide arched windows opened the room up to the ocean.
“This view is incredible. It’s like we’re right on the beach.” Lindsey looked out and memorized the landscape. The sun was beginning to dip lower over the horizon. The sky looked like rainbow sherbet with wispy, cotton candy-pink clouds surrounding a ripe orange sun that cast a trail of vanilla sparkles over the calm water.
“Looks like we’ll catch the sunset from here, too.” He reached across the table and took her hand. The small gesture still sent tingles down her spine, especially when he caressed her hand, like she was something precious and dear to him. Even though it was wrong, part of her desperately hoped his father’s house stayed on the market for a little longer. The other part of her wished only good things for him—even if it meant he chose to leave after all. The waitress visited their table, took their drink order, and returned quickly with two frosty glasses of lemonade. Lindsey would be nursing for a while yet so the long list of high-end wines was off-limits.
The menu had her mouth watering and in the end, she decided on seared sea scallops, while Damien ordered a steak. Once the waitress left with their order, Damien met her eyes and smiled. He had a face she’d never tire of seeing, and the curve at his lips made her heart croon—like she was the motive for it.
“Now, for the reason behind our celebration.” He gave her hand a quick squeeze and dug into his pocket. Her heart leaped into her throat and returned to her chest when he pulled out an envelope and set it next to him. She had to laugh at herself. What was she expecting—a ring? They’d reconnected only a few months ago. Their future was so uncertain. How could she possibly think that? Is that what she wanted from him? To be tangled up in another marriage? It was a scary thought, but Damien made her want those things again—the promises and the responsibility of them.
“I know you’ve been saying you don’t think your talent could earn you a livable income, so when you pulled out those old oil paintings, I borrowed one and took it to the gallery on Main Street—just to see.” His smile grew wider, as the corners of her lips dropped.
Her eyes narrowed. How could he think it was okay to take one of her paintings, to make that kind of decision on her behalf? Anger simmered slowly under the surface of her skin.
As if reading her mind, he squeezed her hand. “Linds, I believe in you. I know I didn’t ask to take the canvas but I wanted to show you how talented you really are. To make you have confidence in yourself just like I do.” Damien straightened out the envelope on the table.
“I’m trying hard to build my confidence back up on my own, and part of that step would have been soliciting my work when the time was right.” Lindsey balled her hands into tight fists in her lap. “You have no idea what it was like with Matthew. He made every decision. Dictated every choice. He made me feel like…like I was never enough.”
Matthew had been all about control, always telling her how to wear her hair and how to dress. He made sure they socialized with the right circle to fuel his career, and brushed off the idea of meeting the friends she’d made in college. Damien was supposed to understand her better than anyone—and yet hadn’t he just taken control away from her, too?
Lindsey glanced down at the table. Her eyes burned with fresh tears fighting to escape over the edges of her eyelids. She forced them back, and looked up at Damien who sat dumbfounded, like a steamroller had just chugged through the dining room and flattened him.
When he spoke, his terse words were barely a whisper. “How could you say I have no idea what it’s like to have control stripped away from me? To be made to feel less? My dad told me every day with his fists. No matter how good I was, no matter what I did right, I couldn’t stop him. My mother wasn’t there to protect me because I wasn’t enough to make her stay.”
His eyes bore into her with such ferocity, it was a wonder she didn’t melt into a waxy puddle of guilt on the floor. Of course, he knew what it felt like, he’d had a whole lifetime of mental abuse and came out stronger for it. She’d put up with Matthew for only two years, and it crushed her. What did that say about the strength of her character? She looked down at the table, unable to hold his tense gaze.
“Lindsey, look at me.” She brought her eyes up to his. “I submitted your painting because I believe in your talent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. If you want to experience selling it to someone yourself, take it into another gallery.”
Her back stiffened and she sat up straight as an iron rod. How could he downplay her feelings and tell her she was overreacting? Her feelings were hers, and hers alone.
“You believe in my talent, Damien, but not in me. Do you think I’ll never be strong enough to develop the confidence to do things on my own?”
“That’s not what I was thinking at all. I thought if you could sell your work, you’d be able to stand on your own two feet while doing what you love.”
So that’s what this was all about. He wanted her to stand on her own, so he could hit the road like he’d always intended to. How silly she’d been to think their growing relationship would be enough to keep him here. Well, he could pack up and go at any time. She’d be just fine, financially and otherwise. It was a lie, one that hurt her so deeply. She wouldn’t be okay if he left.
Their meals came and they both sat in strained silence. She could have been tasting the world’s finest cuisine or a pile of dirt. The fight had stripped her senses bare, and all she could focus on was their crumbling relationship, falling apart in a matter of moments, like an overbaked coffee cake.
They limped through a painfully quiet dinner. Damien asked the waitress for the check, and slid his credit card inside the leather pad without glancing at the bill. They left the restaurant walking single file, like they were part of a chain gang. The car ride was no better. Scenery blurred past as they drove mile after mile without a single word. The silence inside the car was deafening. This had been their first real date, and it went up in flames faster than a dried-out log soaked in gasoline. Was it a foreshadowing of their future?
When the car finally crawled into the driveway, Lindsey unbuckled before Damien was able to shift gears into Park. She couldn’t stand another moment of the hushed disappointment that circled the air around them.
They walked in and found her parents watching television.
“You’re back early,” Tanya said. “Did you have a nice time?”
“Yes,” Lindsey choked out. Of course, they knew otherwise. Damien and Lindsey stood feet away from each other, and her eyes were probably puffy from holding back the waterfall of tears that wanted to explode from her eyes. She noticed a look pass between her parents.
“Was Maris all right?” Lindsey fiddled with the fabric of her dress. If only everyone would just clear out and she could be alone.
“Good as gold.” Her father flicked off the TV and stood up. Her mother followed his lead. They hugged her, said goodbye to Damien, and left quickly, sensing the unsettled air.
Lindsey went straight for the nursery and sunk into the rocker by Maris’s crib. When she heard the door to Damien’s room shut, she leaned her head back against the padded headrest. Maris was all she needed. She breathed in her soft new scent and let the tears flow down her cheeks. It seemed like things had ended before they’d even begun. She braced herself, knowing she might find him gone in the morning.