CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Cole
I didn’t expect to see her again but here she is and looking upset. For a fleeting moment, I’m glad. Then I’m ashamed. She looks so scared, and I’m not exactly sure why. Her beautiful eyes are wide, her mouth slightly open, her skin so pale it’s nearly translucent in the dim lights from the street. I want to pull her to me and kiss her. I want to cover her mouth with mine and tell her that she never has to be afraid again. I’ll protect her. Except I can’t promise her that. I’m her worst threat.
Despite the cold, I’m sweating, rivers of it running down my face. After leaving the bar, I ran to the gym and worked out for several hours, pumping iron until my muscles screamed. When that hadn’t been enough, I began running again. I don’t know how many miles I logged just running through the dark, snowy campus streets. But I ran in the attempt to free myself from the baggage that’s been strapped to my back, the ghosts on my heels.
It didn’t work. All of that is still here.
And now she’s here and none of it matters.
My heart starts pounding for a different reason as anger and desire hits me all at once. For a moment, I almost keep running. Earlier, I thought I’d made some decisions. I’d decided to focus on getting my life together. Forget women, forget drugs, forget booze, and just focus. Yeah, I knew it would be hard, but it was time I did something right for myself for once.
And now she’s here, and I’m ready to throw all that away so I can just see her, even if it means she’s just here to tell me what an asshole loser I am.
She seems both startled and relieved as I step onto the porch. I can even see it in her eyes, the way they light up, the way she looks at me, at my body, my face. For the briefest moment, she smiles, but that vanishes, and she lowers her gaze.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Her head jerks up. “Cole,” she says, sounding a little breathless. “I’m sorry… I just… I…” She clears her throat. “I came here to talk. I need to…” Tears fill her gorgeous eyes.
Before I’m even aware of what I’m doing, I cross the porch and pull her to me. “Shhh… don’t cry, Becca. Please don’t cry.”
She does the exact opposite and bursts into full blown tears. Still holding her close, I unlock the door before lifting her in my arms and carrying her inside. I smooth my hand through her silky hair and breathe her in. I love the way she feels in my arms, the way her body melts into mine.
Her tears bleed through my hoodie, all the way to my skin. “I’m sorry, Cole,” she cries her body shaking from her emotion and the cold. “I’m so very sorry.”
I forgive her.
It’s that easy. Before the words are even out of her mouth or even before I know what’s she’s sorry for, all is forgiven. “It’s okay,” I tell her and mean it. It feels so fucking good to forgive her. Nothing, no drug, no booze, no random girl has ever felt that good. That right.
She shakes her head again, then opens her mouth to say something more. But I’m done with talking. She’s here, and I want her. Nothing is going to stop me from connecting our bodies together, as surely as our hearts and souls, our lives, are connected.
“Cole—”
I smother her words with my mouth, carrying her to the bedroom. I need to make her mine. I want her at my mercy, writhing in pleasure for me. Only me.
The taste of Becca’s lips lingers on mine, so sweet. So good. I toss her onto my bed and kneel at the foot of it to tug off her shoes. Then her socks. Her face is flushed, her eyes wide. She doesn’t tell me to stop because she wants this too. I know she does. I can feel in the way she returned my kiss and in the way she clung to me when I picked her up.
As I look up the line of her sexy body, her fingers trail to the waistband of her pants, and I see the surrender in her eyes. “Tell me what to do,” she murmurs.
She drives me crazy. She knows how to pluck my strings. She knows I want all the control. Crave it. Need it. Just as I know she needs to release control to me.
“Strip,” I command and watch her pupils dilate with passion. “Take it all off for me. Then get on your knees.”
Becca
I want to do exactly what he tells me. It’s a power he possesses. Cole issues a command, and I obey, despite my better judgment or misgivings. It isn’t because I don’t want it, I do. I want it desperately. It’s because I have something of grave importance to tell him.
“Cole, we need to talk. I—”
His eyes grow darker. “Later. Do what I say.”
“But—”
“Do I need to punish you?”
Yes. Oh, please. Yes.
Punishment. Pleasure. The words are intermingled in my mind when it comes to this man and all that he does to me.
For a moment I think of Rob and his possible violation, then close my mind to it all. I need this. I want this. I want Cole to make me forget it all. Erase Rob from every part of my memory. Erase him from every part of my skin.
Very slowly, I stand and push my yoga pants past my hips and down my legs. I kick them off and hook my fingers at the bottom of my sweater. It follows the pants to the floor, and all that is left is my panties and bra.
Cole’s eyes don’t leave me, and the way they darken makes me feels so beautiful and sexy. He has this way of just looking at me that makes me feel like that. He doesn’t have to touch me or say a word.
Reaching behind me, I unhook my bra and let the front fall away to expose part of my breasts before the straps fall down my arms and to the floor. Cole’s nostrils flare and his hands close into fists at his sides. He’s struggling not to touch me, I realize, and it makes me feel powerful. He makes me feel like the only woman in the world.
I circle my hips slowly, and with the same deliberateness, I begin to peel down my panties. I want to tease him and drive him crazy. I can tell by the hungry look in his eyes that I’m doing just that. He licks his lips like I’m a delicious dessert he wants to consume.
“You like putting on a show for me, don’t you?” he says, his voice rough.
I nod as I sink to my knees. “Yes, I do.” My voice is breathy, and a blush of heat rises to my cheeks. I shiver. His room is a little cold, but my skin feels so hot. The contrast is delicious. He stands there for a long time, just looking down at me.
“Good girl,” he finally says.
Moving a step closer, he tugs the ponytail holder out of my hair and runs his hand through my tresses, nails lightly scratching over my scalp. It makes me shiver again. Then he grasps a handful at the base of my skull and tightens his grip. He leans down, pulling my face closer, his lips by my ear.
“But it was very bad of you to leave this morning. I’m still going to have to punish you.”
Every muscle in my body clenches deliciously at this news. I want this. I want to make it up to him. I know we’ll have a very unpleasant talk after this, but I’m going to ride or die now. Somehow, this feels free. Under his control, it allows me to be myself. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt like that before, or even thought it was possible.
“Punish me,” I whisper, my eyes fluttering shut, my body trembling in anticipation.
He releases his grip on my hair, tugs off his jeans and pulls off his shirt. When he’s fully naked, I can’t help but open my eyes to drink in his gorgeous body. The muscles are taut under his skin, sexy tattoos rippling from his forearms to his pecs. I want to run my tongue over his abs, taste his sweat. Every bit of him is chiseled perfection.
I try not to remember why. The terrible drugs in his bathroom has honed his body into that of a beast.
Before that thought invades my conscious too far, Cole’s hand is in my hair again, tugging, causing my heart to race. I love when he pulls my hair. He never makes it hurt, not really. The little sting at my scalp feels so good. He sits down on his bed and lays me over his lap. I’m breathing hard as Cole’s other hand massages my ass. He gives it a squeeze. Whimpering, I want more, but I know better than to ask. This is punishment, and Cole has all the power.
His big hand comes down hard on my skin. I yelp in surprise. After the spank, he rubs the place he slapped, massaging away any pain. It stings, but it does something more than that. It makes me feel alive. I want more. It isn’t long before I get my wish. Cole spanks me again. And again, rubbing the stinging flesh with his rough palm between strikes.
“You’re not going to leave me like that again, are you?” he asks, his voice rough with lust and emotion. I can feel him getting hard as I lay across his lap.
“I won’t,” I say, gasping, squirming across his legs.
With his hand in my hair, he pulls my head back. “Say it again. All of it.”
“I won’t leave you like that again. I promise.”
He growls and gives me another hard spank. “Good girl. I think you’ve been punished enough. For now.”
As he rubs away the pain, his finger slides along the crack of my ass and then down to my pussy. I’m wet, so wet it’s almost embarrassing. I can’t hide how aroused Cole has made me. There is no running away from it.
“So wet for me already,” he says as he slides his finger between my folds.
He moves his finger in agonizingly slow circles. I try to buck my hips, but he gives my hair a sharp tug and tells me to be still. I do as I’m told, wanting to be a good girl, wanting my reward for behaving. He keeps his finger inside me, not pumping it, not moving it. Just teasing, playing with me. I pulse my internal muscles for a bit of friction, and he finally moves a finger over my clit. I moan and push against his fingers, already so very close to the edge. He doesn’t speed up, just continues to take his time, drawing slow, lazy circles over my clit until my thighs are trembling.
“You want to come, don’t you?” he asks, stopping his delicious torture. “Who makes you come?”
“You,” I nearly shout, breathless again.
“That’s right. Only me.” His finger moves faster over my clit, and he starts pumping his other finger in and out, so very slowly. “But you can’t come yet.”
I don’t know how I can keep from it. I’m so close, and every touch brings me all that much closer. But every time I whimper or moan, he stops. If I wiggle too much, he tightens his grip on my hair.
“Please,” I beg. It’s the sweetest torture.
“Please what?” Cole practically purrs. Clearly, he’s enjoying doing this to me.
“I need to come.”
He laughs, a deep rumbling sound. “You don’t get to yet. You haven’t earned it. Do you want to earn it?”
I’d do anything right there and then. Anything he asks. “Yes, please.”
He withdraws his hand and releases my hair. Cole takes me by the shoulders and makes me sit up on his lap. He moves my thighs until I straddle him, my ass pressing against his stomach. He reaches between our legs, and then the broad head of his cock parts the folds of my pussy.
Cole doesn’t tease me now. He thrusts up into me in one smooth motion. He’s so big, so thick, I barely have a moment to get used to his size. I cry out, but he just pushes my legs farther apart.
“Shit,” he says. “Fuck. Condom.”
It feels so good to be skin to skin. “I’m on the pill,” I pant. I don’t want to think about the STD panel I had done earlier. The doctor found no trace of actual rape, and I’d never had sex without a condom before.
“I’m clean,” he says, his hands tightening on my hips. “First time without a condom. Get tested monthly, but I’ll put one on if you want.”
I don’t have to ask why he got tested so frequently. Cole Man-Whore James has more notches in his bedpost than most.
I lean back against his chest, feel his lips in my hair. “So, we’re both skin-on-skin virgins. I kind of like that.”
He growls and thrusts up and into me hard. One of his hands grasps my hip while the other goes to my breast. He pinches and tugs my nipple while he lifts me up and down on his cock. He forces me to ride him hard and fast, and at this angle, he’s hitting all the right places inside me.
I catch the rhythm of our bodies and move with him, forcing our bodies together in a hard dance. His hand leaves my hip to move between my legs where he strokes my clit as I ride him. It’s less frantic now, our fucking. We move in time with each other, in perfect harmony. His lips and teeth are at my throat as I move closer to that edge again. This time, I’m going to tumble over it.
As I ride him, slower and more deliberate, feeling every inch of his cock slide in and out of me, feeling his thumb circle my clit as he teases my nipple with little pinches and sharp tugs, I know I can’t last much longer without coming.
“Please,” I whisper in a trembling voice. “Please let me come.”
He makes another deep, growling sound, not yet giving me permission. Instead, his hand leaves my nipple and closes around my throat. He doesn’t cut off my air, but it’s a possessive grasp. His teeth tug at my earlobe and then his lips are against my ear. “Come for me, baby,” he says, his voice a deep, rumbling sound that I can feel vibrate from his chest against my back.
That’s all he needs to say. I come, writhing over him. Both hands on my hips, he moves me, manipulating me as my back arches. He’s getting his pleasure now, using my body. I want him to. I want him to come inside of me, fill me up.
My orgasm squeezes his cock, and I know it must be almost painfully tight because of the new sounds he makes. He pushes me down and holds me there as he moans in my ear. When he comes, I can feel it, feel every pulse of his orgasm. I can feel his hot, thick cum fill my pussy. Cole holds me there, pushing up harder into me, holding me down on his dick, his breath hot and wet against my shoulder, for a long time.
Then it’s over, and cold reality starts to seep in as we both catch our breaths. He helps me off his lap, and we lay down on his bed, and he holds me against his chest, stroking my hair. He kisses my forehead and is so gentle it makes me ache.
I want to wait to tell him about the story. I want this beautiful, tender moment between us to last forever. But I have to be honest with him. I have to tell him now. And when I do, I’m afraid that what we have will be over for good. Over too soon. Over before it had a chance to start.