Ryan
When she walks in, I’m surprised. No, I’m shocked. I never thought I’d see the day that she walked back into this bar, but here she is. Her curly brown hair frames her round face, and her blazing green eyes are narrowed in anger. Even angry, she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever been in the presence of. My gaze can’t help but wander down her shapely body. She’s stacked in all the right places, and I should know, I’ve tasted every inch of her body many times over. She steps in front of me and purses her lips.
“You had no right, Ryan,” she seethes, her voice low and shaking.
“I had every right,” I reply calmly, trying to pretend this woman has no effect on me. When in truth, she owns me, body and soul.
Only she doesn’t know it.
“I’m not yours anymore,” she says, her voice losing its edge. She sounds resigned, tired. I don’t like it one bit. I prefer her anger.
“You will always be mine,” I say with a shrug.
“Ryan, I’m serious. You can’t do this to me,” she says with a shake of her head.
I lean in a little closer so I can smell her familiar scent. “Tell him to leave you alone then, Taiya.”
“So you get to fuck anything with a skirt, but a good man can’t even look my way?” she asks, gritting her teeth.
“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”
I wasn’t expecting the slap. But I should have. Taiya always did have a fiery temper on her.
“Fuck you, Ryan. Stay out of my life,” she spits out before storming off.
I watch her walk away from me.
My wife.
I should be used to it by now, but it still hurts.
It always hurts.
*****
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
And this is why I’m moving out.
A moan pierces the air, and I cringe, not wanting to hear Summer’s cries of pleasure. Summer is like a sister to me, and to hear her making sounds like that… with my twin brother, let’s just say there are a million places I’d rather be right now. I put my iPod on, blocking out their sex sounds. Summer and Reid didn’t want me to move out, but I know for a fact that they need their privacy. So we compromised. I’m moving to another apartment. It’s on the floor below, but on the opposite side of the building. That way, I can still see them every day, but we each get our own space and privacy. As unlikely as it is, I got the apartment with Taiya in mind. The image of her brings up mixed emotions.
Love.
Desire.
Want.
Pain.
I try to ignore the last one, but whenever Taiya comes to mind, the lingering emotion is always present. She is the only woman in the world with the power to hurt me, and that’s exactly what she did.
Even if it wasn’t her fault, or her intention, she did it nonetheless. I shove my face into my pillow, trying to block out how it felt seeing her again after all this time.
A year.
I hadn’t laid eyes on my own damn wife in a year. I’m a fuck up. I know it; she knows it. But that doesn’t make me stop wanting her. I don’t think anything could make me stop wanting and loving Taiya. Maybe that’s my penance for my past mistakes. I can actually hear Reid talking in my head, telling me not to think like that, nothing was my fault. Although I can hear the words, it doesn’t mean they penetrate, or that I actually believe them. Nothing he says could make me believe them. I try to bury those thoughts, letting the music lull me to sleep.
*****
“I love it, Ryan!” Summer states, looking around. She is wearing a huge smile, her brown hair falling like a curtain around her face. I watch as she sits down on my new leather couch and shifts to get comfortable.
“Make yourself at home,” I tease, shaking my head at her as she puts her bare feet up. She’s wearing shorts and a ratty looking T-shirt, which looks like an old one of Reid’s. Or it could even be one of mine.
She shrugs at me. “My home, yours, what’s the difference?” she says flippantly, reaching for the remote and putting on the TV. She speaks the truth. My home is her home, and vice versa. Her phone beeps and I know it must be Reid. He is so whipped it’s not even funny. I give him shit about it sometimes, but we all know I’m thrilled for the two of them. Reid couldn’t have dreamed up a better woman, and I’m happy that he found her.
Summer changes the channel and then starts singing along to some ridiculous song.
“When’s Reid done?” I ask, sitting on the chair next to her.
“He usually works out for an hour after work,” she says.
“I know,” I reply. I know my twin’s habits better than my own.
“Should be home in about two hours then,” she answers.
Summer drums her fingers along her thigh, in beat with the music. I lift my foot up on the arm of the couch, where the back of her head is, and put my toe in her hair.
“Ryan!” she yells, sitting up and narrowing her eyes at me. She picks up my new cushion and throws it at my head. I dodge it, but only just.
“What?” I ask. I love annoying this girl. She’s like a sister and best friend combined into one.
“You’re so immature,” she says, no bite in her tone. She turns back to the TV, her hair flying everywhere as she turns her head.
“Never claimed maturity,” I instantly reply. We’ve had this same conversation many times over.
A new song plays and she actually squeals. “This is my favourite song right now!”
“What is it?” I ask, slightly curious.
“‘Gangsta’ by Kat Dahlia,” she says, putting the song full volume and ignoring me. When she starts rapping, I start laughing so hard my sides start to hurt. She is such a weirdo. I instantly recognise the song as the one she has as her ring tone. When it finishes, she presses the mute button and turns to face me. “You gonna tell me what’s been up with you lately?” she says with the lift of an eyebrow.
“What do you mean?” I say, wanting to buy myself some time.
“You’ve been acting…off for the last two weeks. If this is about you moving, I told you I didn’t want you to leave,” she says, frowning.
“It’s not that. You remember the woman who came into the bar and slapped me?”
“Yes, I’ve been asking Reid who she is but he keeps telling me it’s your story to tell,” she grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.
I clear my throat. “She is my ex…” I trail off.
“I gathered that much,” Summer says dryly. She moves so she’s kneeling on the couch, facing me.
“We broke up. She moved away, and now she’s back,” I tell her. I’m leaving a fair bit out, but I don’t think I’m ready to talk about what happened. That would make it real, and I don’t want to see the disappointment in Summer’s eyes when she finds out the truth. I still see the look on Taiya’s face and it cuts me, right down to my soul.
“And you still love her,” she says, her voice soft with understanding.
“I’ll always love her,” I tell her, looking away.
“What’s the problem then? You’re an amazing guy. She would be lucky to have you,” Summer says, her voice hardening.
“She left on bad terms, and by now, she has definitely moved on,” I say quickly. Even the words hurt. It’s not my place, and I haven’t been a saint while she’s been gone, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Emotions aren’t always logical. I used different women to try and forget Taiya; it never worked and I’m not proud of it, but it’s what I’ve done for the past year. Taiya’s words in the letter she left behind told me to move on, and believe me; I tried. I’m never disrespectful to women, or treat them badly or anything like that. All the women I’ve been with know the score, and I’m still on good terms with them…except Taiya. I keep asking myself what is truly worse. Me having only physical relationships with different women, or her making an emotional one with a new man? I know there is no right or wrong in my situation, or if there were, I would be in the wrong. It’s not that I don’t want her happy either, because I want nothing more than that. It’s just…I know no other man will love Taiya the way I do, know her the way I do. I don’t regret punching her new boyfriend either. I hate to admit it, but it actually felt pretty damn good. To think he’s had his hands all over her…
“Ryan, stop wallowing. If you want her, go and get her,” Summer says, pulling me out of my thoughts. She glances down at my now clenched fists and grins. “I can see why she has you tied up in knots. She’s possibly the most beautiful chick I’ve ever seen.”
“She’s a lot more than that,” I say quietly, casting my gaze down.
“Do you want me to beat her up?” Summer says with mock ferocity, making me grin.
“No, I don’t want you to beat up Taiya. But thanks for the offer,” I tell her, shaking my head back and forth, amused at her words.
“What? I could take her!” she says, standing up and flexing her arms as proof.
“No one is taking anyone,” I say. Summer bursts out laughing. “Try telling Reid that. Trust me, he will want to take me later,” she says, her mouth lifting in a wide smile.
I cringe. “You worry me, Summer.”
“You love me.”
“I’m stuck with you.”
“Yes, you are,” she says, her voice going soft. “Listen to me. You are Ryan Knox. Local heartthrob and all-round amazing guy. Whatever you messed up, you can fix it. The question is how much work are you willing to put in to win her back? Just how important is she to you?”
I puff out a breath. “She’s everything.”
“There’s your answer then,” she says, looking a little smug.
“That easy, huh?”
“That easy,” she repeats. I watch as she steps toward me, and leans down to peck me on the cheek.
“I gotta head out. Family dinner,” she says, patting me once on the head like a dog before walking out of my apartment. The second I hear the door close, the place feels colder.
Summer has that effect.
My mind drifts to Taiya, to the last time I saw her. Besides her hair being a little longer, she is exactly the same as I remember her. Caramel-coloured skin, showing off her mixed South African heritage, intelligent green eyes and the most kissable lips. Don’t even get me started on her body, but for me, Taiya is more than her appearance. She’s smart, witty, kind and loving. She is as loyal as they come, and a woman that any man would be proud to have by his side. I had all that, and I lost it.
I hope to God it’s true that everyone deserves a second chance.