It Might Be You by Jennifer Gracen (15)

Chapter Fourteen

On Wednesday evening, Nick went to Tess and Logan’s home for dinner. Conveniently for Nick, they lived in the same neighborhood as Charles, so he was able to find it easily. Tess and Logan were gracious hosts, friendly, clearly going out of their way to make Nick feel welcome. Their three young kids were adorable and fun. Annabel regarded Nick shyly at first, but warmed up quickly. The twins were tiny bunches of boundless energy. After a delicious dinner, where they overfed him with steak, garlic mashed potatoes, and salad, Logan wrangled the kids to the playroom so Tess and Nick could sit in her study and talk.

He had to grin at the love she lavished on her tiny white dog, Bubbles.

“She’s such an old lady now,” Tess cooed as the Maltese lay in her lap quietly. Her hands stroked along Bubbles’s fur over and over as she asked Nick many questions, but it wasn’t an interrogation. She wanted to get to know him. He felt her warmth and natural curiosity, and he was at ease when they were just one on one, as he’d felt with Pierce after a beer or two. They sat and talked for a long while. He allowed himself to open up to her some, and by the time Nick left, he felt the beginnings of a true kinship with his new sister. She was sincere and likable. There was serious potential not only for them to have a relationship, but for it to be a good one . . . if that was what he wanted.

And as he drove back to the hotel, he thought yes, it more than likely could be what he wanted. First Pierce, now Tess . . . he did genuinely like these people. If he ended up changing his mind and having some kind of rapport with them, it might be a nice addition to his life.

But on Thursday, Nick woke with Myles on his mind. He shot a quick text to Amanda. How was his first day? How’s he doing?

It took her about half an hour to respond. He’s feeling the effects. About what we expected. Will text you tonight.

Nick’s heart sank to his suddenly nauseous stomach.

He went down to the gym for a workout, trying to pound the worry out of himself. And he was worried. It may have been a short time, but he cared about Myles. They’d bonded. Nick felt sick thinking of the kid feeling sick. He hated it. And he was powerless to do anything, which he hated even more. He ran on the treadmill for a long time, pounding at it. He lifted weights and welcomed the burn. He did every machine on the circuit. Nothing helped.

He showered and went out to find some lunch. Two blocks away was a little bagel place that also served other kinds of food. Nick wolfed down a turkey club sandwich, people-watched aimlessly. . . . He just couldn’t shake the disquiet that had gripped him. Not knowing exactly what was happening only made it worse, but he didn’t want to contact Charles and pry. Amanda said she’d text him that night, he had to wait. He hated waiting, for anything.

So he went for yet another drive. It was a beautiful spring day, and Nick took the Porsche for another spin. Blue skies, sunshine, mild breezes . . . he opened the sunroof and blasted the music as he drove. But his mind was full. Myles. Amanda. His mom. Charles II. His new siblings. Sickness. Going back home, starting the new job, his promotion. His life had changed so drastically, so quickly. So much to process, so much to think about . . . he tried to make sense of things. Figure out his new place in his new world. There were so many components, so many moving parts.... He drove all the way out to Orient Point, almost a two-hour drive, before turning around to head back west.

By the time he got back to the hotel, it was almost dinnertime. Usually he didn’t mind being alone, but tonight, he couldn’t get away from himself and it all ate at him. An idea struck him and he went with it on impulse. He took the train into Manhattan. When he got there, it was just past seven-thirty, twilight edging in and all the buildings lit up. New York City with all the lights on was a sight to behold, that was for sure. He remembered how he’d walked with Amanda and headed up Seventh Avenue toward Times Square.

Recalling his day with her made him wistful. He’d rarely had a date—much less a first or second date, so early on in knowing a woman—that had been so great from start to finish. Amanda had been a fun tour guide . . . so alluring and sweet and brimming with presence . . . and making out with her in the middle of Columbus Circle on a gorgeous day was something he’d never forget when thinking of New York City. She’d effortlessly seared herself into his brain.

He grabbed two slices of pizza from the same place he’d eaten lunch with her, but took them to go. Sitting on the steps in the middle of Times Square where they sold half-price theater tickets, he ate and watched everything spin by and sparkle and blare noise around him.

Yet again, he wished Amanda were with him. She was so pretty, nice, smart, sassy. He liked how sometimes he’d catch her staring at him and meet her eyes directly; the way she’d blush when he caught her . . . he huffed out a frustrated sigh. He thought about her too much. He had to stop. It wouldn’t turn into anything, and she was the type of woman where he could get in too deep. He sensed that, knew it even if he’d known her for only a short time. His life was in Florida; hers was here. But damn, he wanted her. Maybe if they just gave in to their burn-the-roof-down chemistry once, just one time, one night of abandon, he’d be able to get her out of his system?

He snorted at himself. Not likely. Something told him that one taste of Amanda would only leave him wanting more and more.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he checked the screen. It was a text from Pierce. Hey, Nick. Heard you’re leaving Sunday. True?

Nick grabbed a paper napkin to better wipe his hands, then texted back, True.

Okay, Pierce responded. You free tomorrow night? Come out for a few drinks with your big brothers. Well, 2 of ’em – me & Dane. Let us send you off right.

Nick had to grin as he stared at his phone. Why the hell not. It was better than sitting in his hotel room by himself, trying not to think about Amanda or Myles or his suddenly fucked-up life. Sure. What time?

Nick sat back and gazed around. So many people, bright lights against the dark sky, surrounded by sound and color and motion. And he still couldn’t get Amanda off his mind. Maybe he wouldn’t until he left New York altogether. He hoped he would. This pining stuff wasn’t like him; it was distracting him and tying him in little knots. And God knew with everything thrown at him over the past two weeks, he was off his game to begin with.

* * *

Nick was walking back toward Penn Station when his phone vibrated. He pulled it out to look at it.

Hi. From Amanda. That was it. His brows furrowed, gut humming. He moved out of the way of other pedestrians, leaning up against the cement wall of a skyscraper.

Hi yourself. How are you? he texted back.

Not great, she wrote. Hard day. With a sad face emoji.

His stomach twisted, knowing she meant Myles. Wanna talk about it?

Not really, she texted back. He’s tired, he’s sick, that’s all you need to know. The chemo and radiation combo is brutally effective.

He swore under his breath and kicked the wall. That fucking sucks, he wrote.

I am. Won’t deny it. I’m sad for him. And I’m tired. I’m just . . . She ended with a sad face emoji again.

Want me to come over? Nick wrote without hesitation.

She didn’t write back right away, giving him enough time to chastise himself for writing that. Not only was he still in the city—if she said yes, it’d take him an hour to get to her now—but he didn’t want to push. It wasn’t like they were—

Nice of you to offer, she texted. But no, I’m wiped out. I’m going to bed in a few.

Something in him perked up at that. Yes to a rain check. That was good. I’m sorry you had a shit day.

I am too, she wrote. Tell me yours was better?

He grinned softly. Pierce & Dane are taking me out drinking tomorrow night. Wish my liver luck.

LOL, she wrote back. Big, tough guy like you can’t hold his own with 2 guys 10-15 years older? You wimp.

He laughed and quickly wrote, Thanks a lot! Now I feel like I’ve been challenged or something. Keep up with them or give back my man card, is that it?

Thanks, I will. He paused, hesitated . . . then decided to go for it. So I leave on Sunday. My flight’s at 2 p.m. out of JFK.

Her response didn’t come in for a minute that felt longer than a minute. Finally she wrote, You think that’s a good idea?

He winced but wrote back, All I know is I’d love to see you again before I leave. We could just hang out, Amanda. No pressure. Think it over, let me know.

With a sigh, he stared up at the lights around him. Flashing billboards advertising designer clothes, pretty girls in skimpy outfits, dancing around and showing off their bodies. All he wanted was some time with a down-to-earth woman who usually wore scrubs and tennis shoes. A woman he’d had a shot with before he’d done something dumb. A woman he wanted another shot with, because for whatever reason, she’d gotten under his skin.

He didn’t want to think about that too much. Maybe it was best this way, her cutting him off after all. Fling or no fling, he didn’t want to end up hurting her, and no matter what she said and how cool she played it sometimes, he knew that was a possibility. Because he’d already hurt her once, inadvertently and on a minor scale. The thought of hurting her on a grander scale made him skittish.

Three minutes passed. He sighed and went to put his phone away, but it buzzed with a new text. I thought it over. Yes to dinner. What time?

His smile bloomed wide and bright. All the “maybe we’re better off” thoughts evaporated like mist, replaced by the buzz of excitement and something like hope.

* * *

Amanda nudged the food on her plate around with her fork. The food, as usual at this place, was great. But it was hard to eat when she had a bit of a nervous stomach, due to the very handsome man sitting across from her.

Nick had picked her up in front at six on the dot. He’d texted her when he arrived at her building and she’d gone right down to meet him. Simply dressed in a white button-down and jeans, he managed to make it sexy as hell. She’d enjoyed the ride with him more than she’d thought she would. He’d handled the sleek car with command, like he did everything else, and that was sexy too. She’d enjoyed sitting in the close, enclosed space, breathing in the smell of him, a hint of spicy cologne and something just brutally male that was all him. She’d liked that he’d asked her where she would like to go for dinner and taken her up on her suggestion without hesitation.

Now they sat in her favorite Chinese restaurant, the table covered with plates of steamed dumplings, chicken with broccoli, shrimp with bean sprouts, and pork lo mein, because he’d asked her to pick her favorites so they could share. He tried every dish and, thankfully, liked them all. He made her laugh with his stories of going out the night before with Pierce and Dane. Apparently, his two brothers had been quite the party boys back in their day, and still liked to uphold the rep whenever an opportunity arose. Nick assured her he’d kept up and his man card was in good standing, that he’d had the hangover this morning to prove it. He’d had a good time with them, and she was glad for him.

Talking with him was easy, as it’d been from the start, not at all stilted—which meant the bump in the road from earlier in the week was officially in the rearview mirror. The food here was delicious, as always. Her one glass of white wine was helping her relax. Amanda realized how completely she was enjoying her date with Nick, and it kind of jarred her. Being with him was just so . . . well, easy. She was comfortable with him, even though the butterflies hadn’t let up, and she knew part of that was the unrestrained, dizzying lust that ran through her every damn time she looked at him. The man radiated sex appeal. He was so smoking hot it was ridiculous.

She didn’t want to want him as much as she did. She didn’t want to like him as much as she did. She wanted to keep things casual. She had to.

But she remembered what he’d said a few days before, about how if they lived in the same place, he’d be pursuing her, wanting to really date her. And that had gotten into her head and heart more than she wanted to admit.

“Amanda?” he asked, waving his hand in front of her face. “You zoned out. Am I boring you?”

Her face flushed even as she laughed. “No, no, you’re not boring. I’m sorry.”

“Thinking about Myles, maybe?” he asked softly.

That made her feel even worse for some reason. “Actually, it was the first time I haven’t been. You’ve provided a wonderful, much-needed distraction tonight. I’m having a good time. Thanks for that.”

He nodded, smiled warmly, and reached for his bottle of beer. As he tipped it back for a sip, she couldn’t help but watch his throat work, his full lips around the bottle neck.... He made a simple white button-down shirt look downright dashing. It was tight around the muscles in his arms and across his broad shoulders and chest, the top two buttons undone to reveal a glimpse of his smooth, dark gold skin. She imagined what it’d be like to unbutton his shirt and slide it off him, her hands gliding over his body. . . . She swallowed hard.

She wanted to throw herself at him tonight.

She wanted to forget about the week she’d had, especially the last few long, hard days of caring for Myles. She wanted to be reckless and wild, to feel alive in the face of such sadness and sickness. She wanted to be with Nick . . . taste, lick, and nibble and touch every smoking-hot inch of him.

It wasn’t smart. It wasn’t like her. And she couldn’t think of anything else.

“Lost you again,” he said.

She drew a shaky breath, trying to get her heart to stop fluttering. “I . . . I’m distracted, I admit it.”

“By what?”

“You.”

One of his brows lifted the tiniest bit, and the side of his mouth curved just enough to make his dimple appear. Her nipples hardened instantly. God, she was toast.

“What about me?” His voice dropped, infused with flirty seduction.

“You’re sitting there all gorgeous and it makes me have dirty thoughts.” Had she said that? Yeah, judging from the way his eyes flashed, she’d said that out loud. She snorted at herself. Might as well go for it. Just do it. Have a night with him. Feel alive, fight the darkness . . . “You’re leaving in the morning, right?” she blurted.

His head inclined as he said, “You know I am.”

She glanced at the clock on her cell phone. It was seven-fifteen. They had all night, if they grabbed it. “So I’m going to say this, and it’s probably a bad idea, but dammit, I’m saying it.”

He stilled, but the half grin stayed and he didn’t take his eyes off hers. “I’m listening.”

“The more I look at you, the more I think about it, the more I . . . I want you. Tonight. Before you go, I want one round with you.”

His dark eyes flared. “Just one?”

“Oh, God.” A fluttery laugh escaped her as a rush of dampness throbbed between her legs. He was lethal. “Nick, I don’t usually do reckless things.”

“I believe that.”

“You do? Why?”

“Because you’re so levelheaded. Really smart. No pretense. Seem to have zero tolerance for bullshit.”

“All that’s true,” she agreed.

“And I like those qualities. Also . . . well, there’s your famously non-reckless dating choices.” His thick brows lifted. “We’ve discussed that, though.”

“You know what?” She leaned in on her elbows to hold his stare. “Not completely. You didn’t let me fully explain last time, but I’m going to now, if that’s all right.”

“I’m all ears,” he said, and speared a piece of chicken from his plate. “Hit me.”

“When I was a sophomore in college,” she said, “I had a boyfriend, a junior, who was wild. A real bad boy. And I was such a good girl. I’d never been with a guy like that before. We were opposites, but we were attracted as hell to each other. So we dated.” Her mouth twitched wryly. “Remember when you asked me about the last time a man really rocked my world in bed? It was him. I’d never had sex like that, not before and not since. I’m just being honest.”

Nick’s eyes widened a drop, but he only nodded and took a sip of his beer.

“Anyway . . . Cooper,” Amanda said, her voice gentling on his name, “Coop and I really, really cared about each other, and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We were total opposites, but we really connected. So it was a thrill ride, and it was thrilling, but it was also kind of exhausting. Coop was intense. He was fun and exciting . . . but after a few months, it got dizzying.” She stole a sip of her wine. “I was from here, he was from Tennessee. When we both went home for that summer, back to our families, I decided we needed to take a break.”

“Forever, or just for the summer?” Nick asked. He kept eating while she talked.

“I guess we would’ve gotten back together in the fall, I don’t know. I’d asked for some space. I needed to . . . ground myself again. My grades had gone down a bit that last semester, and I knew I needed to refocus, because I wasn’t going to get into a good nursing program if my grades weren’t good. Coop didn’t like it, but he accepted it. We talked a few times, but didn’t visit each other . . . so I never saw him again. Because one night that July, he went out on his motorcycle and got himself killed. No helmet. No, Coop was too cool for that. He was one of the most fearless people I’ve ever known. And an adrenaline junkie. And too fucking reckless. Dead at twenty.”

“Damn,” Nick said quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

“I was too. Such a goddamn waste . . .” She sighed, willfully shoving the memories aside. “So . . . I mourned him for a long time. I focused on my schoolwork, and I didn’t have another serious boyfriend for the rest of college. I was a little screwed up over it.”

“Understandable.”

“Then I started nursing school, and I just didn’t have the time to date. I mean, I went on a date here and there, but I really was too committed to the program to commit to a guy or even think about having a relationship at that point.”

“I think I see where this is going,” Nick said, putting down his fork.

“No, you don’t. Let me finish.” Amanda took a deep breath. “My first week doing a rotation in the ER, they brought in two cops who’d been shot. One made it, but the other didn’t. The one who didn’t had a pregnant wife out in the waiting room, and she’d left their toddler at home with her mother when she got the call.” She closed her eyes briefly, licked her dry lips. “I’ll never be able to get that woman’s wails of grief out of my head for as long as I live. They bounced off the hospital walls, I swear. It was . . .”

Nick’s jaw was tight as he reached for Amanda’s hand. He gripped it and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“It brought back my memories of grieving over Coop,” Amanda said, “which of course paled in comparison to this poor woman, seven months pregnant on her knees on the hospital floor, wailing for her husband to come back to her.” Please don’t be dead, Vinny. . . . Please open your eyes, please don’t be dead, come back to me. . . . Would she ever be able to get that woman’s anguished cries out of her head? She cleared her throat to dislodge the lump that had formed. “Nick, I swore to myself that night that I’d never again get involved with men who put themselves in the line of danger. It hurt bad enough when I lost Coop, but wouldn’t it be a million times worse if I invested in another relationship with someone like that and lost him too? I just . . .”

Her face flushed as she took in his somber expression. She hoped she wasn’t upsetting him, but how could she not be? She squeezed his hand hard. “I decided that long before I knew you existed. I have tremendous respect for cops, firefighters, all you guys. It’s nothing against you personally. Can you understand that? Because I hate that I offended you the other day, and I wanted you to understand why I’ve made the choices I have. I don’t owe you or anyone an explanation . . . but I like you enough that I wanted to provide you with one.”

He squeezed her hand back and said, low and gruff, “Of course I get it. And thank you for telling me. I . . . I like understanding you better. It helps.”

With her free hand, Amanda reached for her wineglass and knocked back a hearty gulp of Chardonnay.

“So when I said I’d want to date you if you lived in Miami,” he said slowly, “and we’d already talked about my job, and my promotion . . . it set off warning bells for you.”

“That’s exactly what happened.”

“Okay. I get it now. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. The truth is, I like knowing you’d want to date me, not just sleep with me. It’s flattering as hell. But I . . . if I dated you, I’d . . . I’d worry about you all the time. I don’t want to.”

He nodded, lips pressed together tight.

“And I know that’s selfish. But you know what? It’s not even up for debate anyway, because I live here, and you live in Miami. Case closed.”

“Yup. Guess so.”

They smiled at each other softly, their fingers interlaced.

“Thanks for telling me all that,” he said, his voice gentle. “We’re good.”

“So . . .” She drew another deep breath. “What I started to say was, you’re leaving tomorrow. You won’t be here for very long when you come back before the surgery, your weeks of recovery. . . .” She set the wineglass down with care, trying to ignore the warmth of his large hand wrapped around hers. “Come home with me tonight. Let’s have one really good night together. Just . . . be together and let go of it all for a night. Forget everything. I think we both probably need that. Yes?”

His lips parted in shock as his eyes flew wide. “Hell yes. But whoa.” He laughed and cleared his throat. “Give me a second here—I think my brain just exploded.”

She couldn’t help but laugh with him. “Kind of surprised myself with that one too. Well. How’s that for an up-front girl?”

“I think my up-front girl is the sexiest girl I’ve met in a really long time,” he said, his voice low and hungry.

My up-front girl. She shivered at how delicious that sounded.

His warm brown eyes darkened with growing desire. “Amanda, I want you too. So much. I’ve wanted you from the first night I saw you.”

She smiled and her heart began beating faster.

“And yeah . . .” His slow grin was wicked. “We haven’t known each other that long, and I’m a cop so I break your rules, and I’m leaving in the morning and all . . . so, on paper, it might be a bad idea for us to sleep together tonight.”

“Terrible,” she agreed. “It’s rash. Clearly we’re not thinking this through.”

“Exactly. Totally impulsive, jumping into bed so soon. It’s reckless.”

“Yup. That. I mean, we’ve only gone on what, three dates?”

“Four, technically, but who’s counting?”

“You, apparently.”

His playful grin went into a full-blown smile, dazzling her. “So, okay, we’re on the same page: this could be a bad idea. But we’re two adults who are agreeing to this with eyes wide open, so it’s fine.” His eyes flared with heat and he licked his lips. “And the thought of having you has me so hard right now, I can’t even stand up. But when I can, we’re going back to your place, and I’m gonna take you in ten different ways.”

Her mouth dropped open and her heart skipped a beat before taking off like a rocket. She felt the blood rush from her chest to her hairline as she smiled back. The throbbing between her legs had her shifting in her seat, making her aware of how wet she already was. “That . . . sounds really good to me.”

Nick raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, his warm lips lingering on her skin. “Then let’s finish dinner.” His voice was as smoky as the look in his eyes. “I want you for dessert.”