One month later
It was just a usual Friday morning that found me out working in the warehouse, rather than behind my desk. Armed with my clipboard of paperwork, I was inspecting the progress on some of our latest jobs. Since I’d starting dating Gabe, Fridays were spent counting down the hours until I could see him. Either he would drive up to Hayesville or I’d drive into Atlanta, and sometimes we would meet halfway to stay in the guesthouse at Abby and Jake’s farm.
True to his word, he spent two weeks with me before he had to return to Atlanta to begin work in the studio. We’d have breakfast together at my house. Then I’d go to work, and he’d go do what I joked were his musicly things. When lunch rolled round, he would bring food to the shop. Most days, he would bring lunch for my dad as well, and the three of us would eat together. He’d quickly picked up the names of most of the men who worked for us, and like Dad, he would hang around shooting the shit, until it was time for Linc to get in from school.
Sometimes we would sneak in a quickie. We’d gotten pretty creative with picking locations, and some of my favorites were banging in the back seats of some of the abandoned cars in the junkyard.
Once Linc arrived home from school, Gabe’s attention became focused on him. He helped him with his homework and made sure he had a somewhat healthy afterschool snack. They would sometimes disappear for hours on end somewhere away from the shop. Whenever I would question what they were doing, Gabe would tell me they were just throwing a football around. I knew he was secretly hoping to get me to lighten up on Linc’s desire to play guitar.
Although I’d been heartbroken when he’d had to go back to Atlanta, Gabe worked double time to make it seem like we weren’t apart. There were Facetime chats through the day, as well as some late at night for phone sex. While I’d been skeptical at first about if we could make a long-distance relationship work, things had rolled along well these last two weeks. Still, I did worry about what it would be like when Gabe went back on the road. Even though he assured me it wouldn’t be as bad as I feared, I still couldn’t help being worried.
I’d just finished inspecting the replacement of a rear deferential when I heard my name called. When I looked up, I saw one of the mothers from Linc’s class in the doorway. I hurried across the floor to meet her.
“Hey Britt. What seems to be the problem?”
An embarrassed flush filled her cheeks. “I sort of ran off in a ditch on the way home last night. I think I’ve done something to the front wheels.”
Smiling, I said, “Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place.” I scribbled on my notepad. “I’ll get someone to head outside and check on your front-end alignment.”
“Thanks, Rae.” As I started to call for one of the guys, Britt said, “You know, I didn’t think I’d find you here this morning.”
“Oh? Why not?” I questioned absently as I craned my neck to see who might be free.
“I figured you’d be at the school.”
Shiiiiit. With being hot and heavy with Gabe, had I somehow forgotten something important at Linc’s school? “Uh, remind me again what’s happening at school today?”
“It’s the talent show.” Britt rolled her eyes in a huff. “I would be there myself if Mackensie hadn’t chickened out at the last minute and refused to do the number she’s been practicing for weeks on the piano.”
I furrowed my brows at her. “What does the talent show have to do with Linc?”
“He’s playing Love Me Tender on the guitar.”
“Excuse me?”
Britt looked taken aback. “That’s just what the program said.”
I shook my head. “There must be some mistake. Linc doesn’t even own a guitar. How could he be performing today?”
After digging in her purse, Britt produced a folded red sheet. “Here. See for yourself,” she said as she handed it to me.
When I gazed down at the program, I couldn’t believe my eyes. There it was in black lettering: Lincoln Hart—Love Me Tender, guitar solo. Blinking, I tried fighting the feeling that I had slipped into some alternate universe. The one thing I did know was that I needed to get to the school and find out what the hell was going on.
“Thanks, Britt. I, um, I gotta go.”
“Rae?” Britt questioned as I sprinted past her and out the door. Of course, I realized halfway to my car that I didn’t have my keys. After turning around, I hurried back inside, and Britt once again asked, “Rae?”
“I’m sorry. I just came back in to get my keys.” Once I had retrieved my purse from the office, I grabbed the first man I saw, which happened to be Donnie Granger. “Go take care of Britt’s car.”
Wide-eyed at my breathless request, Donnie nodded. After getting in my vehicle, I tore out of the parking lot on two wheels. I didn’t bother telling Dad or the others where I was going. Although it took less than five minutes to walk to Hayesville Elementary, I didn’t want to waste any time.
After slinging my Passport into the first empty parking space I came across, I flung the door open and jogged inside the building then hurried down the empty hallways to the auditorium. When I threw open the door, I heard an upbeat tempo blaring from the speakers. A group of girls was doing a choreographed hip-hop dance.
When the routine ended, the principal came to the microphone. “Thank you Jenna, Keri, and Melissa for that wonderful dance. Next up we have Lincoln Hart.”
My heart leapt into my throat at the sound of his name. Although I should have been glad I hadn’t missed his performance, it just drove home the fact that it was really happening. Linc was playing the guitar—and not only was he playing the guitar, he was doing it in front of an audience. I suddenly had a flashback of middle school when Ryan had sung and played the guitar part for The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks. “This seriously can’t be happening,” I murmured.
As Linc walked out from behind the curtain, my chest ached. My somewhat shy son was beaming as he gazed out into the crowd. Somehow between home and school, he’d added a tie to the white button-down shirt he had put on that morning. He must’ve packed it in his backpack where I wouldn’t see it.
Linc sat down in a chair in the center of the stage. After adjusting the guitar on his lap, he began to strum the opening chords. It made sense that he had chosen Love Me Tender—Dad was a huge Elvis Presley fan, and I was sure he’d heard the song countless times.
He played the entire song flawlessly. When he finished and applause rang out in the auditorium, his smile stretched from ear to ear. After standing up, he even took a bow. In that moment, it seemed as if he was born to perform.
Agony burned its way through my chest while tears pricked my eyes. So much of me wanted to be applauding just like the others in the auditorium, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like the worst mother in the world for not embracing not only my son’s talent, but also his pure unadulterated happiness, but each time I started to bring my hands together, I flashed back to that scene with Ryan.
No. No. No! I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t lose Linc to music. Even though it seemed extreme, I just couldn’t let him become his father.
After he disappeared behind the curtain, I made my way backstage. Part of me felt like an asshole for confronting him now, like I should have let him bask in his moment of glory for the day before coming down on him when I picked him up from school. But, the other part of me wanted answers to the questions burning through my mind. How and when had he learned the guitar? After I had refused to get him one, where on earth had he gotten a guitar?
Weaving my way through kids and parents, I finally saw him. He had his back to me and was chattering incessantly to someone just outside my field of vision. He gesticulated wildly while bouncing on the balls of his feet. Just as I got to him, the person leaned in to hug Linc.
My heart shuddered to a stop, and I fought to breathe.
Gabe?
I shook my head furiously from side to side as if I could somehow clear my head and not see him before me. He couldn’t possibly be standing with my son and congratulating him on doing something he knew I had forbidden. Surely Gabe would never go behind my back like that. He’d said he’d support my decisions as a parent.
When Gabe’s image remained in front of me, bile rose in my throat. I swept my hand over my mouth, as I feared I’d vomit then and there.
After he pulled away from Linc, Gabe caught sight of me, and the smile on his face vanished. Sensing something was wrong, Linc turned around. His eyes widened. “M-Mom? W-What are you doing here?”
Yeah, that a good question. He’d already changed into someone I didn’t know. He didn’t even want me to hear him play. I’m going to be sick.
“I could ask you the same thing.” My gaze flickered from Linc’s to Gabe’s. “Both of you.”
Gabe jerked a hand through his hair before he stepped forward. “Listen, Rae, I can explain.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Explain what, exactly? How you’re secretly here in town and didn’t think to pick up the phone to call or text me? Or how when I talked to you on the phone last night, you didn’t bother to tell me my son was in a talent show? Or maybe how you seem to be supporting my son playing the guitar when you know how I feel about that?”
“You have every right to be angry with me and Linc.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I countered, “Angry? I think fucking livid is a better description for it.”
After glancing around, Gabe said, “Lower your voice, okay?”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” I hissed.
Linc stepped between us. “Mom, don’t yell at Gabe. It’s not his fault. It’s all mine. I was learning to play long before Gabe came to town.”
“Wait, what?” It was like I could see Linc’s mouth moving, but I couldn’t make out the words.
“Joey’s brother has been teaching me guitar for about six months.”
I stared at my child like he had suddenly grown horns. How was it possible my perfect angel had been going behind my back to do something I had forbidden him to do? Deceiving me. It was like he had become a perfect stranger.
Linc sighed. “I know you’re mad, and I didn’t mean to go behind your back. It’s just I really wanted to learn the guitar.”
Shaking my head, I countered, “But you know how I feel about it. You know why I don’t want you to do it, yet you still did it.”
The corner of Linc’s lips turned down in a frown. “I know, but I thought once I learned and you saw how good I was, it wouldn’t matter.”
“It does matter. It always has, and it always will. There’s no way I can just let this go.”
Wincing, Linc asked, “Am I grounded?”
“Yes, for the next month.”
“A month?” he questioned.
“You also won’t be allowed over at Joey’s house for the foreseeable future, and you give the guitar back to whoever gave it to you.”
Linc’s eyes bulged in horror while his lip trembled. “You mean I can’t play the guitar anymore?”
“You were never supposed to play it in the first place.”
“But Gabe gave me a guitar.”
The world shuddered to a stop around me. Once again, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I hoped against hope I hadn’t heard correctly. “He what?”
Gabe winced before taking a step toward me. “I’m sorry, Rae. I should have come clean about this a long time ago.”
“What do you mean?”
“That day at Hart and Daughter when you turned me down the second time, I ran into Linc outside your office. Since he’d heard our conversation, he and I made a deal together.”
“Let me guess—a deal for a guitar?”
Gabe nodded. “I would give him a guitar if he could get you to hang out with me.”
Oh. My. God. Not only had Gabe given my son a guitar, he had manipulated me into hanging out with him. My mind spun back to seeing him after that morning. “That night when we ran into you at The Hitching Post?”
Linc swallowed hard. “I told him that was where we would be eating.”
I shook my head. “I can’t believe this. The two of you have been conspiring against me this entire time.”
With a roll of his eyes, Gabe countered, “Don’t be so dramatic. It was just that one dinner. Once you really got to know me, you were hanging out with me of your own volition. There was no collusion whatsoever.”
“It doesn’t matter what happened after that first night at The Hitching Post. It’s the principle of the matter.” Turning away from Gabe, I jerked my chin at the guitar case at Linc’s feet. “Give the guitar back to Gabe.” At Linc’s hesitation, I growled, “Now.”
The look Linc directed at me held the same punch as if he’d kicked me in the gut. While I’d already feared I was being too harsh in his punishment, the pure anguish mixed with hatred told me I’d made a serious mistake. I knew I should have taken a moment, or even a few hours to try to gather my emotions before I started doling out punishments. I wasn’t just dealing with my anger and hurt with Linc; I was also dealing with my heartbreak over Gabe’s involvement. He knew why this was so vital to me. I had opened up my heart to him.
Whirling around, I stalked over to him. “I want to talk to you—alone.”
“Fine,” Gabe muttered.
After dragging him over to a secluded corner, I hissed, “Let’s get one thing straight: Linc is my son, not yours. You don’t get to voice an opinion on how I raise him, especially after going behind my back like you did with the guitar.”
“I’m fully aware he’s your son, but would you stop and listen to yourself? You’re getting absolutely hysterical over nothing.” Hysterical. Over. Nothing. He didn’t wake up to an empty house and wonder where Mommy had gone. He didn’t watch the father of my son run from the hospital room. It was not nothing to me.
“Don’t you get it? It isn’t nothing to me. I’ve worked Linc’s entire life to keep him away from the guitar, and you blow in and take it upon yourself to screw all that up.”
“Hey, don’t pawn this all off on me. Linc was learning the guitar before I even got to town, and so fucking what if he was doing it behind your back? He loves it, not to mention, he’s good at it—like really good.”
“That’s all you have to say to me? Did you think you should be apologizing for undermining me and my parenting?”
“I can’t be sorry for something I really don’t feel remorse for. As far as undermining your parenting, maybe someone needs to do it since you’re screwing up your kid’s happiness because of your own warped issues.” What the hell? Who was this man?
I jerked my head back at Gabe’s response. The Gabe I knew would never be so cruel. “My warped issues? How can you say something like that?”
“I guess I’m just a bastard like your ex. I mean, I am a musician, so I fit the mold, right?”
Shaking my head, I replied, “How could I have possibly wasted the last couple of months on someone so insensitive and clueless?”
Gabe’s eyes narrowed at me. “Maybe it was just for the great sex. After all, a bastard musician like me was only ever going to be good enough to be in your bed and never fully in your life or your kid’s life, right?” That’s what he thinks? Wow.
“You seriously disgust me.”
“Hmm, that’s quite a change from when you’re begging and pleading for me to make you come. But I’m only good for one thing, right? I guess you are like your mom—both of you needed a little musician dick to get you through the rough times.”
At Gabe’s comparison of me to my mother, a blood-red haze ran before my eyes. Before I could stop myself, I swung my arm out and brought my flattened palm across his face. The smack echoed through the now silent area behind the curtain.
Gabe rubbed his cheek before smirking at me. “I guess that’s my cue to leave.”
While I expected him to sidestep me and go out the back door, he surprised me by walking over to Linc. My heart shuddered to a stop when Gabe opened his arms, and Linc fell into them. Instead of me comforting my child, it was Gabe.
“And the winner of the Hayesville Elementary talent show is Lincoln Hart!”
Hearing Linc’s name called out, coupled with everything that had just happened with Gabe, sent shockwaves reverberating through me. I knew I couldn’t stay there one second more. I then did something so uncharacteristic of me.
I ran.
Sprinting out the backdoor of the auditorium, I bypassed my car and kept going on foot. Although the winter air stung my lungs and my muscles began to burn, I kept running. I didn’t stop until I skidded through the front door of Harts and Flowers.
Kennedy glanced at me from behind the counter where she was adjusting some freshly baked cupcakes. After taking one look at me, she cried, “Ellie, get out here!”
“Can’t it wait? I’m trying to get the last of the arrangements together for Mr. Johannsen’s wake.”
“Now,” Kennedy demanded.
My frantic gaze bobbed from Kennedy over to the back of the store where Ellie had poked her head out of the curtain. “Oh shit,” she murmured before she came striding toward me.
“Please tell me you guys have a tequila reserve hidden somewhere in here?” I said, barely managing to get it out as I panted.
“No tequila, but there is some rum.”
I nodded. “Get it, and don’t bother with a glass. I’ll drink straight from the bottle.”
“Oh shit,” Ellie repeated.
After I collapsed on one of the overstuffed couches in the bakery area of Harts and Flowers, I watched my sisters scramble around to fulfill my request. Although I’d originally envisioned drinking from the bottle, Kennedy ended up pouring glasses for the three of us. While Ellie sat down beside me on the couch, Kennedy pulled a chair over to sit across from us.
Once I’d downed my glass and half of another one, I unloaded on Kennedy and Ellie about what had happened with Gabe and Linc.
“Fuck,” Kennedy muttered.
“Yep. That pretty much sums it up.”
After we sat in silence a few moments, Kennedy leaned forward in her chair. “Okay, don’t kill me for this since you can be a mean drunk, but would it really be that bad for Linc to keep playing the guitar?” Kennedy asked.
I widened my eyes at her. “Whose fucking side are you on?”
“It’s not about sides, Rae. It’s about what’s best for your son.”
Pouring myself another glass of rum, I sighed. “I honestly don’t know.” And that was the honest to God truth. My mind kept flashing back to how happy Linc had looked playing, but it wasn’t just about him being happy—he was good at it. Had I been wrong all these years about him playing an instrument? I mean, he’d been the same sweet and kind Linc these past weeks while he was playing the guitar. So far so good, right?
Ellie traced the rim of her cup, a contemplative look on her face. “You know, I’ve read about how being involved in music raises a child’s intelligence. It can also give them a focus they can use to stay out of trouble.”
I swallowed down another burning gulp of rum. “I know. I’ve read all that shit myself.”
Kennedy snorted. “Then what’s the problem? Are you afraid of being wrong?”
“Maybe…or maybe I’m afraid Linc will be a small percent the jerk his sorry excuse for a father was.”
Shaking her head, Kennedy said, “Maybe it’s time to realize that Ryan is Ryan and Linc is Linc. I mean, if we were really ruled by our DNA, all three of us would be fucked based on what Mom did. Last time I checked, none of us were quitters like her. Sure, we’ve made our fair share of mistakes when it comes to men, but we’ve never abandoned our family.”
Ellie nodded. “Ken’s right. Thankfully, we’ve all carried on the wonderful traits Dad gave us. The same can be said for you and Linc.”
“I want to believe that—I really do. I just worry what will happen to him when he becomes a teenager.”
“He’s going to be a little shit as a teenager regardless if he’s playing the guitar or not. I mean, remember us as teenagers?” Kennedy said. After glancing at Ellie, she grinned. “Okay, so maybe it was just me and you, Rae. Maybe he’ll take after Ellie and be an angelic teenager.”
Ellie and I laughed. “I could live with that,” I said.
“At the end of the day, Linc is a hell of a kid with a good heart. I can’t imagine him being a truly terrible teenager,” Kennedy said.
Tears stung my eyes. “God, I treated him so horribly this morning. When I think of how he looked at me when I told him he had to give up the guitar…” I shuddered. “He despises me now.”
“There’s nothing you did or said that Linc won’t forgive you for. He loves you more than anyone or anything in the world.” Kennedy winked at me. “Even the guitar.”
I hiccupped a laugh as I ground the tears from my eyes. “I hope so.
“I know so,” Kennedy said.
Ellie nodded. “Me too.”
With a groan, I eyed the coffee mug-shaped clock on the wall. “Ugh. I need to get to work.”
Shaking her head, Kennedy said, “I think you need to take a mental health day today. Take an hour or so to sober up and then go back to the school and talk to Linc.”
“You’re right. I’m not going to be any good today until I’ve made things right with him.”
“And what about Gabe?” Ellie cautiously asked.
An agonized sigh escaped my lips. “I can’t think about him today.”
“Okay, whatever, Scarlett O’Hara. When will you think about him?” Kennedy inquired.
I rolled my eyes. “Of course I’ll be thinking of him. I’ve already thought about him the whole way over here, especially as I sucked down that rum. I just can’t deal with my feelings about him today.”
Ellie placed her hand on my thigh. “If he calls you, will you at least agree to talk to him?”
Yeah, I don’t think I’ll hold my breath for him to call. That wasn’t going to happen. Not after the way we’d shredded each other. I knew how he felt about me now. I’d seen it in his eyes. Heard it in his voice.
After all, a bastard musician like me was only ever going to be good enough to be in your bed and never fully in yours and your kid’s lives, right?
“I doubt he’ll call, Ellie. He wasn’t sorry at all for his actions. He knew I asked him to be careful about getting invested in Linc and me, because I was terrified of how he’d hurt Linc when . . . if he left. He’s made his pretty position clear on what he thinks of me, my parenting, and well . . . everything.”
“But if he calls—”
“I can’t, not now. I need some time to think.”
“Just don’t take too much time,” she cautioned.
“I’ll try.” I rose off the couch. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a pot of coffee with my name on it just waiting to sober me up.”
* * *
Standing outside the school’s cafeteria, I waited on Linc’s class to come to lunch. My skin singed under the stares of the other parents who had come to eat with their kids while my ears burned with the whispers around me. There was no doubt that what had transpired between me and Gabe had made its way through the gossip mill.
Although I would have died a thousand deaths to save myself the humiliation of facing people at the school, I knew I had to make things right with Linc. While my heart ached with what had happened with Gabe, my soul was in agony at what I had said and done to Linc.
As Linc came down the hallway toward the lunchroom, his downcast face broke my heart. While his friends chattered around him, Linc didn’t appear to hear them. He was locked in his own world of grief.
“Linc!” I called.
When his gaze connected with mine, pure panic flashed across his face. Since he looked like he might bolt at any moment, I rushed forward. His friends scattered, leaving him all alone.
Tears pooled in my eyes as I hurried toward him. By the time I reached him, I was crying so hard that his image was blurred before me. Although I knew I ran the risk of driving him away by embarrassing him, I still knelt in front of him. “Oh baby, I’m so, so sorry.”
“Mom?”
Swiping the tears from my cheeks, I nodded. “I would give anything in the world if I could take back the things I said to you this morning.” I placed my hands on his shoulders. “Worst of all, I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of all those people. It was your big moment, and I selfishly ruined it for you. You’ve worked so hard and did so well, and I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
I shook my head. “No, honey, it’s not. It’s never okay to yell at you in front of other people, not to mention what happened with me and Gabe.”
“But Mom, I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I went behind your back to have Jeremy teach me how to play, but most of all, I’m sorry I asked Gabe to give me a guitar.”
Cupping his cheek, I said, “It’s okay. I understand why you did what you did.”
Linc’s dark eyes widened. “You do?”
“Yes, I do. Not only that, maybe you playing the guitar is not so bad.”
If I hadn’t been so emotionally downtrodden, I might have found Linc’s extreme expression of disbelief comical. I didn’t know his mouth could open that wide. “Are you serious?” he demanded.
“Yes, I am.”
“Why?”
“I had a little talk with Aunt Kennedy and Aunt Ellie.”
Linc slowly shook his head back and forth. “You’re really going to let me play guitar?”
Although I still wasn’t completely sold on the idea, I knew I had to let go. Linc wasn’t Ryan any more than I was my mother. “While I would prefer you didn’t play, I will support you if that’s what you want to do.”
Linc took me off guard when he launched himself at me, bowling us over onto the floor. “I guess this means you forgive me?” I asked.
“Yeah, I do.” Linc pulled back to give me a serious look. “But don’t worry, Mom. I would have forgiven you even if you hadn’t let me play guitar again.”
“I know. I believe you.”
When I started to lean over to kiss his cheek, Linc’s eyes bulged in horror. “Mom, no! Someone will see.”
I laughed. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to show you how much I love you.” My chin trembled a little. “And I do love you, Linc, more than anyone else in the whole wide world. The decisions I make are ones I think are the best for you, but sometimes, I make mistakes.”
“I make them too, Mom. And I love you, too.”
God, it was so good hearing those words come from his mouth. I knew that this wasn’t happily ever after. There were going to be tough times ahead of us; it was just part of being a mom and raising a child. I just hoped and prayed we would always have moments like these where we could say we loved each other. Where we could admit when we’re wrong and forgive each other too.
“Okay, that’s enough loving for now. I’m going to need you to get out of here. Now,” Linc said, his gaze bouncing around the hallway.
And just like that, the moment was broken, but I didn’t mind one bit. My boy had forgiven me, so all was right in our world.