Gwen age 9
Knight age 13
Gwen
The night air was cool on my skin. I sat on top of one of the picnic tables looking up at the star-filled sky. I had no idea what was what as far as constellations were concerned, but that didn’t stop me from trying to make stuff up in my mind, trying to connect strange dots that weren’t really there.
I pulled the blanket tighter around my body, thankful that I was smart enough to bring it out with me. It was soft and reminded me of my mom.
Sometimes I’d spend hours out here while my dad thought I was sleeping, just looking up at the sky hoping that my mom would send me some sign from the great beyond. I would ask her questions and received silence every time. I had to believe that she was there somehow, someway, still guiding me through life. Though, I never knew if she was or not.
This was the time I wished I’d had her around the most. When I needed answers to questions that I didn’t want to go to my dad about. I knew I could have asked him about anything and he would have done his best to answer, but there were just some things that I didn’t want to go to him with.
Most of those things right then had to do with stuff that my closest girl friend, Stacy, had told me. Her sister was older than us and had started to do things with boys. I knew about kissing because I’d seen it enough around the clubhouse. But I had no idea why people did it.
I also knew all about sex because my dad didn’t want to wait on that conversation. That was so awkward and to be honest, I still wasn’t sure about half the things he talked about.
Stacy’s sister had already gotten her period and she told Stacy ‘that made her a woman.’ I didn’t see the logic in that, but then again, what did I know?
Stacy had told me that her sister was already kissing boys. Stacy said she was ready to do it too, but I wasn’t so sure. I’d asked her why she wanted to kiss a boy and she answered back with something about love and having a boyfriend.
There was only one boy that I could see as anything other than gross. Knight. But I’d known him since I was born and I couldn’t imagine kissing him.
Only, as I sat on that bench and thought about Knight kissing other girls, I got antsy and queasy. I didn’t know how I felt about it.
Wait.
Yes, I did.
I didn’t want him kissing other girls, but I had no idea why.
“Gwenie,” Knight whispered from behind me making me jump. “What are you doing out here? Your dad thinks you’re asleep.”
“I know,” I whispered back as he settled himself beside me on the top of the table.
His dad wasn’t as strict as mine and sometimes Knight and his dad, Cringer, would spend the night at the compound. Knight was pretty much free to do as he wanted. Like, go to bed when he felt like it. Or eat sweets late at night. Or hang out playing pool when he should have been doing his homework. Though his homework always got done and he was always up with enough time to catch the bus to school, so I guess Cringer didn’t really have anything to worry about.
“Do you like girls?” I blurted out, my mind clearly still on the subject of Knight kissing someone.
“Um, yeah, I guess.” He looked at me with a strange expression on his face. “Why?”
“It’s just that…” My mouth felt dry and my throat clogged, which was strange because it was Knight and I could talk to him about anything. Right? “Stacy’s sister says that if a guy kisses a girl that means he likes her. So, if you like girls—or a girl—then will you kiss her.”
He squirmed and I could tell that this was making him a bit uncomfortable. I hated that it did, but at the same time, I needed to know.
“One, stay away from Stacy’s sister,” he said then blew out a harsh breath. “And don’t fucking listen to anything she says.”
Knight didn’t usually cuss, but when he did, I always thought it was cute and funny.
“Two, I would probably kiss a girl if I liked her…and you know, she wanted me to.” He seemed to visibly cringe as he said those words and I wondered what was going through his mind.
“Have you kissed a girl yet?” I had to know. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to know what it was like or if I needed to know that he no longer had that first.
“No,” he said, his tone was almost short and laced with frustration. “Shit, Gwen.”
“Have you thought about kissing anyone?”
“What’s with all the questions, Gwen?”
“I…” I bit my bottom lip wondering how I could even explain it to him. Did I want him to kiss me? Well, I didn’t think so. But I knew I didn’t want him kissing anyone else and that was super confusing to me. “I just wanted to know what it was like, you know, for when I might do it. What if I do it all wrong and whatnot?”
“I think you should go to bed, Gwen. We have school tomorrow.”
I wouldn’t lie, the brush off stung a bit. I looked up at him, the glow of the low moon cast a blue tint on his skin. His eyes locked with mine and I didn’t miss the look of confusion that was set deep in his features.
“Gwen?” I knew he was asking so many questions as he said my name. I took a deep breath and decided to let it all go, this was Knight after all. My Knight.
“I thought I would get all of your firsts. I mean, I know I’ve had so many, but I thought that was just us, you know? The thought of you giving it to someone else, well, I don’t think I like it.” My lip quivered and I wasn’t sure if it was the nerves or the fact that I was about to cry.
“Gwen.” His voice a harsh whisper as his face softened.
His big hands cupped my jaw and though I wasn’t completely prepared for it, I welcomed it. His lips descended onto mine. A brief brush and a light press and then he was pulling away. My head spun and as I blinked open my eyes, which I hadn’t even realized I’d closed until then, I was met with his intense blue gaze boring into me.
“There, now you have my first kiss,” he said with a soft smile then slung his arm around my shoulder like it was just an everyday thing. “You and me…”
“Against the world,” I whispered into the night wind.
“Forever,” he finished as he tightened his arm around me and pulled me further into his side.