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Last but not Leashed: A Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count) by R.J. Blain (7)

Chapter Seven

The pack sided with Allison, and they worked together to keep me from mopping the floor with our alpha. A pair of human shoes named Jerome and Clyde restrained me, although I had several other annoying lycanthropes hanging onto my back. Of my living shackles, Clyde enjoyed his job the most, laughing whenever I tried to kick him off. Jerome cursed me for refusing to obey him, and all of his orders boiled down to leaving Allison alone.

When she left me alone, I’d leave her alone, and she refused to stop laughing at me. “Allison!” I howled.

“Could you please stop taunting the cranky hybrid?” Jerome complained. “Holding him back isn’t easy, babe.”

“You both need the exercise. Don’t be a baby. I’m helping. We’re learning a lot about Dale’s hybrid form. He’s got to be dragging around a thousand pounds trying to get a hold of me, and he’s been at it for half an hour. He’s strong and has good endurance. That’s worth the bounty price before considering how pretty he is. Look at him, Jerome. He’s beautiful.”

“Stop flirting with Ethel’s future mate. I’m starting to think you have a death wish.”

Allison walked backwards, keeping just out of my reach. I swiped a claw at her, and Helen joined the fray, dangling off my arm. Since biting her would earn me a beating I’d never forget, I showed her my teeth and breathed in her face.

She dropped off my arm and backpedaled, clapping her hands over her nose and mouth. “Fuck, your breath!”

“And he has weapon-grade morning breath,” Allison added. “That’s a potential plus on the bounty front.”

“You really have a death wish, don’t you?” Jerome growled at his mate.

“I already told you I just wanted to see what we have to work with. He’s even better than I thought. If I had a death wish, I’d contact the bounty—”

No,” the entire pack chorused.

I halted to catch my breath, considering how to rid myself of my living attachments so I could mop the floor with Allison. Considering the idea of turning myself in for the bounty put me in the same looney bin as my alpha, but it had some merit. With a little preparation and some supplies, I could make a few elementary runes to help me escape if needed. Practitioner tricks were taught to most CDC contractors and employees, although I’d limited my knowledge to the basics.

After I finished mopping the floor with Allison, I’d reevaluate my stance on practitioners and their magic. A few extra tricks up my sleeve couldn’t hurt.

“Allison, so help me, if you give Dale any dumb ideas, I might just let him loose to see what he does with you. Don’t you give Ethel any dumb ideas, either!”

Sometimes, I liked Jerome, but I wouldn’t admit that to him.

“What dumb ideas?” Ethel demanded.

I straightened, pricking my ears forward at the sound of her voice. Allison took advantage of the opportunity to hide behind the one woman who’d held my attention for years.

“I was thinking we could get Dale to lure out the bounty holder,” Allison replied with an unrepentant grin. “I think it’s a great idea. Once the bounty is gone, you can live happily mated with Dale.”

“I like the happily mated with Dale part of your idea, but you’re going to have to do some serious convincing regarding the rest.”

I sighed and bowed my head, my last hope of sanity leaping out the window with Ethel’s reply. “Who would pay half a million for me?”

Ethel locked onto me with narrowed eyes, stomping over so she could prod me in the chest. “Me!”

Not only did I like her answer, it gave me a unique opportunity I couldn’t allow to slip away. I flashed a canine grin. “Are you the bounty holder?”

“Well, no. I admit, I wish I’d thought of it first. I’d spend more than that to keep you.”

I’d have to do a little investigating of my own; if I judged by Ethel’s trailer, she’d never be able to afford my bounty. The way she spoke led me to believe she really would spend more and she wouldn’t even hesitate.

Someone likely squirreled away every extra penny she got her hands on, and I wondered why. CDC management had to be paid better than I was, and I wasn’t a slacker on earnings.

Interesting.

“My question stands,” I replied, careful to keep from growling, as I didn’t want to give her the impression she’d stirred my ire. That honor belonged to Allison.

“Dale,” Ethel growled.

“Ethel.” In light of new information and her display of aggression, I ditched any pretenses of maintaining a pleasant demeanor. If she wanted to match me growl for growl, I’d deal with the consequences. My growl was a great deal louder than hers, which annoyed her into scowling at me.

“Please don’t provoke him, Ethel. He’s hard enough to hold back as it is,” Jerome complained. “Please. He already wants to pummel my wife.”

“Why?”

“She punned him.”

“Why are you trying to stop him? It sounds like she deserves it.”

“I don’t want her to die because she angered Dale. She provoked him right into his hybrid form.”

“You should be admiring him rather than saving your wife. He’s lovely.”

Jerome sighed. “You’re biased.”

I was okay with her being biased, but I didn’t want to hear them sing my praises when all I wanted to do was accomplish my mission of mopping the floor with Allison. To distract them, I said, “I still want to know who would spend that much on a bounty for me.”

“You’re lovely, so a lot of people should,” Ethel replied. “Handsome. Vibrant. Also mine, and I’m pissed they came up with the idea first.”

Jerome snickered. “You can’t win this one, Dale.”

Yes, I could, and I knew the perfect way to. “Hey, Jerome?”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Not particularly.”

“What, then?”

“Who likes Ethel enough to pay half a million for me?”

Silence.

The entire pack stared at me before giving Ethel their undivided attention.

The focus of my interest raised her brows, planting her hands on her hips. “I didn’t know anyone liked me enough to buy me Dale. I’m not complaining if that’s the case, but the people I know with that sort of money would rather annoy me than help me.”

Jerome cracked up laughing, curling around my leg and beating the floor with his fist. “It makes so much more sense than someone who likes Dale helping him to land you. You’re pretty, you’re nice enough, and you have plenty of friends. Dale’s pretty, but he’s a chronic loner, so he doesn’t really have a lot of friends.”

I considered kicking him off and using Jerome as a mop instead of his mate. “Thanks, Jerome.”

“Anytime. So, Ethel. Any candidates?”

“Maybe a few.”

“Like who?”

Ethel sighed and rested her cheek against my chest, which did a good job of sparing Jerome from being kicked across his house for daring to question her. The information would be useful, and it’d gotten her to come closer, something my virus and I agreed was a good situation.

Jerome cleared his throat. “Well, Ethel? Who?”

“My father’s a decent candidate, and my mother would encourage him. I think they like Dale more than they like me.”

“I’ve never met your parents. How is that even possible?”

“They adore you. You put up with me without running away.”

“Are they aware you’re my boss? Not running away from my boss is part of my job.”

“I told them I paid you to put up with me. That only encouraged them. They’ve been trying to get me to settle down for years. I was born infected, and I’ve been told I’m the pickiest female alive. They’re convinced you might be my only hope. That alone makes it pretty probable they’re the assholes behind the bounty. They’d do that. And they’d set the condition I wasn’t to be hurt because they’d probably kill anyone who hurt me.” Ethel took a step away from me, much to my disappointment, and wrinkled her nose. “Damned lycanthrope parents.”

I understood that complaint well enough. Once my parents found out I had purple fur to go with my hybrid form, they’d probably start pulling similar stunts on a much tighter budget. “How illegal is it to set a live bounty on someone anyway?”

Ethel snorted, then she laughed. “It’s illegal to kidnap someone, but it’s not illegal to set a live bounty. It depends. With the right terms, it’s not illegal, and the kidnapping charge can be paid off with a match of the bounty to the victim.”

If my parents had the money, I could see them throwing funds at ensuring I continued the family line, although their approach would likely involve paying girls to try to befriend me and get into my pants as often as possible until I found a woman I couldn’t resist.

She stood in front of me, another reason I hadn’t visited my parents in a shamefully long time.

“Are you telling me that you might be the cause of all this mayhem, Ethel?”

I hoped she said yes. If she said yes, I’d have a good excuse to press her buttons, rile her up, and lure her closer with the goal of making her a permanent fixture in my life.

“My parents might do something this idiotic,” she admitted.

“And get away with it?”

“I probably wouldn’t press any charges if they gift wrapped you for me.”

Jerome snickered. “Of course you wouldn’t. You’d be too busying play with your present. Dale wouldn’t press charges, either. He’d be too busy being your present and in a mating frenzy.”

Killing Jerome would get in the way of making his predictions a reality, but the thought tempted me all the same.

“That had crossed my mind, too,” Ethel admitted. “I’ll need to look over the bounty rules and double-check the laws. My parents typically follow the word of the law while the rest of my family would do it just to piss me off. However, no one in my family would attack a human to infect him. Those two incidents are likely unrelated.”

“The timing implies otherwise,” I said.

“Well, if it’s my parents, they heard about the incident at the mall. I could see them deciding to do something about it.” She smiled. “If my family is involved, I will enjoy murdering them. But in good news, we’ll have an easier time identifying who attacked Mr. Jones and why. And my family, while annoying and deserving of death if they’re responsible for this, wouldn’t intentionally hire a black duster. I’m willing to bet if they’re behind it, the bounty terms would’ve made that filth avoid the job.”

“Interesting.” Tired of the pack climbing all over me, I leaned forward and shook, shedding people like I’d remove water from my coat. Bending down, I grabbed Jerome by the back of his neck and peeled him off my leg. Clyde released me and scrambled out of reach. Picking up my alpha, I relocated him to his kitchen counter. “For that much money, I’d do a lot,” I confessed. “Why wouldn’t someone else?”

Ethel growled at me. “The terms should’ve dissuaded him.”

Licking Ethel from chin to scalp would either annoy her even more or distract her, and I hopped forward, giving her a full dose of my breath and a rude amount of wolf slobber. She squealed and backpedaled clapping her hands over her nose. “Damn it, Dale!”

I pursued her, my laughter rumbling in my chest. After her displays of interest, I deemed it acceptable to rub my nose against the gentle curve of her throat and breathe in her scent. “Let me see if I understand this. You have how many family members willing to pay how much for me to have you? You deserved being licked for that.”

Allison giggled, then she false whispered, “Dale being assertive is really creepy, babe.”

Given the choice, I normally wouldn’t have sacrificed my chance to nuzzle Ethel, but Allison deserved a dose of my breath, too. I pulled away from Ethel, inhaled, and roared in Allison’s face.

“Holy fuck, leash him! Are you part lion? You must be part lion. Fuck, Dale. Your breath! Brush your teeth. For the love of God and fear of Satan, brush your teeth!”

I enjoyed panting in her face and following her when she attempted to escape.

“Five hundred thousand, Dale,” Ethel said, snatching a handful of my chest fur and giving it a tug. I halted, giving her my undivided attention. “Six hundred thousand if I’m captured, too. I could see them gift wrapping you for me.”

“Who knew? I’m a very expensive present. If you can confirm they’re responsible, then we only need to worry about who attacked the security guard and why.” Ethel snorted, and unable to resist the temptation, I grabbed her by the waist and sat her on the kitchen island so she’d be closer to eye level. “Confirming the situation with the security guard is more important than a live-capture bounty.”

“Like hell it is! Most lycanthropes don’t attack people like that, which makes me think it was a hit—a deliberate attack. Maybe by a pack member or one of her friends? That only leads to one problem: she’s verified before an angel she was going to ask him to mate with her. That’s why her pack was with her. They were expecting to be introduced formally. Why would anyone interfere when nature would run its course given a little time? It doesn’t make sense. What I don’t understand is why someone would want to infect him with lycanthropy.”

I had one idea: Mr. Coolridge. “His boss was interested in the benefits of lycanthropy, especially in a security context.”

“Not him. We asked.”

“Before an angel?” I asked, well aware how difficult it could be to detect a clever human’s lies.

“Well, no.”

“How do you know he didn’t lie—or that his boss put out the hit? The CDC has access to the bounty lists through covert ops, don’t they? Have someone check.”

Ethel wrinkled her nose at me. “I refuse to accept there’s a criminal that stupid, Dale. I refuse. No. I refuse to even consider that a stupid criminal got you mauled.”

Lycanthrope males had a reputation of being overly protective, but the females were no different. I worried what would happen if Ethel got her hands on the lycanthrope who’d infected Mr. Jones. “If we can trace the virus to its source, we can find the hire if you can’t locate the bounty, right? That’s assuming we can’t just pull out the bounty—assuming there is one.”

Ethel grunted, crossed her arms over her chest, and refused to look me in the eyes. “I refuse to believe someone would be stupid enough to infect someone with lycanthropy to have a better mall security guard.”

“There’s some logic, and it would let him test drive a lycanthrope, in this case, me.”

“That’s the dumbest damned reason to infect someone with lycanthropy I’ve ever heard.”

“Free test drive of a lycanthrope as a security guard, option to fire an employee he potentially dislikes or doesn’t think is suitable? I can see it happening. The lycanthropy virus does lose the infected certain rights. Mr. Jones could be fired for the infection.”

Ethel bared her teeth and growled, still refusing to meet my gaze. “No, no, no.”

If she found out how much I was enjoying myself, she’d probably kill me—and she’d make me like it, too. “The world is plagued with dumb criminals.”

She hissed like a demented cat. “No!”

“Could be mercenaries looking to recruit,” Jerome said.

Ethel’s frustrated scream was enough to make me grin, and I turned to face my alpha before she caught sight of my amusement. “What?”

“It could be a mercenary outfit looking for fresh blood from the securities sector. Lycanthropes get shortchanged outside of certain fields. It’d be a great way to get new hires. Baltimore has at least five outfits, and a new lycanthrope would be an asset for them.”

Ethel’s sigh recaptured my attention, and I twisted to face her. She relaxed and shook her head. “There’s only been one attack. I really don’t want a dumbfuck criminal to be the cause of all this trouble.”

“Head of mall security,” I corrected.

“Dumbfuck criminal.”

“Does it matter if he’s a dumbfuck criminal? Doesn’t it make it easier to solve and move on?”

Ethel reached for me, snagged my fur in her hands, and tugged until I moved closer. Snarling, she replied, “Unacceptable! Are you seriously telling me you’re okay with having been mauled over some dumbfuck criminal with a shitty motive?”

I took my time thinking it over. The so-called dumbfuck criminal with shitty motives had gotten me into the same bed with Ethel multiple times and had bagged me the oddest kiss of my life. Was I supposed to have a problem with the dumbfuck criminal?

Because of the dumbfuck criminal, Ethel had her hands in my fur, demonstrating every possessive tendency of a lycanthrope out to protect her territory. I liked it enough I ducked my head and nuzzled her, breathing in her scent and savoring the undertones of her annoyance.

“Seriously, Dale? You’re seriously okay with it?” she wailed.

Allison giggled and hopped up on the counter, swinging her legs. “Ethel, you’re showering him with affection. Of course he’s okay with it. But here’s what I’m wondering. If this mall security guy wants lycanthropes, why only one attack—and why hasn’t the dumbfuck offered to employ Dale permanently?”

I laughed so hard my entire body shook. “After the past two chaotic shifts, only a lunatic would hire me.”

Ethel’s grip on my fur tightened. “Really?”

Uh oh. I recognized my error and wondered if I’d be able to save myself from her wrath. Making my death memorable would have to do. “He couldn’t afford me anyway. My current boss—very probably a lunatic—offers a good salary, good work conditions, and I hear I might be granted excellent additional benefits. I have a preference for my current boss, and I’m very picky.”

The annoyance in Ethel’s scent eased, replaced by something a lot sweeter and tempting. “You have my attention.”

Since my slip hadn’t gotten me killed, the temptation to test my luck again was too much to resist. “If I turn myself in for the bounty, would I get paid? I don’t see how I lose if I get paid to become your gift. I’ll even wear a bow,” I crooned.

“If we can confirm my wretched family is responsible for the bounty, they’d pay you, yes. They’re assholes like that.”

“And if I bring you, I get paid extra.”

“Essentially.”

How could I lose? “With that much extra money, we could get a nice little house.”

A large one suitable for many puppies.

My virus liked that idea a lot.

“We can already do that,” Ethel replied.

“But it would be at their expense.”

“All right. And how are you planning on delivering me?”

I had a plan? “I haven’t gotten that far into my planning,” I confessed.

“Wear a suit. You’ll distract them that way.”

“I will? Why?”

“They’re convinced you’re plain and uninteresting because I love my sisters and don’t want to kill them. They’re going to be moderately surprised you’re handsome and interesting. And mine.”

Meeting Ethel’s family might be the death of me, but I was also intrigued by what Ethel might’ve told them to safeguard me from their interest. “I’m mildly concerned.”

“You’ll understand when you meet them.”

That only worried me more.

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