Blissfully happy.

Those are the only two words that can describe the feeling soaring through my heart and soul right now. A feeling in these circumstances that shouldn’t even be in my vocabulary. I was being hunted, and I was smiling.

Was I finally losing the grip on reality? Maybe I was, but I would do it all over again for him. Voodoo came into my life unexpectedly. His nervousness around me in the beginning was shocking in comparison to the man who I was sharing my bed and body with now. The pre-conceived ideas that I had about the men who serve my father’s former club had been on point, except for him. Voodoo was the odd ball. His kind, gentle nature, as I was struggling to come to grips with the bounty placed on my head, was more than I could explain with words. His kiss was meant to be a distraction, but it was so much more.

With his lips upon mine in that moment, he took away all the pain in my life, and with our bodies, we created something new. It’s a connection I can no longer deny. The last few days have been amazing, and even as I caught myself thinking about Beauregard in fleeting moments, the love I had felt for him was melting away. He would always be a part of my life, even if I didn’t get closure from our sudden break.

Voodoo had replaced him in my heart nearly entirely, and it was a switch that I welcomed with open arms.

But V’s reluctance to tell my brother was fast becoming a sticking point for me. In normal cases of a brother’s friend and his kid sister hooking up, the emotions would run on high. Mikey would be like that, but turned up to eleven. Voodoo was his non-blooded brother, and our relationship without first seeking permission or at least telling him about it, would be seen as a low blow. Possibly even a betrayal. Something that I know scares V. My brother held power over him. He could make his life miserable or rip away his cut, effectively taking a piece of his soul with it. I wanted to give him more time to tell Mikey, but suspicions were starting to run high around the clubhouse. The club girls watched us like a hawk, and whispered about us sitting together every morning. As careful as he was, I had no doubt that one of them had seen him slipping away from my room, after so many nights together. It only takes sex before dawn escapes, to put two and two together, and these girls were experts at floating from bed to bed.

I had a selfish reason for wanting our relationship out in the open. Waking up alone was beginning to get old. I wanted to wake up next to him, and cling to him like a normal couple. I wanted to be able to hold his hand and kiss him without having to slink away to his office or my room. With my life in jeopardy, I wanted those moments of normalcy because it could all change in the blink of an eye. Death was a possibility, and with the grim reaper’s scythe so close to my neck, I need to feel normal. Just for a little while

I made a plan once V bolted for his church meeting to tell my brother. I had hope that the news coming from me would be a softer blow, than it would be coming from V. With a wave of his hand, he could cast V out. My protection would go with him, if I chose to follow him. The decision between my brother, my safety, danger, and V wasn’t going to be an easy one to make. But I knew in my heart, which way the decision would swing. I just had to accept it.

I make short work of my shower and getting dressed. I admittedly spent far too much time rehearsing my grand speech about having the right to love who I choose, and my brother’s opinion being only that just an opinion. I had to cling to my strength, if I was going to make it through this.

I take one last glance in the mirror, before heading out the door to my brother’s office. My eyes scan the main room quickly as I stalk through it, finding that most of the guys are out and about. Church must be over, and knowing my brother, he would be holed up in his office, just where I want him.

Just as Mikey’s door comes into sight, I watch from afar as Voodoo beelines for his office with blood all over his shirt, face, and hands.

“That motherfucker,” I growl, under my breath.

I don’t even knock, when I reach my brother’s door. I shove it open, and then slam it behind me.

“Please do come on in,” he sarcastically fires at me, from behind his desk.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Mikey? I just saw V. Did you do that to him?” I point out the door towards V’s office.

“Sure did,” he says with a smile on his face. “No one touches my sister without permission.”

He’s fucking gloating over the fact that he’s assaulted one of his own men. And for what? Because he dares have a relationship with me. It’s like fucking high school all over again. A man gets close to me, and my brother runs him off. Unfortunately for him, I worked around that little issue, and he is about to get a huge surprise. No one tells me what to do. Not anymore. I have lived that life for far too long, and look where that got me. That ends today.

Rage fuels my every move. Before I can stop myself, I charge towards him. He slides his chair back, glaring up at me, but standing his ground. Mikey sits like a coiled viper. Cautiously monitoring the situation without inserting himself. He’s waiting for me to make my move. My hand goes rogue, slapping him hard across the face. Mikey remains steadfastly still, as I recoil my hand from the pain of hitting him.

“That wasn’t a bright move, LeeLee. Are you okay?”

“My hand is fine, asshole,” I hiss. I cradle my hand against my chest, trying not to think about how badly it hurts and praying it’s not broken. My fingers extend, when I try to move them. Not broken, thank God. “I want to make something crystal clear for you, Michael. I’m an adult. I do what I want, and I fuck who I want. You have no say in that.”

“The fuck I don’t. He’s one of my men,” Mikey says, on the verge of yelling. His finger points to the door mimicking my own gesture. “He is supposed to be protecting you. Not fucking you.” He hisses as he stands, planting both of his hands on the table. I can’t help, but notice the specks of a bruise forming on his hand from hitting Voodoo. The sight of it enrages me.

“Not your decision. You had no right to do that,” I yell back at him. His eyes narrow as angrily.

“I have every right to be pissed off, LeeLee. It is my decision, when your life is on the line. What if he was with you and didn’t see The Zezza’s rolling up? What if they came into this clubhouse and killed us all? Do you see what I’m trying to tell you?”

The hypothetical scenario he presents does make sense, but he’s thinking so analytically. My brother has always been hardwired to look at all the angles of a situation, except for the emotional part of it. Right now, I can almost bet that he’s sitting there trying to decide what else he can throw at me. But the bottom line is that this isn’t a fling like he thinks. Though there is the complication with Beauregard, I’ve fallen for V despite my best attempts not to do that very thing.

“I do see, but you aren’t seeing the whole picture.”

“I see it perfectly fine. You’re my sister,” he says with a bite to his voice. He pushes off the desk, rounding it and comes to a stop before me. “My only sister, and I will break off every man’s hand in this club, if they touch you, if I feel so inclined. This is my club, and these are my rules. No one trumps me here.”

“And I’m a human being. You can’t keep running away every man that comes around. My life could end at any moment, and you’re systemically trying to deny what could be my last chance at happiness.”

“Not with him,” he demands. “Over my dead fucking body will I allow it. I’ll kick him out, before I let that happen.” Mikey doesn’t budge. His stern stance is proof alone of that. While his intentions are noble, he has to let me go. I want my own life, and I’ll have it without his permission.

“I’ll just go with him, Mikey. I love him.”

My brother stills in front of me. As a man who has loved, lost, and found love again, he has to understand what that means for me.

“I love him,” I repeat. “And despite what you think about us, I will not let you shove us apart. You don’t know him like I do.”

“If you only knew,” he mutters.

“Knew what?” I inquire.

“Nothing,” he interjects.

His arms reach out, pulling me tightly against him. Standing in his embrace makes me feel so small. His large build hulks over me.

“I want you to be happy,” he whispers against the top of my head, before pulling away. “But this is not the life I wanted for you. I joined this club and took over when Dad died to protect you and mom. Everything that I do is for your protection.”

“I know,” I admit to him. “But you can’t keep me in a gilded cage, Mikey. I need room to breathe, and a chance to live my own life, if we make it through this. Please just give me the space to see where this ends up.”

My brother’s stern face slips just ever so slightly into a crack of a smile. It doesn’t last long, but it was there. He does understand.

“I don’t like it, but if it’s what you want, I won’t stop you. But if that asshole ever hurts you, I will kill him,” he states making sure to exaggerate the last part to drive home his point. “And don’t fucking suck face in front of me. That’s all I ask.”

“I promise to keep it at a minimum.”

He hugs me again, before I leave his office. I pause at V’s door, but decide against knocking. He just went toe to toe with my brother over me. He would need time to process it all. While other women would fear that he would have a change of heart about our relationship, I knew better. No man would take a hit from a guy like Mikey, if he planned on ditching the girl afterwards. It was better this way to give him space. When he was ready to talk to me about it, he would come to me.

I practically skip back to my room. V and I didn’t have to hide anymore, and the thought of being so open about our relationship is positively electric. No more closed doors, secret rendezvous, or hiding. We were free to be ourselves, something that I would be taking full advantage of, once V came back. All I had to do was wait.

I try to pass the time watching one of the movies V had packed into the top drawer of my dresser, but without him here doing his running commentary or directly quoting the movie he had clearly seen a hundred times, it wasn’t the same. My next pursuit of reading one of the books that Ratchet had brought Ginny fails as well. I nearly give up when a sound echoing from the bathroom freezes me in my place.

It can’t be. No. There’s no way. I’m hearing things. It’s just the boredom messing with my head.

The sound rings again, and then I know I’m not crazy. I uneasily slide from the couch, padding to the bathroom, and pulling open the vanity drawer containing my burner phone. As I reach down to grab it, the screen lights up as another message pops up on the screen. Beauregard. After all this time, he reaches out, when I have just fought my brother over V.

Was this a sign from above that I was on the right path with V or the exact opposite? The fates were playing a cruel trick on my heart. I mull over the decision in front of me. Do I delete the texts without even reading them and turn off the phone, shutting Beauregard out of my life? Or do I read them, opening myself up to threaten the relationship I have with V?

Where is a damn therapist to talk this over with? My mind swirls with indecision. Would this be betraying V, if I looked at the messages? What about responding to them? The love I had for Beauregard was essentially gone, but the part of him left inside of me needed that closure between us. I may regret what I’m about to do, but I can’t ignore it. My finger touches on his name, and the messages pop up.

Beauregard: Hi.

Beauregard: I’m sorry for not responding.

Beauregard: We need to talk.

I start to type out a message, but another one comes in.

Beauregard: I want to be honest with you. I’ve met someone, but I still think about you.

I can’t stop myself from replying. Beauregard had moved on just like I had. Maybe replying back wouldn’t be as bad as it was making me feel.

I have too.

Are you happy?

His response is quick.

Beauregard: I am, but there’s a part of me that still wants to meet you. Would you be open to that? I know you’re out east, but I would be willingly to meet you halfway.

 

I pause. Am I crazy for even considering this? What would Voodoo think if I did this? Would I tell him? I know it would hurt him, but I would try my damnedest to explain my reasoning to him. Closure would be a good thing for all of us going forward. V holds my entire heart, but my mind would be finally clear of Beauregard. This would be good for us in the long run or at least that’s what I tell myself.

I’m actually in California.

Where do you have in mind?

We text back and forth a few more times. Making the plans to meet each other the next day in Los Angeles. The only problem is that my current predicament was hindering that from happening. How would I explain my absence to Voodoo? If I told him outright, he would be livid and insist on going with me. That would only be counterproductive.

No. I had to do this on my own, and I had one place to turn. I tuck my tail between my legs, and walk back to my brother’s office, blatantly lying to him about a need to get away. He was reluctant at first, but when I agreed to have extra protection go with me, he finally caved. I had an hour of freedom, and a laundry list of restrictions and rules. I left his office with permission and a sense of dread.

Why does meeting Beauregard seem like it’s going to destroy my world?