Ten
Bailey’s gaze flew to Parker’s in shocked disbelief. She found herself standing, but couldn’t remember rising from the chair. The air in the room seemed too thin and she had difficulty catching her breath.
“Did I say something I shouldn’t have?” Bradley Davidson asked his son, distress evident on his face.
“It might be best if you gave the two of us a few minutes alone,” Parker said, frowning at his father.
“I’m sorry, son, I didn’t mean to speak out of turn.”
“It’s fine, Dad.”
His father left the room.
Bailey walked over to the massive stone fireplace and stared into the grate at the stacked logs and kindling.
“Bailey?” Parker spoke softly from behind her.
She whirled around to face him, completely speechless, able only to shake her head in bemused fury.
“I know this must come as...something of a surprise.”
“Something of a surprise?” she shrieked.
“All right, a shock.”
“We...we met barely a month ago.”
“True, but we know each other better than some couples who’ve been dating for months.”
The fact that he wasn’t arguing with her didn’t comfort Bailey at all. “I... Isn’t it a bit presumptuous of you...to be thinking in terms of an engagement?” She’d made it plain from the moment they met that she had no intention of getting involved with a man. Who could blame her after the experiences she’d had with the opposite sex? Another engagement, even with someone as wonderful as Parker, was out of the question.
“Yes, it was presumptuous.”
“Then how could you suggest such a thing? Engagements are disastrous for me! I won’t go through that again. I won’t!”
He scowled. “I agree I made a mistake.”
“Obviously.” Bailey stalked to the opposite side of the room to stand behind a leather-upholstered chair, one hand clutching its back. “Twice, Parker, twice.” She held up two fingers. “And both times, both times, they fell out of love with me. I couldn’t go through that again. I just couldn’t.”
“Let me explain,” Parker said, walking slowly toward her. “For a long time now, my parents have wanted me to marry.”
“So in other words, you used me. I was a decoy. You made up this story? How courageous of you.”
She could tell from the hard set of his jaw that Parker was having difficulty maintaining his composure. “You’re wrong, Bailey.”
“Suddenly everything is clear to me.” She made a sweeping gesture with her hand.
“It’s obvious that nothing is clear to you,” he countered angrily.
“I suppose I’m just so naive it was easy for me to fall in with your...your fiendish plans.”
“Fiendish plans? Don’t you think you’re being a bit melodramatic?”
“Me? You’re talking to a woman who’s been jilted. Twice. Almost every man I’ve ever known has turned into a fiend.”
“Bailey, I’m not using you.” He crossed the room, stood directly in front of her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Think what you want of me, but you should know the truth. Yes, my parents are eager for me to marry, and although I love my family, I would never use you or anyone else to satisfy their desires.”
Bailey frowned uncertainly. His eyes were so sincere, so compelling.... “Then what possible reason could you have for telling them you’d found the woman you want to marry?”
“Because I have.” His beautiful dark eyes brightened. “I’m falling in love with you. I have been almost from the moment we met.”
Bailey blinked back hot tears. “You may believe you’re in love with me now,” she whispered, “but it won’t last. It never does. Before you know it, you’ll meet someone else, and you’ll fall in love with her and not want me anymore.”
“Bailey, that’s not going to happen. You’re going to wear that slightly used wedding dress and you’re going to wear it for me.”
Bailey continued to stare up at him, doubtful she could trust what she was hearing.
“The mistake I made was in telling my mother about you. Actually Roseanne Snyder couldn’t wait to mention you to Mom. Next thing I knew, my mother was after me to bring you over to the house so she and Dad could meet you. To complicate matters, my father got involved and over a couple of glasses of good Scotch I admitted that my intentions toward you were serious. Naturally both my parents were delighted.”
“Naturally.” The sinking feeling in her stomach refused to go away.
“I didn’t want to rush you, but since Dad’s brought everything out into the open, maybe it’s best to clear the air now. My intentions are honorable.”
“Maybe they are now,” she argued, “but it’ll never last.”
Parker squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. “It will last. I realize you haven’t had nearly enough time to figure out your feelings for me. I’d hoped—” he hesitated, his brow furrowed “—that we could have this discussion several months down the road when our feelings for each other had matured.”
“I’ll say it one more time—engagements don’t work, at least not with me.”
“It’ll be different this time.”
“If I was ever going to fall in love with anyone, it would be you. But Parker, it just isn’t going to work. I’m sorry, really I am, but I can’t go through with this.” Her hands were trembling and she bit her lower lip. She was in love with Parker, but she was too frightened to acknowledge it outside the privacy of her own heart.
“Bailey, would you listen to me?”
“No,” she said. “I’m sorry, but everything’s been blown out of proportion here. I’m writing a romance novel and you...you’re the man I’m using for the model.” She gave a resigned shrug. “That’s all.”
Parker frowned. “In other words, everything between us is a farce. The only person guilty of using anyone is you.”
Bailey clasped her hands tightly in front of her, so tightly that her nails cut deep indentations in her palms. A cold sweat broke out on her forehead. “I never claimed anything else.”
“I see.” The muscles in his jaw tightened again. “Then all I can do is beg your forgiveness for being so presumptuous.”
“There’s no need to apologize.” Bailey felt terrible, but she had to let him believe their relationship was a farce, otherwise everything became too risky. Too painful.
A noise, the muffled steps of Parker’s mother entering the room, distracted them. “My dears,” she said, “dinner’s ready. I’m afraid if we wait much longer, it’ll be ruined.”
“We’ll be right in,” Parker said.
Bailey couldn’t remember a more uncomfortable dinner in her life. The tension was so thick, she thought wryly, it could have been sliced and buttered.
Parker barely spoke during the entire meal. His mother, ever gracious, carried the burden of conversation. Bailey did her part to keep matters civilized, but the atmosphere was so strained it was a virtually impossible chore.
The minute they were finished with the meal, Parker announced it was time to leave. Bailey nodded and thanked his parents profusely for the meal. It was an honor to have met them, she went on, and this had been an exceptionally pleasant evening.
“Don’t you think you overdid that a little?” Parker muttered once they were in the car.
“I had to say something,” she snapped. “Especially since you were so rude.”
“I wasn’t rude.”
“All right, you weren’t rude, you were completely tactless. Couldn’t you see how uncomfortable your father was? He felt bad enough about mentioning your plans. You certainly didn’t need to complicate everything with such a rotten attitude.”
“He deserved it.”
“That’s a terrible thing to say.”
Parker didn’t answer. For someone who, only hours before, had declared tender feelings for her, he seemed in an almighty hurry to get her home, careering around corners as though he were in training for the Indianapolis 500.
To Bailey’s surprise he insisted on walking her to the door. The night before, he’d also escorted her to the door, and after a stilted good-night, he’d left. This evening, however, he wasn’t content to leave it at that.
“Invite me in,” he said when she’d unlatched the lock.
“Invite you in,” Bailey echoed, listening to Max meowing plaintively on the other side.
“I’m coming in whether you invite me or not.” His face was devoid of expression, and Bailey realized he would do exactly as he said. Her stomach tightened with apprehension.
“All right,” she said, opening the door. She flipped on the light and removed her coat. Max, obviously sensing her state of mind, immediately headed for the bedroom. “I’d make some coffee, but I don’t imagine you’ll be staying that long.”
“Make the coffee.”
Bailey was grateful to have something to do. She concentrated on preparing the coffee and setting out mugs.
“Whatever you have to say isn’t going to change my mind,” Bailey told him. She didn’t sound as calm and controlled as she’d hoped.
Parker ignored her. He couldn’t seem to stand still, but rapidly paced her kitchen floor, pausing only when Bailey handed him a steaming mug of coffee. She’d seen Parker when he was angry and frustrated, even when he was jealous and unreasonable, but she’d never seen him quite like this.
“Say what you want to say,” she prompted, resting her hip against the kitchen counter. She held her cup carefully in both hands.
“All right.” Parker’s eyes searched hers. “I resent having to deal with your irrational emotions.”
“My irrational emotions!”
“Admit it, you’re behaving illogically because some other man broke off his engagement to you.”
“Other men,” Bailey corrected sarcastically. “Notice the plural, meaning more than one. Before you judge me too harshly, Mr. Davidson, let me remind you that every person is the sum of his or her experiences. If you stick your hand in the fire and get burned, you’re not as likely to play around the campfire again, are you? It’s as simple as that. I was fool enough to risk the fire twice, but I’m not willing to do it a third time.”
“Has it ever occurred to you that you weren’t in love with either Paul or Tom?”
Bailey blinked at the unexpectedness of the question. “That’s ridiculous. I agreed to marry them. No woman does that without being in love.”
“They both fell for someone else.”
“How kind of you to remind me.”
“Yet when they told you, you did nothing but wallow in your pain. If you’d been in love, deeply in love, you would’ve done everything within your power to keep them. Instead you did nothing. Absolutely nothing. What else am I to think?”
“Frankly I don’t care what you think. I know what was in my heart and I was in love with both of them. Is it any wonder I refuse to fall in love again? An engagement is out of the question!”
“Then marry me now.”
Bailey’s heart leapt in her chest, then sank like a dead weight. “I—I’m not sure I heard you correctly.”
“You heard. Engagements terrify you. I’m willing to accept that you’ve got a valid reason, but you shouldn’t let it dictate how you live the rest of your life.”
“In other words, bypassing the engagement and rushing to the altar is going to calm my fears?”
“You keep repeating that you refuse to go through another engagement. I can understand your hesitancy,” he stated calmly. “Reno is only a couple of hours away.” He glanced at his watch. “We could be married by this time tomorrow.”
“Ah...” Words twisted and turned in her mind, but no coherent thought emerged.
“Well?” Parker regarded her expectantly.
“I...we...elope? I don’t think so, Parker. It’s rather...heroic of you to suggest it, actually, but it’s an impossible idea.”
“Why? It sounds like the logical solution to me.”
“Have you stopped to consider that there are other factors involved in this? Did it occur to you that I might not be in love with you?”
“You’re so much in love with me you can’t think straight,” he said with ego-crushing certainty.
“How do you know that?”
“Easy. It’s the way you react, trying too hard to convince yourself you don’t care. And the way you kiss me. At first there’s resistance, then gradually you warm to it, letting your guard slip just a little, enough for me to realize you’re enjoying the kissing as much as I am. It’s when you start to moan that I know everything I need to know.”
A ferocious blush exploded in Bailey’s cheeks. “I do not moan,” she protested heatedly.
“Do you want me to prove it to you?”
“No,” Bailey cried, backing away.
A smug smile moved over his mouth, settling in his eyes.
Bailey’s heart felt heavy. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, Parker, but I’d be doing us both a terrible disservice if I agreed to this.”
Parker looked grim. She stared at him and knew, even as she rejected his marriage proposal, that if ever there was a man who could restore peace to her heart, that man was Parker. But she wasn’t ready yet; she still had healing and growing to do on her own. But soon... Taking her courage in both hands, she whispered, “Couldn’t we take some time to decide about this?”
Parker had asked her to be his wife. Parker Davidson, who was twice the man Paul was and three times the man Tom could ever hope to be. And she was so frightened all she could do was stutter and tremble and plead for time.
“Time,” he repeated. Parker set his mug down on the kitchen counter, then stepped forward and framed her face in his large hands. His thumbs gently stroked her cheeks. Bailey gazed up at him, barely breathing. Warm anticipation filled her as he lowered his mouth.
She gasped sharply as his lips touched hers, moving over them slowly, masterfully. A moan rose deep in her throat, one so soft it was barely audible. A small cry of longing and need.
Parker heard it and responded, easing her closer and wrapping her in his arms. He kissed her a second time, then abruptly released her and turned away.
Bailey clutched the counter behind her to keep from falling. “What was that for?”
A slow easy grin spread across his face. “To help you decide.”
* * *
“The worst part of this whole thing is that I haven’t written a word in an entire week,” Bailey complained as she sat on her living-room carpet, her legs pulled up under her chin. Pages of Jo Ann’s manuscript littered the floor. Max, who revealed little or no interest in their writing efforts, was asleep as usual atop her printer.
“In an entire week?” Jo Ann sounded horrified. Even at Christmas neither of them had taken more than a three-day break from writing.
“I’ve tried. Each and every night I turn on my computer and then I sit there and stare at the screen. This is the worst case of writer’s block I’ve ever experienced. I can’t seem to make myself work.”
“Hmm,” Jo Ann said, leaning against the side of the couch. “Isn’t it also an entire week since you saw Parker? Seems to me the two must be connected.”
She nodded miserably. Jo Ann wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know. She’d relived that night in her memory at least a dozen times a day.
“You’ve never told me what happened,” Jo Ann said, studying Bailey closely.
Bailey swallowed. “Parker is just a friend.”
“And pigs have wings.”
“My only interest in Parker is as a role model for Michael,” she tried again, but she didn’t know who she was trying to convince, Jo Ann or herself.
She hadn’t heard from him all week. He’d left, promising to give her the time she’d requested. He’d told her the kiss was meant to help her decide if she wanted him. Wanted him? Bailey didn’t know if she’d ever stop wanting him, but she was desperately afraid that his love for her wouldn’t last. It hadn’t with Paul or Tom, and it wouldn’t with Parker. And with Parker, the pain of rejection would be far worse.
Presumably Parker had thought he was reassuring her by suggesting they skip the engagement part and rush into a Nevada marriage. What he didn’t seem to understand, what she couldn’t seem to explain, was that it wouldn’t make any difference. A wedding ring wasn’t a guarantee. Someday, somehow, Parker would have a change of heart; he’d fall out of love with her.
“Are you all right?” Jo Ann asked.
“Of course I am.” Bailey managed to keep her voice steady and pretend a calm she wasn’t close to feeling. “I’m just upset about this writer’s block. But it isn’t the end of the world. I imagine everything will return to normal soon and I’ll be back to writing three or four pages a night.”
“You’re sure about that?”
Bailey wasn’t sure about anything. “No,” she admitted.
“Just remember I’m here any time you want to talk.”
A trembling smile touched the edges of Bailey’s mouth and she nodded.
* * *
Bailey saw Parker three days later. She was waiting at the BART station by herself—Jo Ann had a day off—when she happened to glance up and see him walking in her direction. At first she tried to ignore the quaking of her heart and focus her attention away from him. But it was impossible.
She knew he saw her, too, although he gave no outward indication of it. His eyes met hers as though challenging her to ignore him. When she took a hesitant step toward him, his mouth quirked in a mocking smile.
“Hello, Parker.”
“Bailey.”
“How have you been?”
He hesitated a split second before he answered, which made Bailey hold her breath in anticipation.
“I’ve been terrific. How about you?”
“Wonderful,” she lied, astonished that they could stand so close and pretend so well. His gaze lingered on her lips and she felt the throb of tension in the air. Parker must have rushed to get to the subway—his hair was slightly mussed and he was breathing hard.
He said something but his words were drowned out by the clatter of the approaching train. It pulled up and dozens of people crowded out. Neither Parker nor Bailey spoke as they waited to board.
He followed her inside, but sat several spaces away. She looked at him, oddly shocked and disappointed that he’d refused to sit beside her.
There were so many things she longed to tell him. Until now she hadn’t dared admit to herself how much she’d missed his company. How she hungered to talk to him. They’d known each other for such a short while and yet he seemed to fill every corner of her life.
That, apparently, wasn’t the case with Parker. Not if he could so casually, so willingly, sit apart from her. She raised her chin and forced herself to stare at the advertising panels that ran the length of the car.
Bailey felt Parker’s eyes on her. The sensation was so strong his hand might as well have touched her cheek, held her face the way he had when he’d last left her. When she could bear it no longer, she turned and glanced at him. Their eyes met and the hungry desire in his tore at her heart.
With every ounce of strength she possessed, Bailey looked away. Eventually he would find someone else, someone he loved more than he would ever love her. Bailey was as certain of that as she was of her own name.
She kept her gaze on anything or anyone except Parker. But she felt the pull between them so strongly that she had to turn her head and look at him. He was staring at her, and the disturbing darkness of his eyes seemed to disrupt the very beat of her heart. A rush of longing jolted her body.
The train was slowing and Bailey was so grateful it was her station she jumped up and hurried to the exit.
“I’m still waiting,” Parker whispered from directly behind her. She was conscious as she’d never been before of the long muscled legs so close to her own, of his strength and masculinity. “Have you decided yet?”
Bailey shut her eyes and prayed for the courage to do what was right for both of them. She shook her head silently; she couldn’t talk to him now. She couldn’t make a rational decision while the yearning in her heart was so great, while her body was so weak with need for him.
The crowd rushed forward and Bailey rushed with them, leaving him behind.
* * *
The writers’ group met the following evening, for which Bailey was thankful. At least she wouldn’t have to stare at a blank computer screen for several hours while she tried to convince herself she was a writer. Jo Ann had been making headway on her rewrite, whereas Bailey’s had come to a complete standstill.
The speaker, an established historical-romance writer who lived in the San Francisco area, had agreed to address their group. Her talk was filled with good advice and Bailey tried to take notes. Instead, she drew meaningless doodles. Precise three-dimensional boxes and neat round circles in geometric patterns.
It wasn’t until she was closing her spiral notebook at the end of the speech that Bailey realized all the circles on her page resembled interlocking wedding bands. About fifteen pairs of them. Was her subconscious sending her a message? Bailey had given up guessing.
“Are you going over to the diner for coffee?” Jo Ann asked as the group dispersed. Her eyes didn’t meet Bailey’s.
“Sure.” She studied her friend and knew instinctively that something was wrong. Jo Ann had been avoiding her most of the evening. At first she’d thought it was her imagination, but there was a definite strain between them.
“All right,” Bailey said, once they were outside. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
Jo Ann sighed deeply. “I saw Parker this afternoon. I know it’s probably nothing and I’m a fool for saying anything but, Bailey, he was with a woman and they were definitely more than friends.”
“Oh?” Bailey’s legs were shaky as she moved down the steps to the street. Her heart felt like a stone in the center of her chest.
“I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything. For all I know, the woman could be his sister. I... I hadn’t intended on saying a word, but then I thought you’d want to know.”
“Of course I do,” Bailey said, swallowing past the tightness in her throat. Her voice was firm and steady, revealing none of the chaos in her thoughts.
“I think Parker saw me. In fact, I’m sure he did. It was almost as if he wanted me to see him. He certainly didn’t go out of his way to disguise who he was with—which leads me to believe it was all very innocent.”
“I’m sure it was,” Bailey lied. Her mouth twisted in a wry smile. She made a pretense of looking at her watch. “My goodness, I didn’t realize it was so late. I think I’ll skip coffee tonight and head on home.”
Jo Ann grabbed her arm. “Are you all right?”
“Of course.” But she was careful not to look directly at her friend. “It really doesn’t matter, you know—about Parker.”
“Doesn’t matter?” Jo Ann echoed.
“I’m not the jealous type.”
Her stomach was churning, her head spinning, her hands trembling. Fifteen minutes later, Bailey let herself into her apartment. She didn’t stop to remove her coat, but walked directly into the kitchen and picked up the phone.
Parker answered on the third ring. His greeting sounded distracted. “Bailey,” he said, “it’s good to hear from you. I’ve been trying to call you most of the evening.”
“I was at a writers’ meeting. You wanted to tell me something?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. You obviously aren’t going to change your mind about the two of us.”
“I...”
“Let’s forget the whole marriage thing. There’s no need to rush into this. What do you think?”