A couple of weeks passed before I could leave the house. The media was outside my home in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the woman who was at the center of all the chaos that had turned our city upside down. I hated being confined again, but at least it was my own house, and I wasn’t stuck in one room.

I’d kept up the same schedule I had at Brody’s, but instead of working on puzzles, I’d looked through different vendors trying to restock my boutique. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back there at first, but the more I flipped to catalogue pages and website inventories, the more excited I got to go back.

The media presence outside my door wasn’t as strong, so I could face the few stragglers who still camped out on the street when I left that morning. The new dresses were being delivered that afternoon, and I had a lot of work to do to clean up the mess I was sure my father had left. I waved to the reporters as I drove off, hoping to let them know they didn’t bother me, but it probably came off more conceited than I meant.

One thing I’d missed since Bryce had been taking care of me was meat. I didn’t think I could go back to the vegetarian lifestyle, but Bryce and I were on shaky ground as it was. I didn’t want to further add to the troubles we were having by springing that on him, as well.

I was dying for a hamburger, so at lunchtime I ordered one. I’d only been a few bites into it when I heard the back door open. I hurried to close the container and put it under the counter, but I couldn’t get the bite down fast enough.

“Hey, beautiful.” Bryce leaned in to kiss me, but I turned my head for him to kiss my cheek. He followed through with the kiss, but narrowed his eyes when he pulled back.

I pointed to my mouth as I tried to finish my bite, and he nodded his understanding. He looked around the room and shook his head. “You’ve been busy.”

I took a drink to wash the rest of the bite down and walked over to him, hoping I didn’t smell like hamburger. “I have been.” I gave him a quick kiss on the lips before he tried to kiss me again.

“I would’ve helped.”

“I know, but I couldn’t ask you to stop your job hunt for me.”

The bank had told Bryce he was welcome to stay once they figured out who my father had hired to set him up, but he didn’t want that job anyway. He’d taken it for the money, but it was too awkward with the whispering behind his back to stay. I couldn’t blame him.

“The dresses were delivered earlier than I had anticipated, so I’m almost finished. It wasn’t left in as much of a mess as I’d feared.”

“What did you do with the dresses that were here?”

“I’m donating them. I’m just not sure where yet.”

“Well, I could take them by the school and see if the drama teacher wants them.”

I smiled. He was always thinking about the school. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. “You can definitely take them to the school. They’d be perfect for plays.”

“Thanks.” He smiled and placed his hands on my hips. “I was coming by to take you to lunch, but it seems you already had that covered.”

“Yeah, I was starving.”

“What did you get?” His eyes held a challenge as if he already knew what I’d bought and he wanted to see if I’d lie to him.

I slipped my arms off his neck and placed my palms on his chest as I looked at his shirt. I was an adult who did not have any desire to become a vegetarian before I met Bryce. He knew I wasn’t when we first dated, so it really should’ve been no big deal. I made it a big deal because I wanted to please him. He never asked me to change. He never asked me to stop eating meat. It was the fear of losing the best thing that ever happened to me that caused me to change. In doing so, I may have caused even more harm than being myself would’ve caused.

“Bryce, I respect and love your decision to be vegetarian, but I’m not. I ordered a hamburger.”

He let go of my hips. “Yeah, I can smell it.” He wiped his mouth. “And taste it.”

“I’m sorry.” I shouldn’t have kissed him the second time. “But is this going to be a problem?”

“The meat? No, but the lying will be.”

“Lying?” I scoffed. “I just told you the truth.”

“Yeah, after you hid it under the counter. Why haven’t you said anything until now?”

“Because we’re. . .” I trailed off, crossed my arms, and looked at the floor.

“We’re what?”

“We’re struggling as it is. Don’t you feel it?”

“I do. I feel you pulling away from me.”

“I’m not pulling away. It’s just going to take some time to get back into my life.”

“I know this is hard. I know you’ve been through a lot. I want to wait for you, but I don’t know who I’m waiting for or if you want me to wait.”

“Who?” I flung my arms out. “You’re waiting for me. I’m still here.”

“You’re not the same person you were three months ago.”

“Maybe I was never really that person.”

He took a step back. “What do you mean? Wait, you’re saying you changed for me?” He shook his head. “No, the girl I met at the convenience store was you. The cute, funny, unsure of herself girl is who I fell in love with.”

“And now you can’t love me because I’ve grown up? The person you’re describing is a child. And, maybe I was. Maybe I was still a child because I was out on my own for the first time, but I’m not a child. No one and nothing will control me anymore.”

“I don’t want to control you.”

“I didn’t mean you would.”

“You’re acting as if I would. You’re telling me that you changed for me when I never asked you to.”

“I was immature and scared of losing the best thing that had ever happened to me. I fell back onto the safety net of doing what it took to please you.”

“Like your father.” He shook his head. “I’ve never treated you like your father. I’ve given you nothing but space.”

“Maybe too much space.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I know. I wasn’t used to it. You may not have said I didn’t have to become a vegetarian, but you never said I didn’t have to, either.”

“And Brody was the man to make you realize all of this and grow up? What happened between you two?” Each time Brody’s name was mentioned I’d start to cry, which frustrated Bryce even more. “That much, huh?”

He walked toward the back, and I grabbed his arm. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. You break down every time I try to find out what happened, and it isn’t because of the kidnapping. You can talk about your father and not shed one tear, but if I say his name, you lose it. It tells me all I need to know.”

“What, Bryce?” I sobbed. “What do you think you need to know? I can’t grieve for a man who saved me more than once? I can’t mourn the loss of a friend? He died, Bryce. He fucking died to protect us!”

“Us?” He scoffed. “He did die to protect you because he was in love with you. What I want to know is if you’re in love with him!” He tossed his hands up in the air. “And, by this reaction every time we talk about him, it’s quite obvious, isn’t it?”

Bryce’s chin quivered, but he held it together better than me. “I would’ve taken that bullet for you if I could’ve. I would’ve done anything to save you.”

“I know, but he did it for us.” I reached out and grabbed his shirt to stop him from leaving. “Yes, he was in love with me, but he was letting me go. He was giving me back to you because he knew we were meant to be together. I’d still be trapped in that room if his love were selfish or superficial. This is why it’s so hard for me. I know he loved me as much as you do. He wanted me to be happy even if that meant giving up everything.” I cried again. “And he did, didn’t he? He gave it all up to save us.”

Bryce put his arms around me and held me as I cried. I couldn’t go to the funeral. Tim thought it was best to stay away or the media circus would’ve been even bigger than it already was. He was right. I wanted to go to pay my respects and say goodbye, but it was better for his family that I didn’t. I never wanted to cause them any more pain than I’d caused them already. I should never have let him go. Ryan could’ve gotten my father some other way.

I hoped Bryce and I could make things work, and Brody’s death wouldn’t be in vain, but I wasn’t as confident as I should’ve been. Even though his arms were wrapped around me and his heartbeat was music to my ears, I could still feel him holding back.

“I want to see where you were held.”

I looked at him. “Why?”

“I’d like to see it. I imagined every worst-case scenario, but I’d like to see how you were treated.”

I backed away from him and went to get a drink of my water. I didn’t want the rest of the lunch. “I don’t understand how seeing a room will let you know how I was treated.”

“You can tell me while we’re there.”

I spit out the water. “You want me to go back there?”

“Don’t you want to? I read some victims liked to go back on their own for closure. Maybe it will help give you closure.”

I knew what he really wanted to know. He wanted to know if Brody and I were intimate. I couldn’t tell him that. It would be one thing if Brody had forced himself on me, but it wasn’t like that. I had planned on going as far as I needed to in order to secure my own safety, but after that day with Brody in his backyard, I wanted to sleep with him. Bryce would never forgive that. I’d never expect him to.

“I’m not sure where it even is or who’s taken it over. I’m not sure they’ll allow us to see it.”

“You could ask.”

“Who would I ask, Bryce?”

“You could ask his brother.”

I shook my head. “I know even less about Tim. I wouldn’t have the faintest idea on where to find him. He contacted you to tell us about Brody.”

“I know where he is.” He took a card out of his pocket and handed it to me. “They both ran the rehab center across town.”

I took the card and narrowed my eyes. “A rehab center? This is what Brody did with his life?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No.” I ran my thumb over his name. It wasn’t him, but it was something tangible I could hold. I nodded. “I’ll call Tim and let you know.”