Chapter Twenty-One
Sara headed home to tie up the loose ends in her life. There was nothing like seeing your life flash before your eyes to make a person want to reevaluate what was important.
She had no choice but to tackle her issues in priority order, starting with business and John Morley. From the moment she arrived back in New York, she had police protection. Sara testified against Morley, and with her testimony on record, she was finally safe from Morley and his men. He wouldn’t add cop killer to his list of crimes after it was too late to do any good.
Next up, a long-overdue visit with her father. She’d missed him while she was upstate. She’d called ahead, and he was expecting her, so she knocked and let herself in with her key.
Martin Rios greeted his daughter with his customary booming hello and huge hug. “I’ve missed you!”
“I missed you too, Dad.” She stepped back and looked him over. Robust and handsome, with dark hair and a mustache, her father… Well, he was her father.
And she wanted to crawl into his arms and tell him everything that had gone wrong.
“Uncle Jack tells me you’ve been a busy girl. Come sit down and fill me in.”
Sara bit the inside of her cheek and did as he asked. She sat down with her dad, filling him in on the antics of Pirro that had led to the drug bust, the kidnapping and rescue by Rafe, along with a description of Rafe’s big, fun family, including Angel and the blogger story, ending with her fake elopement.
By the time she was finished, her father stared at her in awe. “Well, well.”
“Well, what?”
He slapped his thigh with one hand. “Well, you’ve gone and done it.”
“Done what?” she asked, exasperated and lost.
Her father cocked his head to one side, studying her as if seeing her for the first time. “You’ve fallen in love with your ex-partner, that’s what!” Martin smiled, his grin as wide as his face.
Sara wasn’t nearly as amused. “What makes you say that?” She’d hoped to bypass her unresolved love issues during this visit.
“I’m not sure if it’s the dreamy look in your eyes when you talk about him, the fact that you used his name in almost every sentence, that my loner daughter is head over heels for his big family or all of the above.”
“Is it that obvious?” She ducked her head in embarrassment.
“I’m afraid so.” But he was still grinning like a hyena. “Why do you look like this is a bad thing?” he asked.
“Why do you look like it’s not?” His attitude left her truly perplexed. “I feel like I’ve lost my way. Aren’t you worried for me?”
Her father shook his head. “Unless this man’s an axe murderer disguised as a cop, I don’t see the problem.”
“This from the man who lived happily ever after alone?” Sara shook her head and laughed. “Come on, Dad, you can tell me what a huge mistake it is to even consider tying my life to one person, and another cop at that.”
His big brown eyes grew wide. “Is this what you think I want for you? A lonely life shared with someone only on occasion?” He swept his arm around, the gesture meant to encompass the small apartment she’d grown up in.
“Lonely?” she asked, stunned at his choice of that one word.
Her father leaned forward in his seat. “Did you think I celebrated when your mother left?”
They’d never discussed it before. Sara had only known what she’d seen growing up—a contented man with available, short-term women when the opportunity arose.
Sara swallowed hard. “I thought you were relieved the fighting had ended.”
He let out a low groan. “I suppose that’s true. And I really had no choice but to adapt. I was also pretty determined to never get hurt that way again.” He shook his head in obvious dismay. “But I never thought about how it looked to you. That’s where I fell down on the job as a parent, I guess.”
Sara smiled. “You weren’t much of a talker.”
“I’d hoped I made up for it as a listener. But I guess that left you reading between the lines.”
She nodded. “It did. Are you telling me I didn’t read correctly?”
“If you think falling in love or making a commitment to someone is a bad thing, then something definitely got lost in translation, and I blew it.”
Sara shook her head at his logic. “Dad, it wasn’t just you. We don’t have one family member who isn’t divorced.” She held up a hand before he could interrupt. “Except for Reni. Still, one out of however many others is hardly a reason to believe in marriage and relationships.”
He reached out and lifted her chin in his hand. “Didn’t I raise you to believe in hard work above all else?”
“Of course.”
“Well, marriage and commitment take work. I was willing to do the work. Your mother wasn’t. End of subject.” He dropped his hand and looked away. “Except that the same goes for any couple in the world today.”
Sara narrowed her gaze, surprised she’d misunderstood her father for so many years. “But wouldn’t you say being a cop makes it twice as hard to make a relationship work?”
“Yes. So what?”
“So, two cops would make it twice as impossible.” She stated what she’d always believed was obvious.
He placed his hand on her shoulder, and she met his caring gaze. “Nothing is impossible. Not if what you and this man share is worth the effort.”
Rising, her father walked over to a large cabinet and opened a drawer. He sifted through the contents and pulled something out.
“What’s that?” Sara asked.
He walked over and sat back down beside her. “It’s a picture. Look.”
She glanced down at the framed photograph she didn’t recall seeing before. The picture captured her family—her father, her mother and Sara as a toddler. All three of them smiling and happy.
A memory and recollection Sara didn’t have. “I’ve never seen this before!”
“Another mistake of mine. It hurt too much for me to look at it, so I buried it, just like I buried my feelings,” he admitted.
She swallowed over the painful lump that kept getting bigger in her throat. “Why are you showing me this now?”
His wise gaze leveled on hers. “Because I’m trying to tell you I wouldn’t have missed these years with you and your mother for anything in the world. And I’m just sorry you never knew that before now,” he said, his voice gruff.
Sara found her voice just enough to say, “I love you, Dad.” She pulled her only parent that mattered into a big hug.
“I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson today.” He pulled back and cleared his throat.
She caught the telltale tear in his eyes before she stood and turned away to wipe one of her own from her cheek.
A few days later, fresh from an orthopedist appointment for her knee, Sara walked into her apartment just as the telephone started ringing. She grabbed the receiver before it went to voice mail. “Hello?” she asked, out of breath.
“Sara? It’s Angel. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Not at all,” Sara lied. She cradled the portable between her head and her shoulder while she put her bag and keys down and locked her door.
Then she curled up on a club chair to take the call. “What’s going on?” Sara asked, happy to hear from the other woman.
“I had news I wanted to tell you myself,” Angel said. “I just felt like you understood so much, and we really connected…” Angel’s voice trailed off, as if she suddenly felt funny about the admission.
“I understand. I’ve been thinking about you, too.” About everyone from Hidden Falls, Sara thought.
Including Rafe.
Especially Rafe.
Sara drew a deep breath. “So, what’s your news?”
“Nick and I are giving our marriage a second chance,” Angel exclaimed.
Sara’s heart literally skipped a beat. “That’s wonderful! How? What changed?”
Had Nick finally given in and accepted his wife’s need for a career and a focus outside her marriage?
“We both did. Ever since Nick stayed here and saw how alive this place makes me feel, he’s tried to be more understanding. But most of all, he came over and forced me to face things I’d buried deep,” Angel admitted in a soft voice.
“Things about losing the babies?”
“Mmm-hmm. He resented the B and B mostly because I put it between us because I didn’t want to face the pain over our loss. When Nick put it out there and made me face it, everything changed. I’m able to talk about it now without shutting him down, and he’s able to accept this place. Or at least he’s trying to, which is all I ever wanted. He’s even helping me out here. Like it’s ours!”
Sara felt herself smiling. “You sound so happy, and I’m thrilled for you! What about counseling? Are you still going?”
“Believe it or not, now that we’re communicating, it helps us compromise on different things. It’s work, but it’s so worth it.”
Sara had heard those words a few days before when she’d visited with her father. Marriage and commitment take work. I was willing to do the work. Your mother wasn’t.
Now Angel was repeating them, too. She and Nick were compromising—working—to make their marriage succeed. Because she obviously felt what she and Nick shared was worth the effort. Rafe had done the work. He’d shown her he was willing to meet her halfway and fight her demons, but she’d been the one to bail. Like her mother. And that wasn’t the person she wanted to emulate, let alone be.
Nothing is impossible… Not if what you and this man share is worth the effort.
“Sara, are you still there?” Angel asked.
“Sorry, I got lost in thought,” Sara admitted. “I’m here.”
“Okay. Well, I have to get going, but keep in touch, okay?”
“I will.”
“Umm…and Sara? You didn’t ask, and I swore I wasn’t going to say anything, but Nick tells me Rafe’s miserable without you. Gotta go. Bye.”
“Bye.” Sara stared at the phone in her hand.
She was miserable, too, and she wanted nothing more than to show up on Rafe’s doorstep, but she couldn’t make that move. Not until she’d tied up the remaining loose ends hanging over her. She needed to know what she was dealing with physically.
Another MRI, sets of X-rays and a doctor’s appointment merely confirmed what Sara already knew. Although she had already regained some mobility and would get some more over time, thanks to the scar tissue and beginnings of arthritis in the joint, she’d never pass the NYPD physical that would have enabled her to return. She hadn’t needed the confirmation to tell her what she wanted to do next. She’d already made up her mind.
Somewhere between her stay at a small B and B in upstate New York and falling in love with Rafe and his big, welcoming family, Sara’s dream of being a New York City cop had morphed into something different. Something she couldn’t have imagined wanting, let alone yearning for, a few weeks ago.
Sara wanted out of Manhattan and the big-town anonymity she thought she’d enjoyed. She wanted to trade big-city law enforcement for the small-town equivalent, spending her time helping people she knew and cared about as opposed to protecting the anonymous many she didn’t. Even if she had been miraculously cleared for duty in Manhattan, she’d already decided her days there were over.
What she didn’t know, couldn’t yet know, was which small town would become her new home. The answer depended on Rafe and his ability to first forgive and then to compromise. Because she couldn’t imagine living in Hidden Falls, surrounded by his family, without him.
Cleared for active duty.
The words should have been a welcome relief, but lately, Rafe didn’t give a damn about much of anything. He was going through the motions of his life, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. He finally understood why he’d found his brother drinking at Billy’s Bar all those weeks ago. Rafe would be there himself now if he wasn’t in Manhattan. The bars here were too crowded for him to find the peace and solitude he was looking for.
He sat down with an open carton of Chinese food and began to sort through his mail when a knock sounded at his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and he barely knew his neighbors. He sure as hell wasn’t in the mood for company.
When the knocking grew louder, he shoved the carton aside and walked to the door. Looking through the peephole, he was shocked to see Sara on the other side.
He opened the door warily. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She smiled.
He braced his hands on the door and the frame. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
She drew a deep breath, obviously not sure of her welcome. “I was hoping we could talk.”
He inclined his head, unwilling to give until he knew why she had come. “So talk.”
“Right here?” As she looked around, taking in the dark, dank hall, her ponytail swished from side to side.
Already his fingers itched to wrap around the soft strands and pull her close. He clenched his hands into tight fists instead.
“Right here,” he confirmed. She’d already left an indelible imprint on his vacation home.
He had memories of their time together, and he wasn’t just imagining what her skin felt like—he knew. He had dreams of her in his sleep and visions while he was awake. His apartment was the only place he could look around and not see Sara. He’d like to keep it that way.
“Fine. How have you been?” she asked.
“Just swell. You?”
She shrugged. A delicate lift of her shoulders that sent ruffles around her collar shimmying. He couldn’t stop staring, wondering what she was doing here and ordering himself unsuccessfully not to care.
“I’ve been keeping busy. I testified against Morley,” she said.
“I heard.” The captain assumed he still wanted to be kept in the loop, and since Rafe had no desire to broadcast his personal life to his superior, he’d shut up and listened.
“And I heard you’ve been cleared to return to active duty. I’m glad.”
“Thanks.” He swallowed hard. “I understand you weren’t as lucky.” He knew what her career as an NYPD officer meant to her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s funny, but I’m not. I once thought losing my career meant losing myself.” She slid her hands into her front jean pockets. “And now I don’t.”
He knew he shouldn’t ask, just as he knew he would. “Why not? What changed?”
What had shifted in her mind? In her life? Sure, she’d said she felt selfish after realizing what Angel had lost was nothing compared to her career, but that was before Sara knew for sure she wouldn’t pass the physical to return.
She met his gaze, her eyes wide, clear and honest. “I changed. Or maybe what I mean is, you changed me.”
He’d had enough talking like strangers in the hall. Reaching out, he grasped her hand and pulled her inside, shutting the door behind them. “Go on.”
Sara nodded, knowing this was her one and only chance to reach him. They may have proclaimed their intention to go into this with their eyes open, but he wasn’t as jaded as she was. Despite his father’s affair, he’d had a rosier view of marriage and relationships.
He’d had hope.
She hadn’t.
But she wanted to put those days behind her. She wanted to be more like him. “Here it is. I told myself I was happy alone, that I didn’t need or want a big family. But then I drove up to your small town and met your relatives and found a place where I really felt like I belonged.”
He listened, watching her carefully, his expression neutral and unreadable, like the trained negotiator she knew him to be. If she was going to win, she had to put all her cards on the table and hope it wasn’t too late.
“I guess I didn’t know a good thing when I had it.” Sara rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms. “What I felt for you scared me so much I pushed you into an agreement for sex. Like it meant nothing. Like you meant nothing. When, in reality, you meant everything.” She shook her head, ashamed of how she’d treated him, and when she blinked, a tear fell.
He reached out and caught it with his finger, but still he said nothing.
She gathered yet more courage and continued. “I had this negative view of marriage and relationships, and I didn’t think we had a shot at a future.”
“What changed?” he asked again.
“A wise man told me that nothing worth having comes easily. He made me realize that what we shared is worth the effort to make it work.”
He shook his head and laughed.
She knew it was despite himself.
“Who do you know that’s so smart?” he asked.
She smiled, too. “My father. You’d like him.”
“I’m sure I would. He raised you, didn’t he?” His tone had softened, and she sensed she was finally reaching him.
“Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?” She stepped forward, moving closer, hoping he didn’t turn her away. “I was wrong to think we weren’t worth the effort. You’re worth it.”
His strong hand cupped her face as he looked into her eyes. “I thought you were worth it, too, or I wouldn’t have put myself out there for you.”
“I’m still worth it,” she said, hoping he still believed that, too. Her heart pounded harder in her chest. “I’m just different than I was a few short weeks ago.”
He eyed her warily, obviously still unsure of whether he could trust her.
She held his gaze, stared at his handsome face and silently promised to rebuild that trust—and never give him a reason to regret it. “I finally realize I’ve been lying to myself about not wanting a relationship or a family. I want all those things. With you.”
And she desperately wanted him to agree.
“I want to believe you,” he said in a gruff voice.
“Then do.”
Rafe wished it were that easy. He’d put his entire being on the line for her once before. What could convince him to let down his guard again?
“I quit my job,” Sara said, taking him off guard. “Well, technically that’s not right. I wasn’t cleared to come back, but I would have quit even if I had been.”
Rafe shook his head. “Now you’ve lost me.”
She drew a deep breath. “You are looking at the first chief of police of Hidden Falls—assuming the town council amends the charter and the funding goes through. But I can’t do it alone. I want you to come with me. The town needs their own police department, and we could create and run it together.”
Rafe was floored, her words barely sinking in. “Leave the city? Move to Hidden Falls?” He stared at her as if she’d lost her mind.
Yet this crazy notion did what nothing else she’d said had accomplished so far. He finally believed she meant what she was saying. That she was coming to him, to this relationship, in it for the long haul. He leaned against the wall for support.
“Look, I know it’s sudden, but it’s well thought-out,” she said, unaware of his sudden-shifting belief. “Trust me, Rafe. I’ve already started inquiries and talks with the mayor, and the sheriff’s office. Everything’s in motion. I know you moved to the city to get away from your family, but I’m asking you to go back. With me.”
“Sara,” he began, nearly speechless over the depth of what she was offering.
But she wasn’t listening. She rambled on, obviously afraid if she let him get a word in, he’d shut her down, and she’d lose everything. Little did she know, she was about to gain it all instead.
She shook her head. “Let me finish, please. I know your family can be overwhelming, but you know you love them and they need you close by. I know I’m asking a lot, but that same wise man also reminded me that marriage and relationships are about work and compromise. And heaven knows I’m working as hard as I can to show you I’ve changed. I’m trying to be an optimist. I’m looking toward a future with you.”
Rafe shook his head, needing to be sure. “Am I hearing you right?” Even when she came to him in his dreams, he’d never heard her offering him the entire world.
She nodded. “Each and every word that’s coming from my heart. The same heart I’m giving you now. But if you say no, I’ll find a new hometown to settle in, so you won’t have to worry about dealing with me every time you go home.” She spread her hands, then dropped them to her side.
He couldn’t contain his smile. “Are you finished?”
She glanced at him through damp lashes. “That depends. Do you believe me?”
“I believe you, and most importantly, I believe in us. I always have.”
“I’m not too late?”
“I never stopped loving you, so how could you possibly be too late?” He held out his arms, and she stepped into his embrace.
She laid her head against his chest, and he closed his eyes, savoring the moment.
“I’ve asked a lot of you today. Are you willing to make those compromises? Or do we have to renegotiate terms?” she teased. “Because I’d go to the ends of the earth to make us work.”
“That’s all I needed to hear,” he said, letting out a groan of pure contentment. “But are you sure you want to live in Hidden Falls?”
“Someone has to keep Pirro and the rest of the family in line.” Sara tilted her head back and grinned.
“I have to admit I didn’t see that one coming, but you’re right. I have come to terms with my family, and I miss them. Besides, I think I’ve done enough hostage negotiating to last me a lifetime.”
“As long as you spend that lifetime with me.” Her eyes sparkled with love.
Rafe nodded. “That’s all I ever wanted.” She was all he’d ever wanted. “You’re all I ever wanted, and it feels so good to say it out loud.”
He sealed his lips over hers—a kiss and a lifelong commitment he intended to keep.