Chapter Fourteen
OTHER THAN DEALING with a week of ribbing from his family and friends about the photograph of him and Parker kissing on the cover of Us Weekly, Grayson had had a fantastic week. And it passed at a perfect pace, each day beginning and ending with Parker in his arms. Christmas adjusted well to Parker’s new bedmate. The smart dog waited until they were done with their evening lovemaking to crawl not so stealthily to the foot of the bed, where he slept until morning. They definitely needed a bigger bed, but Grayson didn’t mind the company. After all, Christmas had been there before him, and the big dog needed love, too.
By Saturday the three of them had fallen into sync with other aspects of their lives as easily as they’d fallen into each other’s hearts. Grayson spent his days at Grunter’s working on the railing, which Parker had made only one change to—adding two birds for Christmas. Christmas had jumped into his truck and gone to work with him twice this week, and he had to admit he liked the company. He liked the railings even more as each piece was forged and the roots came to life, just as he’d noticed Parker coming into her own as time passed and she healed from her grief. She’d gone out with Sky and the girls twice this week, and now they were texting one another like old friends, which thrilled him to no end.
Parker had loved the script she’d been given, and it seemed like that had started a flurry of activity, including a barrage of emails and phone calls, texts, and scheduling of future meetings. When her calls ran late, Grayson used that time to fit in a run. But he didn’t crave those runs the way he had before Parker came into his life. Now he craved their intimate mornings and shared evenings, when they walked on the beach with Christmas and watched the sunset, met friends for dinner, or talked into the wee hours, sharing their hopes and dreams. Lately Grayson found himself imagining a future with Parker. He had no trouble picturing the life they’d share or even the family they’d raise, as long as he didn’t try to figure out the logistics. He got hung up there every time.
He pushed those thoughts away now, as sunshine and a cool bay breeze streamed through the open French doors, filling the living room with the promise of a beautiful Saturday. Grayson reached for Parker’s hand and sat down beside her at the table, where she’d spread out the contents of Bert’s safe-deposit box. He took in the numerous unopened envelopes, yellowing with age and dating back to the early seventies. He picked up a photograph of a man, Bert, he assumed, and a much younger Parker, getting his first glimpse of the girl she’d been and the man who had been her everything. Her hair was longer and all one length, not layered or styled, like she wore it now. She was smiling, but her eyes told of her worries—wariness, fatigue, hope, and beneath it all was the confidence she must have been honing her whole life. Bert was soft around the middle, his eyes the same gray-blue as Abe’s, though filled with welcoming kindness. No wonder Parker trusted him. If Grayson had met this man, he had no doubt he’d have trusted him, too.
“That was taken the day he took me to meet the first modeling agent. Bert asked her to take it so we would always remember the day. I told him he could keep it. I think I knew even then that modeling wasn’t my thing.”
She picked up another picture and smiled as she ran her fingers over her image, then handed it to him. “This was the first picture Bert ever took of me, at the park.”
He felt like he was looking at a different girl than the one in the previous picture. She was laughing, and she must have just turned around, because her hair was blurry, swinging across her face and chest. Sunlight reflected in her eyes, accentuating the moment with a youthful, carefree exuberance. He didn’t recognize that carefree look, and he wondered if she’d been acting even then, or if in that moment she’d felt that way. He hoped for the latter, and even more, he hoped one day to see that carefree side of her firsthand.
“That’s the picture he gave to the modeling agent. It’s one of my favorites.” She leaned closer. “He got all excited and told me to turn around and look at the balloons. I remember looking so hard, wanting to see the balloons. Not because they were balloons, but because his excitement was contagious. So I’ve got my back to him, and I’m scanning the park and squinting up at the sky, trying to find them, but of course there was nothing there. He knew just how to trick me into getting the shot he wanted.” She laughed softly. “I loved that about him. Anyway, suddenly he yells Puppies! and, well, you know how I am with Christmas. I love puppies, and I spun around to see the nonexistent puppies. That’s why I look so excited. Bert was good, wasn’t he?”
Grayson’s chest warmed with emotions for the man who’d had her figured out and had used that knowledge to help her. He hugged Parker, loving them both a little more, and kissed her temple.
“He sounds wonderful. Are you okay? Are you sure you still want to go see Abe this morning?” They’d also planned to stop by his father’s hardware store afterward. He was excited to introduce Parker to his father, and he wanted to check on him. He’d sounded tired the last few times they’d spoken.
“Mm-hm. I’m just deciding if I should bring the letters and the pictures, or if it would upset Abe to see the letters again.”
She showed him more pictures of her and Bert from recent years, and a picture of Bert and Abe when they were boys. Someone had scribbled their names and ages on the back of the black-and-white photos, along with Mom, Dad, and boys on a family photo. She picked up another picture, of Bert and an older man arm in arm. The look of love in their eyes was undeniable.
“This was Bert’s lover, Alan. They were together for forty-five years. Alan passed away two years before Bert and I met, but Bert didn’t tell me about him until months after the day he took that first picture at the park. He said he knew we needed each other. That he recognized the loneliness in my eyes.” She paused, and he knew she was probably remembering their conversation. “I’m glad they had each other for so long, and I’m glad Bert and I had each other for so long.”
He thought of Abe, whose beliefs about what made a man strong were so off, and thought it would make sense that his ideas of what made a man weak were also misconstrued. “I wonder if Bert being gay had anything to do with Abe’s feelings toward him.”
“I don’t know. I wondered about that, too, but that’s not a battle I want to fight, and I don’t think Bert would want me to, either. He told me stories of what it was like to be a gay man when he was young, and how things had changed over the years. From what he said, Alan hated keeping their relationship a secret. He was eleven years older than Bert and had been dealing with hiding his sexuality that much longer. One day Alan said he was done hiding, and they came out together. Bert said it was the most freeing—and the scariest—thing he’d ever done, but that Alan was his rock.”
She set down the picture. “Bert was my rock, and I hate that I wasn’t there when he needed me most. He did so much for me, and I didn’t—”
Christmas lumbered in from the deck and stood beside them, his big head cocked to the side, as if he wanted to know what had made his mom so upset.
Grayson gathered Parker into his lap and pressed one hand to the back of her head, and when Christmas whimpered, he petted his head.
“He knew, baby,” he reassured her. “He knew how much you loved him, and it sounds like what you gave him was exactly what he needed. You were there to share his life. You loved him, and he loved you back.”
She nodded against his chest. “I know, but…”
Grayson took her face in his hands and wiped her tears.
“But it hurts, and you feel like you let him down. I know. I felt the same way about my mom when we lost her so unexpectedly. But they knew, baby. I’m sure of it.” He kissed her softly. “It’s okay to feel sad and even to feel like you let him down, but know in your heart that you couldn’t have done anything differently. We’re all going to die someday, which is why we live for now and we love the people we care for with all we have so they know it after we’re gone.”
“How do you do that? You always make me feel better.”
“I just tell you the truth. I wish I could make it so you’d never feel this type of pain again, but even Herculean efforts can’t do that. But I can promise you, if we’re not physically in the same place when you’re sad, or lonely, or just need me, one call is all it’ll take, and I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
“I promise you the same.”
Christmas pushed his head between them, lightening the mood and earning a few extra promises to be there for him, too.
PARKER FELT MUCH better after her brief cry, but she was pretty sure it had more to do with Grayson than the actual release of her tears. She decided to bring Abe the photographs and the letters, because they were rightfully his, and if they upset him, she’d simply take them back home. The normally stoic nurse was a little less rigid today, and flashed a brief, seemingly relieved, smile when they arrived.
“He’s very tired today, but I know he’d like to see you,” she said. “Please keep it brief. He hasn’t had much energy lately.”
“You go ahead,” Grayson said. “I’m going to hit the men’s room, and then I’ll be right in.”
Parker pushed the door to Abe’s room open, feeling the absence of her boyfriend’s bigger-than-life presence beside her. She looked over her shoulder and saw him speaking with the nurse, then stepped into the room. Abe’s eyes were closed, and she wondered if he was asleep, but as she came to his bedside, his eyes opened.
“She returns,” he said quietly, with a hint of his grumpy self. It was just a hint, and it made her smile, because that grumpy self was Abe.
“Hi, Abe. How are you?” She leaned in and hugged him. His skin was still ashen, and his breathing was even more labored.
“You sure do hug a lot,” he grumbled.
She could tell he was forcing the grumpiness and decided to tease him a little. “I only hug grumpy old men.”
“I think Lacroux might refute that.”
She smiled. “Yes, you’re probably right.”
“Where is he?”
“He’s in the bathroom. He’ll be in shortly.” She slid her bag from her arm to retrieve the pictures and letters. She hadn’t considered his lack of sight until now, and wondered if he could see anything at all. “I brought you a few things.”
His fingers curled around the sheets. “Why?”
“Because I’m a nice person. And because I thought you might want them. Abe, please excuse me for asking, but—”
He held up a shaky hand. “Confidence. Control. Didn’t Bert teach you anything? Don’t say excuse me for asking and then proceed to ask a question. Just ask the stupid thing. Or don’t. But be confident in whatever you do.”
She was strangely pleased with the life lesson he doled out so adamantly. That had to mean he cared, at least a little. Otherwise why bother? She heard Grayson come into the room.
“Right, sorry. Abe, can you see anything at all?” She cringed inwardly at the directness of the question.
“No. And don’t get all sappy,” he said sharply. “Macular degeneration happens to old people, and it’s a blessing. I don’t have to see myself wither away.”
“Okay, no sappiness,” she said as Grayson came to her side and placed his hand on her lower back.
“Lacroux.” Abe gave a single, curt nod.
“How are you, Abe?”
“How do I look?” He waved a gnarled hand. “Don’t answer that. Tell me how Parker looks.”
Grayson’s eyes widened, and Parker was sure hers were just as big at the unexpected request.
“My pleasure.” Grayson’s eyes rolled over her face and moved slowly down her body, making the room feel a lot hotter. “Let’s see. I’m sure you don’t want to hear that she’s beautiful, because that’s too easy of an answer. Or that her blue eyes are a soft Carolina blue and her hair is the color of corn silk, fresh off the cob. You know that stringy stuff? My mother used to make us kids strip it away, but I digress.”
He paused, and she knew he was enjoying the way each description hit her square in the center of her chest, which she didn’t even try to hide.
“I’ll skip all that,” Grayson said with a grin, “and go right to the slightly embarrassed look on her face, which is quite obviously warring with the smile she can’t even begin to contain.”
“Sheesh,” Abe mumbled. “Carolina blue?” He shook his head. “Parker, what’d you bring me? Give me something to get the sappy taste out of my mouth.”
She and Grayson both laughed, but her heart was still racing from the things Grayson had said. The bit about his mother felt special, and when he’d said it, his eyes had warmed like it felt special to him, too.
“I brought a picture of you and Bert when you were boys. And one of the two of you with your parents.”
Abe’s eyes narrowed, but he remained silent, which Parker took as a good sign. She described the picture of Abe, Bert, and their parents.
“I remember,” he said under his breath. “Go on.”
She described what he and Bert were wearing in the picture of the two of them, and the house behind them. Abe held a shaky hand out, palm up. She and Grayson exchanged another surprised glance as she set the photograph in his palm. He held it tightly between his finger and thumb and lowered his hand back to the bed.
“We were friends, once,” he grumbled. “What else?”
She was more nervous about the letters than the pictures. “I brought Bert’s letters that you returned. I wasn’t sure if you would want them, or want me to read them to you, but they’re yours. They belong with you.”
He waved toward the bedside table. “Set them over there.”
“Okay.” She set them on the table. “Maybe I can read them to you the next time I visit.”
Abe reached a hand up and Parker took it. His skin felt like tissue paper over sharp bones, making her ache down deep.
“I want you to listen to me, Parker, because I’m only going to say this once.” His brow furrowed, and he squeezed her hand. Tears filled her eyes before he said another word, because his voice had a finality to it that cut like a knife. “Lacroux, you listening?”
“Yes, sir,” Grayson said solemnly.
“Parker, you did what you set out to do. You should feel good about that, and I appreciate how difficult it must have been for you.”
Emotions clogged her throat, causing tears to spill down her cheeks. Grayson tucked her beneath his arm.
“Tears. Just ’cause I can’t see doesn’t mean I don’t hear. Give her a tissue, will you, Lacroux?” His sharp tone made Parker smile.
“Of course.” Grayson handed her a few tissues from the table.
“Those better be tears of joy,” Abe said with a stern voice. “You’ve got nothing to be sad about. You hear me?”
She nodded, realized he couldn’t see her, and choked out, “Yes.”
“Good, because this will be our last visit.”
“But—”
He held tightly to her hand and cut her off. “No. I’m an old man, and these visits exhaust me. You’ve got a life to live, and thanks to you I’ve got some remembering to do before I kick off for good. I’d like to do that alone, knowing you’re out there happy with your bodyguard slash boyfriend, who, I assume from his heartfelt, lovesick description, isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.”
A sob escaped her. Unable to hold back, she leaned in and clung to Abe. “But I’m here for a little while longer. Can’t I come back?”
His frail arms came around her. “No, honey, you can’t.”
The endearment made her sob even harder.
“Lacroux?”
“Yes, sir?” Grayson’s voice was also thick with emotion.
“You’ll take care of her.” It wasn’t a question.
“Always.”
Parker kissed Abe’s cheek, unsure if the wetness she felt was from his tears or hers. “Thank you, Abe. I think I love you.”
“You still haven’t learned.” He huffed, but his thin lips curved up in a teasing smile that made her cry again.
She tried to square her shoulders, despite the gut-wrenching sadness of knowing this was their final goodbye, and wiped her eyes. “Confidence. Control.” Drawing in a deep breath to steady her shaky voice, she said, “I love you, Abe.”
He nodded and tightened his jaw against his trembling lower lip.
Grayson took Abe’s frail hand into his big, strong one, and the sight brought more tears to Parker.
“It was a privilege to meet you,” Grayson said tenderly. “You old jackass.”
Parker gasped, and Abe coughed out a laugh.
“I knew I liked you,” Abe said. “Now get her out of here. I’ve got things to do.”