It seemed that his life in Pittsburg was finally settling in. Zephyr was surprised he wasn't fired, but he kept going to work and every day was better than the day before. Hokuto was downright nice. Well, as nice as the old man ever got. And Hiro even seemed to relax a little around him. They were acting so weird even William commented on it.

“Whatever you’re doing keep doing it. Happy shit rolls downhill. No one’s been screamed at in weeks.”

He’d heard from his brother too. Dylan had gotten access to the cameras around the rec center and Zephyr’s apartment, so if anyone was following him, they’d know soon. It certainly helped to put him more at ease.

As always, Zephyr followed the two men to their daily meetings. Hiro had started taking him out and just talking to him about Tanashis’ history and non-work stuff. Like he was trying to get to know him.

He was learning a lot. But this nice version of the two men was freaking him out.

Sometime after lunch, after the Conway meeting, Hokuto turned to him and asked, "So, Mr. Donovan, do you have family? Wife, girlfriend?"

Zephyr coughed. What the hell? "I have family. Parents, sisters, brothers. But no wife. No girlfriend right now, either." Never mind the gorgeous woman he had ensconced under his roof. Not that he saw her much. She was always at work.

The old man nodded. "Good. It's good not to have too much family. They get in the way. They cloud your judgment. Cloud your focus."

Oh yeah, Mr. Warm and Fuzzy was back.

"I understand the importance of keeping focused. Especially now. That's why I don't have a girlfriend."

Hokuto nodded. "In my experience, personal entanglements get in the way."

Zephyr bristled. His family was loud, raucous, and a complete and total pain in the ass. But he was better for having them. They were part of him.

"You look like you disagree with me."

Zephyr's lips were moving before he could think his comments through. "I'm not sure about that. All I know is I'm driven and focused. But I have a loud, crazy family, and I couldn't do any of this without their support. So maybe everyone has a different way of working. I can't imagine who I would be without them."

Hokuto turned and studied him carefully, the frown only deepening on his austere face, his lips tightening into a purse, though no frown lines marred the smooth forehead of the older man. "Yes well, I guess we'll see how long you last. This fellowship is very demanding. While I do believe in the importance of personal time, I think family pull away too much from your goals. You know better than I do. During your troubles in New York, was your family helpful or did they just make it difficult to move on?”

Zephyr stared at him. Fucking direct hit. How did he know? Zephyr wanted to tell him he was wrong. But he wasn't. Everyone’d had an opinion. None of it had helped. Hell, he and his father were still barely talking. And when they did, it was stiff and awkward.

Hokuto shrugged. “But I suppose for now we will just agree to disagree. I suppose you’ll want to see them over the holiday."

Motherfucker. It wasn't often that Zephyr considered quitting anything. He'd busted his ass for this job. He had the grades, the project work, everything. But right about now, he wondered what the hell he’d been working so hard for. The brilliant mind behind the man was all mind, no emotion. And now he was questioning his commitment. Why do you want to do this again?

Because the man was brilliant. Because the man could make his career. Because Donovans don't quit.

The first time he'd heard that speech, he was eight years old at Little League. He’d lost his first big game after being struck out by Tommy Wilcox. He'd wanted to leave and never play baseball again.

His mother had been inclined to let him get away with the ‘maybe this isn't for me’ speech.

But his father was really clear. “We don't quit just because things are hard. We keep going. And only when things are going well, do we really assess if this is what we want. So you're going to play until you are truly enjoying it.” Zephyr played baseball till he was ten. On the heels of a championship Little League game, he decided to try something else. At the time, he hadn’t been sure his father was right. But what he had said remained with him. And he certainly wasn't quitting now. Didn't matter that his boss was a complete ass.

Zephyr turned his attention back to Tanashi. "Yes sir. I guess we'll agree to disagree on this one. And I’ll be home for the Christmas holiday. I’ll stay local for Thanksgiving." He made a point to meet his boss's gaze directly. As if to say, Push me all you want. I'm not leaving.

Deal with me.

* * *

Over the weeks Malia had been with him, they’d fallen into a routine. Mostly it consisted of her working all the time and him mostly feeling like he lived alone.

Except when she came home at night. She was always as quiet as a church mouse, but she knew he wouldn’t sleep until he knew she was back and safe, even though she’d taken to texting him when she was leaving work if it was late.

And then there were the other nights. The ones where she would relive that night in the park. And she would cry out. It had gotten to the point that she almost suggested that they both just share the bed. But she didn't want to take advantage.

And then there were the nights she heard him call out. But never for her. Always for someone called Alice. And he’d always say the same thing: “Please don't let her be dead. I’m sorry … I’m so sorry.” Those nights, she made a production of her nightmares so he’d come in. She had a feeling if she asked him about it, he’d never tell her.

They were both keeping secrets.

Of course, they never talked about it. Not out loud. That would lend weight and credence to it. Yeah, they didn't talk about that. So instead, several times a week, she’d wake up to him curled around her. Or with her splayed on top of him, his cock pressed up against her ass or her stomach begging her to touch it. So many times she wanted to touch him.

But she didn't want to make it uncomfortable. So you torture yourself. They’d both gotten good at avoidance. Real healthy.

Otherwise, things were actually pretty good. But she was more than well aware of over staying her welcome. It was mid-November and she was saving some money, but it was still slow going.

She didn't want to be here any longer than she had to be. Not that this wasn't great; she was just always aware that she was in someone else's house. She was reading for sociology when he came home from work.

"Hey stranger. I haven't seen you in days."

That was because she was making it a point to sort of avoid him, or at the very least, give him plenty of space. She didn't want this to turn into another Rocco situation. And so far, this gig had been great. A steady place to sleep meant she didn't have to frantically worry every night. But she was practical enough to always be looking ahead, still planning because she didn't want to find her stuff out on the sidewalk. "You know, work, school, etc. Sort of making myself scarce too."

He sighed. “You don't have to do that. I want you to be comfortable.”

“I am. I just also get it. You were living on your own and then I showed up with my sob story.”

“Everyone's got one. I just happened to be in a place that I could do something about yours. We talked about this. You can crash here as long as you need to."

"Yeah, I know. At the same time, you have one bedroom. I'm in your space. You're sleeping on the couch. So I am well aware that this will cease to be a fun arrangement sooner rather than later."

Zephyr sat forward. "You don't get it, do you? When I said I wanted to help, I meant it. It's not how I grew up to toss someone aside who needs help."

"Yeah, well it's what I'm used to these days. So I appreciate it.” She licked her lips. “I'm putting the pressure on Professor Rand, so hopefully that TA position will come through and you can go back to your life. I'm working hard.”

He studied her for a long moment, and she shifted under the scrutiny of his gaze, tucking her hair behind her ear. "What?"

"Well, are you working any less hard than you did a couple of weeks ago when you starting staying here?"

She frowned, “No, but—"

"No, listen. You haven't even been able to get your head around what's happening in your life right now. You've been in survival mode. School, work, where to sleep at night. You can’t see the big picture. So if you need to take a couple weeks to make a plan, I'm okay with that. That would actually be the smart thing to do. Besides …" He shrugged. “I like having you here. Purely in a platonic way, of course.”

She laughed. "Oh, of course.” She sobered enough to add, “You're one of the good ones.”

He flushed and shrugged. "Not really. Before you moved in, I spent an inordinate amount of time staring at your ass."

Malia laughed. "It's okay. I have a nice ass."

"You're not wrong about that."

She flushed and clamped her thighs together to quell the need pulsing there. "When I moved in, you said that you knew what it was like to be alone, like you had nowhere to go. What do you mean by that?"

He sighed. "That story is going to require beer. Pizza. Stay right here. I'll order then we'll talk."

When he returned, he had several pizza menus. "Okay so Bee Gees has the best deep dish. Martin's has the best pepperoni, and Grandma's … Grandma's is just the best pizza in the city. Although this is more of a test to see if you're actually the kind of person I want to share my apartment with. Pick anything but Grandma's and we might have to fight."

Malia giggled. "You're hilarious. You act like you've been in the city longer than I have, and you haven't. I have the inside scoop on Grandma's secret menu. All she needs is an hour’s notice."

His eyes went wide. "Are you serious?"

She nodded. "It's a secret passed down by seniors."

"Woman, I could kiss you."

Oh God. Do Not Flush. Do Not. But there was the heat creeping up her skin. No doubt her ears were bright red. Truth was, if she was being honest with herself, she wanted Zephyr's lips on her again. She wanted to feel that desperate need. But he'd been very clear; he wasn't going to touch her. And he was right. It was a slippery slope. This whole scenario could get them in trouble. Not to mention it was a tricky situation. He was right; she was a wounded bird. She couldn't be focused on her libido at a time like this.

"Okay, I called for a Grandma’s deep dish sausage and pepperoni. That sound okay?"

She nodded "Yes. It's perfect."

"Cool." He came back from the kitchen with two beers and handed her one. “Cheers.”

She didn't want to push but she was so curious.

“So tell me honestly, why are you here? I mean, from what I understand at Columbia you were, you know, fast-track. And it’s New York. No one leaves New York for Pittsburgh.”

Zephyr ran his hands through his hair. “Yeah, not usually. But let’s just say that the Tanashi Fellowship came at a great time when I needed to get the hell away from New York for a while.”

“What happened?” And then she shook her head. “Sorry if this is too personal. I can mind my own business. I’m just really curious because I know how good you are and how good you have to be to not only get a Tanashi Fellowship but to be mentored by Hokuto Tanashi himself. It means you’re no slouch. You could have gone anywhere. Why here?”

He was quiet for a long moment before he rubbed his jaw and started to speak. “There was a girl. Her name was Alice.”

The name he called in his sleep. “Okay …”

“I mean, she was beautiful. All of the things, right? We were friends. It was not anything serious. She had a boyfriend, so I was just some guy. We did a lot of work together.”

“What happened?”

“I didn’t know, but I guess her boyfriend was douche city. She never said he was physically abusive, just mentally controlling. The kind of ‘Where were you? You weren’t at your dorm’ situation, you know?”

She nodded. “That’s really scary.”

“Yeah, that’s what I told her. So anyway, they broke up and I was mostly just trying to help her, you know? I guess she’d been with him for two years. They lived together, so it was messy. The whole stupid thing was messy.” He sat forward and scratched at his jaw with his knuckles. “Then one night, I don’t know, one thing led to another. She was beautiful. And the whole scenario, her needing me, accelerated things.”

Her voice was soft when she said, “Yeah, somehow I know the feeling.”

He cursed under his breath. “This is different. I was drawn to you before I knew any of this. And you do not need saving.”

She flushed. If only he knew.

“Alice was just one of those valuable people, you know? I wanted to help her. I guess maybe I was also being selfish on my end. It felt good to be needed. But honestly, I can say at the time I didn’t even think of it like that. She needed the help, so I gave it to her.”

“So what went wrong?”

“I didn’t know, but she was still in touch with her ex-boyfriend. I guess after that much time together, she couldn’t quite shake the obligation to him. I tried to make her see that he was hurting her, that he was dangerous. She finally agreed with me that maybe she needed to leave school for a while and go up to see her sister in Wisconsin or something. You know, I had it all arranged. We were going to go put her on the train. She was going to go see her sister. It was fine. We were going to put the brakes on us, and I was going to see that she got some help.”

“Why do I get the feeling you didn’t get to help her?”

He shook his head. “Because I didn’t. I went to pick her up as planned and …” His voice trailed for a moment. “She didn’t open the door. I had a key she’d given me so I could help pack up and load her stuff, I guess. I found her in her apartment. The place was a wreck and she was bleeding. I—I tried to help her. Put pressure on the wound like my mom had taught us for first aid. But there was so much goddamn blood. I couldn’t see the main source of the blood. I wasn’t paying attention because I was looking her over and trying to call for help and—maybe I would have seen him, seen something. I didn't know he was still there until he jumped me. As a kid I took jujitsu, you know to focus some of my anger and stuff. None of it mattered though, because I couldn’t get my focus right. I’m the reason she died.”

“Zephyr, oh my God.”

He squeezed his eyes shut as if reliving that pain. “I failed her. And like an idiot, I got stabbed.” He absently rubbed at his rib.

Malia wrapped her arms around his waist and whispered to him. “Zephyr, it’s not your fault.”

“You don’t know that. I should’ve put her on a train sooner. I should’ve realized she was still talking to her ex. I should’ve gotten the professionals involved. There were a million things I could have done differently.”

“You did the best you could at the time with the tools you had. You tried to help her. She might not have appreciated it at the time, but that’s what you were doing.”

“Yeah well, my help got her killed.” He pulled away from her and scrubbed both hands over his face, then scowled down at them before wiping the wetness from his eyes again. “Her boyfriend, uh, they arrested him. You know what’s funny? He didn’t even try and deny it. He just said that she was leaving him, so he had to make sure it didn’t happen. He stabbed me because I was the one taking her away. Pure psychopath. That girl never did anything to anybody, and because of me, because he was pissed off at her for dating me, he killed her.”

“Zephyr, you were doing the right thing. So you had feelings for her? No big deal. You weren’t responsible. Place the blame on the person who actually hurt her. You did nothing but help her.”

“You sound like my shrink.”

“Yeah, well, I did take those three classes of psych this year.”

He chuckled. “I see you’re putting them to good use.”

She nodded. “So after that happened, you just applied to Tanashi to get the hell out of dodge?”

“No, I was actually a mess. I took the semester off, which was fine because I would have just been doing an internship anyway. I went home, licked my wounds, saw a shrink, and spent time with the family. All the things you’re supposed to do when you start losing it. Just when I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go back, I got the letter offering me the fellowship at Tanashi.”

“When had you applied?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t. I guess some of the works and projects that I’d done before garnered faculty recommendations and they picked me, asked me to apply. I was pushed through pretty quick. Next thing I know, I’m packing up for Pittsburgh. My whole family thinks I’m insane; either that or running away.”

She shrugged. “I don’t think you’re insane. I think you are in need of a change of scenery. And Pittsburgh seems to have done you good.”

He nodded. “Yeah.” He turned to face her. “Pittsburgh was probably exactly what I needed.”

The flush crept up her chest, along the column of her neck, as it fused her cheeks with pink. With trembling fingers, he reached up and caressed her cheek. “So, that’s my sad story. That’s what I’m doing in Pittsburgh.” He was silent for a minute then said, “Can I ask you something?”

She sighed. “Let me guess, you want to know how the hell a girl like me ended up homeless?”

“Oh look, you’re a mind reader.”

* * *

Malia should've known she wasn't going to escape her own set of questions.

Once the pizza arrived and they were both tucked in, Zephyr began, "So, you know I have to ask. How did this happen? You're obviously in school so at some point some shit was going right."

She swallowed carefully, then took a of sip water. She managed the one beer but couldn't drink another. "Yeah, where do I start?"

He shrugged. "Maybe the beginning?"

"Yeah, that's easy. Freshman year was great. Emily and I were roommates, both on the scholar's track. Good grades, studying hard, the occasional party."

Zephyr grinned. "Because all work and no play is no fun for anybody."

She liked playful Zephyr. "I had a boyfriend. Anthony."

His brows lifted. “Oh yeah? Buttoned up, nerdy, scholarly type?"

She shook her head. "More like millennial frat boy."

He laughed as he shook his head. "Oh my God. I thought you had better taste?"

"Apparently I was susceptible. I admit it. Totally my bad. Apparently, I liked douchebag." She laughed softly. His opening up made it easier for her to talk about the past. This was the first time in weeks she hadn’t been worried about where the hell she was going to sleep for the night. "Yeah, so I had this perfect life you know. It was the best it could be. Until it wasn’t. The summer before my sophomore year, my parents died in a car crash. A drunk driver broadsided their car at the red light. And then everything changed."

"Jesus. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine."

"Thanks." She rushed past the searing pain. That pain was a constant companion. Just under the surface. “All of a sudden, I lost my security and my love and I had to think about my sister.”

“I was in no position to look after her so we had to call the only family we really have, our aunt Mabel. She's not a fan of children, or people, really. But our parents were gone.”

“At least you weren't completely alone.”

“With my aunt, I might as well have been. After I returned to school, Mabel kept griping about how having a kid around was too expensive. Mom and Dad left money to pay for college but not much else. So Aunt Mabel said I had to send money or Eva would go to foster care."

Zephyr's brows snapped down. "What? She's your fucking family."

"Yeah, try telling her that. Anyway, so I send money home. And that's been the arrangement. A couple hundred here, a few hundred there. I was managing it. I had enough jobs, and I wasn't really sleeping. I had an apartment though. My roommate Tessa was crazy. I caught her stealing from me once.”

Zephyr scrubbed a hand down his face. “Jesus.”

“Trust me I know. Then our landlord was selling the apartment but he found me someplace else to live.”

“He didn't give notice?”

“Oh he did, to Tessa. She didn't tell me until it was too late.”

“Fuck.”

“Plus I hadn't been saving much because everything I had went to Aunt Mabel."

"Your aunt … I had better hope I never meet her."

“Trust me, I wouldn't want you to meet her. So Mr. Brooker felt bad that Tessa was such a nightmare and hadn't told me. He found me a place to stay with a neighbor of his. Rocco. It was really cheap and in a neighborhood I already knew, so that helped."

He Frowned. "What happened to Rocco?"

"Well, turned out Rocco was a douche bag. His girlfriend, Trudy, wasn't a fan of mine. Came home one day to find Rocco putting my stuff out in garbage bags."

Zephyr's jaw clenched. "Who the hell does that?"

"Please, if you ever see him, ask him." She shook her head, trying hard not to remember that day. "I begged him to give me a couple of weeks to find another arrangement. To figure something else out. He wasn't really down for that.” That was at the beginning of June.

“What about Adrian?"

"She's great. Just getting to and from campus is a problem as she lives in Monroeville. I work a lot of night shifts. So that's not conducive since I don't have a car."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. Here I am spouting as if you haven't thought of any of the solutions yourself. Like I have any idea how hard it is for you."

“You can imagine the rest. Shelters for a couple of weeks. That was terrifying. You have to have an eagle eye on your stuff. And I learned after the first day to not use the showers there. I tried couch surfing, but that depends on who’s available and their schedule. And as you’ve already seen I work weird hours. I finally got wise to all the places I could sleep safely. I took night shifts And slept between classes.”

He was quiet for a moment. "Listen, that's over now. I'm going to help you."

“Look, I appreciate it. But—"

He set his jaw. "Remember, we talked about this."

"Yeah I know. I just was so close to having all the money for the deposit on an apartment, but then my sister got into this great prep-school program. It means she'll be out of Mabel's, but it also means waiting for a place to live."

“I already told you. You can stay as long as you need to. No strings. Just take the help.”

“I don't know what to say.”

"Honestly, you are incredible. I don't know many people who could survive the way that you have."

"Well, it's not that big a deal. You learn how to survive when you have to. This is how it is."

“How it is or not, you might be the strongest person I know.” For once, Malia believed him.

* * *

Zephyr tossed on the couch that night. Being in a confined space with Malia for several hours had taken a toll on his self-control. She’d been so close. Within touching distance. If he’d been allowed to do that.

But you’re not. And you made her a promise. A promise he regretted now. With a moan, he turned over. His dick made his feelings on the new position heard.

Under normal circumstances, his hard-on wouldn’t be a problem. He’d uh, take care of the problem and pass out in post orgasm coma. But there was no taking care of the problem when the source of his problem was asleep mere feet from him.

There is always the shower. Jesus, he had a real problem. His cock throbbed against his thigh as if to say, Yeah, you do buddy.

Screw this. With a muffled curse, he headed for the shower.

He turned on the shower and hissed a curse as ice water sluiced over him. The water warmed quickly and he let the heat soothe out some of the tension he’d been carrying around since coming home.

His dick twitched as if to remind him why he’d come in here in the first place. Turned out he didn’t need any prompting; his brain oh so helpfully took him to that kiss at the hotel and the feel of her soft lips under his.

Every muscle he had tensed at the recall of her body molded to his, at the memory of her movements against him. The hitch he’d heard in her voice, the way her pupils dilated.

Shit. Wrapping his fist around his erection, he pumped the soap slickened flesh in a slow, deliberate motion. As blood surged to his dick, he pictured Malia on her knees before him, all that glorious hair slicked back with water as she wrapped those luscious lips around him.

He could almost feel her tongue lap the length of him before circling the tip in a deliberate motion. He could feel her delicate hands wrapped around his girth as she stroked in time to her suckling mouth.

Blood roared through his head. He slapped a hand against the shower stall to steady himself against his release. He bit off a stream of colorful curses as he dragged in gulps of air. He had to get Malia Adams out of his head before she completely derailed him.