Malia had been dreading this all weekend. Tuesday. Tuesday meant Zephyr and class. Post break up.

She considered not going, but then he would know. Know that she couldn’t look at him. Know that she was lying. She’d had to work hard to push him away. That hadn’t been easy. But, at least she’d been able to pull on real fears as reasons for not being with him, even after everything they’d already been through together. The hardest part was when he’d looked at her and said, ‘But I thought we were past this. I thought you loved me.’ His words rang over and over in her head all weekend long. She’d barely slept because she kept hearing it. And he was right. She did love him. She loved him enough to walk away before his family could ruin his life.

When she reached the class, she found a seat and slunk into it. She was in no kind of mood. Professor Lipten was late that day, as were all the fellows. When the professor finally joined them, all the fellows were with him except for Zephyr. Instead, there was this other guy—dark hair, kind brown eyes, good-looking, but not Zephyr. Professor Lipten addressed the class.

“Everyone, if you take your seats, we have an announcement to make.” The students who had gotten up to mill about quickly took their seats and turned their attention to the front of the lecture hall. “We’ve had an unprecedented change. Unfortunately, Mr. Donovan will not be able to move forward with us over the next month. Another fellow from Tanashi has been assigned. For those of you on the Tanashi team, if your participation is dependent on the fellow, I’ve been discussing with the other fellows and some of them would be willing to absorb you onto their teams in the interim, if that’s what you so choose.”

Her teammates looked around and they all made eye contact. What the hell had just happened? Where was he?

You don’t get to care. Unfortunately, that was true. Still, she did care. She’d hurt him—purposely, deliberately, broken his heart and broken hers in the process.

It’s better that way.

Maybe, but that didn’t matter. Better or not, it still sucked. She still missed him. She’d gotten used to waking up with his arms around her. And now that would never happen again. This is for the best; just deal with it.

Well, as it was, she was doing a shitty job of dealing with it. But, whatever.

After Professor Lipten finished his announcements, their fellow had them all come down to the front.

“Hi. I’m William Cook. I actually worked with Zephyr at Tanashi, so I do know where you guys are at. But like Professor Lipten said, if any of you choose, you could switch teams. You will play a little bit of catch up with the others, but you can transfer much of what you’ve already done to your teams and still work toward the scholarship. It’s really up to you.”

They just looked around and then back at him. One by one, they all opted to stay on the Tanashi team. It was really the best choice. On another team, they’d have less of a role, and less of a chance to still make it to a Tanashi scholar. Not that she was sure she could even take the position if it was offered to her, because the Tanashi scholar meant working at Tanashi with Zephyr. And after everything that happened on Friday night that was never going to happen. She was pretty sure he hated her. Hell, she would hate her. She just hoped that he could find a way to forgive her one day.

Now if only she could find a way to forgive herself.

* * *

When confronted with the truth, John Donovan didn’t lie. He just nodded and said, “I knew.”

Zephyr had driven the six hours to New York. Six fucking hours to have his father look at him and nod, and say, “I knew.” What the fuck?

Zephyr couldn’t even set foot inside the house that he’d grown up in because he was vibrating with so much anger. This place was where he’d found love and support, and he couldn’t bring himself to walk over the threshold. He just paced along the porch. “When I got that letter, you knew? That’s why you tried to stop me from going.”

“Yeah, that’s why I tried to stop you.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

His father inhaled deeply. “Because that’s not the first time Hokuto Tanashi has tried to worm his way into your life.”

Zephyr’s heart squeezed. “What?”

“More than once he’s come here and been unwilling to be part of your life, but he’s wanted to dictate things from the background. Hiro, your father, came once. He at least seemed concerned for your well-being but still never asked to see you or get to know you. Not that the old man would have allowed that, I don’t think.

“In the past, they tried to get us to guide you to make decisions that would lead you to Tanashi. I refused.”

Zephyr stared at him.

His father’s anger bubbled to the surface. “Not once did they send a birthday card. Not once did they want to get to know you.” He tapped his chest. “I took you to Little League and your first dance. Cub Scouts, all of it. But every so often Hokuto Tanashi thought he could interfere.”

“They knew I was here all along?” Zephyr knew he should be over the hurt of being cast aside. But the pain was like a hot poker. “When did he come?”

His father hung his head. “The first time was when you were adopted, to announce that he was your grandfather. That he was more than happy to help with raising you, only financially of course. He didn’t want any embarrassment to come to his name or the company by claiming you.”

“That sounds like the old man.”

“He had a caveat. We were to do exactly what he instructed. And he had a list. Where you were to travel, what you were to do, the kind of sports you were going to play. I told him he could go fuck himself. Your mother was more colorful with her dismissal.”

“You should’ve told me.” Zephyr jabbed a finger in the air pointing at his father. “You should’ve fucking told me.”

“Maybe. I thought about it dozens of times. Your mother, when you left home last summer, she told me that I should have told you.”

Fuck, his mother. How had she not told him? His parents didn’t keep secrets from each other. Yeah, but they kept secrets from you.

“Jesus Christ, you discussed this with Mom and you guys just decided you weren’t going to tell me?”

His father put up his hands. “Don’t put this on your mother. This was my decision. She backed my play. Maybe she shouldn’t have, but this was my call. I wanted you to have a normal life. We didn’t know who you were when we adopted you. I didn’t know what kind of man Hiro was. And the fact that he wouldn’t take you in himself spoke volumes about Hiro and Hokuto Tanashi. I didn’t want any of that around you—around my son.”

“But I’m not your son, am I?” The moment the words were out of his mouth Zephyr cringed.

His father winced. Fuck. He shouldn’t have said that because John Donovan was the only father he’d ever known. Hiro Tanashi might be his birth father, but the man hadn’t raised a finger. He’d never cleaned up his scrapes, or put Betadine on them. He’d never used the cool bandages with Transformers on them, even though his mother insisted on the brown ones. His real father hadn’t called him, hadn’t given him his first beer. That man hadn’t struggled to have the sex talk with him and undo the damage his friends and brothers had done.

John Donovan had done that. You’re fucking this up. But the man he’d always considered his father had also lied to him.

His father swallowed hard. “You’re hurt. I get it. You’re pissed. Shit, I’d be pissed too.”

Inside the house, there was no tolerance for foul language. And he knew his mother was home, which meant she understood why he was pissed off. And she knew that this conversation had to happen. “You lied to me.”

“Yeah, I did, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Our whole lives, all we’ve done is protect you kids—sometimes from each other, sometimes from outside forces, sometimes from yourselves. That piece of shit wanted to waltz in here and fuck with you. I wasn’t going to have it. And then it reached the point where I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“You said he came more than once. When was the next time?”

His father sighed. “When you were headed to college. You were seventeen, doing all your applications. He wanted me to persuade you to apply to Harvard where he and Hiro had both gone. He said if you did, they’d give you scholarships, guide and direct you into the right program. But you wanted to go to Columbia, and I wasn’t going to do a damn thing that Hokuto Tanashi directed. My rule is, if you don’t help raise the kid, fuck you on your say so.”

Zephyr dug his hands into his hair, smoothing down the back of his head until he could massage his neck. “I don’t know how to wrap my head around this.”

“I lied by omission. I own it. Like I said, I’d do it again too. Anything to protect you. Do you think I was wrong? Did you need protection from the Tanashis?”

Pain sliced through him. Hokuto and Hiro Tanashi had ruined his fucking life. If he thought he’d been a wreck after the whole Alice thing, he was even more a wreck now. Because the salvation they’d offered him was really just a gateway to hell. They’d been the ones responsible for following him and Malia. They’d scared them both. They’d terrorized her. And in the end, they’d paid her off—paid her to leave him.

And she took the money.

“No. They weren’t worth knowing. But you still should’ve told me. Let me make my decisions with clarity.”

“Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I should have sat you down when you were eighteen and been like, ‘Hey, your grandfather is here. He’s always known where you were, and he’s just chosen never to make contact with you.’ How was that going to feel?”

Zephyr stared at his father, whose sharp blue eyes pierced a hole in Zephyr’s soul. “You still should have told me. Maybe I wouldn’t have made this choice.”

His father’s laugh was harsh. “Are you joking? You and I both know you would have made this exact same choice because you would have wanted to get to know him. And that’s absolutely normal and natural. You want to know who brought you into this world. I raised you. Both your mothers and I did. But he will always be a part of you. And in the end, I saw that. I wouldn’t have been able to stop you if I told you the truth. You would still have run headfirst. That’s just who you are. So all I could do was brace myself and wait for you to get hurt.”

Zephyr’s eyes stung. There was no point holding back the emotion now. He’d lost everything; Malia, the job, his second chance. Now he had to come back to New York and face the nightmares.

Except, you haven’t had a nightmare in months. Not since he’d gotten together with Malia.

Shit. That was true. Since they’d gotten together, he hadn’t had a single nightmare about Alice. He hadn’t pictured her lifeless body in his arms as he screamed for someone to help him. Her presence alone had staved off the darkness. “God, I—”

“Zephyr, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry that they lied to you. I am sorry that your father and grandfather were not the kind of men you would have wanted to know. I’m sorry that they cost you something you valued. I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I’m not sorry I lied. I would do it again.”

Zephyr squared off against his father. This man had never lied to him before. He’d always been straight with him. Yes, he’d hidden this, but it was to protect him. And Zephyr understood, because in nine months with his birth family, he’d lost everything. “I don’t know how to get it back Dad. Any of it. I don’t know how to get it back. I thought losing Alice was bad.” He shook his head and blinked rapidly, but there was no stopping the salty wetness that was leaking out of him. “They cost me Malia.”

And even though he didn’t want the contact, even though he didn’t want the hug, the concern, even the love, his father didn’t give two shits about that. Instead, he stepped over the threshold of the door, and wrapped him up in his arms. Suddenly, Zephyr was a kid again, and his father was telling him that he would protect him, that he would keep him safe from harm.

While he believed him then, he knew better now. When someone wanted to hurt you, there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.