It’s been one year. A little over one year to be exact. We actually celebrated our one year anniversary like a bunch of sappy hippies last Halloween. We were so ecstatic you would have thought someone inflated us with helium the way we were floating around Hollow Brook like a couple of mismatched balloons—dancing, exchanging I love yous as if every day were Valentine’s Day. We were kissing—outright diving our tongues down one another’s throats in public as if we were trying to give all of society the middle finger. We didn’t care who watched The Ax and Lex Show. We were on all the time, twenty-four seven and didn’t give a flying rip who tuned in or tuned out. I had finally done the impossible. I relinquished—gave my heart away, lost control. Two things I vowed I would never do again after my mother took off in that rumbling station wagon that roared up to our driveway. My mother, the flake, took off with some high school sweetheart so the two of them could shoot up coke for the rest of their days. She chose a mountain of white powder and cheap motel sex over my siblings and me. If she wasn’t going to step up and be the woman God intended her to be, I sure as heck was. In fact, I was fast becoming an expert. I took Aunt Priscilla’s younger two under my wing after she died in that horrible car wreck. Rush and Sunday need me. Nolan is grown, but he needs a mother figure to act as the familial glue even if he’s too stubborn to admit it. This is precisely why falling in love with Axel Collins or anyone else was a risk I never should have taken. Someone needs to have their head about them. And for God’s sake, nobody is ever allowed to run out on me again.

“New York?” I can barely get the words out of my throat.

Here we are, in the middle of Founder’s Square where we shared our first kiss all those dizzying months ago. Only now the night is replaced with the cold harsh glare of a winter sun, snow reflecting its rays mercilessly.

“Yes, it’s for a spring admit.” He swallows hard as he wraps his arms around me just a little bit tighter. He can feel the urge to bolt building in me, I can tell. “NYU has a great law school. It was my first choice. Don’t worry about it. It’s just a silly admissions letter. I should never have brought it up. I’m happy at Whitney Briggs. I’m happy with you.” He presses a kiss over my lips that quickly grows cold in the frigid air.

My body solidifies. I can’t breathe. I can’t push the words that are dying to stream from me past that Manhattan-sized lump in my throat.

“You should go.” I shrug, trying not to acknowledge the pain those words caused as they shred their way past my vocal cords. “It’s not every day your number one pick invites you to participate as a spring admit. Finals are over. I’ll help you pack.” I bite the air with my words. That furious venom that lives inside me percolates to the surface—a parting gift from my mother.

“Hey”—fear takes over his features, and I hate that I’ve done this to him—“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve already got my classes set for spring right here. I get it. A long distance relationship would suck. And the only thing I need to suck is you.” He offers up that sheepish grin that has the power to charm me, and I almost want to laugh at what a fool I’ve been. Who the heck did I think I was diluting myself into thinking that this person, this entity that lives outside of my airspace could be controlled and kept under the lid of my universe? People leave—mothers, fathers, boyfriends, and it was all too painful to deal with. No way in hell am I ever falling on a sword for an outsider ever again. Serena, Marlin—they’re not only blood, they’re my charges. I don’t care how much older Marlin is. He’s mine.

I glare at Axel Collins, and those eyes I’ve let him hypnotize me with because I can never safely say the same about him.

“Go to New York or I will never speak to you again.” I don’t dare tell him that it will be the same case if he stays. “In no way do I want to be that person who you will point an accusing finger at for the rest of your miserable life because I made you stay,” I spit the words out like venom.

The entire purpose of this conversation and any other interaction we might have from this moment on will be just that—an effort to make him loathe me. It will be easier that way for both him and me. Leaving someone you love is hard on the heart and just as hard on the mind. People turn off their emotions real quick once they despise someone. I wish I could hate my mother. I’ve nurtured that love for her for far too long. I’ve hurt my heart, damaged it beyond repair. My mind is a maze of madness, of head games and defense mechanisms that I utilize just to keep breathing each day.

“Lex.” Axel tips his head back, his eyes opened to the sky as if pleading for help from an outside source. “Why are you taking this so hard? I’m going to let them know I’m not coming. It was stupid of me to mention it.”

“Please go.” My voice cracks. For a second I contemplate tricking him into believing I’m fine with a long distance relationship—drop him off at the airport and forget him. But I know Axel. He’d be on the next flight home if he thought something were amiss. No, this needed to end, and it needed to end now.

“I’m breaking up with you.” I slap my palms over his chest and take a step back. “If you don’t have the backbone to do what’s right in your life, then you’re not the man for me.”

Axel lunges forward and wraps his arms around me like a vise. His eyes are glassy and his jaw set tight as we stare one another down sternly. Axel and I have been a fragile flower since the beginning, each petal encased in snow. But the thaw was coming. Eventually, the seasons change, and spring is inevitable. We weren’t strong enough to survive the sun and her heated affection. She had already killed us by merely exposing our faults with her light.

I knew, I knew in the deepest part of who I was that this was too good to be true. Axel and I were doomed from the start. This entire last year has felt as if I were running haphazard on a tight rope, no net. I’ve spent each day secretly dreading the fall. Sometimes it’s easier just to jump, get it over with, and that’s what I was doing. Jumping.

I take a breath and harden my resolve. “You didn’t think I was serious with you, did you?” I turn and walk briskly to the student parking lot. Axel doesn’t follow.

I was serious with him. Far too serious for my own good.

I growl like a madwoman at the bevy of protesters lining my front driveway as I barrel my way into the house.

Raven comes storming out of the kitchen clad in her uniform of old ratty sweats, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s with a spoon spiked through it as if it were a requirement.

“You.” I needle her with all of my discontent.

“You!” Raven jumps back, and that waterfall of inky dark hair spills over her shoulders. “You’re half-dressed! You’re wearing someone else’s clothes! You have no shoes on.” She stretches the words out with a newfound disdain as her eyes rise to my middle. “And my God, you have a bush!”

I glance down at my newly exposed crotch and let out a howl of a scream. “This day just keeps getting worse and worse!” All sorts of gagging noises sputter up my throat as I dash into my bedroom and strip off all evidence of last night’s romp and stomp.

Raven blinks to life beside me, snickering and tittering while pointing at my girl parts.

“Boy, you must have really put on a show last night.” Then just as quick as her junior high glee showed up on the scene, it disappears as she gasps hard and slaps her hand over her face. “Your brother!”

“That’s right, my brother,” I roar over her face. “How could you? Isn’t there some kind of a girl code you sorority girls pledge into for life? How is it that you practically cheerlead me into my ex’s bed and then you turn around and sic the Jepson PD on me who also happens to be the very last person on the planet who wants to see evidence of my sexuality? You sent him straight to ground zero!” I bellow over her until she shrinks into a semi-fetal position with her arms curled over her head.

“I’m such an idiot. I swear on all that is good, I wasn’t in my right mind.” She bolts to the other side of the bed for protection—a wise move on her part. “But he flashed that badge! And he was dressed head to foot in that official uniform. God knows I’ve been fifty shades afraid of blue after you had Low thrown in the pokey. All that boy had to do was look at me and I spilled every answer at his feet. Honey—I answered questions he didn’t even ask.”

“Crap,” I moan as I sit on the bed, naked and dejected after a night that my mind is desperate to replay, but I won’t let it.

“Excuse me, but did I just hear you say the C word?” She slides in about an arm’s length away. “I know for a fact that goes against Lex code.” She slips in closer and butts her shoulder to mine playfully. “How about I make us some tea and cue up an entire montage of rom-coms to erase all memories of your big bro showing up on the scene? I’ll even help you get some clothes on.” She hops up and pulls a chenille robe out of the closet and wraps me in it before pulling back the covers and helping me crawl into bed.

Raven disappears into the kitchen, and in less than ten minutes she’s back with a steaming cup of tea for the both of us, my grandmother’s china, peach and white flowers on a powder blue setting. It’s my favorite set, and I never use them, but rather than unleash my porcelain-based fury upon her, I sit up in bed and peaceably take the precious cup.

“Don’t you worry about a thing.” She turns on the television and crawls in next to me, mounding the pillows behind us into a slouched hillside. “We’ll hang out right here, comfy cozy.” She sits so close to me our elbows touch. “After my sorority sisters would partake in the walk of shame”—she bats her lashes up at me, and I glower at her for even suggesting it—“not that what you just went through, naked, barefoot, and pantiless would qualify. Anyhow, most of them came back just the way they left, albeit a little more disheveled. But you—you’re a bona fide runaway—a sexual escapee. Heck, I don’t even know how to classify that crotch-bearing event. By the way”—she gives a sly wink—“nice move bringing back the seventies vibe.” She glances briefly to my lap. “I’m with you all the way. I hate shaving. Face it, those ingrown hairs itch like hell, and don’t you even try to tell me that curse word was not warranted. In fact, I think we should keep the momentum going. I’ll send an all pubes APB out to my old sorority sisters and we’ll get this hairy ball back in motion. Why should we have to shave for the man? You’re onto something, Lex. Girl power all the way with that one.” She offers up a knuckle bump, and I woefully accept. “You know, I think it’s time.” Those sad puppy dog eyes of hers sag as she gives a slow nod.

“For Matthew McConaughey?”

“For you to spill a few emotions all over the place. I get it. You keep a short list of friends, but Low and I care about you. We want to know what makes you tick.”

“Low isn’t here.” I turn the volume up on the television set, a cooking show—my people, my world. I wish Raven would morph into a bird like she’s supposed to so I can sit here all day and watch bacon melt in a pan instead of slicing open my body like a piñata and entertaining her with the deformed rocks that fall out.

Raven snatches the remote off the comforter, and within five hot seconds we’re in rom-com hell.

“I’ll fill her in on all the dirty deets. Now, what’s with the no cursing rule? Let’s start there.”

“My mother cursed like a trucker.” I lean my head back and end up thumping it against the headboard. So much for pillow mountain. That’s what I get for trusting someone else to do something for me. Today is all about the hard lessons. I don’t see why I should catch a break anytime soon. “She left my family when I was just a kid. I caught her as she was taking off in the middle of the night, suitcase in hand. There was a beat-up car idling for her in the driveway. She said, ‘Take care of everyone for me, baby. You’re my special Lexy girl. I will always love you.’” A single tear singes my cheek as it burns its way down. “I never wanted to hear that name again. I never wanted to see her face. I made sure the first wish came true. She made sure the next one did.”

A hard sniffle comes from her as Raven lands her tea down on the nightstand. “My God, girl, you’re not made of ice. You’re made of glass.” She wraps both arms around me. “With a mother like that, it’s a wonder you survived. It’s not a big leap to figure out why you’re so cranky and nasty.” Her tears warm my neck as they trickle to my chest, and I pull back staring at her in wonder.

“Are you crying for me?”

“Of course, I’m crying for you. Who else would I be boo-hooing for? You’re a badass, Lex! Pardon not my French. But you are. Look at all you’ve managed to accomplish without your mother to guide you.”

I give a hard sniff toward the television with its ridiculous meet-cute and sappy one-liners. “If this were the seventeenth century, I’d be a spinster.”

“Yeah, so?” She shakes out that dark mane, and for a moment I’m paranoid she’s about to shed all over my newly washed sheets. “And you probably wouldn’t have Strudel. You’d have like fifteen cats.”

“I loathe the litter box.” I glare over at Strudel sitting like a king in the corner as if it were all his fault. “And my hovel of a home would be infested with fleas.”

“And ticks. You’d get Key Lime disease and never want to leave your house again.”

A horrible sadness encapsulates us both as we sag deeper into a newly invented depression.

A thump comes from the living room followed by a cheery voice. “Where the hell you girls at?” It’s Low, and I sag with a sigh of relief once her perky face fills the doorway. I’ve never been so thankful not to see my brother. One break-in worthy encounter is enough for the day—for a lifetime.

I frown over at Low. “I came this close to accosting you with a bottle of hairspray. If you were an intruder, you’d be blind by now.”

Raven roars with a laugh while patting a spot on the other side of me for her bestie. “And I would have sat on your face until the cops arrived—that is, if you actually had a pair, were over six feet, and had demanding blue eyes. Otherwise, I would have maced the heck out of you. Lex here was about to go easy on you.”

“You have Mace?” Raven intrigues me just a little bit more each time she opens her mouth.

“Never mind that.” Low kicks off her heels and crawls under the comforter to my right. Low and Raven are finally proving to be the bookends I’ve always known them to be. “Why the heck wasn’t I invited to this lovefest and”—she pulls back the covers a notch before pulling them snug to her chest—“my word, that is a bush staring back at me!” She leans forward and looks to Raven intently. “Where are Lex’s panties and what have you done to her?”

Raven rolls her eyes. “Believe it or not, she came home dressed this way. She spent the night with—”

“Axel,” I cut her off. Tears well up in my eyes, and a knot quickens in my throat. “I lost my mind and let him have his way with me.”

Low gasps so loud you’d think I were confessing a felony. And in a way, I am. “Well—did you get to have your way with him?”

A devilish grin percolates on my lips. “More than once, and sadly, not quite enough.” A shiver runs through me at the memory of his strong, weighted frame over mine. Axel made love to me with his whole body. He’s a master between the sheets. Not that I have anything to compare him with, but innately I know that Axel Collins is a force to be reckoned with in bed. A force I rather enjoyed reckoning with come to think of it.

“Holy crap!” Low gives me a hard shove into Raven’s arms. “What the heck are you doing here? You should be holed up in bed with that boy, wrapped in his arms, and whatever other body parts he held you hostage with.”

“I would have been if Raven hadn’t sent my big brother after him.”

A shouting match ensues in which Raven attempts to apologize and simultaneously fill Low in on all the ridiculous details.

“Wow.” Low fans herself with a fashion catalog sitting on my nightstand. “But I don’t get it. After Marlin left, you could have easily stayed with Axel.” She leans in with that nosy look on her pert little face. “What happened? You can tell us.”

Raven gently picks up my hand and clamps both of hers over mine, and something about the act warms me. “We’re your friends, Lex. Whatever happened once Marlin left, we’ll support you no matter what.”

“I’ll kill Axel if he hurt you,” Low offers quickly as if it were a given. “Actually, I’ll probably have Levi do it since death can get messy. Plus, he’s known him longer and can really cut to his weakness.”

“His weakness.” A dull laugh dies in my chest. “I suppose that would be me.” I give a guilty shrug just before segueing into the fact that I dumped Axel all over again before stomping out of his penthouse this afternoon.

“Oh, Lex.” Low drops her head in her hands, and her dirty blonde curls spill over the bed. “That boy loves you, and you love him. I’m sorry, but I’m calling it like I see it. Why the heck wouldn’t you want to have everything with him?”

Raven wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Because that’s what she does—she pushes people away.” She tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. And in the first time in forever it feels as if someone understands me completely.

I look over at her. Raven has a sweetness about her that reminds me of both Serena and Sunday on a painful level. I already have two girls to look after. I don’t need yet another set. And that’s when it hits me. Raven doesn’t need me to look after her. She’s a grown woman. Raven is simply being—dare I say, a friend? I glance to Low as the same realization hits. Raven and Low are truly there for me. Not as family—as friends. It feels unforgivably strange, and yet it feels right.

I take a deep breath as if I were about to dive belly first into ice-cold waters. “She’s right. I push people away.” A hot tear rolls down my cheek and it feels good, as if I’ve finally lanced a blister that’s been tormenting me for the last decade or so of my life.

Raven lays her head on my shoulder, and her dark hair spills between us like shards of black glass. “It’s because your mother left you. How could you possibly trust another adult? Let alone another human being.”

I give a hard sniff, nodding, suddenly unable to speak at all. It’s as if Raven knows me better than I know myself.

Low grunts as if she were kicked in the gut. “And you mentioned to me a few months back about your father passing. You had to do it all—be both mother and father to your siblings. Not to mention your aunt’s kids.” I filled Low in on my sordid family history a few months ago while she was temporarily separated from Levi. It was the night I kissed him, but we don’t talk about that anymore.

“You put up a wall.” Raven nods knowingly. “To protect yourself. If you’re not in charge—well, neither is anyone else.”

“Yes.” I sit up with the epiphany. “I mean, I’ve always known it deep down inside, but just hearing it like this—it really paints a picture.”

Low scoots in close to me and wraps her arms around my waist. “And that’s why you pushed Axel away this afternoon. He was getting too close to home, wasn’t he?”

“He was.” The words come out smaller than a whisper. The truth is, Axel had infiltrated the deepest part of me both physically and emotionally. He did years ago, and I’ve never been able to fully evict him.

“Let him in.” Raven glides her arms around me as well, and it feels nice being wrapped in a hug from both Raven and Low. Especially now when I need it most. “Let him love you.”

Low chuckles. “Heck, that boy wants to worship you.”

Raven leans in with those intense sea blue eyes. “Do you love him?”

“Of course.” My fingers tap over my lips. “Oh my God, I do. I didn’t even have to think about it.”

“You never stopped.” Low scolds with her finger, and the three of us share a quiet laugh.

“I didn’t, did I?” It feels as if a freight train just smacked into my face. “I have never stopped loving Axel Collins. I love him still. I love him so much it hurts to think of all the agony I’ve put us through.” Tears buck through me as both Raven and Low join in on the cryingfest.

“So now what?” Low hiccups into my ear.

“First thing tomorrow, I’ll head over to The Pelican and tell him how I feel.”

“First thing tomorrow?” Raven is protesting the idea simply with her tone.

“That’s right.” I fall back onto the pillow mountain, and the two of them do the same. “Right now, I need to finish up a rom-com marathon with my two best friends.”

“Aww!” they both coo in unison as we engage in a three-way embrace.

Raven sighs heavily as she looks up. “Still so impressed by the bush.”

I kick her knee off my stomach, and the three of us share another laugh. It feels good. Heck, it feels great. Just the thought of two people whom I’m not blood-related to caring anything about me is pretty darn amazing. It feels downright special.

But the real reason I didn’t speed right over to Axel’s penthouse with my new heart-shaped epiphany is far less easier to finger than a simple rom-com with friends. I suppose at the end of the day it has more to do with fear than anything else. What exactly is it about having a relationship with Axel Collins that frightens me?

Everything.

* * *

The Sloppy Pelican is quiet just an hour after opening. It’s noon and the lunch crowd hasn’t quite streamed in. Mojo let me know that Ax was across the street at the bank depositing last night’s take, so I make myself comfortable at a booth near the back. I pull out my laptop and open the file that reads Epicurean Elite. Now that I’ll have Axel back—undoubtedly—hopefully, and not to mention the fact I have two bonus besties—I can focus in on fulfilling my personal goals and dreams. I giggle to myself for a moment. Just the thought makes me giddy, and I’ve long hated anything associated with that word. It’s strange. It’s as if during this, the most tumultuous time in my life, I’ve actually become the person I’ve always wanted to be—free from all of that heaviness my mother hung me with before she left. All of the angst, the sarcasm, the outright hatred was a millstone she placed around my neck before shoving me into the deep end of life.

“Epicurean Elite?” a light female voice snips from over my shoulder, and I turn to find Abby Wilcox tee-heeing to herself. “What’s this? Some snazzy new place you hope to land yourself a job?” She plops down next to me, elbow-to-elbow, and it’s all I can do not to knock her onto the floor with my hip. I may have forged two solid friendships, but I’ve hit my limit. Abby Wilcox is no friend. There’s something smarmy about her I can’t quite put my finger on.

“It’s actually something I’m thinking of starting myself.”

“What?” She leans in and scours the first few lines before I snap the laptop shut. “A search engine for great food,” she muses at the tagline. It still needs work. I’d never put it out there without polishing it first. “Sounds like something that’s already in existence.” She clears her throat with a haughty air about her. There. That’s exactly why I can’t stand her. She’s haughty to the max. A self-satisfied smile comes to my lips.

“It might already exist, but my site will be better. It will purely be comprised of food specialists that I’ll personally vet myself.”

“And how exactly will this make money?” She shakes her head, doubtful of my financial return as if she had a right to be so judgmental.

“It’s ad based—details in which I won’t bore you with.” A familiar face brightens the room, and I’m filled with both delight and grief simultaneously. “Teagan!” I flag her over. “Look.” I nudge Abby out of the booth in order to plot my own escape. “I need to help someone out with a little party planning.” I gather my things before giving Teagan a heartfelt embrace. I close my eyes, and for a moment I fool myself into believing it was Emilia I was locked in a hug with. I guess you could say Emilia was my first real friend. I think she’d be thrilled to know that after all these years I’ve made a couple more. Not to mention the fact I bet she’d be tickled to know that Axel and I are back on for good—I hope.

“I’m not dying, am I?” Teagan pulls back with a laugh that sounds exactly like Emilia’s once did. I can’t imagine the bitter pain her parents must feel, that Axel must feel.

“Nope, I’m just glad to see you. I’ve got a million ideas about your eighteenth birthday party.”

“Good.” She leads us off in the direction of the room in the back. “Because my party is next weekend and I need this thing to rock. And I’ve decided that I’m going to call it my Freedom Fest.”

“Eighteen and free at last?” I can’t help but laugh. “Was it hard time?”

“Ugh.” She slings her arm over her forehead and pretends to faint. “The hardest!”

Teagan and I go over everything from flowers to the band. You would think she were marrying British royalty the way Pinterest boards were being formed and analyzed.

Teagan slaps her hand to her cheek as we study the vast array of images we’ve managed to compile in the short hour we’ve been at it. “Do you really think this could all come together that quickly?”

“Are you kidding?” I close my laptop as we both stand for the first time in an hour. “I’m a pro at making things happen. I’m organized to a fault, and believe me, I’ll use this superpower to make sure your birthday goes off without a hitch.”

“Thank you.” She throws her arms around me tight as if I were her Freedom Fest savior, and I just might be. She was looking into mouth blown balloons and crepe paper before she met me.

“You’re welcome.” And now is a perfect time to segue into a quick sound bite for Barnes. It’s never too early to indoctrinate the youth as far as higher education goes. Now that Axel and I are practically back together, Teagan is family. And just like Teagan, there’s no way I’d want her anywhere near Whitney Briggs. My heart pinches because Sunday just so happens to attend that sexed-up university. But it’s a longstanding Knight family tradition, so I didn’t dare interfere. Plus, her big brother Rush is there. What could go wrong? But as far as Serena and Teagan go, nope. It’s Barnes all the way. Just as I open my mouth to get the indoctrination underway, Shep pops up.

“There you are. Come on, kiddo. I need to get you back to the office before Dad turns you into a pumpkin.”

“Ugh,” she grunts at the thought. “That’s right. Dad’s got some big acquisition meeting this afternoon. A million new ideas by a million new people. It’s safe to say my father very much enjoys riding the coattails of others.” She sticks her finger down her throat and wretches.

“Text me if you need anything,” I say as she speeds back out into the restaurant, but Shep takes a few steps back.

“I talked to Mortgage Mergers. They said you haven’t filed for the refi. I can help you with the paperwork if you’d like.” He ticks his head in the exact way that Axel does. It’s a bit unnerving how much alike Axel, Shep, and Teagan are. And come to think of it, one of my favorite things about Emilia was how much she reminded me of Axel.

“I think I have someone to help me out with that.” I swallow hard because I can feel it coming. “You know, I sort of just learned about Emilia’s passing, and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am.”

Shep’s cheek flinches. “We all are. Thank you.” He steals a quick embrace. “You have a beating heart after all.” He gives a playful wink as we head back out to the bar. “There were bets in place at one time.”

I belt out a laugh. “Did you make any money?”

“I took the over-under. Nothing too exciting happened.”

We share a laugh as we step out into the dining room, and I freeze solid once I see him. There he is, Axel—speaking sweetly to his baby sister. My adrenaline kicks in because I know what’s coming. The time has arrived for me to make things right between us.

Shep and Teagan say goodbye as they hit the door, and it’s just Axel and me locked in a gaze.

“Hey, Lex.”

“Hey.” I swallow hard, trying to quickly factor how to unravel this knot. “You know, I hear the overlook is beautiful this time of year.”

His head inches back, and his brows knit with confusion. I couldn’t have stunned him more if I pulled a gun on him.

I step in close and take up both his hands. My breathing grows erratic, and my lip quivers—a nervous twitch I loathe because it forever eats away at my self-confidence. “Remember that hike you offered up the first day we met at the Black Bear?” My entire body shakes as I ask the question. I might as well have taken off all my clothes and splayed myself naked over a pool table, and I wouldn’t feel half as vulnerable.

His eyes enlarge as the implications of my chaste proposition settle in.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” His lips cinch with a grin, and a swell of relief fills me.

“Only if you’re accepting. Do you think you can sneak away for an hour? I hear the owner who runs this place is a real jerk.”

Axel’s chest rumbles with a dry laugh, his eyes never leaving mine. “I think I can take him if he gives us any trouble.” He holds an arm out. “Shall we?”

I link my arm through his, and it feels comfortable, right. “We shall.”

* * *

Hollow Brook has always held a special charm. A small town perched on a mountaintop, hillsides abounding, lakes just a stone’s throw away, and if you drive down the mountain and head east, you will inevitably hit a beach. But today, the only body of water we’ll be seeing is that of the Witch’s Cauldron. Thoughts of our last encounter there permeate my mind, and I carefully push them all away.

Axel and I don’t say much on the way up. I think he’s too afraid I’ll ask him to turn the car around, and I’m too afraid he might be right. Axel carefully bypasses the Witch’s Cauldron and her sister thermal springs and parks near the hiking trails up by the overlook. Wise choice. And by that small action, I’m no longer worried about dredging up the awful past. I’m not ready to, nor do I ever want to. I like the thought of new beginnings.

We get out, and I stretch back to life while inhaling vats full of crisp autumn air. A burst of color snags my attention from down the mountain, and I gasp.

“Look at that!” I marvel, and we head to the overlook and take in the fall splendor that’s covering the world below. Maples, liquid ambers, oaks, and aspens all have traded their lime green leaves for bold hues of gold, red, and tangerine. It’s so beautiful I don’t want to move a single step away from here. How could a world that holds so much fragile beauty be so broken and cruel? In the end that’s what I had become, broken and cruel.

“It’s nice.” Axel wraps his arms around me from behind, and his warm breath trickles over my neck. “But it has nothing on you.” He spins me into him, those bright eyes of his sealed over mine.

Axel is a gorgeous man—one I’ve always felt was far too handsome for me. But I’ve noticed more often than not an ever-present sadness lurking beneath the surface when he looks at me. I’ve hurt him, I know. But it’s deeper than that. He’s afraid he won’t ever reach me. That I won’t ever stop hurting him. And a part of me is terrified of just that. People don’t change overnight. Some people never change. My mother couldn’t love her own children. How far could I have rolled from the family tree? After all, I’ve got her blood in me.

My mouth opens to say something, but Axel gently lands a finger over my lips, and I take the opportunity to steal a kiss.

“I owe you an apology.” He winces before closing his eyes a moment. “I’m sorry about the other night. I should never have let things go that far.”

“What?” I squawk so loud a flock of sparrows darts out of the evergreen above us. “If you’re about to break into the I-think-we-should-just-be-friends speech, I might be moved to toss you off the side of this cliff.”

He bucks with a warm laugh. “That’s what I love about you—you’ve got some fight in you.”

A breath of frustration strums from me. “It’s also what killed us.”

“I’m not giving you the let’s-be-friends speech.” His hands warm me as they glide over my back. “I’m giving you the I-wish-I-didn’t-take-advantage-of-you-the-other-night speech. The I-think-we-need-to-take-things-slow speech. I’m in love with you, Lex.”

My teeth graze over my bottom lip because this is the part where I tell him that I love him back and that I want to forget about the past and start all over again.

My phone buzzes in my purse, and I frown at it. “Just one second.”

It’s a text from Marlin. You up for dinner at the Black Bear? I want to discuss Serena.

I’ll get back to you. I hit Send.

“It’s just Marlin.” No sooner do I dip my phone back into my purse than it buzzes again, and I glance down at it.

“A text from Serena.” I hold it between Axel and me.

Why does Marlin insist on making my life miserable? Can you tell him to buzz off and let me live my own life?

Axel chuckles at the thought. “She’s in good company.” He gives my hip a slight squeeze. “But he’s a good big brother. I would have done the same thing and probably a lot worse to anyone I caught Teagan with.”

“Then that’s what I’ll say.” I text back. He means well. He’s just being a good big brother. I’m a little busy at the moment, but you, me, and Sunday will hit Hallowed Grounds soon! We’ll have Rush join us. It will be f-u-n!

“Sorry.” I slip my phone back into my bag and twist my hips against Axel’s.

“Never apologize. One of the things I love about you most is the way you care for your family.” His finger brushes over my cheek. The sun hits him just right, and his eyes reflect the unblemished sky. “And I love how you’ve taken Teagan under your wing.” His lips twist. “Shep, not so much.”

“What do you mean?” A laugh bubbles up my throat. I’ll admit I love this quasi-jealous side of him. “Shep is one of my favorite people. He has great hair”—my fingers dig into the thicket just above his neck—“gorgeous eyes and lips that make me want to do this.” Carefully, I sweep my mouth over his. “Oh, wait”—I pull back slowly—“that would be you.”

“Very funny.” He moans as if it were the most delicious kiss in the world. “So are you up for taking it slow?”

I can’t help but frown. It’s been my go-to response for so long it feels natural at this point. “How slow?” My mouth is watering to have him, and slow doesn’t quite fit into the equation. What happened between us a couple of nights ago was simply an overflow of built-up angst. It was angry sex. Hostile sexual territory that we both willingly explored and exploited.

“I don’t know.” His hands ride up and down my body, careful and firm as if he were molding me. “I just can’t risk anything happening to us. I need this. I need you.” His eyes search my features, asking a question all their own. I know what he wants to hear, and I finally feel ready to say it.

“I need you, too, Axel. I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. But—” If I’m honest, there is always a but in there somewhere.

He gives a single nod as if he already knows. “You’re terrified.”

“Petrified.”

“Don’t be.” He shakes his head, determined for me to believe it. “You and I work, Lex. I won’t hurt you. Trust me. Open your heart and let me in all the way this time. I promise you will not regret it.”

“All the way.” I bite down on a naughty smile as my hand glides down his chest, my fingers hooking on the lip of his jeans. “Why are you denying me, Collins? I bet Shep would let me go all the way.”

“That’s it.”

In an instant, Axel picks me up and slings me over his shoulder. My hair hangs upside down, and I beat my fist over his rock-hard behind, laughing as he spins me.

Axel lets out an enthusiastic howl before landing me back on my feet, dizzy with a hearty laugh streaming from me.

The smile drips from his lips as the moment grows serious. “God, I’ve missed you.” There’s that pained look in his eyes once again, and my stomach cinches. Deep down, Axel doesn’t really believe I can pull this off. The new me is simply a bandage over the old me, and soon enough that will simply fall off. In the end, I’ll hurt us both. I’ve already damaged us. The proof is embedded in the last six years. But am I strong enough to repair us?

My God, I hope so.

Axel pulls me in tight, bounces his nose sweetly off mine before gazing into me with those serious eyes of his. “You’re way too deep in thought.”

“I’m concerned.” I butt my forehead lightly to his.

“How about we let go of all our concerns and busy ourselves with our newfound happiness?”

Something enlivens in me when he says that word. “You’re happy?”

His brows bounce as that naughty lewd smile percolates on his lips. “I’m ecstatic.”

“Prove it.”

Axel touches his fingers to my chin and gently lifts me to him. He leans in ever so slightly, holding my gaze, commanding that I look at him, and there’s something erotic about this ocular spell he’s put on me. “I’m going to kiss you, Lex. To the new us—may we be forever enamored, deeply in love from here on out on this spinning blue rock.”

“Hear, hear,” I whisper as Axel closes his mouth over mine.

There is something sweet and tender about the way his mouth moves carefully over mine—something protective, achingly delicious that has me craving him on a primal level. I open for him, and he loves me like that, slowly, carefully as if our love was fragile as blown glass. Deep down, Axel is convinced that I might stomp away on an angry whim and leave him alone in this world one more time.

My hands float to his cheeks as I cup them, and our kisses grow with intensity, with hunger, with something dark and needy. Slow may be a four-letter word, but it sure has the power to stir a sweet ache in my belly for more. I think the six-year drought brought new meaning to the word slow. I’m pretty sure I have some say in how things should run in this new and improved version of us.

I pull back, pinching his chin between my fingers. “Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.” My tongue does a revolution over my lips as I give the old military quote. “And tonight, we will test the boundaries of both.”

My hand slips down his chest and carefully touches over the zipper of his jeans, making it clear just what my intentions are.

I don’t need slow with Axel.

I need everything.