CHAPTER TEN
SHE FELT LIKE an intruder beside the big four-poster bed where Bella sat propped on a mound of pillows looking like a queenly sprite who’d inadvertently swallowed a watermelon. It wasn’t that anyone did anything to make her feel uncomfortable. Quite the opposite. They tried painfully hard to make her feel included, but that was easier said than done. Years of making oneself invisible, especially to those who lived in houses like this, had cultivated all the wrong skills for proper social interaction.
Instead of feeling included in the happy camaraderie, Josie was vividly conscious of how drab her brown dress was, how plain her bun looked compared to Bella’s chignon, how completely boring and inappropriate most of her life stories were. Hearing how Bella had stood her ground against bandits and saved Sam’s wolf dog, Kel, made her realize how odd her upbringing had been. She knew which fork to use when and how to use the proper address no matter what a person’s station. She could even hold a proper conversation while pouring tea. The difficulty there was that the only compelling story she had was about how her fiancé had played her for a fool and essentially stood her up at the alter for another woman. Which, of course, violated another one of society’s rules.
One never aired one’s dirty laundry in public, which lowered her conversational participation to a one sentence gambit of “We came to realize we were not suited.” After five years, no one believed it was that simple or clean. Especially not her.
Ugh. This had to change. She couldn’t be this pathetic and continue to look at herself in the mirror. In her imagination, she was so much more daring and exciting, a heroine worth innumerable pages in one of Dane Savage’s novels. In reality, she was the woman sitting in a borrowed dining room chair, unobtrusively inching her way to the door.
Looking at Bella, who from what she’d overheard might very well lose these babies along with her life, she felt ashamed. Bella wasn’t cowering or bemoaning her situation. She was laughing and smiling, enjoying whatever time she had. Was she happy to be confined to the bed? Of course not, but she didn’t cave to her circumstances or complain. Instead she was holding court, inspiring laughter and lighting up the room with her spirit. Josie had yet to meet her husband, Sam, but she would bet he was a very happy man. It was no wonder he protected his treasure so thoroughly. Bella was sunshine brought to life. Josie didn’t necessarily want to be sunshine, but she’d like to at least be a flicker of light.
I’m putting my name at the top of your dance card.
The memory came unbidden as all of her memories of Luke seemed to, sneaking past her guard. Playing with a loose thread on her sleeve, she cut a glance at him from the corner of her eye. He sat in a chair much closer to the bed, the remnants of his meal on a plate in his lap. In his own way, he was as vibrant as Bella. Josie had no idea what he saw in her unless it was an easy conquest. It hurt her pride to remember just how easy she’d been for him. It hurt her heart to know it would never happen again. She had her pride. Not to mention a strong, if belated, sense of self-preservation. She scooted her chair back another inch. It was probably the tenth time in the last forty-five minutes.
Of course Luke chose that moment to turn her way. Getting caught staring always sent panic flashing through her. Getting caught staring like a lovesick cow was just humiliating. Oh yes, her mother had taught her well. Don’t look. Don’t draw attention. Don’t hope. Don’t be the person that makes them remember. Don’t be you.
As no convenient hole opened in the floor, she had no choice but to brazen it out. Full panic didn’t lead to her best thinking. With an arrogance she’d seen him use, she arched her brows and tilted up her chin, doing her best to provoke. She didn’t need anyone’s pity. She expected anger. Instead, he smiled. A soft intimate smile that hinted at understanding and support. He approved of her bravado, she realized. This time when she inched her chair back it was because of shock.
And she promptly froze as the perspective came into focus. There it was. Right there. The picture she’d been looking for. A perfect tableau of hope and love. Bella, sitting on the bed, looked like a Madonna. Sunbeams dancing and playing with her expression, flirting with her smile, hinting at the shadow. The sun played the same game with her family, highlighting the hopes of some while dropping others into somber shadow. And there was love. So much love. This was the picture she’d come here to take. This was the moment she needed to capture. With a soft “Excuse me” she got up.
It was easy to make her escape. They were in the middle of a story about Boone stealing Sunday dinner and Sam’s Kel catching him in the act. It was one that left them all howling with laughter as she slipped away. Out of the room, she breathed deeply. Free of social expectation, she could let her mind sink into the coming photo. She’d need the special plates she’d prepared for low-light settings. And the lower tripod. She didn’t want the shot straight on. She wanted Bella centered and elevated. Lost in her thoughts, she took a wrong turn. Instead of the foyer, she ended up in what looked to be a library.
“Well, shoot.”
“Want some help?” The deep drawl came from behind her.
Luke. She hadn’t even noticed he’d followed her.
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought you might need a hand.”
“With what?”
“The picture you’re about to take.” His brow cocked. “That is why you got that intense expression before jumping up and rushing out of the room, isn’t it?”
“I rushed?”
His smile was gentle. “Like a scalded cat.”
So much for her discreet exit. “Oh.”
“Don’t worry, I made your excuses.”
She gathered a fold of her skirt in her hand. “What did you tell them?”
He took her hand. His thumb rubbed the back the way she’d been rubbing the skirt. “That you’re about to make magic.”
“That might have been an exaggeration. I’m not even sure there’s enough light in the room. All I might get is a blank tintype.”
“Josie?”
She sighed. There was a world of patience packed into her name. “I’m babbling, aren’t I?”
“No, but you are wasting time. As you told me before, light and clouds wait for no one.”
“There are no clouds.”
He steered her down the hallway. “I was being creative. It sounded better than light and people.”
“Oh.”
In under a minute he had her through the front door and outside her wagon. Opening the back doors, he asked, “Do you need help?”
“No.”
“Good, because I’m not sure I’d fit in there.”
She eyed him absentmindedly, focused instead on the upcoming shoot. “Not standing up at least.”
It just popped out. His bark of laughter as he grasped her waist and set her on the mattress made her realize how her comment could be taken.
The impression of his touch lingered after he took his hands away. So did the gleam of his smile. “I meant—”
“I know what you meant.” With a wave of his hand he indicated the trunks. “Get what you need. We can talk about my much more interesting version of your proposal later.”
“But...”
“The light’s changing as we speak.”
Darn it, he was right. She didn’t have time to waste. Ignoring the smothering heat, she opened the trunk lids with trepidation. The journey up here had been rough. There was no telling if her tintypes or the camera itself had survived. As quickly as she could, she unpacked the box that held her supplies. Sawdust fell to the floor as she laid out her necessities on the mattress. A quick check showed everything was in good shape. She quickly added the specially treated tintypes to her box. Checking the camera lens and mirror for dust, she wiped them with the special brush she kept handy. Closing the box carefully, she stood.
“All set?” Luke asked.
She nodded.
“Then pass that over and let’s get moving.”
The box was heavy with the extra tintypes. She levered more than lifted it to the edge of the mattress. As if it weighed nothing, he set it on the ground. Grabbing the tripod, she prepared to hop down. He was there before her. Catching her by the waist, he swung her away from the edge of the wagon. Bracing her hand on his broad shoulders, she caught her balance. Beneath her palm his muscles flexed as he slowly lowered her down his body. And that fast, the wild feminine side of her made itself known in an eager gasp that ended on a moan as her hips dragged across his. He was hard.
She bit her lip when her feet hit the ground. His smile was knowing. She was torn between wanting to hit him and wanting to sink into a puddle of willing mush at his feet. Neither was a good choice. Somehow, she found her voice to ask, “What are you doing?”
His answer stole the resentment right out from under her feet. “Being your friend.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to expect it. Without further ado, he gathered up her equipment, took her hand and led her back to the house. His stride was longer than hers, causing her to skip every other step. Sweat broke out on her brow. It was only slightly cooler outside than in the wagon, and now that she thought about it, neither was ideal. She cast a nervous glance over her shoulder. Had she closed the box? “Don’t worry. No one will bother your equipment.”
“It’s not that.”
He opened the door for her. “Then what is it?”
“I can’t remember if I closed the box. The chemicals I use to develop my pictures are volatile.”
“You did.”
“Still, it’s hotter here. They don’t do well in the heat. I think we’ll need to move the wagon to the shade.”
“Not a problem.”
Nothing ever was for him. She envied that.
Even if Luke hadn’t been holding her hand, she wouldn’t have had any trouble finding her way back to Bella’s bedroom. Happy laughter floated down the hall like an audible road map.
“I like your friends,” she told him as he ushered her into the foyer.
That got her a considering glance. “Good. So do I.”
She chewed her lip. “I hope I can capture the emotion that flows between you all when you’re together.”
“You want to take a picture of an emotion?”
“Oh yes. Definitely.”
“Then let’s get to it.” Still holding her hand, he led her down the hall.
The house was built of adobe. The thick walls acted as insulation, keeping the heat out. The arched, wood-framed doorways provided a nice architectural contrast to the smooth walls dotted with family portraits and delicate watercolors. Lace doilies covered heavy wooden tables sitting in front of ornately carved wood and leather chairs.
The frilly curtains in the parlor wouldn’t have been her taste, but they worked somehow in the odd blend of overt masculinity combined with pervasive femininity. The house reflected the best of its owners’ abilities to negotiate to a happy compromise. It was warm and happy and welcoming. And a photographer’s dream. Everywhere she looked there was a contrast demanding to be captured, but it would never happen. The heavy walls that kept out the heat also kept out the light. She sighed as the parlor fell out of view.
“What was that about?”
“I would love to take pictures in here.”
“You can later. It’s not as if the house is going anywhere.”
“There’s not enough light.”
He glanced around. “Damn.”
“Exactly. Maybe someday, though. They’re making advances all the time.”
“Is there going to be enough light in the bedroom?”
Some of her confidence slipped at being put on the spot. Successful photography, she’d discovered, was half luck and half experimentation. “I hope so. I’ve created a new prep for the tins that I’m hoping will make up the difference when combined with the special lens I created, but...”
“You created it?”
Again she found herself wishing for a hole to open up. “Yes.”
“I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be. I don’t know if it will work.”
He opened the door. “There’s only one way to find out.”
Yes, there was. Taking a breath, she walked through the door.
* * *
AS SOON AS she stepped into the room, conversation ceased and all eyes locked on her, but it wasn’t the people she was concerned with. The light had shifted, but not to her disadvantage. With the sun lower in the sky, there was more intensity in the room. A glow. A surge of excitement shot through her. This was good. She held out her hands for her equipment and Luke handed it to her.
“What do you want us to do?” Bella asked from the bed.
Loosening the screws that secured the legs, she stood the tripod up. “Nothing right now. Go back to talking. It takes a while to get everything ready.”
“But you will let us know when it is time?”
There was no such thing as surprise photography. The whole process was laborious. But so rewarding.
“Absolutely.” She wouldn’t have a choice. The lighting wasn’t going to be the only problem. As marginal as it was, the cooperation of her subjects was likely to be even more marginal. She wanted a natural picture, but any movement blurred the image. She hadn’t quite figured out how she was going to avoid that, but right now the most important step was to get her equipment set up so she could take advantage of whatever opportunity came her way.
“What can I do?” Luke asked.
Hug me. Kiss me. Make love to me. “You can go back to your seat.”
A flicker of something chased across his face. Hurt? Placing her hand on his arm, she explained, “You’re part of the picture. Without you in it, it’s incomplete.”
He eyed her hand for a second and then, with a nod, took his seat. She moved the tripod around the room, looking for the right angle. At first everybody watched her as if at any moment she was going to yell, “Ready!” She could only dream it would be that easy. One of these days, though, somebody was going to build a camera that snapped a picture as fast as a photographer could press a button and all she’d have to do to get a natural picture would be to sneak up on people. She was much better at sneaking than she was at socializing.
Which was a shame, she finally admitted to herself. The way she’d lived her life until now had been a waste of her youth—hiding in the shadows, hoping not to be noticed. Her mother might have had good intentions, but it’d been a disservice. With a sigh, she set the camera on the tripod.
“What is it?” Bella asked.
“Just trying to get the right perspective.” Making a square of her hands, she framed her options. After that, everyone studied every move she made, clearly fascinated by the process. Being the center of attention in any other circumstance, she would have deteriorated to all thumbs, but once she was behind the camera, she never felt awkward. She never felt foolish. In this, she knew what she was doing. In this, she was confident because from behind the lens, she could make magic happen. Some people were orators, some were schemers. She captured moments.
“Please, just continue your storytelling. It gives me something to enjoy while I do the tedious setup.”
The conversation was awkward at first, but she concentrated on being invisible and eventually they seemed to forget she was there—all except Luke. It might’ve been wishful thinking, but he seemed to be as aware of her as she was of him. Gradually, the conversation became more animated. More natural. She slid the tintype into the camera.
Luke cocked an eyebrow at her. She didn’t mind if his attention wasn’t centered on Bella. If just for this photograph, she wanted to be the center of his world.
All right, she corrected. Maybe for two photographs. She desperately wanted an image of him sitting up on Chico, arms crossed over the saddle horn with that deceptive indolence that was so much a part of him. A king surveying his world. A wildly regal, solidly dependable force that begged to be reckoned with. That’s what she’d put as his caption, she decided—A Force to Be Reckoned With. With a last adjustment, she had her shot lined up.
In a low voice not meant to intrude, she ordered, “I’m all set, so here is what I want you to do. Keep talking as if I’m not working over here. When I get the angle I want, I’m going to say ‘freeze.’ When I do, I want you to hold perfectly still, keeping whatever expression you have in that moment.”
“Just freeze?” Tia asked.
“Yes. Don’t worry about how it’s going to look. In truth, you can never tell how it’s going to look.”
“But you can see how it will come out, eh, Josie?”
“Yes, Bella, I can see and when it’s perfect, that’s when I’m going to tell you to freeze because I have the magic of the camera.”
And a lot of optimism.
“I like this thought of magic.”
“Me, too.” Smiling at Bella, she went over it one more time. It was crucial they held absolutely still. “So just remember, when I say ‘freeze,’ you need to stay in your position. No talking. No turning. No scratching.” She couldn’t count how many times people developed itches they couldn’t resist during the exposure period and ruined her image.
“Got it.”
“Good.” Excitement surged through her. “So let’s get a picture made.”
The silence in the room was deafening.
Bella laughed. “A second ago we were laughing and giggling and carrying on, and now I can’t think of a single word to say.”
She’d have told them that happened a lot, but this was the first time she’d ever tried capturing a natural-looking shot. Still photography was fine, but every time she looked at one of those stiff portraits, the artist in her whispered that there had to be a way to do it better. A way she could do it better.
“I know it’s hard.” That’s why she dreamed of a camera that took pictures in an instant. Just the thought of being able to sneak in, capture the moment and then move on to the next with no one being the wiser gave her artistic chills. But until it became a reality, she had to deal with the process as it was.
“Did they tell you about the tornado that almost swallowed Luke and me whole? One minute I was grouching along in that godforsaken wagon and the next, I was running for my life. It was monstrous!”
“As you are standing here, I know you survived, but I wish to hear. It sounds as if it was a grand adventure. I do love adventures,” Bella said.
Luke shook his head at Bella. “I thought Sam cured you of those grand-adventure moments.”
With a wave of her hand, Bella dismissed the silliness. “My Sam is my grand adventure, yes.”
“And keeping you out of trouble is his grand adventure,” Ed teased.
Tia laughed. Bettina nodded her head. “This is true. Bella is most impulsive.”
“Happy,” Bella corrected without missing a beat. “I am not impulsive, I am happy. And, Luke...” She reached over—no simple feat in her condition—and patted his hand. “My Sam’s love for me and mine for him... Our love is the grandest adventure of all. Someday, I hope you find this out for yourself.” She looked over at Josie, and in that split second she had the perfect shot.
“Freeze.”
As one they all turned to look at her. The perfect shot was lost.
“Darn it.”
“We weren’t supposed to move,” Ed pointed out unnecessarily.
“That’s all right.” Josie sighed. “We can try again.”
“We will not move this time,” Tia promised.
“Thank you.”
Bella was the only one not thrown off her stride by the failure. As if her conversation had not been interrupted, she hitched herself higher on the pillows. “Do not believe them, Josie, when they say these things. I do not look for danger.”
“But danger always seems to find you.” Bettina sighed. Clearly her vivacious daughter was a source of both pride and consternation to the older woman.
Bella inclined her head gracefully. “I admit there was a period in my life when it seemed that way, but now I am a respectable married woman about to have twins.” She folded the sheet in a precise layer over the top of the blanket. “My adventures will be different from here on out.”
“I hope so,” Tia interjected. “It was a close call when Tejala kidnapped you.”
“But my Sam saved me. That was all good.”
“And then we almost lost him,” Tia added.
Bella’s face clouded over. “That was a dark time, but it is behind us now. There is no more trouble.”
Another perfect shot. Before she could say “Freeze” Luke had to add his own sardonic spice to the conversational mix. “Unless you count Indians and bandits.”
Under the camera curtain, Josie gritted her teeth as another perfect shot died an ignoble death. She might be biting off more than she could chew with this endeavor. She didn’t have much more time to get the shot. The sun was moving out of position. If she had any sense, she’d just line them all up like cadavers at a funeral home and take the picture. But she didn’t have sense, she had ambition, so she crouched behind the camera and she waited.
As one, they started arguing back and forth about whether trouble looked for Bella or whether she strolled up to the door and invited it in. As she watched, Josie marveled at how, even amid the fighting, there was still so much love between these people. It lurked behind how they phrased their arguments, in the way they touched an arm or shoulder to soften a point, in the way they smiled when a particularly witty point found its mark.
The first time she’d thought she had the perfect shot, it wasn’t a success, the second not much more. Fifteen minutes later the food was gone, the coffee drunk and they’d stopped anticipating that moment, which meant they finally gave her what she wanted—the liveliness she could only hope to capture on film, the intensity of love in the tilt of a head, the softening of an expression. When they paused for a breath, laughter lingering in their eyes and exasperation tingeing their smiles, she had her moment.
“Freeze.”
And they did. She held her breath through the exposure, mentally counting off the minutes. When the last second passed she closed the shutter. She couldn’t wait to get the tintype back to her wagon. It had to have worked. It just had to. The third time had to be the charm.
Fingers trembling, she came out from under the curtain. “You can relax now.”
“Thank goodness. I was getting a charley horse.”
She apologized to Ed, and to all of them for having to hold still for so long.
“You did it?” Bella asked.
“It’s impossible to know without developing, but I think I got what I was looking for.”
“What exactly did you hope to find?” Bettina asked.
She opened her mouth to respond, but it was Luke who answered for her. “Love.”