LUCY CRASHED AND burned in court. There was no other way to describe it. She’d bungled the opening statement and then made an ass of herself getting into it with the prosecuting attorney until the judge called a recess until the following day. She strode out of the courtroom, her throat tight with shame and her skin hot. I screwed up.
No matter how frustrating or crazy her personal life got, she had always—always—found refuge in work. With her clients, the world made sense. It didn’t matter what case they had leveled against them, she had a knack for finding the right facts to turn things in their favor. That click was her favorite thing in the world.
She’d lost it.
Two days since Gideon had unceremoniously dumped her, and she’d spent the entire time going through too many boxes of Kleenex and watching movie after movie while clutching Garfunkel. She hadn’t touched her files. She hadn’t checked her email. She hadn’t done anything other than sit there and feel sorry for herself.
It didn’t make sense. Work was her everything. Work was the reason she had contacted Gideon to begin with. Dropping the ball there was inexcusable.
Why? Why can’t I focus?
She knew the answer. She didn’t want to face it.
But Lucy couldn’t keep on like this indefinitely. If she didn’t recover tonight and fix the mess she’d made today, she could kiss her promotion goodbye and it would all be for nothing. Facing down the ugly truth required more courage than she thought she had.
She hit the street and turned a direction at random, needing the movement to untangle her thoughts. Three blocks later and she was no closer to unveiling the truth.
Coward. Just like you called him.
Damn it. Lucy stopped short. “I love him.” The comment earned her a few looks from people walking around her, but she started moving again before anyone could get pissed about her being a human roadblock. I love him.
She’d loved Jeff, but it was...different. Even if they’d been planning their wedding when she’d found out that he’d cheated on her, her connection with Jeff had never come close to what she felt for Gideon. Her heartbreak at the time hadn’t made her miss a step at work. If anything, without the stress of trying to juggle her emotions over Jeff’s nasty comments, she’d been free to focus solely on what was most important—her job.
The only problem? Her job didn’t hold up against what she felt for Gideon. Every time she tried to work, she caught herself wondering where he was or what he was doing—or who he might be with.
The last was her own personal demon. Lucy didn’t think for a minute that Gideon had dropped her on her ass and gone off to hook up with someone else. No matter what he’d said about not being the keeping kind, it was his fear talking—not reality.
He cared about her. He wouldn’t have taken the noble route if he hadn’t. It was a stupid choice, to be sure, but she understood that he was trying to protect her. He just wasn’t giving her the benefit of making her own choices.
That was the problem.
That was the thing she didn’t know if she could get over.
Liar.
Gideon might have pulled the trigger on ending things, but only because he’d beaten Lucy to it. She hadn’t fought for him—for them. He’d tried to do the noble thing and, instead of telling him where to stick his high-handed attitude, she’d just walked away. So much easier to retreat than to put herself on the line and be rejected by him.
Lucy wove through the crowd of people on the corner and stopped next to the building, staring at the stream of yellow taxicabs. She’d projected herself. She couldn’t even blame her history on her reaction. What she felt for Gideon scared the hell out of her. She knew he cared about her—loved her, even. They hadn’t shared so much for it to be anything less than love. He wouldn’t have told her to pick him unless he was one hundred percent serious. That wasn’t how Gideon operated. He didn’t play games.
Honesty. He demanded perfect honesty—and he’d given it, as well. She mentally played back everything he’d said to her. Nowhere in there was him telling her that all he’d wanted was sex. No, he didn’t think he was good enough for her, so he’d cut her loose. High-handed, but so very Gideon. He’d chosen her happiness over his.
She needed to put herself out there. To tell him that he was her happiness. Lucy had lived a decent life the last couple of years. She’d been perfectly content, but she’d also cut herself off from anyone that would make her feel deeply enough to hurt her. She’d barely tried to date and hadn’t attempted to reach out to friends she’d lost touch with.
She’d been the coward.
That stopped now. If Gideon didn’t want her—didn’t love her—he could damn well tell her to her face. That was the only acceptable reason for him dumping her. Anything else they could work past as long as they were together. Lucy would make him see that. The man might make her fumble her words a bit, but she’d power through it to get the truth out.
Her phone vibrated and she almost ignored it, but the only way to make her Dumpster fire of a day in court worse was to ignore a call from her client or one of the partners. But when she dug it out of her purse, it was the last number she expected to see there. Roman?
Lucy frowned and answered. “Hello?”
“I owe you an apology.”
She blinked. This situation kept getting weirder and weirder. Roman had never called her before, and she couldn’t think of a single reason he’d have to call her now. Unless... Her heart lodged in her throat. “Is Gideon okay?”
“What?” His shock seemed genuine and then he laughed, breaking her tension. “Shit, I guess I owe you two apologies. Gideon is fine last I saw him, which was yesterday. I should have realized you’d think the worst.”
Lucy let loose the breath she’d been holding. “Okay. Sorry. I just thought...”
“Logical. I should have considered it.” He cleared his throat. “Look, I fucked up, Lucy. I never asked your forgiveness for not telling you about Jeff, and then I went and compounded the issue by letting my guilt prod me to give Gideon some truly shitty advice.”
She’d known that something had happened while Gideon was with Roman to push him into action, but she didn’t hold it against him. Any of it. “Gideon’s strong-willed. He wouldn’t have been pushed into doing something he wasn’t already considering doing.”
“Still.”
She smiled at the stubbornness in that single word. It was no wonder the two men got along so well. They were cut from the same kind of cloth. “Consider yourself forgiven.”
“I’d actually like to make it up to you. Before you tell me it’s not necessary, know that I realize it’s not necessary and that’s how good apologies work.”
Amusement curled through her, though she wished he’d get to the point so she could hang up and call Gideon. “What did you have in mind?”
“What are you doing right now? A friend is doing a soft opening of his restaurant and I have a table reserved so we can talk.”
“Right now?” She looked around. “I guess that works.” Damn it, she wanted Gideon, but if she was going to get him to come around, it wouldn’t hurt to have Roman on her side. Maybe she could use the lunch to mine for information. The thought buoyed her disappointment a bit. “Text me the address, please.”
“Will do. I’ll meet you there.” He hung up before she could ask him any further questions.
Lucy frowned. Strange. Her phone pinged almost immediately and she frowned harder because she recognized the address. It overlooked Central Park, though it used to be owned by someone else. It must have cost a small fortune—or large one—to purchase. She set the information aside and stepped to the curb to flag down a cab.
The ride was blessedly short, all things considered. Lucy kept looking at her phone, but now that she was going to meet Roman, she didn’t want to call Gideon until afterward. Just in case he wanted to talk immediately. Her stomach did a slow flip-flop. Please be willing to meet with me.
To her surprise, the restaurant was actually the top floor of the building. After getting off the elevator, Lucy stood in the entranceway for a solid thirty seconds, just taking in the opulence of the place. It screamed wealth with its polished white-marble floors and subtle gold accents. Nothing déclassé, but there all the same.
A well-dressed man strode over, a practiced smile on his handsome face. “You must be Lucy. This way, please.”
She followed, taking in empty table after empty table. “I thought this was a soft opening?” Surely there should be some people there. Good Lord, did Roman invite me here to shove me out a window? She pushed the thought away. Hysterical was what it was.
“It is.” He chuckled. “Just a very soft opening.”
That wasn’t an answer at all, but she allowed him to lead her into what appeared to be a greenhouse. The air warmed enough that she unzipped her jacket. Flowers of every color and shape lined the walls. There were even trees in the corners, which made her smile despite everything.
She was so busy looking at the foliage that she didn’t realize the man had left—or that she wasn’t alone—until she turned around and found Gideon standing in the doorway. Lucy froze. “But—”
“I’m sorry for the cheap trick. I wasn’t sure if you’d agree to see me if I called.” His dark eyes drank her in and she actually felt his longing even across the space between them.
Lucy shook her head. “Gideon, you have to stop. If you want to see me, call me and say so yourself instead of trying to manipulate things into a perfect setup.” Now that she had him here, though, she was just glad she didn’t have to have this conversation over the phone. She lifted her chin. “And if you love me, you stay. You don’t choose the self-sacrificing route because you think you know what’s best for me. You sit down and have a damn conversation where we talk it out.”
His smile wasn’t all that happy. “I fucked up.”
“Yes, you did.” She wasn’t about to let him off easily, no matter how much she wanted to cross the distance between them and feel his strong arms wrap around her.
“I’m sorry. There’s no good reason to explain why I freaked out, but guilt makes people do crazy things—like walk away from the woman they love because they think it’s what’s best for her.”
“I decide what’s best for me.”
His dark eyes took on a tinge of sorrow. “I know. And we both know that I don’t deserve to kiss the ground you walk on. Not because I love some idealized version of you, but because you’re you. You’re a good person, Lucy. The best kind of person. You are funny and kind and sexy as fuck, and I might not deserve you...” He took a step forward and then another. “No, I know I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop saying that,” she whispered.
“Maybe we both fucked up. Fear makes for all kinds of mistakes, and what we have between us is wildfire.” Gideon stopped in front of her and went down on one knee. “But, Lucy, I’d gladly spend the rest of my life burning for you.” He withdrew a ring box from the inner pocket of his suit jacket. “I love you. I’ve loved you for six goddamn years, and I convinced myself that the right thing to do was to stand back and let you be with someone you deserved. I fought every single damn day not to pull some underhanded shit and steal you from that douche.”
She reached out with shaking hands and touched the ring box. “Gideon—”
“I know you wanted a safe and pat marriage to some guy you don’t give two fucks about. I can’t offer you that, Lucy. But I can offer you a husband who will love you beyond all reason, even if he occasionally screws up. I can offer you a safe harbor, a full life and more sex than you know what to do with. I am offering you that.”
She couldn’t catch her breath. In all the scenarios she’d played out over the last few days, she’d never once imagined Gideon, down on one knee, offering her everything she’d spent two years being too terrified to admit she wanted. “Gideon.”
“Yes?” He didn’t look scared while he waited for her answer. He looked totally and completely at peace for the first time in as long as she could remember. As if he was exactly where he wanted to be—where he was meant to be.
Lucy stepped forward and tangled her fingers in his hair. “Steal me.”
His dark eyes went wide. “That’s a yes.”
It wasn’t a question but she answered anyway. “That’s a hell yes.”
He gave a whoop and shot to his feet, sweeping her off hers in the process. “I love the shit out of you, Lucy. I’ll spend the rest of our life making up for six years of missed opportunity.”
She kissed him with everything she had. “Maybe it was good that it took us six years to get here and more than a few missteps along the way. There’s a right time and place. This is our time and our place.” Lucy kissed him again. “I love you, Gideon. So, so much.”
He stepped back enough to slip the ring out of the box and onto her finger. It was...perfect. The simple silver ban framed a princess-cut diamond that was big enough to have her shooting a look at him. “Wow.”
“Funny, that’s what I say every time I see you.” He pulled her back into his arms. “Wow. This woman is mine. And I’m hers.”
“Yes and yes and yes.” She smiled up at him. “Always.”
* * * * *
Read on for an excerpt from RUINED by Jackie Ashenden.