GIDEON INSISTED ON DESSERT, if only to keep things going for a little bit longer. Lucy must have felt the same way because she didn’t hesitate before she picked a particularly delicious-sounding apple cobbler to his cheesecake. The waiter—who was getting a significant tip since he’d made himself scarce in between checking on them—took their order and hurried off. The restaurant had filled up, though the only evidence of it they had was a low murmur of conversation by people they couldn’t see.
He curled a strand of Lucy’s hair around his finger. “You said we needed to talk.”
“Don’t we?”
He’d always liked Lucy’s directness. Even when she was highly uncomfortable with the subject—like sex—she still made an effort to cut through the bullshit and be as honest as possible. Now he almost wished that she was willing to let the slow slide of afternoon into evening go on without following through on her words this morning. Gideon should have known better. “Yeah, we do.”
She met his gaze directly, never one to shy away from a potential confrontation. “Shall I go first or shall you?”
Though he was tempted to let her take the lead, that was the coward’s way out. Gideon knew what he wanted and the only way to give him a snowball’s chance in hell was to go for it without reservation. So he let go of her hair and sat back. “Pick me.”
She blinked and then blinked again. “I’m sorry?”
“Screw the others guys and screw the list I put together. They won’t make you happy like I can, and you know it. I know you as well as anyone, and we match up in the bedroom and out of it. Pick me.” I love you. I’ve always loved you. He didn’t say it. He’d already pressed his luck by putting his cards on the table. If he threw that at her, she’d be gone before he finished the sentence.
She leaned forward and then shook her head. “What are you saying?”
“You know what I’m saying. I want you. You want me. We fit, Lucy. You can’t deny that it’s true.” He held himself still in an effort to keep from reaching for her. Crowding her now was a mistake and using sex to cloud her judgment was a dick move. Not one that he was above, but if he wanted a chance—a real chance—with her, he had to do this right.
As right as he could do it when they’d started this thing with her dating another guy and then restarted it by bargaining for sex lessons in addition to her attempting to marry another man.
When you put it like that...
Lucy put her hand to her mouth and dropped it as quickly. “I don’t know what to say.”
Hell, he really had overplayed it. He didn’t retreat farther physically, though he wanted to. Instead, Gideon gave her an easy smile. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”
“No, I don’t think we are.” She rubbed her hands over her face and looked at him, her blue eyes so bleak, it broke his fucking heart. “Gideon, even with all the crap in our history and the two-year separation, you’re one of the closest friends I have. I care about you. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost our friendship again and...” Her hands fluttered between them. “We have irreconcilable differences.”
“What are you talking about?” He reined in his reaction until she could tell him exactly what the hell she meant by that. I was never on that goddamn list.
“When’s the last time you dated someone for longer than a few weeks?”
He froze. “That’s the measuring stick you’re going to use against me? Fine, Lucy. I haven’t dated anyone for longer than a few weeks. I’ve been focusing on my career, and before that, it was school.” He shook his head, frustration reaching a boiling point. “It’s pretty rich that you expect me to roll with your limited dating history, but mine is the reason you won’t consider me.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Okay, it’s a little what I meant, but the core concept is still the same. What happens when I throw all my other options out the window and say yes to you? Are you planning on marrying me? Because that’s still the endgame, and rather quickly. Even if you are willing to take that step, what happens in a few weeks, months, however long, when you get bored—or, heaven forbid, you meet someone who you might actually love?” Lucy slumped in the booth. “No, it’s not worth the risk. You’d realize that if you took emotion out of your reaction.”
That was the problem—Gideon couldn’t take emotion out of the equation when it came to Lucy. He’d never been able to. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Maybe not intentionally. But eventually you’d resent me for pushing you into this choice.”
He took a calming breath and then another. “You’re not giving me much credit here, Lucy.” She thought she had it all figured out, and he couldn’t say a damn thing to dissuade her because it’d just be used as evidence of either how unready he was for that kind of commitment, or how much she valued their friendship. Struck down because she cares about me.
That brought him up short.
He was being greedy, but hell. The thought of her with someone else when they fit drove Gideon out of his goddamn mind. He took her hand, noting the tension there. “You’ve given me the worst-case scenario, and I respect that. Let me paint you a different picture.”
Lucy hesitated. “Okay.”
“You pick me. We get married, figure out living arrangements. Nothing bad happens. In fact, our quality of life improves exponentially. We force ourselves to take a few breaks from work a year and travel a bit. We start working through that list I know you’ve put together. We make our house a home. Fuck, maybe we have some kids, too. And every night, it’s just us. You and me.”
Her lips curved in a faint smile. “I like how you added in my sexual bucket list.”
“It’s important.” He ran his thumb over her knuckles. Gideon wanted the life he’d just described. He wanted to be able to shoot Lucy a text and meet her after work for dinner and then walk home together and make love on every goddamn surface of the place they shared. He wanted the lazy Sunday mornings and the long weekends away. He wanted to be able to call her when he nailed an account or to get her calls when she was victorious in court.
He wanted it all.
Lucy pressed her lips together. “What if it blows apart in our face?”
“What if it doesn’t?” He kept stroking her knuckles as she relaxed against him, bit by bit. “But let’s talk this out your way. You pick someone else. We stop sleeping together, but that tension isn’t going to disappear. Your new husband—” the term soured his stomach “—picks up on the tension and it makes him uncomfortable. Because it will, Lucy. Even if the guy is interested in marriage in name only, he’ll have a problem with it.”
“But—”
“Trust me. He will draw the line in the sand, and you’ll have to choose which side of it you’re going to be on.” Gideon hated seeing the worry all over her face, but if they were being real, it had to be said. “You’ll pick him. You’ll have to.”
The waiter walked in carrying their desserts. He set them on the table, took one look at Gideon’s and Lucy’s faces and stepped back. “Let me know if you need anything. Enjoy.” He dashed out of the room.
“I don’t... This is too much.” She picked up a fork and poked at her apple cobbler. “You just dropped a serious information bomb on me and I don’t even know how to wrap my head around it.”
“Then don’t.”
She twisted to look at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not saying you need to make the decision this second.” He nudged his dessert away. “But you need to stop thinking that I’m not an option. I am. Fuck, I’m the best option.”
“Arrogant to the very end.”
“I’m sure of my worth. I’m even surer of how good we’d be. We’ve more than proved it over the last two weeks.”
“One of which you weren’t even on the same side of the country.” But she relaxed against him and allowed him to tuck her head against his shoulder. “I’ll think about it, Gideon. I don’t... I don’t know if I can promise more than that.”
“Don’t let fear win, Lucy. You’ve gone down that road before and you already know how it ends.”
* * *
The walk back to Lucy’s place happened in a blur. She couldn’t get Gideon’s words out of her head and his big presence at her side eclipsed all else. He made it sound so simple—the easiest thing in the world. Pick me.
It wasn’t that easy.
The picture he painted was an attractive one. More than attractive. She craved that life, craved the connection already strung between her and Gideon. But Lucy had seen firsthand how bad things could get when she let someone close and they turned on her. Gideon would never cheat on her—of that, she was certain—but there were so many ways a person could hurt someone they cared about. Most of the time, it was even unintentional.
If she married some near stranger and they did something careless or cruel, she could respond without missing a beat. They weren’t close enough to hurt her. Gideon, though? He could cut her to the bone.
Aren’t you tired of living in fear?
The voice in her head sounded a whole lot like his. She nodded absently at the doorman and led the way into her building. Fear had controlled every choice she’d made since she’d found out Jeff had been sleeping around on her. Fear that she’d never get out had prompted her to end things in a rather remarkable fight. Fear of failure had thrust her into a career that she might love but which she’d chosen for its earning potential. Fear of being hurt again kept her from giving dating more than a token effort.
What if she just...jumped?
Lucy unlocked her door and turned to him. “Come in?”
“Sure.”
His presence filled her apartment, giving it a life that it seemed to miss when it was just her and Garfunkel there. The feline in question meandered up as if he just happened to be in the room at the same time they were. She bent to pick him up and turned to face Gideon. “What if we do a trial run?”
“Trial run.” Neither his tone nor his body language gave even the slightest indication of what was going on in that beautiful head of his.
“Yes, a trial run.” She warmed to the idea as she spoke. “I have a few months before I’ll be down to the wire on this marriage business. A week or two shouldn’t make much difference.”
His eyebrows rose. “What do you think you’ll know in two weeks that you don’t know now?”
He had a point, but she wasn’t about to admit it. Making any kind of decision right that second felt like too much too soon. She’d know in a week or two. She’d be sure—or as sure as Lucy ever was these days about things outside of the office. “What do you say?”
“Yes.” He carefully extracted Garfunkel from her arms and set the cat free. Then he set his hands on her hips and pulled her slowly toward him until they stood bare inches apart. “I say yes, Lucy. If you need two weeks to figure this out one way or another, that’s what you’ll have.”
Her throat tightened. “You’re too good to me.”
“You’ve got that backward.” He sifted his fingers through her hair, tilting her head back so she lifted her face to him. “I’m taking you to bed now.”
She blinked at the change in subject. But was it really a change at all? Anything left to say would just be rehashing what they’d already gone over. Left to her own devices, she’d drive them both crazy with her doubts. Better to let their obvious physical connection take over and push her worries to the back seat than to sabotage things before they had a chance to get started.
Gideon didn’t wait for a response before sweeping her into his arms and striding back to her room. He carefully kicked the door shut, his gaze on the floor. “Woke up this morning to the damn cat watching me.”
“He does that.” She dragged her fingers through his hair and kissed his neck. “In his defense, you look absolutely marvelous while you sleep.”
“You watched me while I slept?” He set her on the bed and backed up enough to pull her boots off, quickly followed by her leggings. “That’s very creepy of you.”
“You’re in my apartment—that means I’m not creepy.” She pulled her shirt off and tossed it away. “If I was standing on the fire escape outside your window and doing it, that would be creepy.”
“A fair point.” He nudged her onto her back and stripped slowly.
Lucy propped herself on her elbows. “Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy you in flannel?”
“It might have come up once or twice.” He dropped the shirt onto the floor and started on his jeans. “Careful there, or you might look up one day and realize I’ve grown a beard and started wearing thick-rimmed black glasses.”
She laughed. “You don’t even need glasses.”
“My point stands.” He hooked the back of her thighs and slid her farther onto the bed. She expected him to follow her to the mattress, but Gideon stepped back. He pointed at her. “Don’t move.”
“Okay...” She froze when he went to her nightstand and unerringly opened the bottom drawer. When he straightened, he had her pink vibrator in his hand. She shivered. “Oh.”
He examined it. “This isn’t a design I’m familiar with.”
“You—”
He chuckled. “Give me some credit. I can figure out how it works.” He thumbed it on, his grin widening. “Brilliant.” He joined her on the bed and took up a position next to her with his head propped on his hand. “Spread your legs.”
“This feels...” When he didn’t immediately jump in, she had to search for something to fill the space. “Naughty.” It wasn’t quite the right word, but it fit.
“More or less than bending over that table and offering your ass to me?”
Her entire body went hot at both the memory and his words. “I’m not sure. It’s not the same thing.” There was no one here except them. No one to potentially walk in or witness. It didn’t make the encounter less hot, but it had a different flavor as a result.
Gideon traced her puckered nipples with his gaze. “More or less than stroking yourself on a video chat with me?”
She gave a mock frown even as her breathing picked up. “You’ve made your point.”
“Have I?” He ran his thumb over the circular silicone portion of the vibrator. “I still have a few points to make. Spread your legs wider.”
She paused just long enough to have his brows slant down—the reaction she was aiming for—and then obeyed. The heat in his dark eyes was nothing compared to the inferno blasting into existence beneath her skin. What if it was always like this? He pressed the vibrator to her clit before the thought could take root. The silicone perfectly circled her clit, the vibrations drawing a moan from her lips. The fact that it was Gideon wielding it only made the entire situation that much hotter.
“How often do you use this on yourself?”
She arched half off the bed when he lifted it away. “Often. Don’t tease me. I was so close.”
He grinned wickedly. “I know.”
“Gideon.” She couldn’t stand the teasing even as she loved it.
“Next time we go out—” he touched the vibrator to her clit long enough to have pleasure almost cresting and then took it away again “—wear what I bought you today under your dress. Halfway through dinner, I’m going to tell you to take off your panties and slip them into my pocket.”
She couldn’t catch her breath. “Tricky.”
“I have a better idea.” He set the toy aside and idly stroked her with his fingers. “There’s a blackout restaurant I’ve been interested in trying.”
How he could talk so calmly when she was in danger of going out of her skin was beyond her. “Gideon—”
He shoved two fingers into her, drawing a cry from her lips. “I’ll spend the entire dinner fucking you with my fingers right there at the table. You’ll have to be quiet or the other diners will hear you.” He stroked her and slid her wetness up to circle her clit before pushing back into her again. “Though, if they’re too quiet, they’ll be able to hear exactly what I’m doing to you.”
She reached for him, only to have him use his free hand to press the vibrator into hers. “Show me.”
It took three tries to get her shaking fingers to operate it while he kept fucking her with his fingers the same way he’d described. She could picture exactly how it would feel to sit in perfect darkness, her dress up around the tops of her thighs, Gideon’s big hand palming her pussy as he gave the waiter their order with none the wiser. She froze. “Don’t the waitstaff have night-vision goggles?”
He guided her hand with the vibrator to her clit, waiting until she’d placed it perfectly to respond. “Yes. They’ll be able to see every single thing I’m doing to you.”
Her orgasm exploded through her. Lucy’s back bowed and she fumbled the toy, but Gideon was there, his fingers still inside her as he repositioned it and sent another wave of pure bliss through her. “Oh, my God.” She thrashed, though she couldn’t say if she was trying to get away from him or closer. “Oh, God. Gideon. Please. Stop. Don’t stop.”
A thunk sounded as the vibrator hit the floor and then his mouth was there, soothing her oversensitized clit in long strokes. She laced her fingers through his hair, riding his face. “What are you doing to me? I don’t... I feel completely out of control.”
He lifted his head just enough to say, “I have no control with you, either, Lucy. I feel like a fucking animal. I can’t get enough of you.”
“Then get up here.” She tugged on his hair. “You want me? Then take me.”
* * *
Gideon hadn’t bothered with a plan when it came to seducing Lucy into seeing things his way. All his damn plans went right out the window the second their clothes came off. Now, looking up her body into those blue eyes demanding he take her, he wished for a plan. This whole day was special. The start of their trial run. But more than that, it was the first time they’d spent time together without someone else between them.
Just Gideon and Lucy.
He wanted her to know how important that was to him, how close to perfect today had been. How much he cared about her. How much he wanted her in every way, body and soul.
In the end, Gideon did the only thing he could do. He crawled up her body and kissed her. She met him eagerly, her body already shifting to accommodate his, her legs wrapping around his waist and her hands coasting down his back to dig her fingers into his ass. As if they’d done this a thousand times before and would do it another thousand times.
“Condom,” he rasped.
“I’m clean.” Her lips brushed his with every word. “And...well, I’m on birth control.”
He went still. “What are you saying?” There was no room for misunderstanding—not here, not now.
Lucy kissed one side of his mouth and then the other. “If...”
“I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone since the last time I was tested.” He hadn’t done anything to disabuse her of the notion since it’d be wasted breath, but Gideon hadn’t had much interest in sleeping around in the last couple of years. He hadn’t been celibate, but the demon driving him had disappeared right around the time Lucy had vanished from his life.
“I don’t want barriers between us. I want you—all of you.”
He wanted that, too. So bad, he could fucking taste it. “You’re sure.”
She wedged her hand between them and stroked his cock once, twice, before guiding him to her entrance. “I’m sure.”
He didn’t ask again. Gideon kissed her as he slid into her, inch by inch. There were no words to express his feelings at her trust in him. From the very beginning, she’d trusted him, but this was something else entirely. He kissed her with everything he had, everything he couldn’t say. And then he began to move.
She rose to meet each thrust, their bodies moving in a dance as old as time, neither of them willing to break the kiss. He laced his fingers through her hair to tip her face for a better angle. She raked her nails over his ass, urging him to move faster, harder.
It was like flipping a switch.
He froze for one eternal second. Lucy nipped his bottom lip. “Stop being so careful with me. I can take it.”
He knew that. Of course he knew that. Gideon tightened his grip on her hair with one hand, tilting her head to the side so he had access to her neck. He dragged his mouth down the line and then bit her shoulder. “Teeth?”
“Yes.” She let loose a shaky laugh. “Just don’t mark up where anyone can see.”
Which was as good as saying that she did want him to mark her somewhere.
Gideon rolled onto his back, taking her with him, and slammed her down onto his cock. “Fuck me.” He sat up enough to palm her breasts as she did what he commanded. Gideon sucked her nipple hard, urged on by her fingers in his hair and her hips slamming down onto him again and again. He took as much of her breast into his mouth as he could and bit her. Lucy cried out, her pussy squeezing him as she came.
He wasn’t through.
He flopped her onto her stomach and yanked her to the edge of the bed. Gideon guided his cock back into her, paused to kick her feet a little wider and press his hand to the small of her back, and then he started to move.
He fucked her. There was no other word for it. She wanted it hard, and her hands fisting her comforter and the cries slipping from her lips only drove him on. He became a wild thing, slamming into her over and over again, driven toward a release he couldn’t have stopped if he’d tried.
It wasn’t enough. He was so damn close, and it wasn’t enough.
Gideon covered her with his body, reaching around to bracket her throat with one hand while he slipped the other between her thighs and pinched her clit. “You’re mine, Lucy. Mine.” The move bent her backward and she twisted to give him her mouth.
“Yes, yes.” She bucked against him, grinding herself against his hand. “Yours. Always. God, Gideon, don’t stop.”
“Never. I’ll never fucking stop.”