The kids are in bed…all except Ben, who is lying in my arms, sucking down his milk like a fiend, eyes fluttering as he fights against the pull of sleep.
He won’t win this one. It’s the same thing every night, and he always succumbs. It brings a smile to my face, seeing how hard he fights. But he’s just like his dad, stubborn and strong-willed to the marrow.
I watch my little man drink his milk with a mother’s fascination. How did I make something so precious and perfect? It’s evidence of the greatness in this universe. The miracle of life is astonishing. Even though I say I don’t want any more kids…Ben makes me reconsider. Maybe just a couple more, just like him.
Ben’s eyelids flutter open once more, and those big brown eyes that match Alejandro’s stare up at me, heavy with sleep.
“Hola, mi precioso hombrecito,” I say softly while tracing a finger across his forehead. “You should be asleep.”
I need him to be asleep. The bedtime routine is a long-drawn-out process of rinse and repeat. Ben just wants to be a part of the waking world. He doesn’t have time for sleep. But his little baby body requires a lot of it, and for the time being, he’s powerless against it. I have a feeling his terrible twos is going to knock me on my ass.
I’m looking forward to it.
As his eyes drift closed again, a small, gummy smile splits across his face, and the bottle hisses as the nipple, once collapsed, reforms.
I half expect him to cry, but this time he’s out for the count.
Setting the bottle aside, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m tempted to take him upstairs and put him in his crib, but I know better to move this early into the process. It’s like waking a lion. You do so at your own peril.
The television is turned down low, so that only the faintest murmur can be heard. I watch it anyway, not really sure of what’s going on. I think it’s a comedy, judging by all the smiling people and the frequent antics happening on screen.
It’s late, and I’m exhausted. Taking care of babies is hard work, especially when you’re used to kids who can take care of themselves. It’s been quite an adjustment, and I’m still trying to settle into the new routine. Thankfully, I have help.
The kids have been spectacular, going above and beyond to help raise their brother. They fix bottles and change diapers without—much—complaint, and they’re always doting on him. No doubt, he’s loved. Even if Alejandro is away a lot, Ben will never feel a lack.
When I feel Ben’s body go completely slack, his eyes darting behind his lids, his little mouth making sucking motions, I know I’m in the clear.
Carefully so as not to wake him, I begin the delicate process of sitting up, then scooting slowly to the edge of the couch, then summoning strength into my legs to lift me.
I haven’t made it to my feet yet when I hear someone coming. Bracing myself, I wait to see who it is.
Rounding the corner, I’m met with a smile that makes my heart clamor in my chest. “He sleeping?”
“Finally,” I whisper, letting my eyes soak every inch of him in as he approaches.
Dressed in boxers and a T-shirt, Alejandro somehow manages to make even the simplest outfit look sexy.
“He’s a fighter,” Alejandro says with a light laugh.
“Too much like his dad,” I joke. And he is so much like him, from the silky black hair to the café au lait skin and the deep, chocolate brown eyes. Even his temperament. I love it.
Walking up to me, Alejandro reaches down and scoops Ben up with that quiet confidence I love so much. It’s as if he isn’t even the least bit terrified of waking the little monster. Cradling him in his arms, Alejandro takes a moment to look at his son, and I take a moment to look at him.
There’s something about a man holding a baby—your baby—that is the epitome of hot. Once again, I’m in awe, thinking of how we came together to make another person.
And he’s here, helping to care for him too. He may not be able to be around as much as I’d like, but he didn’t run. He didn’t abandon us. And most importantly, I made the right choice.
Mark and I would have never worked. Too much water under the bridge. But Alejandro is a fresh start—exactly what I need. He’s strong and intelligent and loving, and even more…honest. I trust him, and that’s hard to do when you’ve been broken and shattered like I have.
When I was in my darkest hour, he came into my life and shone a light. And he wasn’t afraid to take my hand and guide the way.
As I stand and take my place beside him, we look down at our son together, marveling over what a year can do. Our whole lives have changed in ways neither of us could have imagined…and I’m happier than I can ever remember being in my entire life.
Alejandro is my light in the dark—my bright spot.
Looking into his eyes now, I once again become lost.
“What?” he asks, reading my expression.
Lifting to my toes, I kiss his full, sensual lips. Instantly, the craving for more hits me, as it always does. It’s a struggle to rein it in. There will be time for that later. Right now, I’m content in the moment, wanting it to last forever.
“Thank you,” I tell him, but the meaning goes far deeper than those two words can ever express.
“For what?”
Thank you for finding me.
Thank you for guiding me.
Thank you for saving me.
Thank you for having the courage to love me.
Thank you…
…for staying.
“For everything,” I say simply.
I don’t know where the future will lead us, if we’ll even make it for the long haul. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my past, though, it’s to take each moment and savor it. Live in it. Breathe it in.
Because you never know when it will all end.
If Alejandro and I last, it will be because we were meant to. And if we don’t, then I will have memories enough to last me a lifetime.
I hope they’re all good, though there’s bound to be some bad, but I know one thing for certain: He’s given me a chance at a future I never could have imagined, and I’ll love him forever for that.
The End.