8
The months pass by way too fast. Unfortunately—and perhaps fortunately—everything is going pretty much exactly how I expected them to. Alejandro works a lot and travels often, moving from state to state, city to city. He’s not around much, but he’s always here in spirit—and text. I miss him terribly, something I don’t think I could ever get used to.
Especially now that we’re starting a new chapter in our lives that’s bringing us closer together even though we’re miles apart.
I want more than anything for him to be here to share every moment with me, but he just can’t. So, I’m doing my best to keep my chin up and fill him in on every detail.
A: Send me a pic
I send one of my growing belly, which is currently lopsided because the baby prefers to sleep on my left side.
Me: He’s sleeping
A: How do you know it’s a he
Me: Instinct
He hates that I refuse to find out the sex of the baby, but I’ve always known what my kids were going to be, and this time I want to be surprised. Good man that he is, he lets me have my way.
A: That means it’s a girl lol
Me: Hush! You’ll jinx it
A: Why don’t you want a girl
Me: I don’t care either way. I just prefer a boy
A: Then you do care lol
Me: I’m going to smack you lol
A: Always so violent
Me: You’re right. I’m bad. You should spank me
A: lol Mami. Your wish is my command
God, if smiling too much was toxic, I’d be long dead.
A: Como estas
Me: I’m fine. Just tired
A: You should sleep then
Me: I don’t want to stop talking to you
A: lol I’ll still be here when you wake up
Me: That’s what I’m afraid of
Me: When are you coming back?
A: Soon. A couple weeks
Me: That’s too long
Me: I miss you
A: I miss you too Mami
A: Very much
He sends a slew of emojis blowing kisses
A: I love you Mami
Me: I love you too baby
A: Go sleep. Take care of our bb
Me: Gah, ok fine
A: Buenos noches Mami
Me: Sweet dreams Papi
Everything is a chore when you’re carrying a basketball around in front of you. I just hope I put on matching shoes today. Thank the Lord for mirrors.
Instead of a couple weeks, Alejandro was away for nearly a month. Now he’s back and I’m on cloud nine again. My nerves are raw and my heart is pounding, and despite the sleeveless maxi dress, I’m sweating.
This must be what military wives feel like when their men come home. As I finish putting the final touches on cleaning the house, I re-brush my teeth and double check that the kids are all clean and presentable. They may be teenagers, but I’ve learned there’s never not a need to double check.
It isn’t the first time that Alejandro has been to the house, and it isn’t the first time he’s met the kids, but it will be the first time we’ve hung out together in a long time. It’s also the first time he’ll be meeting Mark, which is a real cause for concern.
I don’t want anything awkward to happen, and I can’t predict how Mark will behave either. He’s a condescending prick with obvious jealousy issues when Alejandro isn’t around, so I’m nervous to find out how he’ll do face-to-face.
So help me, he’d better be a saint.
“Are you guys ready? Are you going to come down sometime today?” I call up the stairs to the kids. I listen for their muffled responses which sound more like complaints before I walk away.
When I hear Alejandro’s car pull into the driveway, my heart pounds harder. But not from nerves. No, now it’s just pure anticipation.
Rushing to the door, I try to rein myself in, but the moment I lay eyes on him walking up the walkway, I grin and fling the door open.
Meeting him at the top of the steps, I wrap my arms around his neck and lock my lips onto his. He’s the best kisser, totally devoted to it. As he sucks my bottom lip between his, my knees go weak and I moan.
Alejandro smiles against my mouth, the kiss ending sweetly as he looks into my eyes and rubs my belly and says softly, “Hi.”
“Hi,” I sigh in return. He’s so beautiful, and I missed him so much. Reluctantly, I back off and lead the way inside.
“Where is everyone?” he asks as he takes note of the lack of children.
“Probably still in their room,” I say, but I’m actually glad for that. It means I get a few minutes more alone with him, and a lot can happen, even in that short amount of time. Especially since I’m wearing a dress—easy access.
Catching the twinkle in my eye, Alejandro chuckles and shakes his head. “Be good, Mami.”
Dropping my head back, I whine, “But that’s no fun. We can be quick.”
“Tempting, but no. Later.”
When Alejandro says no, it’s no. I’m sure I could use my feminine wiles to get what I want, if I pushed hard enough, but I enjoy taking his lead. And besides, he’s right. It’s better to wait. Anticipation is everything.
“When is your husband coming?”
I cringe and my eyes narrow. “I hate when you call him that.”
“Sorry. Your ex then. When will he be here?”
“Too soon for my liking.”
No sooner do the words leave my mouth do I hear a second car pull up out front. A quick glance out the window confirms my suspicions. “Speak of the devil,” I mutter.
“I’m sure he’s not that bad.”
All Alejandro knows is what I’ve told him about Mark, which is all pretty amicable, aside from the lying and cheating and his lax interest in his own kids. I try very hard to keep whatever drama there is between Mark and me out of my relationship with Alejandro. I save that for my late-night chats with Jean.
“Are you nervous?” I ask him as we wait for Mark’s knock on the door.
“Maybe a little,” he admits, smoothing a hand over my stomach, but when I look at him, he’s solid, steady on his feet and his eyes are soft on me. He’s prepared to be my rock. God, I love him.
“Kids,” I call up the stairs, “time to come down!”
I don’t wait for their reply, hoping they’ve heard me because I’ve just heard Mark knocking and I refuse to leave Alejandro alone with him.
Answering the door about gives me a heart attack. I don’t know how to merge my past and present. It’s not something I ever thought I’d have to do, but it has to be done. There’s no way out of it, and it’s the only way forward.
The only good thing about this is that Mark looks a little green around the gills, so he’s even more nervous than we are. Funnily enough, that settles me down a bit.
“Hey,” I say as he steps inside.
“Hey, how’s it going,” he says as his eyes dart around, looking beyond me. I know the instant he sees Alejandro, because there’s a sudden stillness about him that’s unsettling. I think he’s in shock, and I almost feel bad for him.
“Um…Mark, this is my boyfriend, Alejandro.” I step back and to the side, allowing space for Alejandro to join us. Alejandro takes his place at my side, aligning himself with me, and reaches out a hand. “Alejandro, this is Mark.”
“Hi.” Alejandro is the first to speak, and despite his confession of being nervous, he portrays nothing but confidence.
“Hi. Nice to meet you,” Mark says stiffly as he accepts Alejandro’s hand and shakes it briefly. His gaze darts to me and back to him. “Probably about time though,” he says with a chuckle. “I was starting to think you weren’t real.”
I glare at him. He’s not been in the house for two minutes and he’s already sticking his foot in his mouth. But that’s how Mark has always been. He’s either too quiet, waiting for me to take the lead, or he’s running off at the jaw about nothing and everything.
“Well, you can see that he is,” I say, casually smoothing my hand over my rounded belly. “I’m not sure I’m a candidate for Immaculate Conception.”
“Well, yeah, there’s that.” Again, Mark laughs.
I can’t help looking at him and wondering what I saw in him all these years. Why did I ever think that he was anything special? A man who consistently disrespected me and our children, our marriage and family. A man who is so disloyal as to never have had any concept of loyalty at all. Worse, though, is that I actually pity him, because underneath it all, I can see that he’s a miserable soul whose worst crime is to himself. He’s unhappy, insecure, and completely lost and he doesn’t even realize it. This is what I’ve come to realize is at the base of it all, the reason he’s a liar and a cheat.
And there is absolutely nothing I or anyone can do to help him.
I don’t want to either.
With these two men standing before me, I can see the differences plain as day—and there are many. The biggest and brightest, though, is only one real man is here, and that’s Alejandro.
He’s out of his element, the youngest of the adults under this roof, but he’s by far the most driven, most successful, and most confident. That is what makes him so attractive to me. It’s his many layers, that quiet confidence, the strength in his silence.
He stands out. He’s my bright spot in the midst of all the dark.
“So, what do you do?” Mark asks.
Alejandro briefly explains that he’s in construction and what all that entails. Mark then states that he’s in retail, and again, the differences are stark. Alejandro is a man’s man, working with his hands and getting dirty for a living. Mark tells others what to do and mostly stands around texting when nobody’s looking.
When the kids finally make an appearance, I’m grateful for the distraction. I think we all are. Mark turns his focus on them and gives each a hug, asking how they’re doing and such. My youngest comes over and wraps her arms around my waist, hanging off me like a barnacle.
“So, when are we going to eat?” my son asks. Typical for a teenage boy, I guess.
“We can head out now,” Mark says, then looks to me in askance. “If you don’t mind?”
I shrug and smile. “It’s fine with me.”
Mark is planning to take them to dinner tonight as part of their visit, which is the perfect reprieve after this meeting. Again, I’m glad for the distraction.
Mark looks relieved. “Okay, cool. Put your shoes on, guys. I’ll meet you outside.” He’s quick to say goodbye and then he’s out the door so fast, I’m surprised he didn’t leave a vapor trail.
Kissing the kids goodbye, I remind them to behave and assure them I’ll be waiting for them to return. They say a quick goodbye to Alejandro and me and then they’re gone.
I stand in the doorway and wave, waiting until they’re out of sight before closing it. Turning to face Alejandro, I bite my bottom lip, taking a moment to soak him in, and then say, “I thought they’d never leave.”