Todd’s patient voice soothed me over the phone. “Why are you bitching, Scott? Your husband is retired, you’re happy up there in your little B&B, and you’re having a baby in three months. Talk to me, bro. Tell me all about it.”

“Do you know how ridiculous it is when you’re six months pregnant and you’re married to one of the kindest, most polite people in the world? Shit, if I’m an asshole to him, he’s the one who apologizes for upsetting me. I swear, sometimes I want to scream because I’m pregnant and can’t make a drinking game over how many times he says sorry in a day.”

“That’s why you call me, because you know that you can be a miserable little bitch to me and I will call you on your shit. Now go ahead and hit me with it,” Scott laughed. “Unload, dude. Let’s get it all out of your system.”

“Where do I start? I’m fat, tired, hungry, and miserable. And you know that shit that people say about how horny you are when you’re pregnant? Well that’s either an old wives tale or I got screwed—and not in the fun way, because I’m not even interested in sex half the time! What kind of shit is this that I have to deal with just to have a baby?”

“If you’d been paying attention in science, you’d know that hormones affect people in different ways. A lot of people might get horny while they’re pregnant, you’re just not one of them… deal with it. As for fat, I’ve seen the pictures and videos you send me. You’re not fat, you’re just stashing a watermelon under your shirt. Once that baby pops out, you’ll be good as new. As for being tired, obviously you need to take more naps. We both know that Justin would never complain about you getting more rest. And the hungry thing? Dude. Nobody looks twice at a pregnant person who’s eating for two.”

“Fuck off, Todd. You’re being so reasonable that I don’t even feel bitchy anymore. Now I want to go dig some ice cream out of the freezer and see if we have any peanut butter left. Although, eating ice cream in September is probably crazy up here with all the rain we’ve been having. But fuck it. I’m pregnant. I’ll eat whatever the hell I want, right? “

My brother laughed in my ear. “Right. It sounds like my job here is done. Go. Get your ice cream, and be nicer to your husband. Justin seems like a really good guy.”

“Wait! I almost forgot—check your phone, I’m sending you an image.”

I waited expectantly until I heard a soft gasp in my ear. “Is that your little guy?” Todd asked in a soft voice.

“No, that’s our little girl. We got the ultrasound this morning and found out the big news. That was the whole reason I called you but I spiraled into whining before I could tell you the good news.”

“That makes sense, since whining is what you do best,” Todd said in a snarky voice.

“Yeah, I learned it from my twin. Okay, it’s ice cream time. Go ahead and show that picture to Luke, Tom, and the guys for me. Tell everyone I miss them, okay? I wish I could come for a visit, but it’s not a good time right now between the pregnancy and us getting the B&B running the way we want. I mean, it was already running smoothly, but we had our own ideas to implement.”

“I get that, and I’m sure your friend Miss Martha would too. We all miss you, but don’t worry, we will see each other soon enough.”

“Yeah, Justin and I have already talked about coming for a visit as soon as the baby is safe to travel.”

“Hmm, well you go ahead and get that ice cream, I’ll talk to you later. Love you, bro.”

After I ended the call, I went looking for Justin. He was busy at the reservation desk on a call while a kind-faced woman wearing paisley and smelling like patchouli oil waited patiently.

Clapping my hands, I almost skipped as I rushed over to greet her. “Are you Rainbow? I’ve been waiting for you to arrive,” I said as I held out my hand.

“Yes, and you must be Scott,” she said as she reached for my hand. The row of bracelets on her wrist made a jingling sound as we shook hands.

“I’m only six months along; is it too early for me to have called you?”

“Not at all, I would have been happier to have met with you sooner, if I’m being honest. It’s important for a doulah to connect with her client and the spirit of the unborn child before we meet in the birthing chamber. Speaking of which, why don’t you show me where you plan to set up your nursery, and where you’re sleeping now? I would like to check both places for spiritual dissonance, if you don’t mind.”

Justin’s eyebrows raised, but he smiled politely and continued his call while I led Rainbow from the room.

“Now you mentioned in your email that you might be interested in staying here in town for the duration of my pregnancy rather than commuting?”

Rainbow nodded, her full head of bouncy curls taking on a life of its own as it wiggled and shook.

“Yes, I reside four hours north of here in a small town at the top of a mountain where I can best commune with the goddess. I feel as though it would be detrimental for our bonding if I were to be that far away while you’re in the life-giving process. Don’t worry, I’ve brought all the herbs, crystals, and oils that we will need.”

I smiled as I led her to a guest room at the furthest end of the hall away from our own suite.

“Then it’s a good thing that my husband and I own a B&B, right? This will be your room while you’re here, I hope you’ll be comfortable here.”

Rainbow walked in and set the large carpet bag that I hadn’t even noticed her holding down on the bench at the foot of the bed. She spread her hands wide over her head and spun in a slow circle with her eyes closed as she inhaled deeply. I wasn’t sure whether to go or stay, as I stood there rooted in place and watched her.

Her eyes fluttered open a few moments later and she smiled pleasantly. “This room will be quite satisfactory for my use. The vibrations resonate strongly here; this was a good choice.”

Honestly, I’d chosen it because it was the furthest away from our own bedroom and I didn’t want her to hear us if we had sex. I didn’t tell her this, of course. I merely smiled and turned back to the hall.

“Let me give you a tour of the rest of the place. Our room, and the future nursery are right down here.”

By the time October rolled around, Justin and I had grown accustomed to Rainbow. My husband tended to give her a wide berth, but I enjoyed my time with her. Especially the massages she insisted on giving my feet and belly every morning after our prenatal yoga and meditation sessions.

“Remind me again why this weird country thinks that Thanksgiving is in October?” I asked suddenly as I realized how behind I was with the cooking.

We had a large party arriving tonight, so I needed to have a perfect spread for our first Thanksgiving as the owners of the B&B. I was almost done kneading the dough for the pie crusts, but there was still so much to be done.

“Perhaps you should remind me why your backward country thinks that Thanksgiving is in November? Although, I strongly suspect that’s tied to your American commercialism, since your biggest shopping day of the year follows the day that you supposedly spent giving thanks for the things that really matter in your lives.”

I laughed at Justin’s comment. “Touché. Okay, what time are those guests arriving again? Because I’m going to need some help peeling potatoes and I know you’ll want to be out at the front desk.”

“If you ask me, you should already have somebody out at your front desk. Who knows what the cat might drag in when it’s sitting there unattended.”

I spun around at the familiar voice, and nearly fainted when I saw my brother standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a big smirk on his face. With a strangled sob, I dropped the dough and ran as fast as my pregnant body would allow to hug my brother.

When I heard Justin chuckling behind me, I pulled away from Todd and spun to shake a finger at my husband. “You brat! You knew about this, and didn’t tell me? Wait, is my brother the big group?”

Justin tipped his chin toward the doorway behind Todd. “Him and a few other people. You might want to wipe the flour off your hands and go greet your guests, baby.”

I squeezed around Todd, pulling off my apron and throwing it over his head as I went by. When I made it into the foyer, I found Tom, Luke, and their entire families standing there waiting. I burst into tears as Tom and Luke rushed over and pulled me into a sandwich hug.

The rest of the world disappeared as I hugged my friends. “I can’t believe you guys surprised me! This is amazing.”

“Please. Tom just needed an excuse to experience Thanksgiving twice this year, m’kay? But first tell me about the cranberry sauce because this is very important. Jellied or whole berry?”

While Luke snorted out a laugh, I answered Tom with the brevity that his question deserved. “Cranberry relish with orange and lemon zest; don’t even get me started on the sacrilege of that jellied shit.”

Tom stood on tiptoes to kiss my cheek. “That was the correct answer, Tom is pleased.”

I realized that I’d left Justin out in the cold, and turned to introduce him to the group but he was already talking to Colin and Grazer. Luke followed my line of sight and elbowed me in the side.

“Don’t worry, they introduced themselves while we were hugging. They probably figured we’d be busy for a few.”

Todd walked over and whispered in my ear. “Where is this Rainbow chick that you’ve been telling us about? I’m dying to meet her, I bet she’s gonna be frickin hilarious after all you’ve told me.”

I wagged a warning finger at my brother. “Don’t you dare scare her away. She’s giving up a lot to stay with us for the duration of my pregnancy. She’s a little unique, I guess you’d say—but she’s a sweetheart.”

Todd rolled his eyes. “From what I’ve read between the lines of our daily phone calls, she’s a hippie who’s used to living in a hut at the top of a fucking mountain. I bet your B&B is several steps up for her.”

“Rainbow isn’t about material things, you’ll see. She lives on a different plane than we do. She should be here soon though, she’s on her daily communal nature walk.”

Luke’s eyebrows shot up. “Dude. I can’t wait to meet her now. But hey, show me the nursery. While you got The Omega Manny in town, take advantage of my expertise. Let’s make sure that you’re set up as efficiently as possible. Trust me, you’ll thank me after your first few three a.m. feedings.”

“Sure, it’s right upstairs. But I’ll warn you—the crib is not set up yet. And no clothes are hung in the closet or in the drawers, everything is in boxes until our daughter draws her first breath. Rainbow believes it’s inviting trouble to place an empty crib and display its future owner’s clothing into the universe before the new soul enters our plane of existence.”

“Tom cannot wait to meet this fabulous Rainbow. I just know that we’re going to have fun chatting,” Tom chortled as he jogged up the stairs with Luke and Todd right behind him. I looked around at the kids, but Colin and Grazer seemed to have everything under control so I followed everyone up the stairs.

Thanksgiving dinner went off without a hitch now that I had my friends there to help me. We adults lingered over our drinks and pie while the kids played board games in front of the fireplace, they all filled me in on what was happening back in Hollydale.

“I’m thinking about opening a genuine beer garden and sausage restaurant,” Todd told me. “I want to call it The Sausage Shack. There’s an old mill sitting beside the creek that runs along the edge of town, and the owner is willing to give it to me for a great price. And even better, it has an industrial kitchen and the upstairs has already been retrofitted into an apartment because he was planning to open a restaurant there. But his wife had allergies and couldn’t handle the area, so he’s selling. But first I need to find an investor.”

“Beer garden and sausages, huh? Are you thinking about Opa?” I asked.

“Opa?” Justin asked curiously.

“Our grandfather on my dad’s side was from Germany. We called him Opa,” I explained.

Justin chuckled. “So your mother’s parents were Polish and your father’s parents were German. I bet the in-laws got along great, huh?”

Todd grinned. “Yeah, it’s funny to joke about, but they actually did get along quite well. It was awesome when we had everyone over. The food was insane, you know? Our friends always wanted to get invited over for our big family meals.”

“Are you going to be making your own sausage?” I asked my brother.

“If I didn’t, I feel like Opa would haunt my ass. Don’t worry, I have some great recipes already planned. I’m going to have to handle a lot of sausages once people hear about my place, trust me. People will love it.”

Tom was giggling so hard, his face was red. It took me a second, before I realized why he was laughing and I started laughing too. Luke grinned across the table at Justin.

“Forgive my friends, their sense of humor is stuck back somewhere around the eighth grade, I think. I believe they’re laughing about Todd’s plans to handle a lot of sausages.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Justin laughed. “Well, I’m sure that Todd will have no problem finding an investor or two around the table. It sounds like there are a lot of sausage aficionados among you, right?”

Tom lost it then, flopping his head onto Colin’s shoulder as he laughed so hard that tears were streaming down his face. The sound of his giggles were contagious, and we all found ourselves laughing along with him.

I looked over at Todd and flashed him a wink. “Let me talk to my husband, but I wouldn’t mind checking our finances to see if I can offer any support for your sausage shack.”

Tom had almost calmed down, but he heard that and shrieked TWINCEST and started giggling all over again. Colin chuckled as he wrapped an arm around his husband and discreetly pushed Tom’s wine glass back.

Rainbow looked around with confusion. “I’m sorry, but this whole conversation must’ve gone over my head because I’m not getting the sausage connection.”

Poor Tom. I’m pretty sure he peed his pants when he heard her say that.