INDIA

Mom is getting better with each day, and is going home tomorrow. The doctors think she'll regain full use of her arms and legs, so that's a relief. She'll have to take it easy for a while and get some rehab but she'll return to a normal life.

"No more climbing ladders," the neurosurgeon says, pointing at her. He smiles at her and she agrees she won't.

When my mom's tray comes for her supper, I check it out and laugh.

"I'm making chicken parmesan for Dad, too."

"Oh, I wish I was home with you two," mom says, staring at her much more assembly-line-looking chicken breast with a half-melted slab of mozzarella on it.

"If I don't kill Dad with my own version, I'll make it for you when you get out."

"You won't kill him," she says with a grin. "Just remember to set the timer. I know you two get distracted and have a tendency to burn stuff, so remember to time it."

"I will." I kiss her and leave, relieved that she's doing so well.

I take my SUV and drive to their place. I turn on my car mix and the next song up is “I Go Crazy” by Paul Davis. It’s one of my father's favorites and makes me sad to hear it. Will that be Jon and me?

I pull into the driveway, a knot in my gut that things are so uncertain with Jon. My dad is standing at the door, waiting for me, his apron already on. I swallow my feelings and force a smile.

He and I are not gifted cooks. It was my mom who cooked for us when I was growing up. But we'll try to follow the recipe I printed off the internet. The recipe was apparently fool-proof and so even my dad and I should be able to handle it.

Two hours later, we're sitting at the island in my mom's professional kitchen, smiling at the successful meal we cooked together. I really enjoyed it. My dad and I always shared a love of technology and spent time when I was growing up putting computers together, but we didn’t do a lot of talking about life and personal things. That was always my mom's job.

So now, here we are, smiling across the island, a glass of red wine in hand and a demolished dish of chicken parmesan in front of us.

"So, tell me about what's going on with you. Your mom said you and Jon got together but that you're having second thoughts."

"She told you that?"

I didn’t think I told her I was having second thoughts. I thought I just said I wasn't sure if Jon was able to make a commitment to the relationship.

"I love Jon," I say to him. "I mean, I love him as a person. I think I could love him as a man, in that way. But I don’t know if he can do that back."

"Hun, you two have known each other for how long? Five years? If you don't know each other by now, you never will. You know him as a person and a man. Do you think he's a good man?"

"He is," I say, imagining him in my mind's eye. "He's a very good person and man. He's a former Army Ranger. He's brave and he's strong and he's ambitious and he's funny. But he plays around and has never had a serious relationship."

"Maybe he's never had you." My father raises his eyebrows like he's made a point in our discussion. It feels like the point. "Maybe," he says, and takes my hand, squeezing it, "you have to give him a chance."

"And ruin our business relationship? We have an amazing partnership. We work really well together. We're good together. I don't want to ruin that."

"Then don't. Go all in. It seems to me that you've already more than dipped your toe into this. Go big or go home, I always say."

I smile at him and squeeze his hand back. "How did you get so smart about relationships?"

"I met your mom and she taught me everything I know about love and marriage. You and Steven taught me everything I know about being a father."

I squeeze his hand again. Both of us are silent for a moment, thinking about Steven's death, which has left a hole in my heart that can never be filled. It can only grow scar tissue where the hole still is.

"I hope things work out with you and Jon," my dad says after a moment. "He's a really smart, successful, hard-working, honorable young man."

"You think so?" I say, surprised to hear him talk about Jon that way.

"I do," he says. “If Steven liked him, I know he's a good guy."

That makes me feel better about Jon. I know it's crazy. I'm a grown woman. I should be able to decide on my own who I sleep with and who I love, but I'm afraid of making a mistake. I'm afraid of not having listened to Marina, who has warned me off Jon whenever the subject of me getting together with him has surfaced, which it has on and off over the years.

Dad and I clean up after the meal is over and I kiss him goodbye. He's going back up to the hospital to see my mom once more and I'm going home.

I drive along the streets back to my place, thinking of everything – of my mom's recovery, of my dad's words to me about love and giving Jon a chance, and most of all, about Jon. On my music mix, “If You Leave Me Now” by Chicago comes on. I skip ahead. “Make it With You” by Bread.

I turn off the MP3 player and listen to a local newscast instead.

I don't need the sappy seventies music that I normally love.

I only know I want Jon.

When I get back home, I make a cup of decaf coffee and sit on my patio in the darkness, overlooking the Bay. I love this time of night, just after the sun has set and the horizon is still slightly pink from the setting sun. The stars begin to peek out and I can hear the hum of the freeway in the distance.

I feel so lonely.

My cell pings and I remove it from my bag and check.

JON: Can we talk?

I was hoping to spend the evening without thinking about Jon, but I can't escape this.

INDIA: Talk away.

JON: I mean in person. I have more powers when I'm physically present to manipulate events to my liking, which happens to include overpowering your futile resistance to my charms.

INDIA: You think your physical presence will sway me more than your words?

JON: I've been told I have animal magnetism. I like to use that to my advantage.

INDIA: I have an interest in preserving my self-control and personal integrity, and I refuse to be manipulated by charlatans and snake oil salesmen.

There's a pause for a moment. I'm smiling to myself and I imagine Jon is smiling to himself as well.

JON: India, we have to talk. We have to work this out.

INDIA: I know. Can we meet for breakfast tomorrow and talk?

JON: We’ll be in public, fully clothed, and surrounded by people. That takes away my advantage. I was planning on coming over wearing a muscle shirt and shorts, with me freshly showered, so you're overwhelmed with lust and can't resist me.

I laugh out loud at that.

INDIA: You think a muscle shirt and shorts will work? I got news for you.

JON: It’s my evil plan.

INDIA: The best laid plans…

There's a pause and I know Jon wants me to either go to him or him to come to me. He wants us to be together tonight. He knows that if he gets alone with me, he can seduce me. It will be all the harder to resist him.

Why do I want to resist him?

INDIA: Jon, I already know you're great in bed. And out of bed. That's not the issue. You proving just how good you are as a lover isn’t going to help me decide.

JON: Decide what?

INDIA: Whether this thing between us is a good idea or a very very bad idea and should be nipped in the bud.

JON: I want to nip your buds.

INDIA: JON!!!!

JON: Okay, okay. Have it your way. We'll meet for breakfast and talk.

INDIA: Sounds good to me. Mulligan's? Around eight?

JON: See you then.

I put my cell down and smile, drinking my coffee and watching the ships in the harbor.

The next morning, I get up and shower, then dress for the day in my typical business suit and heels, my hair pulled back in a neat bun, minimal makeup on. I have a meeting today with some suppliers for a part we need for the drone prototype, so I want to look as professional as possible. When I arrive at Mulligan's, Jon is already there, mug of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. He smiles when he sees me and stands when I get to the table, leaning over to pull out my chair. He kisses me, a friendly kiss. He never would have kissed me before all this happened.

We were just business partners and friends.

I sit, and the waitress comes right over to take my order. I get my usual omelet with bacon and a cup of coffee, then turn back to Jon, who's folded his paper and is waiting, his arms crossed on the table, his expression expectant.

"How are you this morning?"

"In public, fully clothed, surrounded by other people, and unmanipulable." I grin at him.

"You always were," he says, his eyes moving over my face. "No matter what I tried."

"Really?" I say, unable to keep from smiling back at him. "I thought you were just hitting on me the way you do every woman who gets close enough to your orbit."

He smiles and glances down at the table top. When he looks up again, the humor is gone from his eyes, and I think, Uh-oh. This is Jon being serious…

"India, this has been going on between us for five years. For five years, I've tried to indicate that I'm interested in you as more than a business partner, but you've always pushed me away."

"And our business partnership has flourished. Pacifica is very successful."

"It has and it is. But I want you as well." He reaches out to take my hand. "India, I know you. I know what you want. I'll give you what I can give. You have to decide if it's enough."

I just sit there and look at him for a moment, hoping to see something in his eyes that tells me I can trust him.

"India, do you really think I'd do this if I wasn't very serious about us?"

"I hope not, but I've seen you with so many women…"

"None of them were you."

"Why can't you say the word?"

He pulls his hand away. "What word? What word haven't I said that doesn't indicate I want you and that I don't want anyone else?"

"You know," I say, frustrated that he won't say it. Exclusive.

"Take what I can give you or tell me goodbye."

Our food comes, interrupting this very tense moment between us. I sit and glance down at the food and although my stomach was growling on the way over, now, I feel slightly nauseated. I don’t like this tension between us. I don't want the drama.

I realize I do want Jon.

"Okay," I say finally. I look up at Jon. He stops what he's doing, apparently surprised at what I've said.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll take what you can give me."

He reaches across the table and takes my hand. He pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. It's a sweet romantic gesture and it warms my heart a little – well, a lot.

"We only live once, India. Don’t let your fears keep you from really living."

"You're so fearless," I say, my eyes stinging at the corners. I bite the inside of my lip, to stop my over-reaction to him. Why am I being like this?

I want Jon.

Why can't I just let myself enjoy him?

I'm determined to let myself enjoy him – for however long I have him.

"India, neither of us can predict the future. All we have is what's here and now. What I want is you being with me at work and here and in my bed. That's something I can trust – how we feel when we're together. How we want to get back together when we're apart."

"I know you're right," I say and pull my hand away. "I'm just afraid of being hurt." I pick up my knife and fork and dig into my bacon and eggs.

"I don't ever intend to hurt you," Jon says and he's still focused on me.

"Someone else said that to me once," I say, my voice low. "He hurt me."

"I'm not him. Hurting you is the last thing I want. I want us to be happy and enjoy each other. What we have is unique. It's special. It’s not often a man and a woman start a company together and have a relationship that is more than just business. We've always been friends. Now, we'll be more."

I glance up at him.

"For someone who's so dead set against saying the word, you sure say a lot of them."

He cracks a grin. "You're the one who needs words. I thought they'd make you less afraid."

"I like what I heard."

"Good," he says and grabs his piece of toast, using it to spear his egg yolks. "My job here is done."

We finish our meal and after paying the bill, we walk out to our cars, which are parked close to each other.

Jon leans against my car, and pulls me against his body, his arms around my waist. I have no choice but to slip my arms around his neck. We stand there, like that, and press our foreheads together. He's smiling and so am I.

"I'm happy, India," he says. "Finally happy. Let's just be happy together."

We kiss, the kiss tender and sweet, but then he squeezes me more tightly and the kiss goes on and on. A thrill goes through me that we're doing this.

We're really going to give this a try.

"We have a meeting," Jon says when the kiss ends. "And a busy afternoon, but tonight? I want to cook supper for you at your place and I want to drive you crazy with lust and satisfy your needs. I'm going out of town tomorrow and won't be back until Monday. I want to spend the evening with you."

"You and the boys?" I say, remembering his plans to meet up with his buds from the Army and attend some security conference.

"We've been planning all year. I'm flying to Virginia on Saturday morning early and won't be back until Monday night. Until then, I want you. All of you."

"Okay." I smile, glancing in his eyes, which promise so much. "My mom's coming home today and I want to pop by and see her, but afterwards, that sounds perfect."

"It's a date."

I get in my car and he closes the door for me, then he watches as I drive off. I glance in my rear-view mirror and he waves, one hand in his pocket.

We both take our vehicles to the office, arriving within a few minutes of each other. Luckily, we have a lot of work to do and both of us are busy all day, in meetings and on conference calls. I barely have time to even think of Jon and being with him tonight, except when I go to the washroom and can sit for a moment in the silence.

Jon's coming over to cook for me and then we're going to fuck.

A little throb of anticipation tells me how much I'm looking forward to it.

I call it a day around six, and pop my head in to Jon's office. He's got a couple of people in with him and they turn when I open the door.

"I'm taking off now."

"Okay," he says, glancing up from an open file on his desk. "Say hello to your mom for me. Give her my best."

"See you later," I add.

I close the door and wonder if the staff in with Jon will realize that see you later was about tonight, or if they thought it was just me being friendly.

Knowing our staff, I suspect they'll think the former.

I drive to my parent's place and see that my mother has settled in to the house. She's lying on the sofa in the living room and my dad is picking something up from a local Indian Restaurant so he doesn't have to cook supper.

I sit beside my mother and tell her what happened between Jon and me and how I decided to just take a chance and be with him, even if he couldn’t say that word.

"You're not making him bend the knee?" she says jokingly.

I laugh. "No. I'm going to take him for what he is. We'll live dangerously. Whatever happens is whatever happens. I'll try to be brave."

"Good," she says and squeezes my hand. "He's a good boy. You know that."

"He is."

My dad returns and pops his head in the living room. "Am I interrupting?"

"No," I say and wave him in. "Mom and I were just talking about my decision to give Jon the benefit of the doubt."

"That's great," he says and comes over, squeezing my shoulder and kissing the top of my head. "I like him. You two are really good together. I have supper. Are you staying? There's enough for the three of us."

I stand up and grab my bag. "No, I have to go," I say, and go over to the sofa to kiss my mom goodbye. "Jon's coming over to cook me supper. Can you believe it?"

They both smile, and it makes me laugh to see how happy they are that I have someone.

"I hope his cooking skills are better than mine," my dad says with a grin. "Although I had the leftover chicken parmesan tonight and it was just as good as last night."

"Have fun, sweetheart," my mom says from the sofa.

I say goodbye and leave, but before I can get into the car, I hear my cell ding and check my messages.

Marina.

Damn…

MARINA: Hey, sug, what's up? Feel like me bringing some popcorn over and we can watch the new episode? I missed it last night.

I bite my bottom lip. I have to lie.

INDIA: Sorry. No can do. I have work to do tonight for a big meeting with one of our suppliers next week. Maybe tomorrow?

I wait for her response.

MARINA: K. Talk later. Bye

INDIA: Bye.

I put my cell in my bag and drive off, feeling very guilty that I'm lying to her, but I don't need a lecture, especially after it was so hard for me to finally make a real decision. I don’t want her doubts to start creeping into my mind.

I had enough of them on my own.

I get home and have a quick shower, wanting to be as fresh as I can because I suspect that once Jon arrives, we won't be doing any cooking until we've fucked at least once. Knowing Jon, it'll probably end with me having two orgasms to his one.

After my shower, I check out my closet and select a sexy black sundress with thin straps and a plunging neckline. It has a single zipper in the back and a built-in bra so Jon won’t have to do any fumbling with the catch. I slip on a fresh pair of undies, selecting a lacy black thong. I glance at myself out in the mirror, expecting that Jon will make me stand before him in my heels and thong. I look good.

The doorbell rings and I check my face in the bathroom mirror once before answering it.

There he stands, looking like a million dollars or so, in a fresh white button-down shirt and black chinos. The white shirt highlights his pale blue eyes, and his longish hair is freshly washed. He must have just stepped out of a shower as well, because the ends are still wet.

He leans against the doorjamb, one hand in his pocket, and the other behind his back. He smiles at me in that sexy way, then brings his hand out from behind his back. In it is a bouquet of flowers – white tulips with several large hydrangeas and baby's breath.

"For my lady."

I take them from him and admire the hydrangeas. He knows me so well – purple hydrangeas are my favorite flower.

"Thank you," I say, and stand on my toes to kiss him. "They're beautiful."

He slips his hand around my waist and pulls me against him. I can’t slip away and he kisses me again, deeply this time.

When the kiss ends, he doesn't say a word, just pushes me inside and closes the door.

"At least let me put these in water first," I say in protest when he pushes me up against the wall and kisses me again, his hands already squeezing my butt and one breast.

"Be quick," he says, his voice throaty.

I slip away from him, grinning, and he follows me, watching while I find a vase in the bottom cupboard and fill it with water. I break the tiny packet of flower food open and pour it in, and then I carefully cut each stem on an angle and arrange the flowers. I take my time and I can tell Jon's getting impatient, but when I glance over at him, he's smiling, his arms folded like he's trying to be indulgent.

"You like to make me suffer?" he says when I finish arranging the flowers. I take them into the dining room, placing them in the middle of the table. I stand and admire it while he comes up behind me, his arms slipping around my waist, his face in the crook of my neck. He nibbles at my neck for a moment, and I close my eyes and just let myself enjoy it.

No words are spoken. Instead, we stand like that, his arms around me, his mouth on my neck. He pulls down one strap to expose my shoulder and then cups one breast through the fabric, squeezing gently.

When he pulls me into the bedroom, I can't stop smiling, because I was right that we wouldn’t be making supper right away.

He pushes me down onto the bed and lies over top of me, his hands on either side of me to support his weight.

"What are you smiling about?" he asks, his eyes narrow.

I run my fingers through his still-damp hair.

"I knew when I put this dress on that it wouldn't stay on for very long."

"You know me too well," he murmurs and kisses my neck.

"I do," I say and close my eyes. Then, I let my doubts dissipate, and try to just enjoy him for this moment we have together, taking what he can give me.

Hoping it's enough.