“My fantasy suite date with Hayden was a little unexpected. He seemed a bit distracted but still a gentleman. Of course, we laughed. It’s easy to laugh with Hayden, and the food was delicious. It was just that I always felt like there was this . . . distance. You know, like the bamboo screens that surrounded us, how they have the sheer screens where you can see the outline of whatever’s on the other side, but it’s not clear. That’s kinda how it felt, like it was us, but not as vibrant as before.”

I take a deep breath, biting my lip as I read the comment Meredith writes on her whiteboard, THE BEDROOM? “Well, afterward, of course, we spent the night together, and Hayden is . . . he’s probably one of the best snugglers on the planet. He held me in his arms all night and it felt good to be surrounded by his warmth. I think maybe I’m just reading too much into my worries, because it felt so good to be in his arms. Hayden’s got the kind of arms that you just know are going to be there for you and protect you for as long as you’re with him.”

“Okay, that’s good. Cut,” Meredith says. “Emily, before you head out today for the rest of your shots, I’d like to have a chat with you in the living room. Nate, chase all the vampires out of there for me. This is off camera, okay?”

“Got it, boss,” Nate says, hurrying away. I hear yelling in the next room as McKayla threatens to make Nate her bitch if he talks to her like that again, but within a minute or two, everything is quiet, and Nate comes back. The three of us head into the living room, where I can see that all the cameras, at least temporarily, are turned off.

Meredith takes a seat on one of the chairs while Nate hovers nearby. “Emily, my dear, have a seat. We need to talk through your date.”

I scrunch up my eyebrows, confused. “Isn’t it the same as last night? Dinner and sleepover on camera, just the theme is supposed to be different?”

Meredith nods, glancing at her perfect gel nails before looking up and giving me a pitying expression. “Well, yes. But I more meant the direction the show is heading. Last night was basically painful to watch. Hayden is a great guy, but he’s not pulling through on camera.”

The cameras. Always the cameras. I thought that being on reality TV would be fun, but right about now, I want nothing more than to have a baseball bat and five minutes alone with all the cameras. I shake my head, leaning forward and putting my elbows on my knees. “He said he was tired, maybe distracted last night. But our other dates have been better. You even said the photo shoot was great.”

Nate inhales audibly, and Meredith cuts her eyes to him. Nate’s eyebrows raise as if he’s asking Meredith a question, but she shakes her head. I don’t know what the silent conversation is about and don’t have a chance to ask as Meredith looks back at me. “Test audiences are loving both Hayden and Lee, but there’s just something about you and Lee onscreen. It’s fireworks and magic. I need to see that on your date.”

I knew there were going to be certain elements of the show where the producers would ‘advise’ me. It was in the contract, and more than once, Meredith has asked me during cuts to save a guy who was on the cusp for one more cut for various reasons. I’ve always gone along with it because I knew he wouldn’t make it in the end, but I assumed the final choice on who wins would be mine. “Uhm, I’m really leaning toward Hayden right now, so I don’t want to do anything too over the top. I mean, Lee’s a nice guy, and sure, there’s a spark with him, but I don’t feel the same way about him that I do about Hayden.”

The silence stretches out for a long time, Meredith looking at me like I’m stupid while Nate shifts from foot to foot like a little boy who needs to pee in church. Finally, Meredith replies. “This isn’t really you picking. This is a whole production team decision that you have a vote in, but ultimately, we’re making TV that sells here. And trust me, Lee and you, that’s good TV.”

“Excuse me?” I ask, stunned. “I was told the choices were mine, especially the final winner. Isn’t what you’re saying, like, illegal or something? At the very least, it’s wrong and misleading.”

Meredith ignores me, looking at Nate, who is obviously ready for orders. “Make a note. We’ve edited Hayden to look good for test audiences, but we’ll show some of the less flattering things he’s said in confessionals for the later episodes to lead up to Emily choosing Lee.”

My jaw drops at her words, and I speak up, getting her attention. “Less flattering things? What are you talking about? What did he say?”

Meredith turns back as Nate pauses his note-taking, obviously eager to be dismissed. She appears to waffle a bit, hesitant. “Hmm, I’m not sure you really want to see those . . .”

The hell I don’t, especially if I’m about to pick him on national TV. I don’t want to look stupid if he’s been playing me. I don’t want to be that naïve. God, I can see the headlines on TMZ now, Matcher’s Flame Burns Out Fast! I don’t have the spit in my mouth to say anything, though, and instead look at her with anguished eyes.

Meredith must see my answer on my face. “If you’re sure, my dear.” She turns to Nate with a smile, “Can you find—”

Nate nods and opens his laptop. With barely a couple of clicks, he has the file queued up and turns the screen toward me.

Hayden pops up on screen. I remember that shirt from one of the earliest days of the show. “Some of the guys are jerks, just out for their fifteen minutes of fame. Lee is a bit sleazy. Not sure what his endgame is, but I don’t think it’s Emily.”

All right, that’s not particularly nice, but not so bad. I mean, everyone’s got opinions, and it was early on in the show. I don’t get what’s so bad about that. “And?”

“Are you sure . . .?” Meredith asks, and I nod once more. Nate clicks a few more times, and a different confessional pops up.

“Off to Vegas. 50/50 odds I guess. No, I don’t think I’m in love with her.”

I gasp, my heart shattering, and Meredith gets up, sitting down next to me before covering my hands with her own. “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t know you were that caught up with him. Hard to hear, I know, but at least now you know where you stand. Go cry a few tears, put on your big girl panties, and get ready. You’ve got a lot of shots to do today. Don’t worry, you can have some fun with it. You’ve got a date with a guy who really likes you and whom you really like too. And that’s all that matters.”

She’s right. I need to cry right now, but I’ll rally. I don’t have a choice.

* * *

“So, Emily, how was your day yesterday?” Lee asks me as we sit down in the dining nook of this particular fantasy suite. The theme is European castle, and while to me it’s a little more Cinderella castle than real castle, Lee looks handsome in his tuxedo while I feel regal in the full-length fitted gown that I’m wearing.

“It was . . . more difficult than I thought it’d be,” I admit, sipping the white wine that’s coming with the first course. “How about you?”

Lee smiles softly, and I think for the first time that he looks a little nervous. “To be honest, I spent the whole day racking my brain. You see, I know this is probably the last chance I have to make an impression on you, so this is the time to lay it all out there. I want to make a very good impression.”

“I feel that pressure too. It’s not just you trying to make a good impression, it’s me too. I want to be myself and make the match that feels right, for both of us.” Lee understands, and dinner becomes serious, not a laughing feel-good date, but instead, he asks me deep questions about where I see myself in the future.

“So, you really want to see a revolution in education?”

I nod, chewing the lobster medallion that we’ve been served as our main course. It’s delicate and delicious, and if things keep up like this, I’m going to have to skip breakfasts for the next couple of years to make up for all the rich food on this show. “I do. I’d like to see schools with teachers who are able to be inventive and creative with their lessons, not locked in to teaching to the mandated state tests. A place where the community works together to make sure the students are ready to learn, not hungry and lacking supplies. Where the kids are safe and have mentors in leadership roles to guide them to a bright future.”

Lee nods. “Sounds like a great idea to me.”

As we continue to talk, I don’t even know what I’m saying half the time because my heart isn’t in this at all, but he responds favorably, slowly pulling me out of my shell by holding my hands and urging me to open up to him.

“So, tell me about your past,” I finally say, hoping to not have to think for a little while. “Who was little Lee?”

Lee looks down before replying. “I was the kid who exists in every class, I guess. I was the nerdy kid, the kid who didn’t have a lot of friends. Oh, I had friends, I guess, but their names were Master Chief and Mario and The Blue Eyed White Dragon.”

I recognize two of those but get his point. “You were a loner?”

“And bullied more than a couple of times,” Lee admits. “I just didn’t fit in with any particular group. So I made a place to be myself online, talking to a camera instead of people. It was cool because there are so many people online that I found others like me, and they listened to my opinions about something I love. Slowly, I found a little confidence and it helped me grow. I found a place to fit in online, but that’s sometimes harder still in person. Except with you . . . somehow, I feel like I fit with you.”

When Lee smiles at me, it touches my heart and makes me tear up a little. It’s so sweet, but I have to admit that some of the heat between us has been forced on his end and the show itself. I guess I can understand though. I mean, if I’d gone through his childhood, I’d be hot on the trigger too.

It’s more of that same heat when Meredith directs us for the good night kiss, and as always, he engulfs me with his fire, holding me tightly to his body. It feels like I’m betraying Hayden, but then I remember that he doesn’t appear to see a future for us and this is my chance to see if I can have something positive from this show. So I kiss Lee back, reaching my arms around his neck, and he moans into my mouth. After a moment, he leans back, looking into my eyes. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Cut! Great job, you two,” Meredith calls out, giving me a look like she’s proud of me. We close the door behind us, and Lee moves in close to me, his hands on my hips.

“Emily, you drive me fucking crazy with how sexy you are. Lying with you all night, knowing that there’s probably cameras in here and I can’t go too far, is going to kill me. I’m afraid kissing you all night might be enough to drive me over the edge as it is.” He walks me across the room and looks down at me, and I can see the fire in his eyes.

As his hands move to cup my breasts, I remember . . . cameras. Breathlessly, I whisper in Lee’s ear, “We should probably cool it. I’m not that kind of girl.”

Lee takes a deep, shuddering breath and I can almost see him willing himself to calm, but he nods once. We climb under the covers, him lying on his back, and he pulls me close so I can rest my head on his chest before he shuts off the lights. He lightly brushes up and down my arm with his fingertips and it feels nice. Maybe not what I’ve had with Hayden before yesterday, but apparently, that ship has sailed and he was just using me or he freaked out on me. This could work, I guess. And with that thought, I drift off.