I clear my throat, still torn over what I’m about to say. It’s not what I thought I’d be saying just two days ago, when I was fully prepared to say some nice things about Lee and buffer them with praise of Hayden. But that was before, and now I’ve got Meredith giving me a look that says ‘Perform, dancing monkey, time to make the crowd happy.’ It’s not what I expected when I signed up for this, and by now, I’m more than ready to never watch reality TV again.

I clear my throat again, then talk to the camera. “If I had to sum it up shortly, my date with Lee was perfect. He was interesting, he opened up to me, and he said some things that really touched my heart. I know that Lee comes off like he’s always been the man, or whatever you want to call it, but hearing about his past, I understand and was moved. Of course, he was intensely passionate, as he’s always been. It feels good that he likes me that much. A line came to me today from a super-old movie that I caught on cable once, Revenge Of The Nerds. ‘All jocks think about is sports. All we ever think about is sex.’ And while that might be a bit crude, if Lee’s kissing is any demonstration, there’s a lot of truth in that line.”

* * *

I make my way to the elevator, but before the door can close, Meredith sticks her hand in, forcing her way inside. Nate, as always, is hovering behind her with his clipboard. Just once, I want to see what he’s scribbling on it because I suspect he’s just doodling to look like he’s actually doing something. There’s no way anyone needs to write that much stuff down.

“Meredith, I really—”

As usual, Meredith plows right over me. “All right, production meeting last night was unanimous. You’re matching with Lee. I know you weren’t certain, but surely, after last night, you can tell that’s the way to go. Both for the show and for your heart.”

“I . . . I don’t know. It’s just a lot. Last night was great, but it’s hard to let go of everything I’ve felt with Hayden. I mean, all that you said before makes sense, but I know how I feel.”

Meredith sighs, nodding. “I know, honey. But realistically, you don’t want Hayden to make a fool out of you. When his confessionals air, and then if you choose him . . . well, that just doesn’t look very good for you, does it? Think with your head a bit here. You’re a sweet girl, and viewers are gonna see themselves in you. Don’t let them down by picking the hottie player when you can pick the self-made man who let himself be vulnerable with you and lights up when you come in the room.”

I sigh. Maybe she’s right. It does have a sort of ring to it. Not to mention, I’m going to look stupid being played if I choose Hayden, but it just doesn’t feel right. It’s tearing at my guts and my heart, and the knots in my stomach twist even tighter as I try to sort through my choices. Finally, reluctantly, I agree. “Fine, let’s just do this. I just want it to be over with.”

“Good. Go get yourself some rest, then get prepped. We’re shooting the final elimination at sunset in front of the fountains. You guys can drive off into the sunset that way. It’ll be a great shot, trust me.”

I nod, my head throbbing at her words. It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to be riding into the sunset with Lee. A seemingly good man, but a man I don’t really have feelings for. Who I really want to be with . . . I guess it doesn’t matter.

I head back to my room, where I lie down. I wish I could call Cassie. She’d be able to give me some good advice on all of this. She’s as much a reality junkie as I am, and she’s got a good head on her shoulders. But we’re in total communication silence. I can’t even get the damn news, much less a phone call. So instead, I lie back and close my eyes until there’s a knock on the bedroom door and McKayla sticks her head in. “Hey, chica, you ready?”

“For what?” I ask miserably. “I just want this shit to be over with.”

McKayla comes in, her eyes filled with worry. “Honey, come on, now, it’s only a few more hours and then you and your Prince Charming get to climb in that limo and you don’t have to hold back on saying you’ve got feelings for him anymore. Hell, if I had that to look forward to, I’d be jumping up and down and trying to get them to speed the damn timeline up.”

I groan, shaking my head. “It’s not gonna be that.”

“What do you mean . . . oh, shit,” McKayla says, sitting down. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

“What? I had a pretty simple choice, it seemed. On one hand, a guy that I’m falling for but who was totally gaslighting me. And on the other, a guy who’s really into me, but I don’t have feelings for him. At least I don’t look like a fucking idiot choosing the guy who actually likes me.”

McKayla purses her lips and looks around the room. “Listen, how do you know he’s not really into you? I mean, a few days ago you, both looked so goddamn gaga over each other I was ready to go get a diabetes test.”

“I saw some of what he’s said in confessional,” I admit, and McKayla sighs. “What?”

“You don’t think that shit gets edited to angle it a certain way? You know it will. They gotta turn a five-minute confessional into a forty-five-second soundbite. Did you hear all of it?”

“No,” I reply, “but he did say he wasn’t in love with me. And then he virtually ghosted me on our suite date. And just . . . I made my choice.”

“You’d better think more on it!” McKayla says, shutting her mouth when I look at her angrily. “Listen, this whole thing, it touches me, okay? I know, I know, I’m the smart-mouthed bitch who does hair and isn’t supposed to give a fuck, but Em, I like you. And I want you to be happy.”

“I’d like to be happy too,” I admit, sighing. “Now, let’s get down to makeup and get ready, or else Brad’s gonna bitch and Meredith’s gonna bitch even more.”

“Wait,” McKayla says, grabbing my arm. “Seriously, tell me you’re going to think some more on this!”

I look into her eyes, touched by the compassion and the fire burning in them. It’s so fierce, it hurts when I nod, swallowing. “I’ll do the right thing.”

McKayla grins. “Then let’s go make you fucking gorgeous.”

* * *

I know I look beautiful. Brad and McKayla really outdid themselves in the prep for the final scene, but there’s no real pep in my step as I shuffle on set, taking the cards from Nate. “Hey, you okay?” Nate asks, looking at me. “Remember, this is the last chance to make a good impression for the audience. We really need you to deliver.”

I nod, and for a moment, I think about what I told McKayla. Do the right thing. But no matter what, there is no right thing. I feel like I’m making the wrong choice either way. Nate looks at me again and turns to say something to Meredith, who I can see is going straight Marie Antoinette on some poor schmuck, but before he can say anything, I reach out and grab his arm. “No. I can do it.”

“Okay.” Nate says, and I force myself to smile, rolling my shoulders back and hoping that the glitter in my eyes doesn’t look too false. I walk onto set, taking my place on the final podium.

“Change of plans,” Meredith says, approaching me. “No limo, the LVPD wasn’t willing to shut down the street to let us get the shot we wanted. Apparently, Celine Dion’s show demands more respect than we do. So after this, we’ll have one more scene after nightfall, you two getting into a helicopter and flying off. Very Fifty Shades, you know.”

“Whatever, I’m good.” I see Hayden and Lee come on set, both of them looking stunning in tailored tuxedos, and my heart clenches in my chest. They look their best, with their hair styled perfectly, their jawlines both looking strong enough to crack granite, and their tuxedos making them look like ten million bucks. But in my heart, I know that what I’m about to do . . . it’s just not right. But my brain is telling me that if I switch my decision, I’m going to be doing the wrong thing, too. Either way, I lose.

Meredith yells, “Action!” and the cameras start to roll. I see her give me a countdown. I’m sure that right now, they’re probably getting voiceover footage for the finale before she waves and points at me. I’m on.

I look between the two men, Lee looking hopeful and sincere and Hayden looking like he’s barely controlling some anger below the surface, although I don’t know why he’s the mad one. Putting on a false smile, I begin to speak. “Talk about a journey. Hayden and Lee, I’ve had such an experience with each of you and will always treasure the dates we’ve had. Hayden, whether it was horseback riding, watching you play football, or our private dates in the hot tub and then in the Asian fantasy suite, you’ve given me memories that will last a lifetime.”

“You, too,” Hayden replies. “Emily, you’re an amazing woman.”

I expect him to say more, but he closes his mouth, and I turn to Lee. “Lee, from that first date, you’ve been the man who turns up the heat. It took me a while to see the real you, but when you opened yourself up to me, I was touched and moved as well.”

“Emily, I know it took me a while,” Lee says, smiling shyly. “I kept kicking myself after every date we had, saying that I should have opened up more and that I was a fool for being too afraid to do just that. Thank you for the patience you showed me, and I hope that you’ll give me the chance to show you more.”

“Well, now’s the time to find out,” I reply. I pause, feeling my nerves bubbling up inside me. I can see the emotions in both of their eyes, their faces lit up by the lights from the fountain. Meredith hollers at me when I take too long, and I quickly swallow my nerves to get on with this. “Hayden, Lee, please step forward. I’ve thought long and hard about this. So gentlemen, let’s see if we’re a Match. Please . . . turn over your cards.” With a 1-2-3, we turn over, and Lee’s face breaks into a huge grin and he swoops forward, picking me up in a hug before I even have a chance to say anything.

“Match made in heaven, Emily!” he says as he spins me around. He’s obviously happy, and I try to smile, but my eyes meet Hayden’s over Lee’s shoulder and lock. His eyes are blazing, and he looks like he’s about ready to put his foot right up Lee’s ass. He’s obviously angry but trying desperately to hide it. Finally, he steps forward and shakes Lee’s hand.

“Congratulations, Lee. She’s a great woman.”

“Thank you. That she is,” Lee says. Hayden turns to me, and I see not just anger but something else in his eyes as he gives me a little side hug before turning to walk off-set without even a congratulations or a goodbye.

What the fuck was that? I don’t understand what happened to him. We were doing so well and I thought we really had something till he went cold fish on our suite date. Am I really that blind or stupid or both? Apparently so. “Hay—”

Meredith interrupts me, calling out in her loud voice. “Hayden, wait. We need to film the teaser scene before you go inside.” Teaser scene? What the hell does that mean?

He turns back, looking me dead in the eye but talking to Meredith. I see the anger flaring in his eyes, and a vindictive flash that I know all too well. Hayden’s hurt. Why? How? I want to ask him, but he just answers Meredith instead. “Now? I’ve got the lines memorized, but I didn’t think it’d be now. You know what? Fine, let’s get it over with.” Hayden walks up to a mark just in front of Lee and me, looking in the camera.

“Thank you for watching Season 1 of Matchmaker. It was such a fun roll of the dice, and next season, it’ll be my turn. I’ll be the Match for thirty new suitors. So ladies, send in your video applications. Are you my match? Guess we’ll have to play and see.”

I realize what he’s said and my stomach plummets as I feel Lee tense beside me. Under his breath, I hear Lee mutter, “What the fuck? That’s supposed to be me.”

I look up at him, but before I can say anything, Meredith starts clapping loudly. “And that’s a wrap, people! Great job, everyone! If you’ll head inside to your rooms, we’ll be through shortly for final instructions. Lee and Emily . . . get ready for the chopper scene. It’ll take you back to Los Angeles. You’ve got interviews tomorrow.”