Chapter Thirty-Three
Gavin
Waking to the sound of someone knocking at the door had me feeling like I was repeating the morning before. I jerked up and half-knocked Maddie of the bed. Reaching for her, I gripped her arm and pulled her back up.
"Sorry." I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose as she grumbled and snuggled up against me.
"Don't go," she whispered half-asleep. The neediness in her voice had my heart swelling in my chest. She tugged at the covers and rolled away from me, obviously lost in a dream. I could only hope that I was a part of it.
The knock on the door grew more insistent, almost aggravating.
"I'm coming. Shit." I grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled a shirt over my head as I stumbled to the front door. Ron better have a good fucking reason for coming over so early on a Sunday morning.
The church people weren't even up yet.
I jerked the door open and stopped dead in my tracks.
"Gavin," Karen whispered, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "She's not getting up."
"Fuck." I moved past her and ran with all of my might toward my mom's house, plowing into the door as I called out to her. "Mom? Mom. It's me. Come on. Get up."
I walked into her bedroom and stopped. It was freezing, as if death had brought winter with it. "Mom?" I croaked out before moving to her side and sinking down to my knees. Her skin was ice cold, and there was no life left in her.
A sob rose out of me that shook my body. I pressed my face to the mattress beside her hand and cried for my loss. What seemed like only a few minutes later, warm arms wrapped tightly around me.
Maddie. "I'm right here for you." She kissed the side of my face and wiped at my tears as I pressed my face farther into the comforter.
How embarrassing.
"I'm fine." I forced myself back and reached up to wipe away my tears angrily.
She sat back on her heels, her beautiful face stained with tears as well. She kept her eyes locked on me. "It's okay if you're not."
"Well, I am." I stood up and brushed my hand down my face, walking out of the bedroom toward the bathroom. "I'll meet you out front in a second. I just need to wash my face."
I turned to my left and closed the bathroom door behind me, turning on the faucet and sinking down to the toilet as another sob lifted out of me. I knew the moment was coming. I knew mom was going to die. I should have stayed the night before. Why didn't I follow my instincts?
What the fuck was the matter with me?
I spent a while in the bathroom, racing through every emotion known to man, but finally, I pulled myself together enough to stand on shaky knees.
Karen was standing in mother's door when I walked out. Her face was filled with sorry and echoed mine perfect. "I'm so sorry, Gavin."
"We knew it was coming." I ran my hand over my face again. "I guess I need to call the morgue?"
"Already done." She pursed her lips and took in a deep breath. "I took care of that before coming to see you. They should be here any minute. I'll go with you to the funeral home this afternoon if you want me to."
"No." I walked over and pulled the older woman into a warm hug. "Thank you for everything. I know it was your job, but I'm grateful that I had someone to trust with mom while I was gone."
She nodded and moved out of my hold. "It's never easy to let someone go. Not even for me who's had to do it a million times."
"What can I do to help you? Need me to help you get your things together?" I tried to focus on her, which would be much better than focusing on me and my pain.
"No. You go on over to your place, and I'll let you know when the mortician shows up. I think Maddie headed back over there."
"Okay. Thank you again." I nodded, squeezed her shoulder and walked out into the bright sunlight.
Maddie was sitting on my porch and stood the minute I walked up. She pressed her hands to her mouth and let out a soft cry.
"Come here." I walked over and pulled her into my arms, pressing my cheek to the top her head and holding her while she cried.
"We should have been there." She shook in my arms, and her grief comforted me. She cared about my mother. It had been more than obvious. What a waste that it was all for not. It could have been something beautiful. Us. Our relationship. Hell, it was turning that corner whether either of us wanted it to or not.
"Shhh... it's okay." I kissed her head again and moved back. "I don't mean to be brash, but I need some time to myself, okay? I'll call you when things settle down a little."
"Are you sure?" The need in her eyes let me know that she was either the best actress in the whole fucking universe or the girl was falling in love.
"Yeah. Forgive me." I touched her cheek. "I need some time to grieve without worry about you seeing me."
"Gavin." She pleaded with me in her expression, but I couldn’t give in. Not to her. Not right now.
"I'll call you later." I walked in and grabbed her keys from the counter. "Thanks for everything."
She took the keys, leaned in and kissed me and turned, walking to her car with her arms wrapped around herself. It might have been shitty of me, but I needed to get drunk after talking with the mortician.
Liquor would give me a break that nothing else could.
I closed the door and walked to the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. I grabbed a shot glass and set it on the counter beside it and walked back to mom's house.
An older gentleman in a dark suit with slicked-back gray hair showed up half an hour later and helped walk me through my next steps. His voice was soft, his eyes kind.
"Do you have any other family that can help you through this, son?" He reached out and touched my arm, glancing down. "A wife?"
"No." I pulled off the ring and put it in my pocket. "But I'm fine. Just do what you need to do and tell me where I need to be and when."
"Of course. We'll get everything set up and let you know when the funeral will be. We'll put the ads in the paper and invite your family and friends for you."
I extended my hand, my mind locked on the bottle of liquor waiting for me back at the house. "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate you."
"Of course. And if you need—"
"I won't." I turned and walked back to the house, stumbling into the kitchen and leaving the front door open as I sat down and poured my first shot. I lifted it and closed my eyes as pain ripped through the center of my chest.
My mom had been the center of my world since my father died. There was rarely a day that had gone by that I hadn't spent beside her. What the fuck was I going to do with myself now?
"To you. The only one who believed in me." I shot the drink back and nearly choked at the sound of Ron's voice.
"She wasn't the only one." He smiled, closed the door and walked in. "You got another glass for an old friend? I lost someone I loved today."
Tears filled my eyes, and I stood up and grabbed another glass. "Then we'll share our pain and drink until we can't stand."
I poured him a glass as a tear streaked down his cheek. "I'm here for you, brother. I'm not going anywhere."
"How did you know?" I hit my glass against his and sank down into my chair.
"Your wife called me. She was worried and wanted someone with you. She thought I might be the guy for the job."
"I love that girl," I whispered and closed my eyes. "Momma loved her, too."
"Good. She might just love you just as well." He hit his glass against mine one more time and threw the liquor back, growling. "Another."
Maddie knew exactly what I needed. The fact that she wasn't selfish enough to force herself on me and stay spoke volumes. She wasn't the woman that asked for half a million dollars to pretend to love someone.
She used to be, but she wasn't anymore.