Chapter Nineteen

Jaz

 

 

 

 

Telling him how I felt was hard. This was an entirely new situation for me, and I had no idea how he would react, or how I would feel once I admitted to him what I was fighting myself. My mind is a jumbled mess, and I have no idea how to sort through it all.

I want Cutter. The way he’s been with me since I met him has made my feelings for him grow at an insane pace. On the other hand, after being treated the way I have all these years, a part of me doesn’t immediately want to be tied down—especially with the way the women are labeled as “property.”

All I know is that right here, right now . . .

Everything feels right.

My arms tighten around him but my body relaxes as his lips press against mine once more. This feeling is heady enough, but when his tongue dips into my mouth, coaxing a moan from my lips, I think I may just pass out.

“Let’s get out of here.” He stands up, his hands molded to my butt, holding me against him as he walks us out of the office and toward the front door.

A cheer comes from behind the bar, and I tuck my head into the crook of his neck. A temptation comes over me and I press my lips against the skin there. His fingers dig into my skin.

“Not a good idea right now, babe.” His voice is a low growl that does something electric to my body. “We still need to get back to the clubhouse.”

He eases me down slowly, bending his head to kiss me. This is a kiss I could quite easily get lost in, so I feel it when he pulls away. A sound of disappointment comes from me as my shoulders deflate, and he smiles.

“Get on.”

He hands me a helmet and, remembering how he did it before, I pull it on and climb on behind him, wrapping my arms tight around his waist, my head resting in between his shoulder blades.

Whether my mind was elsewhere or the journey really wasn’t that far, the trip to the club seems to take only a matter of minutes. The engine cuts out and all my earlier confidence goes with it.

What does he think is going to happen?

Am I ready for that?

Will I be any good?

Cutter steps in front of me, bending down so his eyes are level with mine. He eyes me for a moment before his thumb and forefinger come up to stroke my chin. “Turn your brain off for a minute. We’ll go at your pace. You don’t want something, just tell me, okay?”

The air I was holding in my lungs escapes in a whoosh, and I nod.

Cutter takes my hand and we walk into the club. It isn’t very crowded, with only a few girls hanging around, playing pool.

They all give me dirty looks as we walk by, but I try to remember what Tracie said about walking with confidence. I hold my head high trying to pull every ounce of confidence I’ve gained and show them that they can’t intimidate me.

Once we are in his room my heart starts to beat so fast it feels like it might burst through my chest.

“Hey.” I look over at him. He’s locked the door behind him but stayed over on that side of the room, his back against the door. “I meant what I said, if you aren’t ready you say the word. I’m not gonna force you into anything you don’t want.”

My head drops into my hands. “I know that you would never do that, but I can’t shut off the voices in my head. I keep thinking I’ll be bad at it, that I won’t be able to make you happy. Not only that, but is it too soon? Am I ready? Are we—”

His long legs eat up the distance between us. “Stop. First, you don’t need to worry about being good. Trust me when I say if you give yourself to me that there is nothing that could be bad about it. Second, stop all the worrying. Let your mind go dark and listen to this.” His hand lays over my heart. “What’s it say?”

My voice is barely a whisper, but it echoes around the room as if I’ve shouted from a rooftop. “It’s telling me that you won’t hurt me. That I want to be close to you. I—” My voice falters. “I want to be yours.”

With that confession, his hands are in my hair and his lips are on mine. "After this, I won't let you go, Jaz, you'll be mine."

His hands run down my sides and goose bumps break out across my skin, his fingertips gripping the hem of my shirt, lifting it slowly over my head like he’s unveiling a prize. When the cool air hits my heated skin, I fight the instinct to cover my body and shield myself from his eyes. As his hands slip my bra straps down my arms a shiver runs through me and as it falls to the ground between us, his eyes go liquid, his fingers tracing circles over my collarbone, up my neck and back down. The touch is reverent; gentle yet with the promise of so much more. When he hooks the belt loops of my jeans and hesitates, silent questions flood the room.

“I’m okay.”

My breath leaves me in short bursts, as he slides the pants down my legs, taking my panties with them, allowing his fingers to casually brush the skin, like every touch doesn’t make my body beat in anticipation. I have never been this eager before. Never wanted the touch of another person so badly that I found myself leaning toward them, begging them with my eyes to carry on. I’m not a virgin, but it feels like this is the first time. This is how it should have been. The want, the need, the desire—everything I grew up reading in magazines. It’s all here, in this moment with him.

And when I’m naked in front of him, scars on view, I don’t feel shame. I feel beautiful. I feel loved.

His gaze runs up and down my body. “You’re perfect.” His strong voice rumbles sending chills through me.

He makes quick work of removing his clothes. My eyes widen at the sight of him, every inch sculpted in a way I wouldn't think you'd see in real life. The tattoos on his chest are almost mesmerizing as I stare at them.

Cutter’s hands grip my hips, his mouth pressing against mine as he maneuvers me backward.

My legs hit the bed and I sit down.

“Move back.”

I do as he says and the bed dips as his legs frame mine, his body casting a shadow over me. Kisses rain down on my neck and I arch from the pull it causes throughout the rest of my body. His hand cups my breast rolling the nipple between his fingers as I groan from his touch. Another hand slides down my stomach, slowly making its way to the place that’s screaming for him, and when he’s finally there, stroking me lightly before his fingers dip into me, my hands fist the sheets beneath me.

“Don’t hold anything in. I want to hear what I do to you.”

His fingers start to speed up, his thumb slowly circling my clit.

It’s not enough.

I need more.

I push myself into his hands, bucking my hips, my muscles tightening as his mouth closes over my nipple, and when he starts to run fast circles at my most sensitive point, I fall over the edge, screaming his name.

Over.

And over.

My breath is fast as I try to recover from the intense sensations still pulsating through me. Every part of my body is alive. Every nerve dances, every muscle twitches. When I open my eyes, I see only the top of Cutter’s head, his face between my legs.

“You smell so damn good. I’m gonna bet you taste even better.”

His tongue runs over me and my hips arch off the mattress. A rumble echoes through his chest, the vibration shooting through my core. With gentle pressure on the inside of my knees my hips fall open, exposing me completely to him, allowing his tongue to lave around the little bud of nerves again and again until I’m breathless. Strung out. Strong hands grip my hips, holding me down so I’m completely at his mercy, but the fear I expect doesn’t arrive.

I’m safe with him.

He dips his tongue inside of me, the alternating blissful torture between that and my clit causing my muscles to contract as my body tightens. With each quickening, I feel myself building and as I tip over the edge, I yell out once more and feel him licking me through my orgasm.

When he sits up, his face is glistening. “Jesus, I could do that to you all goddamn day.” He inches closer, his hands slowly rubbing my thighs. “As much as I want this to last, you gotta know I’ve wanted you since the day you walked into the club. I’ve been dreaming of taking you in my bed. Just know that you’re mine and I’m never letting you go.”

He leans down, kissing me, and I feel him at my opening. When he pushes into me I gasp, my hands gripping his shoulders. A bead of sweat runs down his bicep, his arms shaking either side of me, his face contorted in a mixture of pleasure and pain as he asks, “You okay?”

“I want this. I’m not scared. I know you wouldn’t hurt me. I trust you.”

He starts to move and at first it burns, then the burn turns into jolts of ecstasy as he moves inside of me. My nails dig into his skin.

“Fuck, you feel so good, babe.” His voice warms my neck and I turn my head wanting to kiss him. I decide to try and be the girl that I want to be. I lift my hands placing them on the side of his face and bringing his lips to mine.

The build starts once more and as much as I want it, I don’t know if I’ll survive another. His slow movements, caressing me in a place that I haven’t felt good in so long. I relax, letting him take me and enjoying the way he feels as he does it.

Cutter moves, lifting my legs higher, changing the angle so he slides deeper into me. A keening moan leaves my lips. How can this feel so good? His hand glides down my body, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. He stops at my clit, his thumb slowly stroking it back and forth until I arch my back, accepting him deeper into me.

I feel myself start to tighten around him and scream as I come.

Within a few second he lets out a guttural sound and I feel him tense. He lies down beside me, brushing a stray hair out of my face, tucking it away, his finger stroking the curve of my ear. “Better than I thought it could be.”

Words fail me. I am spent. Exhausted. I have nothing left to give. All I can do is hum in agreement as my body tries to recuperate.

With Cutter curled into my side, his voice whispering in my ear, his arm draped protectively across my stomach, I drift off, feeling complete and totally content.

 

***

 

I place my order with the waiter and laugh at the little joke he makes.

That’s when the fingers resting on my thigh start to dig their nails into my flesh.

I keep from crying out but my eyes are welling with tears from the pain.

The waiter gives me a small smile before walking away.

“You little slut,” he whispers in my ear. “Fucking flirting with that asshole right in front of me. Don’t you know that he has no interest in a pathetic weak woman like you? No one would. I’m the only person who would tolerate your constant fuck-ups.”

He grabs my hand and shoves it down his pants. "Get me off right here, right now. Show me why I should keep you around. I can guarantee you if you don't perform well, you'll be out on your ass. Homeless and living on the streets where you belong. No one would ever take you in, men can sense weakness and failure. Sweetheart, you fucking reek of it.”

I do as he says knowing that he’s right. I have never been able to please Dylan. I always mess something up and one day I am sure that he will get sick of me. I need to keep trying to be better, be perfect.

I jolt awake.

I reach out but find nothing but cold sheets. I look around the dark room, feeling alone and wondering why he left. Before I jump to conclusions like I normally would, I grab some pants out of the dresser and then in a move that is much more Jaz than Jasmine, take one of his shirts. It smells like him as I slip it over my head, I breathe deep, loving the fact that his scent is so familiar to me.

It’s quiet when I creep out of his room and I head downstairs to find him. The room is mostly empty, but a few people are hanging around the bar, drinking and talking. The jukebox is playing a mellow, slower tune. I tread on something soft, and lift my foot slowly to see what it is.

A bra.

I’m not even going to think about how that makes me feel. I step off the last stair, my eyes searching the room for Cutter.

I freeze.

He’s pulled on a T-shirt and jeans, but wears only socks on his feet. The shirt he has on is wrinkled. It’s clear it’s been snatched up off the floor. He’s sitting at the bar with one of the other guys, but that’s not what sets me on edge.

One of the club girls is standing on his other side, her hand resting on his arm, her long manicured nails dragging up and down his skin, her overly made-up eyes firmly on him. Someone must say something funny because she throws her head back and laughs like a three-year-old, her eyes coming to land on me. She smiles, and I’m about to return it when she leans down, bringing her bright red lips to Cutter’s ear, whispering something to him.

Jealousy and anger fill my body. My chest feels like someone has just taken a whip to my heart.

They give you any shit, you give it back. If you don’t, they’ll walk all over you, and they’ll be assholes about it.

This is going to take every ounce of confidence I have, but Cutter is worth it. What we’re building is worth it. Taking a deep breath, I walk up to the bar. Her eyes haven’t left me since the stairs so I know she sees me. There’s about four feet between Cutter and me when she leans in and licks her lips.

Oh hell no.

All thoughts of remaining calm go out the window as I bolt the last few steps, reach out, grab a handful of the slut’s hair, and drag her away from Cutter.

She yelps, her talons clawing at me, trying to get in a swipe, but I use momentum to swing her in the direction of the pool tables. The commotion draws attention to us, and the men turn in their seats. By the time she gets to her feet, I’m standing in between her and Cutter.

“You little bitch, I just got my fucking hair done!” She adopts a screechy tone that I swear only dogs could hear.

“You should get your money back ’cause it looks like crap.” I cross my arms over my chest, trying to hide how quick I’m breathing.

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that.”

She kicks off her heels and charges toward me. I step back with one foot, bracing, but before she can get close, Cutter intervenes.

"Venus, back the fuck off. You got what was comin' to you. In fact, you're lucky Jaz stepped in because a second later and I was gonna throw your ass out of here. I already told you to stay the fuck away from me.” He turns to me and smiles. “Hey, gorgeous.”

I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that he had already told her to back off. Seeing her hands on him hurt. In only a short time I’ve had to learn a lot, and it scared me that he’d be one of the guys who still messes around, even after he claims someone.

Venus looks like she’s going to say something, but then turns, snatches up her heels and stomps off. Another one of the club girls looks back and forth between us before racing after her.

Looks like I’ve made two new friends tonight.

Cutter turns toward me. “I think I’m gonna like this new you.” He kisses me. “She’s feisty.”

I laugh at his expression. “I woke up and you were gone.”

“Yeah, I got a text and had to come down and go over a few things. I was actually gonna head back up once I finished with Wrench.” He nods back toward the bar and I see the guy he was sitting with. He lifts a chin at me and I smile back.

“Should I not have come down?” I don’t know the rules of being an old lady. I know the girls said you don’t get to know club business. Maybe I should have stayed where he left me?

His hands rest on my hips and pull me close to him. “You’re mine now. That means that this is your second home. Feel free to go where you want. The only place that’s off-limits is the back room. That’s where we have church. No women allowed. I want you to be comfortable here.” His head dips and rests against mine. “The club has some shit going on right now. With that, and Dylan still being out there, we’re gonna have to stay here until everything calms down. Okay?”

“Um, sure. Do any of the other girls live here?” I look around but see no familiar faces.

“Izzy usually mans our bar when she isn’t at Ambrosia. Whip and Lucy are staying here like we are. They’ve got the kids, Anna and Jimmy, with them. They’re hell on wheels, but you’ll love them. Torch and Tracie and their girl. Add in Nikki and Twisted with their boy, and this place is about to get crazy.” His eyes widen as he shakes his head.

I can’t help but laugh.

“Let’s get back upstairs and get some sleep. Everyone’s arriving tomorrow so we’ll need our rest.”

He calls good-night to the stragglers then steers me back upstairs, his hand on the small of my back. I wrap an arm around his waist enjoying the fact that this could be my new life.

My new start.