Zach had been spending a lot of time with Shane over the past few weeks, but for some reason their date tonight was making him nervous. Shane had been acting weirdly ever since Monday, and while at first he had just assumed it was the stress from work, now he wasn’t so certain. It wasn’t that Shane had been distant or anything—they’d still been spending a lot of time texting and talking to each other, especially when Shane needed someone to vent to. But every time Zach brought up their date, Shane started to get shifty and would quickly change the subject. All he had told Zach was to meet him at Shane’s apartment at a certain time Wednesday evening.

Surely if Shane didn’t really want to go out with him, he wouldn’t have asked him in the first place. It probably meant something else, but Zach wasn’t certain what.

Maybe Shane was wanting to try something new in bed. Their marathon stay-in-bed session over the weekend had just consisted of oral sex, and as Shane had never been with another man before, it might make sense for him to be anxious about trying something new.

Heck, even Zach was nervous about taking that step forward in their relationship, but he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to what it might be like.

There was also the issue of inviting Shane to his family’s Christmas dinner, which was also a big step he was nervous about. Shane had seemed too upset and distracted the past few days, so he hadn’t wanted to bring it up. Maybe tonight he’d have the chance.

He’d spent more time than he likely should have getting ready, but he had wanted to make sure he looked nice for whatever was going to happen. After several wardrobe changes he settled upon a formfitting sweater over a collared shirt and a pair of jeans that—he hoped—made his ass look nice. Finally satisfied that he looked suitably fuckable, he hurried out to his car.

Then his phone rang.

He had already pulled out onto the street, but he fumbled to pull his phone from his pocket while keeping one hand on the steering wheel and his eyes on the street. Without looking he thumbed the screen to accept the call, assuming it was Shane checking to see if he was coming, or someone from work.

“Hello?” he said distractedly into the phone, holding it to his ear.

The voice he heard instead came like a kick to the chest, knocking the air out of him.

“Hey, honeybun…” Noah replied softly, followed by a sniff. It sounded like he’d been crying. Which was the only reason Zach didn’t immediately hang up.

He swallowed, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. “Hey,” he croaked out after a moment. “Listen, I can’t… I can’t really talk.”

Noah laughed softly, but it was a sad, bitter sound that choked into a sob. “No? I can’t even have a few minutes of your time anymore?”

His teeth ground, eyes focused intently on the road. “Fine. A few minutes. What’s wrong?”

“You never replied to my text,” he sniffed.

Zach sighed. “I don’t want your Christmas gift, Noah. I’m sorry you wasted money on it, but… I don’t want it. Give it to someone else.”

“I don’t want to give it to someone else. It’s your present. I just thought…” There was another sob. “I just thought it’d maybe convince you to forgive me. I miss you so much, baby.”

His eyes started to sting, and he blinked rapidly to try to keep his vision from blurring with tears. His own words were starting to come out tense and shaky from his chest tightening. “Even if I ever forgave you for what you did to Grayson… It’s over, Noah.” He took a deep breath, forcing his voice to sound more confident than he actually felt. “I don’t want to be with you. I don’t want to talk to you. I’ve moved on. You need to, too.”

There was silence on the other end of the call. It lasted long enough that Zach wondered for a second if Noah had hung up on him.

But then he spoke again, and the desperation in his voice had changed to bitterness. Something crueler. More painful.

“You’ve moved on? What, have you met someone else? Does he know you were going to marry me? Does he know you tossed me aside like I was nothing to you on our wedding day? Let me guess, you’ve already told him you love him, haven’t you? Have you proposed? You’re just so fucking quick to replace me, that you would take any whore off of the street?”

“Noah—” He tried to interrupt. Tried to stop him, but Noah was growing louder and more hysterical as he went on, and there was no stopping his rant now.

“No, Zach. You are just so desperate for that stupid American dream that you’re blinded to what’s right in front of your face. You could have had it with me—we could have been happy together, we could have had a family together. But you shit on that. Now you’re moving on, and thinking you can just start over with someone else? Well let me tell you something, sweetie, it’s not going to happen. Because all you’re doing is trying to replace that empty place in your heart that I left. You’re never going to be able to replace me. You’re just going to keep deluding yourself with anyone who will have you, until they realize how much of a worthless, cowardly piece of shit you are. You’ll be crawling back to me by New Year’s.”

Every word was like a dagger being stabbed into his heart. The tears were overflowing now. The world was closing in around him, like he was suddenly driving through a tunnel. It took all of his focus to keep his eyes forward on the road without swerving.

“Fuck you, Noah,” he choked out before jabbing his thumb so hard against the screen that it ached after. With the call disconnected he practically threw the phone across the car, making it clunk against the passenger’s side door and topple into the seat beside him.

Both hands gripped the steering wheel while he tried to keep from hyperventilating.

It wasn’t true. He wasn’t just trying to fill the absence of Noah with Shane. Shane was completely different from Noah. He was kind, patient, and honest. No, there was one thing he had absolutely no doubt in his mind about: He never wanted to talk to Noah again.

Yet he couldn’t get Noah’s words out of his head. They wiggled in and took root deep in his brain like toxic maggots. The rest of the drive passed in a blur, with him trying to convince himself what Noah had said meant nothing.

He and Shane hadn’t said they loved each other yet. The words hadn’t been spoken out loud, but the feelings were familiar. He had been glued to his phone nonstop for the first few weeks he was with Noah too. Every time he’d get a text or call from him he’d feel his heart soar, and every moment of free time he’d had was filled with daydreaming of seeing him again. Things had seemed so perfect then. Noah had been so cute, funny, and sexy. Zach hadn’t had a clue how toxic and manipulative he would later become.

Their relationship had progressed so quickly. From dating long distance to moving in together in the span of a few months, to getting married only a few months after that.

Was he falling too quickly for Shane? Had there really been enough time for him to get to know him? Was he just getting swept up in the feeling of being with someone again so much that he was stumbling back into the same trap as before?

Or maybe it wasn’t a trap. Maybe Shane really was the man he thought he was, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Would Noah’s curse come true? Would Shane figure out he could do better and leave him?

That sounded even worse. He didn’t know if he could bear it.

The robotic voice of his GPS telling him his destination was on the right brought him out of his tunnel vision. He blinked and looked around, only then realizing he had driven onto Shane’s street. He pulled into a parking lot that rested beside an apartment building. Once the car was cut off he looked up at the building looming over him, suddenly dreading whatever it was Shane had planned.

He was tempted to call Shane and tell him he couldn’t make it… but he was already here. He owed it to Shane to at least talk to him in person.

Zach did take the time to scroll through his contacts before getting out of the car though. He blocked, then deleted Noah’s number, as well as all the numbers of Noah’s family and friends. He didn’t want to risk Noah using one of their phones to call him again. Then he brought up his phone’s browser to do the same on his social media. Something he should have done months ago.

He was done with him, once and for all.

Once the purge was over he took a slow, deep breath, trying to relieve some of the weight on his shoulders. He pulled out tissues from his glove compartment to wipe his face off and blow his nose. The last thing he wanted was to walk into Shane’s place looking like a mess.

It didn’t really work. He still felt sick to his stomach as he moved up the stairs to the second floor to Shane’s apartment. He double checked that the right number was on the door, took a deep breath, then knocked.

Shane answered almost immediately, a bright nervous smile spread across his face. “Hey! I was starting to get worried. Come in.”

“Sorry,” he said, trying to force a weak smile. “I know I’m running a little late.”

“It’s okay,” Shane assured, waving his hand. “It just gave me more time to get everything ready.”

Zach gave him a curious glance, but he only had to take a couple of steps inside to see exactly what Shane had done.

The apartment was small. Zach would have guessed it was only a one bedroom, and the kitchen and living room were cramped, but comfortable enough. But currently the rooms were redecorated for the night, filled with lit candles and strings of white Christmas lights pinned up along the walls, which bathed the space with a warm, romantic glow. There was dinner laid out on a small table that was tucked against one wall between the kitchen and living room, the food obviously homemade. It looked a little overdone, but it smelled nice. Also on the table was a small vase filled with red roses, and more red petals had been scattered around among the candles.

It was beautiful, romantic, and it broke Zach’s heart into a million pieces.

He didn’t deserve this.

He didn’t deserve Shane.

“So I know this week has been crazy for us both,” Shane started, moving towards one of the chairs placed against the table. He gripped the back to pull it out. “And you’ve done so much to support me and keep me sane, that I really just wanted to do something special. So I hope you don’t mind…” He trailed off as he noticed the tears running down Zach’s cheeks. “Baby? What’s wrong?”

The tunnel vision was returning. It felt like he was wearing blinders, the corners of his vision going black. He shook his head quickly, but the feeling didn’t go away. All he could feel was dread and panic. He needed to get out of here. He needed to get away or else he’d break down and Shane would see how pathetic he was.

“I’m so sorry, Shane. I really, really am, but I can’t do this,” he choked out, his voice quivering.

Shane frowned deeply, looking confused and alarmed. He released the chair and stepped closer. “Oh… okay. I’m sorry? Is this too much? Maybe I went overboard. We can do something more chill if you want. We could… we could go out instead? Get pizza or something?”

“I can’t.” He whimpered and took a step backwards towards the door. “I’m just—I’m gonna go. I have to go.”

The hurt in Shane’s eyes made the tears come faster.

“I really would rather you not go,” Shane said slowly, as if he were picking his words carefully, barely restraining his own distress. “But I guess if you need to… Will you please call me later, at least?”

Zach only nodded before turning to open the door. He nearly got through it and away before Shane’s words made him pause.

“Zach—”

He glanced back hesitantly, seeing Shane standing there with a deep, troubled frown.

“I love you.”

Shane’s confession sent ripples of emotion through him, causing a sob to rip from his throat. Joy and fear and desire and confusion mingled dizzyingly, but it was the panic that overcame them all and took over his brain. He turned and hurried down the steps towards his car without saying anything back.

Shane loved him, and he was too much of a coward to say it back.

Noah was right.