Shane had barely been here half an hour, and already he couldn’t remember the last time he had been so excited about a date. It was obvious that Zach was the sort of person he would get along well with. He was kind, polite, and didn’t seem to take himself too seriously. Combine that with the fact that he was fine as hell, and Shane was very much interested in getting to know him better.

And interested in seeing him blush more.

Right now the taller man looked adorably flustered, and Shane couldn’t help but pat himself on the back.

He had spent the past couple of days worrying about how he should or shouldn’t act on the date. Sure, he had awkwardly flirted with a guy here and there over the years when he dared to, but he’d never seriously pursued another man. He had no idea if it would feel any differently than dating a woman, or if there were different rules or expectations. In the end he had decided to just play it by ear, and do what felt best in the moment and trust his instincts.

His instincts seemed to be working pretty well, if the looks Zach was giving him were anything to go by. Those were definitely interested looks, though the poor guy seemed even more nervous than Shane was. Perhaps it was best not to lay it on too heavily. At least until Zach was more comfortable.

“Do you mind if I ask some possibly weird questions? Or… uh, not sure if they’re weird or not, but maybe weird,” Shane ventured, deciding to broach a less flirtatious subject.

“Uh, sure? What is it?” Zach asked, straightening up a bit.

“So obviously you’re into men, but…” Shane’s brows lifted curiously. “Gay? Bi? Something else?”

“Oh!” Zach smiled, looking relieved. Apparently it wasn’t too weird of a question to ask after all. “I’m gay. And you’re bisexual, right?”

“Uh, yeah. I just came out, actually.”

Zach nodded gently. “Well, I don’t mind. About you liking women too. I’m not going to suddenly expect you to never think about girls anymore. Bi-erasure is awful. Or if you mean… anything else, either. I like to think I’m a pretty open guy, if that’s… what you’re worried about?”

Shane chuckled. Most white people he went on dates with made it a point to express how open-minded they were. He couldn’t blame the guy for being nervous when he was the one who had mentioned bringing up weird questions, even if that wasn’t where his mind was at right now.

“That’s good to know, but actually I was more curious about you. I’m going through all this coming out stuff right now, so it’s all pretty new and weird to me. How long have you been out?”

“Oh gosh, it’s been forever.” Zach grinned. “I think I’ve always known, you know? Since I was just a kid. I had crushes on girls, but as I got older I realized it felt different than a crush should feel. Eventually I came out to my parents, sister, and close friends in high school, but I wasn’t completely open about it until I went to college. That sure was a culture shock, let me tell you.”

“I can imagine,” Shane agreed in between bites of pizza. “It sounds like it turned out pretty well for you.”

“Oh, yeah. It did. My parents totally weren’t surprised at all, so I think they had had time to come around to it, and they were supportive. I got really lucky,” Zach said, the love and gratefulness in his eyes obvious.

Shane felt a pang of longing. He had always wondered how his life would have differed if his parents were still alive, and that’d only increased lately. They had died when he was just seven years old, both victims of a drunk driver who hadn’t stayed in his lane. He’d been young enough that his memories of them now were vague and faded. More feelings than anything, weird sensory fragments that would come and go sometimes. A song that reminded him of his father’s singing, a low and comforting baritone. A smell that made him imagine the taste of his mother’s freshly baked cakes, and the happiness that came from being given one that she made just for him.

Would they have accepted him? Would they have loved and supported him, even if he dated men? He liked to think that the answer was yes, without any doubt, but in truth he really didn’t know. Maybe if they had lived longer he would have come out of the closet years ago. Maybe he never would have.

His wandering thoughts must have shown on his face, as Zach had leaned in, eyes soft with concern. Shane blinked as he realized how much closer he was, and didn’t have much of a chance to react before Zach was reaching across the table to put his hand over his to squeeze gently.

“For what it’s worth,” Zach said softly, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until later in life to come out. Everyone does things at their own pace, when they’re ready, and it shouldn’t be something that is forced.”

Shane stared into Zach’s blue eyes, and couldn’t help but get drawn in. The more he looked, the more he noticed little flecks of greener shades here and there, and he found himself trying to search out every variation in color, mapping them out like stars.

Zach’s long fingers brushed gently over the back of his hand, gentle and soothing. They swept aside all worry and heartache, causing sparks to shoot up his arm and settle into his throat, making it tighten. He didn’t know if he should hold Zach’s hand in return. Would it be too soon? Was it too forward to turn a gesture of comfort into one of affection? He didn’t know the answer, and before he could find it Zach had pulled his hand back across the table.

Smooth, Shane. You missed your opportunity.

“Thanks, Zach. I really appreciate it.” He cleared his throat to try to rid himself of the lump forming there. “It was the right time, so even if I can’t help but wonder what if, I can’t bring myself to regret it too much. Besides, it feels good to finally be out of the closet. The acoustics were terrible in there.”

The joke brought forth the most amazingly cute snort-laugh from his date.

“And now you have all the room in the world to let your voice be heard,” Zach said with a dramatic swish of his hand through the air, his voice still broken by lingering chuckles. “Which, you know, is… good. You have a really nice voice.”

“Hey now. You haven’t even heard my vibrato yet,” Shane teased, making his eyebrows wiggle.

“Oh gosh.” And then Zach was laughing again, face going red. “That’s awful.”

“You seem to enjoy it. And I’m sure enjoying making you laugh.”

Zach’s eyes flitted to the side, and he didn’t immediately reply. Shane couldn’t tell if it was just shyness, or if perhaps Shane had pushed the flirting too hard. Normally he’d just assume Zach was prudish, but he had made a sexual joke earlier, so he wasn’t sure what to make of the moment of hesitation.

He didn’t want the silence to turn into discomfort, so he eased them carefully back into conversation, keeping things light and casual. He asked Zach a handful of harmless questions and had them returned. Fairly mundane things, like what their favorite foods were, and what sort of movies they liked to watch. It turned out they had a lot in common. They both like spicy foods, especially Tex-Mex, and while Shane admitted to being a big action and sci-fi fan, where Zach preferred more drama and romance, they both enjoyed a good comedy flick.

Shane definitely was taking a lot of notes for future date ideas.

If there was a second date.

God, he hoped there would be a second date.

Eventually they had both filled themselves with pizza, and he could tell Zach was getting restless. The man was fidgeting a bit, and he caught him looking towards the door a couple of times while they talked. Either it was time to wrap this up, or move things to a more… private location.

“Hey Tammy, can you bring us the check?” He called over to the passing girl, who gave a thumbs up.

“Split, or all together?” she asked.

“All togeth—” Both of them started, and they chuckled as they exchanged a look.

“Please, let me get it?” Zach said sheepishly. “It’ll be my treat.”

Shane eyed him a moment, but decided not to argue. “All right, but I owe you one.”

Zach smiled softly, then pulled out a debit card to pay when Tammy brought over the check.

Tammy brought out a couple of to go boxes along with the receipt, and they divided up the remaining slices between them. Together they stood to head for the door, and he was amused to see Zach’s long legs swiftly step forward to reach it first, so he could hold it open for him.

“Aren’t you a gentleman, sir,” Shane said with a mock formal tone and a grin.

The pressure was building. Now was the moment. Either they parted ways, or Shane could make his move. Zach was standing beside him, looking just as nervous as he felt, so he decided to put on his big boy pants and speak up for both of their sakes.

“So… I’m having a really good time. Good enough that I don’t really want it to end. Are you maybe interested in going somewhere else? Maybe get a drink, or go for a walk, or…” He left other possibilities hanging, in case Zach wanted to fill in something more forward.

The silence he was met with was not reassuring. He watched Zach frown and look down at his shoes, his hopes crumbling away.

“Shane… I’ve got to be honest,” Zach murmured guiltily. “I think you’re amazing, and normally I’d be all about going somewhere, but… I just got out of a really messed up relationship a few months ago. We were engaged and everything, and it ended up with me being in a really bad place. I don’t know if I’m ready to open myself back up to someone, you know?” He grimaced. “I’m sorry, that sounds so bad. I came here hoping to give it a shot, and this has been really fun, but I don’t want to end up just… rebounding then bailing, you know? You’re too nice for that.”

Shane’s heart sank into his stomach. But the initial stab of rejection was smoothed out some as Zach explained.

“Shit, uh… no, it’s cool. I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. I didn’t know that at all, or I wouldn’t have pushed.” Shane grimaced. “I completely understand.”

“You didn’t push or anything. You’ve been great.” Zach’s hands spread apologetically. “I just can’t right now.”

Right now. Those words left Shane with a rekindled spark of hope, but he quickly snuffed it out. It was a shitty move to continue being nice to someone while working on the assumption you’d get something in return later on. He shouldn’t hold Zach to any sort of expectations of obligations.

Besides, Zach’s logic was sound. Maybe Zach could use a random rebound, and Shane certainly wouldn’t complain about getting to experiment with his new sexual freedom, but in the end it would result in awkwardness at best, or resentment at worst. He liked Zach. Hell, he could see himself actually dating him. But if that couldn’t happen, he’d at least like to be his friend. Better to try to shelve his attraction, even if Shane ached at the thought.

Shane forced on a smile. “I still had a good time, though. Do you think we could still keep in contact? Maybe hang out some, just as friends? I don’t actually know a lot of people my own age around here, outside of co-workers and parents.”

Zach’s expression relaxed some, and he nodded. “I’d really like that, if it wouldn’t be too weird?”

“Not weird at all,” Shane assured, sounding more confident than he actually felt. This was awkward as fuck, but admitting it didn’t do either of them any good.

Zach shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels a bit, making him look like a swaying tree. “Okay. Cool. Then… I’ll text you soon, and we can go from there?”

“Texting sounds good,” he agreed, smiling up at him. He considered briefly going in for a hug at least, but decided against it. “I’ll see you around, Zach.”

“Yeah.” The blond swallowed. “It was really nice meeting you, you know. You’re a really cool guy, Shane.”

He grinned more sincerely. “Thanks. You are too.” He decided on a nice friendly clap on the arm as a parting gesture. He was well used to giving male friends those sorts of partings. It was a well-practiced art of the closeted bisexual. “Have a good night, man,” he added, before turning to head towards his car.

The to go box was tossed into the passenger’s seat. He waited long enough for Zach to move around to the other side of the diner to make sure he wouldn’t be seen before slumping forward, his forehead thunking against the top of the steering wheel.

That did not go at all like he’d hoped it would.

He let out a long, low groan of frustration. Afterwards he sat in silence for a minute or two, stewing over the rejection.

Maybe he was taking this too hard. Sure, Zach was a fucking catch. But on the plus side, he had gone on a date with a man. And he hadn’t even completely fucked it up. It wasn’t his fault Zach had some issues to work through. Hell, he’d even said he had a good time. He’d kept his cool, managed to flirt, and came out of it feeling more confident and assured of his sexuality than he had ever felt in his life.

That was something to be proud of.

“There’s other fish in the sea,” he muttered to himself while he started the car.

He just needed to move on and keep fishing.