Chapter Fifteen
Lilly sat calmly on the couch in the main room of Mile High headquarters. Will sat, also calmly, next to her. Brandon, on the other hand . . .
He paced and muttered. He swore. A lot. Lilly exchanged a humoring look with Will.
“No, no, no. Don’t do that,” Brandon said, pointing at the both of them. “You kept this from me for a reason.”
“Of course we did, because we knew this is what your reaction would be,” Lilly replied primly.
Brandon gave her one of those patent, withering Brandon looks, and because she thought the whole thing was very sweet, she smiled at him.
“We understand that you feel protective of Hayley, but she’s a grown woman. She doesn’t need your protection, especially from Sam.”
“It’s not about Sam,” Brandon returned, all but grinding his teeth as he took a breath. “It’s about the fact this was not approved. Hayley going on an overnight trip needs to be okayed by me from a liability standpoint.”
“What liability are you worried about?” Will asked casually, his arms stretched out on the back of the couch.
“She hasn’t been trained enough. Sam hasn’t been trained at being a trainer enough. It’s only been . . .”
“Over a month,” Lilly offered cheerfully.
“The fact of the matter is, Hayley trusted Sam enough to go with him. I trust that Sam is keeping Hayley safe and sound. There’s no liability that’s different than the one where we take complete strangers on outdoor excursions, oh say, every day.”
“I’m not worried about her damn safety,” Brandon grumbled.
“Then what are you worried about?” Lilly asked gently.
“I don’t know.” Brandon scrubbed his hands through his hair and Lilly stood, even though the move made her extraordinarily nauseous. There was something more to Brandon’s frustration than he was letting on, and that always made her feel a little softer toward him. He took on too much, this man of hers. “Bran, what is going on with you?”
“This isn’t going according to plan,” he said, clearly frustrated with himself. “She was supposed to be ready to talk to us by now. She wasn’t supposed to be out there messing around with Sam for months, still not talking to us.”
Which was exactly the moment Lilly realized she’d made a grave error by not telling Brandon or Will about her little run-in with Hayley the other day, afraid that he would feel, well, what he was feeling right now.
“I think she’s . . . making progress.”
Brandon turned to her, his gaze going from frustration that the world wouldn’t bend to his will to something she was a lot more afraid of. It seemed no matter how far they got, being in a loving, soon-to-be legally committed relationship, she kept hurting him.
“How can you tell?” Will asked, the casual note to his voice incredibly deceiving. He might pretend to be the carefree, laid-back Evans twin, but the more she understood Brandon, the more she saw that Will had a lot of Brandon’s same hang-ups, he just hid them differently.
“I probably should have mentioned this earlier . . .” She hadn’t wanted to, because she hadn’t wanted them to feel bad, but she saw that sparing the Evans twins’ feelings was probably the equivalent of slapping them in the face.
Which meant, she had to be honest now. Which sucked. A lot. “I sort of, accidentally had breakfast with Hayley the other day.”
Both men stared at her as if she’d grown another head. Lilly thought about using her nausea as an excuse to run out of the room, but it could only put off this conversation, not eradicate it completely.
“I had breakfast with Hayley. It wasn’t planned or anything. We happened to run into each other, and I impulsively asked her to come have breakfast with me and she . . . did.”
“You didn’t think to tell us?” Brandon asked, his voice firm and disdainful, but Lilly had been on the receiving end of that voice enough times to know it was hiding hurt.
“We just talked about the wedding. Nothing interesting or important.”
Will let out a long sigh, but he didn’t say anything. He always kept his hurt hidden as best he could.
Her fiancé, on the other hand?
“You didn’t think we deserved to know?”
Lilly tried not to be hurt at Brandon’s accusation, but this was a touchy subject for all of them. From the beginning, they had never agreed on what to do about this half sister that he hadn’t known about.
But things were different now. She wasn’t just his coworker, or even the woman he’d had a one-night stand with. They were getting married in a few weeks’ time, and having a baby in a few months’ time.
“I didn’t want you to feel bad, but I’m sorry. I should have told you. I see now that I was wrong.”
“I don’t need my feelings spared, Lilly.”
“I know you think that, but on this . . .” Oh, hell, she might as well tell him what she thought. It was going to come out anyway. “I think you do. Because it’s an impossible situation for all of you, and I feel for all of you. I want you all to be happy and I did the . . .” She had to pause when her voice broke, because she hated crying in front of people. Especially Brandon, especially when someone would then blame it on the baby growing inside of her, pumping her full of weird hormones.
On a deep breath, Lilly steadied her voice. “You know I love you both, and I didn’t want to see your feelings hurt. I know how much Hayley wanting to have a relationship means to you, and I want it for you.”
She hated that it was tears that got through to Brandon. She didn’t want him to be softened just because she was an emotional mess, but he slid his arm around her shoulders.
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about anything until they’re back and we know everything went fine.”
“Why do you think everything wouldn’t have gone fine?” she asked, hoping she’d erased the trace of tears from her voice as well as her eyes.
“I don’t know, maybe because Sam is an unstable, grumpy son of a bitch, and I would not normally force anyone I actually like to spend time with him.”
“Thank you for your high praise of my character.”
Lilly closed her eyes at the sound of Sam’s voice. Apparently Sam had, as usual, entered through the back. Which meant as they’d been talking in the living room, no one had heard him come in.
Lilly turned around and then fell silent, realizing why Brandon and Will had grown completely silent too. Not because they felt guilty about saying something mean about Sam, but because standing next to Sam was Hayley.
Hayley. Here. Of her own volition.
Hayley raised her hand awkwardly. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Brandon and Will said in unison.
“Is everything okay?” Brandon asked carefully.
“Everything is great,” Hayley replied overbrightly. She glanced back at Sam and he refused to look at her.
Lilly didn’t know what to make of that little non-exchange, but she filed it away for later. Because there was something to that refusal, something different from the way Sam usually was with people he wanted nothing to do with.
Lilly looked up at Brandon, and he was still standing there, completely shell-shocked. She took his hand, giving it a squeeze, hoping it might wake him up and give him a little comfort at the same—
That’s when Lilly recognized the look Hayley was giving Sam, and the non-look Sam was giving Hayley, because she’d been on both ends of that.
She might have just learned a little lesson about not keeping things from her fiancé, but she wasn’t about to share her suspicions on this one.
* * *
Hayley was very nearly vibrating. The nerves that assailed her were unlike anything she had ever experienced before. Even deciding to come to Gracely and not telling her family about it hadn’t been as nerve-racking as standing here in front of Brandon and Will.
They appeared to be completely stunned, as though they didn’t know what to do. Which was a problem, considering she was kind of depending on them to know what to do. They were the ones who wanted to get to know her. They needed to be the ones who understood how this worked. Because right now all she could manage was standing next to Sam and hoping that the words either came to her or to Brandon before another five minutes passed.
“I . . . I don’t want to interrupt your day,” she managed. “B-but I just wanted to let you know that I . . . um. I guess I’m ready maybe to sit down and talk at some point—”
“Now. We can do it now.”
Hayley was a little taken aback by Brandon’s exuberance. He seemed to hold himself tense and terse, much like Sam, but in a far more intimidating way. She didn’t get the impression Brandon was hiding any dark secrets or horrible pain like Sam was.
No, Brandon just seemed with-it. Especially with Lilly standing next to him, looking all pretty and precise in a loose-fitting polka-dot top and a bright red skirt, her glossy blond hair perfectly pulled back.
They were an intimidating couple together and intimidating separately, and Hayley didn’t know how to approach them, except suddenly she was stepping forward. It took her a few seconds to realize she had been propelled forward not by her own force of will, but by Sam’s hand discreetly exerting pressure on the small of her back.
She glanced up at him, but he was still determinedly averting his gaze.
Maybe she was losing her marbles, but it felt like he was giving her something with that little push. Encouragement. She’d just needed to feel as though someone had her back, just needed that little push.
Which was stupid, because Sam obviously had Will and Brandon’s back over hers. They were the ones his allegiance belonged to, even if Brandon had said that thing about him being a son of a bitch.
“Hayley.” Lilly took a few steps toward her. Kindly. Hayley didn’t want to tense or appear afraid, but she couldn’t help it either.
This was all too much. She should’ve waited. She should have gone home and slept on it. She should have planned out what she wanted to say, because right now, all she really wanted to do was cry. Which she would blame on exhaustion. If she had a good night’s sleep and a plan she would be fine.
Fine.
Sam stopped her retreat, and she was glad he did. She needed the reminder she was here for a reason. She had chosen this.
She had stood up to this grumpy man who was now giving her some support, so she could certainly stand here and talk to her half brothers.
“Why don’t you sit down on the chair,” Lilly said, clasping her hands in front of her. “I’ll get some refreshments. You guys can sit and just . . . chat.”
She smiled encouragingly and Hayley nodded, probably looking like a bobblehead doll. Stiffly she moved to the chair. She glanced back at Sam to see if he would stay, to see what exactly was going on in that head of his, but Lilly had linked arms with him, clearly against his will, and was dragging him toward the little kitchenette in the back.
Hayley gulped and looked back at Brandon and Will. Brandon had taken a seat next to Will on the leather sofa, and even though they didn’t look identical, the resemblance was so striking.
For most of her childhood she’d focused on how she looked different than her mother. Lighter skin, lighter eyes, tall instead of short, slim instead of plump. Looking at these near-mirror images of each other, she still felt so damn different.
She swallowed before taking a deep breath, and then letting it out. There were similarities too. It wasn’t that they didn’t exist—she had her mother’s hair and the Evans’ eyes. The problem was she’d always focused on the differences.
She didn’t want to do that anymore.
“I have been nervous about meeting you and talking to you, because I know that my . . .” But it wasn’t just my, not with them. “Our father paid my mother to disappear, and I’m kind of glad he’s dead and I never had to meet him,” she said in a rush. “Which was probably not at all what I should’ve led with.” She closed her eyes, feeling shaky and stupid.
“Hayley.”
She looked up into two very compassionate expressions.
“We may have grown up with him, and I’m not sure I can say I’m happy he’s dead.” Brandon looked torn. For the first time she realized he must have as many demons as Sam, or even herself.
“He was not a good man,” Will continued for Brandon. “He was not a good person.”
“And everything he did in regards to you and your mother, we disagree with one hundred percent,” Brandon added, regaining some of that very nearly regal air to him. He was a man used to being in charge, good at it.
He reminded her of Mack a little bit, and that at least eased some of the nerves. Mack had always been a good man, and if Brandon was like him . . . If pretty, vivacious Lilly was going to marry him, if Sam trusted him . . .
What did she have to be so damn nervous about?
“I’m sorry that we couldn’t . . .” Brandon stopped, seeming to search for words as he glanced at the kitchenette. “I hope your mother . . .”
“My mom is married to a great guy. And I had a great childhood. I was loved and taken care of.”
She saw something like relief and maybe even jealousy cross both their faces. It had never occurred to her that they had had to grow up with a man who would be willing to do what he’d done to her mother. It’d never occurred to her that a man might not love the children he’d claimed unconditionally, and that they might not have a mother who was just as loving and fierce as her own.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have that,” she offered, genuinely, sincerely, hoping it had some effect on them. She really, truly was sorry.
“I’m sorry we didn’t have you.”
At that sentiment, Hayley couldn’t stem the tide of tears. It was all too much, and she was too tired, and they weren’t at all intimidating or scary. They didn’t demand to know what she wanted, they just listened. Apologized for something they’d had nothing to do with.
“We don’t want to overwhelm you,” Will said gently.
“No. No, it’s fine.” She sniffled and tried to get ahold of herself, and Brandon handed her a tissue, which she took and used. “I don’t know why I was so afraid. I don’t know why . . .” She shook her head. This was all so new, she wasn’t going to blurt everything out. “I’d like for us to get to know each other. If you want to.”
“We do,” Brandon said emphatically.
“That’s twenty-some years of little-sister torture we missed out on,” Will offered.
She managed a wobbly smile in his direction. “My stepbrother did his best, but I suppose I could stand a little more.”
“I’m glad you had someone there. That you had a loving family,” Will said, so sincerely her heart pinched.
“I wish—”
But before she could finish, Brandon clapped Will on the shoulder. “We had each other. It wasn’t always terrible.”
Will smiled ruefully. “Mostly because Bran was always the one bossing me around.”
Lilly finally reappeared, her eyes suspiciously bright. “I brought some lemonade and cookies.” She placed a tray on the coffee table and then slid into the slim space next to Brandon. He immediately put his arm around her shoulder and placed his other hand on Lilly’s stomach.
Hayley almost felt bad for Will, alone there on the couch. Blank faced and—if she was getting better at reading all the expressions on these bearded men—hurting.
“Does this mean you’ll come to the wedding?” Lilly asked.
Hayley smiled, not having to force it at all. “I would love to.” She glanced back at the kitchenette. “Where’s Sam?”
“He said he had to go. Me or one of the boys can take you back to your car whenever you’re ready.”
Hayley forced herself to nod and smile. It was for the best. She needed to process this without her Sam-feelings getting in the way.
Or at least that’s what she’d tell herself.